Notices
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Whats wrong with me? HELP - Mental Illness.

  1. #1 Whats wrong with me? HELP - Mental Illness. 
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    1
    Alright, I need some intelligent people to help me understand what's wrong with me.

    I'm 22 years old and have been suffering from "mental illness" probably most of my life. It was in 2003 that I experienced full blown psychosis due to Cannabis (marijuana) use. I think, that me using Cannabis was just me self medicating, and the psychosis I experienced, I would have experienced later in life, regardless of the use of marijuana or not.

    Anyways, the psychosis was an intense experience. It felt like, two entities invaded my body/mind/spirit. The two entities looked like they were fighting to control my mind and actions.

    Numerous times, I would use my computer (notepad) and I could see the entities typing through me. While one would type a message, the other would erase it. I had absolutly no conscious control over my body.

    I came to realize that one of the entities tried to trick me into commiting suicide. It typed out a message:

    "Consider killing yourself, you may be harvesting an alien in your stomach, and the only way to live, is to die. Who do you want to believe, yourself or your government?"

    At the time, I really believed it. I really did think there was an alien inside of me. It was weird. It felt so real, that I actually went to grab a pair of scissors and was really about to kill myself.

    Most of the few days of craziness revolved around visions, I was receiving visions, past memories were brought up, it felt like I had knowledge of everything that has ever happened in the universe and all that will happen. It also felt like there was no past, present or future.

    I also felt like I was god. I also believed I was god.

    Things took a turn for the worse, and I was invariably locked up in the Psychiatric ward and drugged up. My family and friends were freaked out.

    Ever since 2003, I have never been the same.

    It feels like, whatever invaded me, or was released, is still inside of me, running in the background of my mind like a computer virus.

    Since 2003, I have been admitted to the Psychiatric ward mostly on my own accord when I feel like I am losing my mind.

    The psychiatric ward does not help me. The medications work alright, but there are crazy people inside, that always feed into my delusions, even if I haven't spoken to them.

    My doctors basically tell me, I suffer from Schizophrenia, then they tell me i'm Bipolar, then they say i'm Schizo-Affective, then they say my problems are related to my upbringing, then they say delusions of grandeur etc. I honestly don't buy this at all.


    It feels like there is a parasite like entity attached to me. It seems to be feeding off my adrenaline or dopamine. I know my problem is somehow related to Dopamine, because when I am on anti-psychotics, like Haldol or Seroquel, I am a completely different person.

    But unfortunatly, when I am on Haldol or Seroquel, I will basically go out seeking things that will boost my dopamine levels. I will "fall in love" too easily. I will have a chip on my shoulder and start a fight with someone for some superficial reason. I might even seek out drugs or sex like a dope fiend. Antipsychotics don't let me have sex either, they inhibit something when it comes to sex, like semen production or something.

    When i'm off medication, I am basically paralyzed, listless, bored, lethargic. I feel like a heroin addict. The days, hours, minutes just breeze by. I'll eat more than I need to. I'll find ways to stimulate myself that don't take much effort, driving fast, drinking, strip clubs etc.




    Neither of these personalities are me. I am not the person I am when I am on Meds. I am also not the person I am when I am off-meds.

    It feels like I am stuck in a catch 22. I have no idea what to do.

    I have spent years seeking answers to my problems, and this story is the only thing that makes sense to me... It is a quote from the spiderman comic series. Yeah, I know it's a comic book, but it totally relates to me...

    Symbiotes feed on their host's adrenaline, usually released into the bloodstream during the fight-or-flight response. They have also been shown to depend on their hosts for a steady supply of phenethylamine, a chemical found as a nuerotransmitter in the human brain. While this has been known to lead some symbiotes to consume the brains of others, the chemical can also be ready found in processed chocolate. While the symbiotes are connected to a host, they raise their host's dopamine levels. They can apparently be killed, or at least forced into some sort of death-like state, by an overdose of dopamine-inhibitor. Symbiotes aren't able to bond with hosts who have high levels of vitamin C in their blood streams. There are several levels of biological symbiosis, or "bonding" that can be achieved between a symbiote and its host, each with different biological consequences.
    The Overreach committee holds Venom, suffering from amnesia after their last knockdown drag-out with Spider-Man, they dope up Venom then toss the symbiotic duo into a sound-enhanced, super re-enforced cell. As secret agent Smith goes for some more anti-Venom drugs (dopamine inhibitors)



    Yeah, I know, it's a comic book. But it's exactly what life feels like to me. There is something that is raising my dopamine levels. Plus, when I am taking medication, I really do eat chocolate and do drugs that contain phenylethylamine.

