Thread: Jokes

THUNDER THE BLUNDER :

Queen wearing sweater holding umbrella in rain and snow .... next to her is premier Cameroon holding ice- cream saying 'made in England'


Cameroon - SUPERIOR ! Please eat ice - cream and make it more famous than made in Denmark chocolates.

Cameroon - I insist you accept my suggestion !


Queen - 'spare me and my family atleast at this stage and age .... whole palace is yours....'

Cameroon - 'But , thunder will always remain yours , no one can steal it !'

Originally Posted by sciencestudy

THUNDER THE BLUNDER :

Queen wearing sweater holding umbrella in rain and snow .... next to her is premier Cameroon holding ice- cream saying 'made in England'


Cameroon - SUPERIOR ! Please eat ice - cream and make it more famous than made in Denmark chocolates.

Cameroon - I insist you accept my suggestion !


Queen - 'spare me and my family atleast at this stage and age .... whole palace is yours....'

Cameroon - 'But , thunder will always remain yours , no one can steal it !'

What's so funny?

Originally Posted by mathman

Originally Posted by sciencestudy

THUNDER THE BLUNDER :

Queen wearing sweater holding umbrella in rain and snow .... next to her is premier Cameroon holding ice- cream saying 'made in England'


Cameroon - SUPERIOR ! Please eat ice - cream and make it more famous than made in Denmark chocolates.

Cameroon - I insist you accept my suggestion !


Queen - 'spare me and my family atleast at this stage and age .... whole palace is yours....'

Cameroon - 'But , thunder will always remain yours , no one can steal it !'

What's so funny?

That we both wasted our time reading it?

European union premiers dining hall conference ......
Only Greece premier has been made to sit on small chair than others.

Disgusted by this , Greece premier questions french premier , " There might be some valuable stuffs
that you and your friends might have learned from our great Greek civilization."

French premier , "Yes , of course we did "
Greece premier , " What was that ?"

French premier , "Being Practical "

Greece premier , "Dammit !!!"
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NATO leader - ' CASTRO ! you are left , right ?

castro - 'What?'

NATO leader - ' You are LEFT , right '

Castro - ' ya , that's right . I am LEFT alone!'

G.w. Bush - ' Even I wonder , how he got left out during my tenure !!!! lucky ass !!!!'

If it was meant to fall , then better fall in chocolate than anywhere else

- some silly guy's quote


Why can't physics section have JOKES thread ?
Physicist say , forum already got whole PSEUDOSCIENCE section meant for that !

Why can't Electronics section have Jokes thread ?
They say they got SCIENCE-FICTION section .


Computer science section could have been the best place to see where replies being loaded with jokes !!!!
Lot of happening takes place in that field than anywhere else !!!


'Face Recognition Software did not worked in Japan ' - did you hear that.
Reason ?

It's just spiritual thought of Buddha that mislead the programmer with the software !

Buddha says , ' You exist in each and every one , Each and every one exist within you ,
So DON NOT DIFFERNCIATE , all are one and the same !!!!'

You racist fellow !!? I knew what you were thinking !!!
you are such a #$$@&*%*^*#$#$ , I hate such racist fellows .

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What area does NIGERIA lies in ?
AGAIN !!?!!, STOP IT , DON'T DO THAT !!!
It's not what you think !!!!

Answer is ONLINE LOTTERY eMAILS !!
That's the area they LIE a lot !!!

I know what you are thinking now ?

AFRICAN OCEAN !!!?? right ???

What's the difference between Chinese soldier then and now .

communist day : Soldier would always get slapped for free by their superiors , then .

capitalist day : Soldiers always get their salary hiked while they get slapped as usual by their superiors , now!!!!

Got one. Guy opens a joke thread expecting jokes.

Mannerism is a jesture , which makes you feel guilty while you fart being in crowd .

Gentleness is a jesture , which makes you feel proud for feeling guilty for that act .

But while whole crowd itself is in farting phase , should you be really feeling guilty for that act you are about to do .

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Stalin and Mao try explain reason why they shot their enemy

Stalin - Shot him cause he not like me

Mao - Shot him cause he ain't me

Hitler - Shot myself cause I see each and every body within me !!!


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Farted Proudly !!! here and there as usual !!

sarnamluvu
quote


Is Psychology Valid ?

Have you gone MAD !!! What kind of question is that !!!!????!!!!!

this fellow surely needs consultation !!!

just for fun

"my math only works if we have emore than 4 dimensions"
...
"have you seen any evidence for extra dimensions?"
....
"Yes, in my math."

very very very bad jokes.......*cough* just saying

Originally Posted by sculptor

"my math only works if we have emore than 4 dimensions"..."have you seen any evidence for extra dimensions?"...."Yes, in my math."

Ha!ha! Best one yet. String theorists are a funny bunch and not because of their jokes.

Movie Celebs who never acted :

Sylvester Stallon
Bruce lee
Jetlee
Jackie chan
Arnold Swa@&*(&*(&!$!@$!@$what ever !!!
ETC

politicians who have never acted :

George .w.bush !!!
etc.

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English teaching school in Paris had following tag line :

" Learn English today So that you can teach ENGLISH tomorrow !!!"


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Gay couple , USA politician and Latin American tycoon went for shopping on Mexican street !!!

They argued for 1/2 a day about should they use condom or not .
Another 1/2 day about who should be wearing that condom.

When they made decision , The condom had bought already reached the expired date and all stores were closed !!!!

and they both thought of going without sex .

