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View Poll Results: Would you forgive adultery?

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  • Yes and start fresh..

    8 66.67%
  • No and divorce/break up

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Thread: Forgiving Infidelity...

  1. #1 Forgiving Infidelity... 
    Forum Freshman Bonzo's Avatar
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    Would you forgive someone who has being infidel and betrayed you, may it be your spouse or lover? And would your decision be influenced by a specific religion you follow?

    I honestly, didn't know where to post this.. :?

    Religiously speaking, Christ had forgiven the woman who committed adultery and asked her to lead a free life.. In Christianity, forgiveness is the best answer to this.. so being influenced by my faith, I would probably forgive him =) ONLY IF he we were to be sincere and open hearted with his 'seeking for forgiveness' apology.

    Remember, saying sorry is upto the sinner while forgiving is upto the victim. And in ALL religions, forgiveness is practised and seen as one step close to god..

    ANYWAYS, what would you do? I'll provide a better answer.. later on


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  3. #2 Re: Forgiving Infidelity... 
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bonzo
    Would you forgive someone who has being infidel and betrayed you, may it be your spouse or lover? And would your decision be influenced by a specific religion you follow?

    I honestly, didn't know where to post this.. :?

    Religiously speaking, Christ had forgiven the woman who committed adultery and asked her to lead a free life.. In Christianity, forgiveness is the best answer to this.. so being influenced by my faith, I would probably forgive him =) ONLY IF he we were to be sincere and open hearted with his 'seeking for forgiveness' apology.

    Remember, saying sorry is upto the sinner while forgiving is upto the victim. And in ALL religions, forgiveness is practised and seen as one step close to god..

    ANYWAYS, what would you do? I'll provide a better answer.. later on
    I actually went through this via personal experience. It's better to forgive, depending on the circomstances. Personally, I forgave.

    and no, my decision was not influenced in one way as to my religious beliefs.

    And finally, no it isn't best to forgive. It depends 100% on the situation, person in question, and other factors. Going about it logically (after the initial emotional shockwave) is about the only way to walk away with some amount of sanity. Especially if you are really attached to the person.


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  4. #3 Re: Forgiving Infidelity... 
    Forum Radioactive Isotope mitchellmckain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    I actually went through this via personal experience. It's better to forgive, depending on the circomstances. Personally, I forgave.

    and no, my decision was not influenced in one way as to my religious beliefs.

    And finally, no it isn't best to forgive. It depends 100% on the situation, person in question, and other factors. Going about it logically (after the initial emotional shockwave) is about the only way to walk away with some amount of sanity. Especially if you are really attached to the person.
    I can ditto everything Jeremy said. I forgave. Its personal not relgion and depends on too many things to say. Perhaps the way we were brought up has a bigger impact than religion. Perhaps because I was brought up so liberal, I did not even feel hurt. And no, I have never cheated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bonzo
    Remember, saying sorry is upto the sinner while forgiving is upto the victim.
    YES! Forgiveness is always absolutely up to the victim and not for any religion or anybody else to say. I am not even sure that a victim is entirely free in the matter either, some healing is required before forgiveness is even possible. But then forgiveness brings even more healing to the victim. I think one does not finally cease being the victim until one can and does forgive.
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  5. #4  
    Forum Junior Bettina's Avatar
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    If I was single (which I am) and my boyfriend cheated on me, I would forgive him but also say goodbye.

    If I was married, I would say goodbye and never forgive.

    Bettina
    Emotionally based life form. The Fword will get you on my ignore list.
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  6. #5  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettina
    If I was single (which I am) and my boyfriend cheated on me, I would forgive him but also say goodbye.

    If I was married, I would say goodbye and never forgive.

    Bettina
    That's kind of harsh. Remember, logically evaluating the situation could spare you years of grief. Just some advice >.>;
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  7. #6  
    Forum Junior Bettina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    Quote Originally Posted by Bettina
    If I was single (which I am) and my boyfriend cheated on me, I would forgive him but also say goodbye.

    If I was married, I would say goodbye and never forgive.

    Bettina
    That's kind of harsh. Remember, logically evaluating the situation could spare you years of grief. Just some advice >.>;

    Hi,

    I know what you mean but if my boyfriend or husband cheated on me and I stayed with him, I would be cheating myself.

    Some things, like marriage or serious relationships have to mean something. If your partner wants out, he/she should say so. Not cheat behind your back.

    Bettina
    Emotionally based life form. The Fword will get you on my ignore list.
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  8. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bettina
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    Quote Originally Posted by Bettina
    If I was single (which I am) and my boyfriend cheated on me, I would forgive him but also say goodbye.

    If I was married, I would say goodbye and never forgive.

    Bettina
    That's kind of harsh. Remember, logically evaluating the situation could spare you years of grief. Just some advice >.>;

    Hi,

    I know what you mean but if my boyfriend or husband cheated on me and I stayed with him, I would be cheating myself.

