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Thread: Maths Joke

  1. #1 Maths Joke 
    Forum Freshman Citadel's Avatar
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    A biologist, a statistician and a mathematician are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
    The biologist : "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle : A white zebra! It's fantastic ! There are white zebra's ! We'll be famous !"

    The statistician : "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra."

    The mathematician : "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side."

    -----

    The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need logs to multiply

    ----

    Q: What's purple and commutes?
    A: An abelian grape.
    Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
    A: Zorn's Lemon.


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  3. #2  
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    What did Zero said to Infinity ?

    ----------

    (What was reply from infinity ?) ?


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  4. #3  
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    4 plus 4 equals ate. If you have four apples and you add four more you make apple pie. It is ate.
    Dream Warrior and Citadel like this.
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  5. #4  
    Forum Freshman Citadel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hill Billy Holmes View Post
    4 plus 4 equals ate. If you have four apples and you add four more you make apple pie. It is ate.
    4 apples plus 4 apples = sum apples
    Sum apples plus 4 apples = sum more apples
    Holding a *Bring back the animated hour-glass* protest sign
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  6. #5  
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    A burleycque dancer, a pip
    Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
    But she read science fiction
    and died of constriction
    Attempting a Moebius strip.
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  7. #6  
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    Lol! That was great! There is still the lighter side behind the stress dealing my math thanks to the homework-desk.com website they help me a lot.
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  8. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by someguy1 View Post
    A burleycque dancer, a pip
    Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
    But she read science fiction
    and died of constriction
    Attempting a Moebius strip.
    Reading that reminds me of the naked spy in the suitcase story. How did Gareth Williams close the suitcase from the inside and lock it too?

    Death of Gareth Williams

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Gareth_Williams

    I
    have not seen photos but it sounds difficult.
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  9. #8  
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    Drunk yard professor from logic and statistics department couldn't know whether is was 12 A.M or 12 P.M

    Pointing his finger to the sky asked his junior ,
    " What's up there SUN or Moon ? "

    Junior replied ,
    " I'm new to this town , I don't know much about stuffs belonging here ! !"


    professor asked same doubt to Quantum physicist ,

    his reply , " WHO CARES !!?!! "


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    algorithm : Tuck a bit -

    IF half - white

    tucked bit = tucked_alpha;

    ELSE
    // tuck the bit of other half

    tucked bit = tucked_beta;


    RESULT :
    single bit got tucked twice !!!
    tucked _alpha , tucked_beta !!

    how ?

    It was a Q-bit ,

    And it's assigned value was Full White .

    Full white = Half white and Half white !!!!!

    ------------------------------------------------------------
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  10. #9  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    There are 11 types of people, those who understand Roman numerals and those who don't.

    There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who get laid. (This one seen on a t-shirt)
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  11. #10  
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    Not a joke, but it childishly fun


    The Complex Number Song (tune:

    The Battle Hymn of the Republic)


    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Argand diagram,
    They have seen the i’s and thetas of De Moivre’s mighty plan.
    Now I can find the complex roots with consummate elan,
    With the root of minus one.

    (Chorus)
    Complex numbers are so easy;
    Complex numbers are so easy;
    Complex numbers are so easy;
    With the root of minus one.

    In Cartesian co-ordinates the complex plane is fine,
    But the grandeur of the polar form this beauty doth outshine.
    You’ll be raising i + 40 to the power of 99,
    With the root of minus one.

    Chorus

    You’ll realize your understanding was just second rate,
    When you see the power and magic of the complex conjugate.
    Drawing vectors corresponding to the roots of minus eight,
    With the root of minus one.

    Chorus

    http://m.friendfeed-media.com/36f04e...546da86663a52a

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  12. #11  
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    Physicist - ' Conservation of mass '

    Mathematician - ' Checkmate , Infinity ? '

    Physicist - ' I'll Pull the STRING !'

    Mathematician - ' Bulloney !!'

    Physicist - ' I'll pull the trigger !!'

    Mathematician - ' OK, calm down . I'll pull the curtain !! '


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Physicist - 'What happens , when you pull the trigger ?'

    Mathematician - 'Trigger gets pulled'

    Physicist - ' What happens , when you pull the STRING ?'

    Mathematician -


    Guess his reply ..........


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Knock knock

    Who ?

    COCK

    COCK who ?


    That's right , KAKU

    Me KAKU !!

    --------------------
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  13. #12  
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    What's round and purple and works from home?




    A non-abelian grape!
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  14. #13  
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    Never experiment on having a sip of wine while pissing ,

    Drop of wine on shirt , wife gets upset and split
    Drop of urine on pant , girlfriend gets upset and split


    Well Double - split experiment at one go , that can be relief !!
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  15. #14  
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    truth and opponent arguing , where one disagrees to the other .

    truth : No matter what I say opponent fellow will disagree with me .

    opponent : _________________________________( guess his reply and valid that makes him stay in argument )

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Math puzzle-

    Guy receive a three messages -

    first message : I can see just myself here , i'm alone and nothing else.
    Second message : I see myself being tied with other two by a monkey . also enough sheep and Shepard .and nothing else.
    Third message :I'm being tied with other two by a monkey . I also see shadow of a donkey .and monkey is waiting for the donkey to suite itself and nothing else.

    what is the scenario ?

    hint : Three messages involves completely false , completely true, false/true .

    Which message represent what kind of liability.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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  16. #15  
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    mathematician - FUCK LAW

    PHYSICIST - FUCK LOGIC


    ' fuck BOTH LAW AND LOGIC !!! who am I ?'

    A: Politician !!! It is just that I fuck both politely !!!

    Pay me enough , i am both monkey / donkey , I'll entertain you more. and that's not a joke !!ya this time I too agree!
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  17. #16  
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    A basketball coach is asking his team what they want their basketball numbers to be. He said it could be any number. Decimals, fractions, negatives, and radicals allowed. One of the players said he wanted his number to be 3 - 4i. The coach says, "Okay, let's keep it real."
    .
    Well, I tried. And I didn't do this to specifically come up with a joke. I was imagining using crazy numbers to represent things, and when somebody uses a number in the set C\R, I think I want real numbers, and I say let's keep it real.
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  18. #17  
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    word before comes after word
    word after comes before word
    word after comes before , but not before word before
    SENSE joke
    JOKE sense.
    MathS joke..Physics
    joke Maths ..physics free calculus(?)


    I wonder which side would theoritical physicist take !!!!?!!

    Theoritically speaking , Grammer isn't different from numbers.
    Literally speaking , justification for grammatical ritual and actual thought is game against yourself !!!
    isn't it . eg., look at me !!!
    Last edited by sciencestudy; December 26th, 2013 at 01:41 AM.
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  19. #18  
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    There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
    Holding a *Bring back the animated hour-glass* protest sign
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  20. #19  
    Forum Sophomore ChaosD.Ace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhDemon View Post
    There are 11 types of people, those who understand Roman numerals and those who don't.

    There are 10 types of people, those who understand binary and those who get laid. (This one seen on a t-shirt)
    You are a genius

    Happppy new year and...

    There are three types of people, those that can count and those who can't.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Citadel View Post
    There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
    .. that wasn't the dangerous part seeing as it only takes an inch to drown on. hmmm, yes. Now I see how he drowned......
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  22. #21  
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    Quote Originally Posted by cNemonePuRchin* View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Citadel View Post
    There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
    .. that wasn't the dangerous part seeing as it only takes an inch to drown on. hmmm, yes. Now I see how he drowned......
    What?

    Dude your making less and less sense, I love it, you a funny guy.
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  23. #22  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    From thestyle my guess is cNemone etc is another sockpuppet of the banned troll and nonsense merchant HuskyJadeArts nd has been reported as such...
    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosD.Ace
    You're a genius
    Thanks for noticing :P
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  24. #23  
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhDemon View Post
    From thestyle my guess is cNemone etc is another sockpuppet of the banned troll and nonsense merchant HuskyJadeArts nd has been reported as such...
    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosD.Ace
    You're a genius
    Thanks for noticing :P
    No problem, nothin but love today, man
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  25. #24  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhDemon View Post
    From thestyle my guess is cNemone etc is another sockpuppet of the banned troll and nonsense merchant HuskyJadeArts nd has been reported as such...
    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosD.Ace
    You're a genius
    Thanks for noticing :P
    Being called a genius is much more gratifying before taking an IQ test and finding out, is it not?
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
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  26. #25  
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    You a genius too shlunka. Everyone is a genius today, other than that guy that insulted my duck today. Yall have a wonderful evenin.
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  27. #26  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    I've done many IQ tests over the years and despite my reservations about their validity they all put me in that category...
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  28. #27  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChaosD.Ace View Post
    You a genius too shlunka. Everyone is a genius today, other than that guy that insulted my duck today. Yall have a wonderful evenin.
    I mean yall have a wonderful morning, depending on where you at, my bad.
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  29. #28  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhDemon View Post
    I've done many IQ tests over the years and despite my reservations about their validity they all put me in that category...
    Same, but I haven't yet got (Mensa) tattoed on my forehead. I'll conjure up a few (probably terrible) math jokes. Only statistics can prove a theory correct. I majored in statistics so I could get paid for something I already did, draw sweeping generalizations. I hit second base with a math major, she now talks to me about Gaussian curvature. Pie's only irrational if you have a pertinent food allergy. George Orwell claimed 2+2=5, English majors celebrate his book to this day. Three things will drive a mathematician crazy, reality television and miscounting.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
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  30. #29  
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    Q: What's the volume of a disk with radius z and height a?

    A: pi * z * z * a
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    The best thing about maths jokes is there is a limited number of them. Somewhere between 1 and infinity.
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    Last edited by Beer w/Straw; January 20th, 2014 at 10:28 AM.
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