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Thread: Advice on interactions with girl

  1. #1 Advice on interactions with girl 
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    I'm going to tell the story in its entirety because I want you to understand everything, but I don't expect her to go out with me ever so relax.

    About a month or so ago I began noticing this older female, she has a nice smile and fine butt. Anyways I always eye'd her from afar but never really got to speak with her. One day I was leaving to use the restroom when I saw her outside. I figured it wouldn't hurt to introduce myself and see who the girl was, this I am able to do! So out I went without having relieved myself and I said "hi, how're ya doin." A conversation ensued whereby she told me she'd moved there recently from California, and that in this state she lived for quite awhile working as a resturant manager. She told me out here it was to much work for less pay so she'd gotten into mortgages.

    Keep in mind the entire time I'm listening, but also thinking if she's someone I like. I speak to her and reply kindly, I ask her a few things, then she questions me about my name. I was surprised because no one asks me my name, they usually chit-chat then ignore me. I told her it and we had a conversation for about 5 minutes from this point. I took this time to ask about her smoking, she told me she only does it at work to get out of her office, she never / rarely smokes when home. I told her I didn't smoke, then I said "let's fuck eachother wildly bitch"; oh no wait, aheem that's my imagination talking

    So once this was over I'd learned quite abit about her, more than I'd known previously. I decided she was a fine female and worth pursing, that her fertility was good and she might be interested in mounting procedures. As time passed I would meet her a few more times to discuss the possibility of sex; ahemm that's my imagination again.

    So anyways by now I've learned she has 2 kids, her friends set her up with guys (or try to) and she dislikes it. She's termed these party's where her friends invite single guys to hook her up with "sausage fests". She told me the coworkers she's around threw a party and invited her, all it turned out to be was a beer drinking fest with single men trying to get her into bed. So far I've learned quite abit about this girl, but then I realized something.... what did she know of me?

    The entire time I've been getting to know her she's rarely if ever inquired about me personally. Some of you may think this good but remember Carmen? djaoihdaouy90824
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    Sorry Jana was outside, holy christ her bodies fine. She had some stockings on that were black, high heels, this girls gonna kill me before I can do it myself! lmao

    Anywhoo... remember her? Carmen? This reminds me of that time. I learned a whole bunch of things about her, she never asked anything about me. Thus I've chosen to back off from Carolyn as a potential mate. This has been difficult for me because I thought I liked her, perhaps I don't?! Maybe it's more simple, maybe I'm missing a very clear thing here.... after-all I did everything right, I was nice, considerate, listened, responded, and mostly sympathized with her.

    Now truly I didn't expect sex or anything but I at least thought maybe lunch or dinner. This begs the question for all of you, what didn't I do, or what did I do wrong?

    She's got a 14 year old right, he's the oldest, she claims she is 31 but I can't tell :L She knows my age but seemed fine with that (although she said I look younger). So friends, collegues, romans, what is it here I'm not seeing?

    Aside from levity and jest be truthful. I would've asked this person out but considering how all these guys are attacked her at those party's I didn't want her to label me a "sausage fest" guy. I'd rather be nice and let her know I fancy her, but not to stalker-like. That means I don't always go outside if she's there, I let her be. Recently I've been doing this but she doesn't seem to notice, she just goes out right past me sitting here, then sits. She'll talk on her phone for awhile, especially now (maybe she's met a guy?) and basically I leave her be.

    I don't desire to go chasing anyone, and after my experiences with Carmen I am certainly not going to put more into the relationships I have than the other person does.

    So right now I think I hear Carolyn next door yapping, can't tell. They're goofing around or somethin.. grrr...

    Also Carolyn's got abunch of friends and stuff, doubtful she'd be interested in a guy like me whom has none?

    And let me not forget she drinks alcohol, she got arrested once for driving too drunk :L I'm telling you these things so you see what i know of her, maybe you can determine if I know alot or nothing. It sure seems like alot, but then what can I say when I haven't hung out with her beyond work?

    Please keep in mind I am not going to pursue her right now, she's completely waiting for me to go after her and rarely does anything direct. She'll even face the other direction if I'm coming her way just to ignore? avoid? but then if I say something she'll brighten up and start talking...

    Advise.


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  3. #2  
    Forum Ph.D. william's Avatar
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    Boy... that's a tough one.

    Perhaps you could seek advice from her son...?


    But seriously, it's okay to go a little bit out of your way, but never go too far out of your way. If you have to try too hard, then she's not interested. It's that simple.

    Cheers


    "... the polhode rolls without slipping on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane."
    ~Footnote in Goldstein's Mechanics, 3rd ed. p. 202
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  4. #3  
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    Well I can tell you that you are thinking way too hard which means you are way too emotionally involved. If you drop it now you will forget it all in a few weeks. The best anyone can do is be themselves; in other words, don't be an actor... like anyone listens to that advice. Ha, all the guys (I'm exaggerating a little) at my work are a joke. I swear they have been acting for so long they don't even know who they are anymore ("what up dog"... "just chillin"... "hey ur lookin good"... "did u see they girl over there"... "blah blah blah"... no respect these days). I'm sure there are much better places to go than a science forum however, if you want to ask a question like this.
    Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. -Spoon Boy
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  5. #4  
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    You are scientific minds, the best place to ask is here
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  6. #5  
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    Are you obsessed with the topic of females?
    Whence comes this logic: no evidence = false?

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  7. #6  
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    what ever you do, dont tell her your views on rape. dont think that'll be the best way to win her over
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  8. #7  
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    Well...I tried to delete my post so I could say something nicer, but this guy replied so...nvm.

    Edit: here's something nice - get her kids to like you, I guess; but maybe you shouldn't listen to me. What do I, an 18 year old, know about dating 31 year old women with children?
    Whence comes this logic: no evidence = false?

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  9. #8  
    WYSIWYG Moderator marnixR's Avatar
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    you know i just found out something ? voyeurism doesn't suit me
    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
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  10. #9  
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    Quote Originally Posted by marnixR
    you know i just found out something ? voyeurism doesn't suit me
    there will be a lot of this type of thing- better get used to it.
    'Time is the space between birth and death' by me.
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  11. #10  
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    You are scientific minds, the best place to ask is here
    No offense man....If I have questions about matters of the heart, and about getting laid....dude....the last person I'm going to ask is a f-ing scientist. No offense guys....but we are just NOT known for getting laid.

    Fortunately, old Mac's been around the block a few times...and I can tell you this...dating an older woman with kids is an investment in responsibility. It's a package f-ing deal...you can't separate the two. It would be nice to know how old you are so I can better know your situation.

    and next time...give us the "cliff notes" version...there's lots of cool people on this board, willing to help out...just be to the point...and don't yank our chain.
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  12. #11  
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968
    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    You are scientific minds, the best place to ask is here
    No offense man....If I have questions about matters of the heart, and about getting laid....dude....the last person I'm going to ask is a f-ing scientist. No offense guys....but we are just NOT known for getting laid.

    Fortunately, old Mac's been around the block a few times...and I can tell you this...dating an older woman with kids is an investment in responsibility. It's a package f-ing deal...you can't separate the two. It would be nice to know how old you are so I can better know your situation.

    and next time...give us the "cliff notes" version...there's lots of cool people on this board, willing to help out...just be to the point...and don't hank our chain.
    Speak for yourself.
    Whence comes this logic: no evidence = false?

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  13. #12  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    Sorry, man...no offense intended....thanks for representin' the "playa" aspect of the scientific community. (bumps fists with scientstphilosophertheist)
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  14. #13  
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    You are scientific minds, the best place to ask is here
    The opinion of a scientific mind (that being mine) is that it's all just chemicals floating around in the body creating a primal atraction with the ultimate goal of procreation. There are plenty of people on this planet and the chemicals can be ignored. I have better uses of my time.

    ...you asked.
    Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. -Spoon Boy
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  15. #14  
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    You are scientific minds, the best place to ask is here
    We may be scientific minds but that kind of flouts the problem of we have little or no social skills (with the exeption of a few are going to complain saying that they have a life when we know the reality because they are on this forum)
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  16. #15  
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    Greetings. Good advice so far, this female came to speak with me yesterday, she waited in the hall for me to accompany her on her smoke break. We talked and she smiled, I joked and she laughed. Seems alright, but truly what can I do? There's nothing to do... I have nothing to really ask or mention, I don't goto party's, don't really wish to ask her out yet, etc. Remember she's labeled men who pursue her for sex "sausage fest" guys, I don't wish to become reconciled to this term myself. Thus I am nice, attentive, but not gonna say "did you wanna go out sometime" which she'd instantly know meant "do you think you'll bang me."

    Anyway Thanks ppl it was real cool getting your inputs!
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  17. #16  
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    Greetings. Good advice so far, this female came to speak with me yesterday, she waited in the hall for me to accompany her on her smoke break. We talked and she smiled, I joked and she laughed. Seems alright, but truly what can I do? There's nothing to do... I have nothing to really ask or mention, I don't goto party's, don't really wish to ask her out yet, etc. Remember she's labeled men who pursue her for sex "sausage fest" guys, I don't wish to become reconciled to this term myself. Thus I am nice, attentive, but not gonna say "did you wanna go out sometime" which she'd instantly know meant "do you think you'll bang me."

    Anyway Thanks ppl it was real cool getting your inputs!

    Ask her if her oldest child plays video games. If so, go over there and whip him at some of the ones you are good at. She'll be so impressed with not only your gaming skills, but your willingness to "spend time" with her children, that coitus is an almost assured guarantee. Trust me on this....



    Cheers
    "... the polhode rolls without slipping on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane."
    ~Footnote in Goldstein's Mechanics, 3rd ed. p. 202
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  18. #17  
    Forum Ph.D. Nevyn's Avatar
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    impress her with your gaming skills? on what planet do women care whether men (not kids) can play games
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  19. #18  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nevyn
    impress her with your gaming skills? on what planet do women care whether men (not kids) can play games
    Scientist who plays games with kids = successful(?) man who is a good father (in a woman's eyes). William is right, coitus is most definitely guaranteed.


    But that's the scientific advice...don't know how reliable it is. One thing I can say is...the old "be yourself" thing is crap. Be what she wants you to be; be yourself after the first month or so, gradually showing little bits of your actual personality. If she doesn't like you, so be it...at least you weren't going out with her for years; a month doesn't hurt.
    Whence comes this logic: no evidence = false?

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  20. #19  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nevyn
    impress her with your gaming skills? on what planet do women care whether men (not kids) can play games
    Dude..that was funny.

    Although ole will was on to something. Showing you can get along with her kids will earn you major bonus points with her. If she's single w/kids....her #1 concern is her kids....just get used to playin' 2nd fiddle.

    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    ....this female....
    I haven't quite figured out what this "online persona" you are trying to portray...are you an alien?...'cause we have a Borg as a regular...anyway....dude.....it would be in your best interest to drop that shit now. Women can smell that stuff a mile a way...they can also can detect a phony a mile a way..so contrary other's opinion...you HAVE to be yourself...and if you want to be good at anything, you need to practice. You can start practicing here...being yourself.

    I asked your age, but you didn't answer...so I'll give some general points:

    When you are talking with her..always look her in the eyes. If looking at her square in he eyes "feels uncomfortable"....a great trick is to look at the bridge of her nose between her eyes.

    Actually listen to what she says...rather than thinking of what your going to say next. Nod your head "yes" as she speaks so she knows you are listening. Don't cross your arms or put your hands in your pockets. Keep your chin up, your back straight , and at least appear to be confident...'cause that's what's it's all about...confidence.

    good luck.
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  21. #20  
    Forum Ph.D. william's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968
    Actually listen to what she says...rather than thinking of what your going to say next.
    Amen.
    If it's one thing a lady likes more than listening to the interesting things you have to say... it's having a man listen to the things they have to say....
    "... the polhode rolls without slipping on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane."
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  22. #21  
    Forum Ph.D. william's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968
    ...that's what's it's all about...confidence.
    Amen to that too.
    "... the polhode rolls without slipping on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane."
    ~Footnote in Goldstein's Mechanics, 3rd ed. p. 202
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  23. #22  
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    Quote Originally Posted by william
    .. it's having a man listen to the things they have to say....
    I'll return the "Amen" (let us now go to the religious section and give thanks)

    ...and dude it doesn't matter if she rattling along about pink poodle contests....dude..you just have to listen...and at least appear to be interested.

    Edit: I was just offered my own talk show on FOX. "Getting laid the easy way" with Macgyver will begin to air at 2am on saturday nights.
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  24. #23  
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    Quote Originally Posted by scientstphilosophertheist
    Quote Originally Posted by Nevyn
    impress her with your gaming skills? on what planet do women care whether men (not kids) can play games
    Scientist who plays games with kids = successful(?) man who is a good father (in a woman's eyes). William is right, coitus is most definitely guaranteed.


    But that's the scientific advice...don't know how reliable it is. One thing I can say is...the old "be yourself" thing is crap. Be what she wants you to be; be yourself after the first month or so, gradually showing little bits of your actual personality. If she doesn't like you, so be it...at least you weren't going out with her for years; a month doesn't hurt.
    If your mind and is so weak that you give in to the ego's attempt to control you and turn you into a liar than so-be-it. The weaklings disgust me. Bowing down to every emotion. Go ahead, be the lemming, join the crowd, be the "suck up". Do it all, and for what? Disgusting I say, disgusting.
    Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. -Spoon Boy
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  25. #24  
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    edit: removed by poster

    (don't post when your drunk)
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  26. #25  
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    Greetings Male_Office_friend_03.

    Lets go outside and talk about me, also, please entertain me with a joke or two, my job is a bore sometimes...

    Look man, she's been in the trenches; Has kids, went through a serious relationship(s). She's a vet, and knows the game. Wisely you choose not to play it, probably that's why she's still keeping an eye on you

    Big question, seeing as she's got you drooling, Is she physically attracted to you? Look for cues - hair flipping, warm smiles, stands close, tone of voice, type of eye-contact. A woman knows her physical attributes, she will emphasize these in her posture when interacting with you, does she? These are subtle subconscious hints, so you need to watch carefully.

    Without physical attraction you may be heading down the "Male Friend" track - not that there is anything wrong with it. Maybe it's too early to tell.

    Going the "hey, I'm interested in your kids" path as some have mentioned here is not a good idea. Don't bring up the subject unless she brings it up, or the conversation really calls for it. It's a phony move. Mothers are protective. Chances are she brought up the subject just to see your reaction.

    The fact that she came to you is a positive sign, she's thinking about you. Maybe you've moved up to Male_Office_Friend_01. When the time is right buy her a coffee or even take her out for a quick lunch sometime - nothing wrong with that, its not a date. Be patient, and above all keep your mind clear!

    As long you don't fumble the ball. Nature will sort the rest of it out. :wink:

    Finally, as a last piece of advice (and probably the only useful one here). A single mom, and a coworker to boot, is a lot of gunpowder. If, in fact, she is interested in you, and her attachment to you is not strictly physical, go in it for the long haul or, if you're not ready to commit, don't do it.

    /end doctor_phil_moment

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    Quote Originally Posted by spirytus

    Big question, seeing as she's got you drooling, Is she physically attracted to you? Look for cues - hair flipping, warm smiles, stands close, tone of voice, type of eye-contact. A woman knows her physical attributes, she will emphasize these in her posture when interacting with you, does she? These are subtle subconscious hints, so you need to watch carefully.
    I wouldn't rely on this. Sometimes they just want attention. Most women know that most guys will fall for little things like this because they know the guys want the attention too. It becomes a very silly game.
    Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. -Spoon Boy
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  28. #27  
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaBOB
    Quote Originally Posted by scientstphilosophertheist
    Quote Originally Posted by Nevyn
    impress her with your gaming skills? on what planet do women care whether men (not kids) can play games
    Scientist who plays games with kids = successful(?) man who is a good father (in a woman's eyes). William is right, coitus is most definitely guaranteed.


    But that's the scientific advice...don't know how reliable it is. One thing I can say is...the old "be yourself" thing is crap. Be what she wants you to be; be yourself after the first month or so, gradually showing little bits of your actual personality. If she doesn't like you, so be it...at least you weren't going out with her for years; a month doesn't hurt.
    If your mind and is so weak that you give in to the ego's attempt to control you and turn you into a liar than so-be-it. The weaklings disgust me. Bowing down to every emotion. Go ahead, be the lemming, join the crowd, be the "suck up". Do it all, and for what? Disgusting I say, disgusting.
    Wait...what? :?
    Whence comes this logic: no evidence = false?

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  29. #28 Re: Advice on interactions with girl 
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    I'm going to tell the story in its entirety because I want you to understand everything, but I don't expect her to go out with me ever so relax.

    About a month or so ago I began noticing this older female, she has a nice smile and fine butt. Anyways I always eye'd her from afar but never really got to speak with her. One day I was leaving to use the restroom when I saw her outside. I figured it wouldn't hurt to introduce myself and see who the girl was, this I am able to do! So out I went without having relieved myself and I said "hi, how're ya doin." A conversation ensued whereby she told me she'd moved there recently from California, and that in this state she lived for quite awhile working as a resturant manager. She told me out here it was to much work for less pay so she'd gotten into mortgages.

    Keep in mind the entire time I'm listening, but also thinking if she's someone I like. I speak to her and reply kindly, I ask her a few things, then she questions me about my name. I was surprised because no one asks me my name, they usually chit-chat then ignore me. I told her it and we had a conversation for about 5 minutes from this point. I took this time to ask about her smoking, she told me she only does it at work to get out of her office, she never / rarely smokes when home. I told her I didn't smoke, then I said "let's fuck eachother wildly bitch"; oh no wait, aheem that's my imagination talking

    So once this was over I'd learned quite abit about her, more than I'd known previously. I decided she was a fine female and worth pursing, that her fertility was good and she might be interested in mounting procedures. As time passed I would meet her a few more times to discuss the possibility of sex; ahemm that's my imagination again.

    So anyways by now I've learned she has 2 kids, her friends set her up with guys (or try to) and she dislikes it. She's termed these party's where her friends invite single guys to hook her up with "sausage fests". She told me the coworkers she's around threw a party and invited her, all it turned out to be was a beer drinking fest with single men trying to get her into bed. So far I've learned quite abit about this girl, but then I realized something.... what did she know of me?

    The entire time I've been getting to know her she's rarely if ever inquired about me personally. Some of you may think this good but remember Carmen? djaoihdaouy90824
    4290u74
    2490u

    Sorry Jana was outside, holy christ her bodies fine. She had some stockings on that were black, high heels, this girls gonna kill me before I can do it myself! lmao

    Anywhoo... remember her? Carmen? This reminds me of that time. I learned a whole bunch of things about her, she never asked anything about me. Thus I've chosen to back off from Carolyn as a potential mate. This has been difficult for me because I thought I liked her, perhaps I don't?! Maybe it's more simple, maybe I'm missing a very clear thing here.... after-all I did everything right, I was nice, considerate, listened, responded, and mostly sympathized with her.

    Now truly I didn't expect sex or anything but I at least thought maybe lunch or dinner. This begs the question for all of you, what didn't I do, or what did I do wrong?

    She's got a 14 year old right, he's the oldest, she claims she is 31 but I can't tell :L She knows my age but seemed fine with that (although she said I look younger). So friends, collegues, romans, what is it here I'm not seeing?

    Aside from levity and jest be truthful. I would've asked this person out but considering how all these guys are attacked her at those party's I didn't want her to label me a "sausage fest" guy. I'd rather be nice and let her know I fancy her, but not to stalker-like. That means I don't always go outside if she's there, I let her be. Recently I've been doing this but she doesn't seem to notice, she just goes out right past me sitting here, then sits. She'll talk on her phone for awhile, especially now (maybe she's met a guy?) and basically I leave her be.

    I don't desire to go chasing anyone, and after my experiences with Carmen I am certainly not going to put more into the relationships I have than the other person does.

    So right now I think I hear Carolyn next door yapping, can't tell. They're goofing around or somethin.. grrr...

    Also Carolyn's got abunch of friends and stuff, doubtful she'd be interested in a guy like me whom has none?

    And let me not forget she drinks alcohol, she got arrested once for driving too drunk :L I'm telling you these things so you see what i know of her, maybe you can determine if I know alot or nothing. It sure seems like alot, but then what can I say when I haven't hung out with her beyond work?

    Please keep in mind I am not going to pursue her right now, she's completely waiting for me to go after her and rarely does anything direct. She'll even face the other direction if I'm coming her way just to ignore? avoid? but then if I say something she'll brighten up and start talking...

    Advise.
    oh my god i did not read all that but the first few paragraphs made me laugh soooo hard. LOL thanks..
    blahblahblahablahblahblahablah blahablah
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  30. #29  
    Time Lord zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    At some point casually mentioned that you stand to inherit a lot of money someday. She already has you pegged as honest & trustworthy. If her attitude changes towards you for the better then you know what floats her boat. If you just want to get laid then you've taken the first step. If you get laid and she brings up the money part then you better use a condom or kid #3 isn't far off.

    Yes it's despicable, but do you want a lasting relationship, an instant family, other dads showing up, a gold digger, someone who doesn't love you or sex? Then again, if you perform well, you just might have trouble getting rid of her at a later date.
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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