    Some things, like marriage or serious relationships have to mean something. If your partner wants out, he/she should say so. Not cheat behind your back.

    Bettina
    Well cheating doesn't always mean they want out. The human body is more complex than that. I'd go in-depth in explaining my personal experience, but that's kind of cheap. Regardless, if you love the person staying with them after they cheated on you is not cheating on yourself. It's showing how loyal you are.

    And again, make your choices carefully. You could very well spend the rest of your days happy with the man who cheated on you once (maybe twice). Just because a person cheated on you once, doesn't mean they will do it again. Of course, this depends fully on the circumstances. I'm not really sure why it warrants a breakup, especially if he/she doesn't want to break up.

    Viewing it as "I want to break up" can pretty much ruin a lot of things.
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  9. #8  
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    Having sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse is considered wrong. If a woman commits adultery and is pregnant, her husband may not know it and spend resources to raise the child that does not have his gene. If a man commits adultery he may spend resources to take care of the mistress's child, thus leaving less resources to the child he has with his wife. In this setup infidelity is wrong.

    But with the advance in technology you can control pregnancy, you can also check the real father by genetic science. So cheating has less consequence than the past, evolution-wise speaking. What can be the problem if he or she commits adultery, but bears no child outside marriage, and does not spend many resources (money, car, time etc) on it?

    If both husband and wife are old, the wife is not sexually active, but the man still is, should the wife allows him to go out and has sex with a whore, occasionally?
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  10. #9  
    Forum Junior Bettina's Avatar
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    [color=red]Spam removed, apologies for the inconvenience - HomoUniversalis
    I don't understand....

    Quote Originally Posted by prasit
    If both husband and wife are old, the wife is not sexually active, but the man still is, should the wife allows him to go out and has sex with a whore, occasionally?
    In this case... sure


    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    Well cheating doesn't always mean they want out. The human body is more complex than that. I'd go in-depth in explaining my personal experience, but that's kind of cheap. Regardless, if you love the person staying with them after they cheated on you is not cheating on yourself. It's showing how loyal you are.

    And again, make your choices carefully. You could very well spend the rest of your days happy with the man who cheated on you once (maybe twice). Just because a person cheated on you once, doesn't mean they will do it again. Of course, this depends fully on the circumstances. I'm not really sure why it warrants a breakup, especially if he/she doesn't want to break up.

    Viewing it as "I want to break up" can pretty much ruin a lot of things.
    Where was his loyalty? Why didn't he love me enough?

    I would never trust him again. Sorry, but thats it.

    Bee
    Emotionally based life form. The Fword will get you on my ignore list.
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  11. #10  
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    If I thought that way I'd have been short one very caring boyfriend. Stupid mistakes aren't to be confused with LACK of loyalty. Again, circumstances. You seem to be very hostile towards the prospect though O.o.
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  12. #11  
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    There's "Cheating" and there's "Leaving". If someone leaves you it can be a hard thing to work through especially if you developed a mutual trust and love for the person. Cheating without attachments is a different thing, yes it can also be a break of trust, but if it isn't "leaving", then this should be worked on and forgiven.

    However to gain a friendship where you feel that you will be in each others company for a long time (aka life partners/married etc), and then that is suddenly cut short with no notice and adjustment time, this can be hard.

    Personally had the latter happen to myself. The effect is a sudden removal of not only the person who you loved (since they wish to remove themself from your life) but also from the support of their family. If this is "Cheating" this is harder to forgive because it is a loss to your lifeplan. Even after "Forgiving" you still are missing that connection which may never be replaced. Especially if it was a good relationship which was life-affirming and positave, encouraging growth and thoughtfuless.

    To throw away the possibility of reconsiliation because of some kind of aggressive wish to inflict revenge apon the cheating partner is heartless and can point to a flaw in the personality of the one inflicting revenge, or a lack of value in the other individual, valuing the relationship above the person who the relationship was with.

    This is of course different in an abusive relationship, however that is I suspect, outside the boundaries of this topic.
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  13. #12  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    Quote Originally Posted by Bettina
    If I was single (which I am) and my boyfriend cheated on me, I would forgive him but also say goodbye.

    If I was married, I would say goodbye and never forgive.

    Bettina
    That's kind of harsh. Remember, logically evaluating the situation could spare you years of grief. Just some advice >.>;
    i dont think you can say thats harsh dude, i mean, i think it should be up to the victim how much they forgive the person, and although it may save you years of grief, it should not be considered "harsh" because the person did commit the act. regardless of regrets, whats done is done.

    Personally, id throw her ass on the street, shut the door, pop a beer and say good ridance.
    i ripped this off of someone else's signature, but i felt that it equally applied to me.
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  14. #13  
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    Perk: You have just proven that you aren't really attached to "her." At all. :P
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