Dalai lama and ban ki meeting,

lama : To release captured monk from mischevious monkey , one need to find key factor.

ban ki : May be I ' m not banned there atleast !

Hu jintao : Who doesn't like your joke !!

sciencestudy, I hate to break it to you, but none of your jokes are jokes.

They're closer to non sequiturs.

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced " Please prepare for a crash landing ". The first lady put on all her jewelry . Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first. The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned, well when they come to rescue us they will see my great tits and will take me first.

The third lady who was African not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties.
Why are you doing that the other ladies questioned, well they always search for the black box first ?

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Well these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second country boy starts licking his butt. The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks,

''So, how was I?''

She says, ''Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf.''

Once there was a little boy who was curious about what a strip club was like so one day he decided to sneak into one. Once he was in, he watched as the strippers danced. He watched until they started taking of their clothing. That's when he bolted out the door and started running down the street and into a man. The man asks the boy, "What's wrong young man? You look like you just saw a ghost!". The little boy replies, "My mommy and daddy told me that if I ever watched anybody undress, I'd turn to stone...and all of a sudden I felt something hard!".

A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful butt. The man's birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words "Beautiful butt" tattooed on her ass.

She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says, "You do have a beautiful butt". She then tells the man she wants Beautiful butt tattooed on her ass. The man tells her "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful butt. She agrees and gets it done.

On the man's birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says "look honey." She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"!

Originally Posted by Ninja Pancakes

sciencestudy, I hate to break it to you, but none of your jokes are jokes.

They're closer to non sequiturs.

babe ain't my joke !!! I don't need others to tell me what I'M !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't mind babe. I really liked the way you call the shot . dead meat!!

I might have to become much serious about my jokes here after !!! instead of becoming a laughing stok !!

Originally Posted by sciencestudy

Originally Posted by Ninja Pancakes

sciencestudy, I hate to break it to you, but none of your jokes are jokes.

They're closer to non sequiturs.

babe ain't my joke !!! I don't need others to tell me what I'M !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't mind babe. I really liked the way you call the shot . dead meat!!

I might have to become much serious about my jokes here after !!! instead of becoming a laughing stok !!

English is your second language...what is your first?

you are right babe .
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Chinese comrade to his junior on how to curb Xing jiang islamic fundamentalist :

'slapping ourself is not intention !!. Intention is to crush the mosquito .
Now you know where the real problem is ?'

Junior ,
'yes , Sir ! Right on on the left cheek !!!!'

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Faith of the democratic land depends on the iQ of the votebank
Faith of the Communist country depends on the MATURITY of the Comrade
Faith of the Military regime depends on the MOOD of the supremo.

So , the mood of kim jong depends on the taste of his bed coffee,
Taste of bed coffee depends on the mood of the coffee maker ,
mood of the coffee maker depends on his IQ ,
His IQ is dependent on his Maturity .......

At last, it's still kim jong's mood that decides the faith of the coffee maker , not his maturity !!!!

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Afghan terrorist to nato soldier - ' You white monkies, never mess with the brown ones !!!!'

chinese guy on the border - ' Ya , you both enjoy yourself !!!'

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If : creator , then : his politics !!!

Prayed to creator ,Wished for food
He came , he fed , and he left.

prayed to creator , wished for shelter
He came , he sheltered , and he left .

prayed to creator, wished for sexual need
He came , He FUCKED , and he left !!!


And, behold, I come quickly;" Revelation 22:12


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Man mission to moon - Chinese and Indian:


Chinese Instruction to their astronauts: While rocket returns , make sure you guys too return along with the rocket !!

Indian instruction to their astronauts : While you guys return , make sure you guys bring rocket along with you without forgetting it !!!!!!!!!!!!

Sand box meaning: American kids playground , Whole arabia is such a big Box !!!!!
Arabs don't like it !!!
khali and amir khan boxing!!!

don't mind.

Jesus : Big daddy with big dick ! come and save me !! I'm good and great , it's logic to save me !!!

Big daddy with big dick : Nope , I think we both agree on metaphysics . It's BEYOND LOGIC !!!

mistaken identity :

RED Indian : COMMUNIST .


Funny native American names :

Walking realm of Virgin father - (meaning - legacy speaks to itself)
Mating crab in middle of the road - (meaning - Daring and passionate)
Sun searcher in bright day and moon searcher during night on the sky - (meaning : Wise and Focused in his objectives of life)

Difference between donkey and elephant :

Donkey works whole time, if it receives acknowledgement then it thinks It is lucky !!!

Elephant is big show icon , if receives acknowledgement, then it thinks it deserved it !!!


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Zebra grabs attention for its looks and moves
Horse grabs attention for its running ability
Donkey grabs attention for its pathetic and funny existence.

But drunken donkey ........

.........creates bigger moves than a zebra and run faster than horse like a mad donkey !!!!

But, thats the problem , It moves and runs over people paying attention to it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Where do after appear before - Dictionary
Where do conclusion is made before result - Scandinavian presidency election!!!

Physics - logic :
eg:- Atheist applaud to insult done to creator- thought.

Metaphysics - beyond logic:
eg :- Tears in the eyes of atheist listening to joke on jesus !!!

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First fire in air to Tame a monkey
Next Tie a belt to monkey to control it
Still monkey cant be tamed , then shoot..

Not the monkey . I said shoot yourself !!!!
If it was about shooting the monkey , you could have done it instead of firing in air.

logic ?????
No, it's politics !!

Don't mind. Just for fun . please don't get angry.hope you consider this as my job application on this forum.