    I am never conscious of what I am doing on meds. If I am on meds, I don't even consciously understand why I feel like trying a street drug that contains phenylethylamine. I just do it. Without even thinking of the long term or short term reprecussions. I feel like a pregnant woman who wants to eat dirt or brocolli because of the certain minerals or what not inside of it.

    What do you guys think my problem is? Am I just genetically predisposed to mental illness? Is it my environment thats causing my craziness? Is it a parasite that science hasn't studied that is just using my body and mind for it's personal goals?

    Help!


    Reply With Quote  
     

  2.  
     

  3. #2 Re: Whats wrong with me? HELP - Mental Illness. 
    Guest
    Just so you know I'm not making it up, I'm an avid study of psychology and mental health. I'm usually the next best thing to a psychologist/psychiatrist. But it would be productive if you would seek counsel on this matter anyway.

    My doctors basically tell me, I suffer from Schizophrenia, then they tell me i'm Bipolar, then they say i'm Schizo-Affective, then they say my problems are related to my upbringing, then they say delusions of grandeur etc. I honestly don't buy this at all.
    Sorry, but I was thinking "you're schizophrenic". Which is what you really are. I don't think you're Bipolar, since your typing doesn't exhibit signs of it. Schizophrenia gives a wide range of effects, from hearing voices to "losing control", to delusional thinking or hallucination. You are quite pidgen-holed into the definition of Schizophrenia, so I think those doctors are right there.

    One thing I'd like to mention is a recent study done on Marijuana that "suggests" it increases (and causes) Schizophrenia in some users. Since this happened after your Marijuana use, I'm afraid I have to resort to "I told you so" for everyone that told you not to smoke it.

    When i'm off medication, I am basically paralyzed, listless, bored, lethargic. I feel like a heroin addict. The days, hours, minutes just breeze by. I'll eat more than I need to. I'll find ways to stimulate myself that don't take much effort, driving fast, drinking, strip clubs etc.
    Some people have to stay on anti-psychotics their entire lives. I advise that you stay on your medication. Psychological help doesn't seem relevant here, since your case sounds purely neurological. The medication will correct the neurological imbalance for as long as you're taking it.

    While you probably would have been more susceptible to Schizophrenia than most, you should know that smoking marijuana just caused you to suffer it sooner. Perhaps you might not have suffered it at all. According to studies, at least.

    Neither of these personalities are me. I am not the person I am when I am on Meds. I am also not the person I am when I am off-meds.
    This is common, actually. Medications might alter you too strongly for you to be yourself, but they keep you sane. Another reason I don't like medications is because they cause that to happen.

    I am never conscious of what I am doing on meds. If I am on meds, I don't even consciously understand why I feel like trying a street drug that contains phenylethylamine. I just do it. Without even thinking of the long term or short term reprecussions. I feel like a pregnant woman who wants to eat dirt or brocolli because of the certain minerals or what not inside of it.
    Thus the problem with Anti-Psychotics. It sounds like they have you on a high dosage. If I were you I would find out as much as I can about what they have you on, and request a much lower dosage. If lowered or changed effectively, you should stabilize and become more yourself.

    Another thing I can suggest to you is getting involved in meditation. It provides better access to your thoughts and other such things, and might aid in recovery. Silly as it sounds, it's actually a very effective method.

    P.S: Actually, I think what is causing some degree of bipolar in you is your medication.

    EDIT: For an alternative treatment for schizophrenia (provided to me by a friend just moments ago), here is this link: http://www.doctoryourself.com/review_hoffer_B3.html

    As for questions:

    Do you drink lots of coffee? still do drugs (what types)? Are any of these feelings you get from your past? basic things like this. Your psychologist/psychiatrist should have already asked them and told you all of this, but there are a lot of quacks out there (unfortunately).

    I ask coffee because of this (also provided by my friend): http://mentalhealth.about.com/librar...n/uc091602.htm


    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #3  
    Forum Junior
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    286
    sounds like schizophrenia but sometimes i wonder if the anti pot lobby just makes up psts like this and i guess their lobby is pretty striong to stop hemp

    you may try advice from the dr mercola site
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •