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Thread: Waking up in the cosmos at 22

  1. #1 Waking up in the cosmos at 22 
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    Hello all,

    I've run into a 'dilemma' of sorts and would like to gather some advice here. Here's a bit of my story:

    I attended a strict, fundamentalist christian school from kindergarten to 12th grade. Creationism was the rule of thumb. This resulted in a significant lack of interest in the earth and the cosmos. Partly because, if the earth was just a suffering cage, why care about it?

    Apart from the teachers who actively (perhaps not consciously) suppressed interest in the cosmos (for example, I had no idea that the light travelling from various galaxies took billions of years to get here), my decreased visualization skills made it all but impossible to grasp that I was living on a sphere. This was thanks in part to the endless barrage of entertainment media (videogames, movies, television) I and countless others were 'subjected' to in front of our televisions after school. Needless to say, I found myself in art school, working to become a comic book artist and animator. Something peculiar happened though.

    The decision to become a comic book artist was a strange one indeed. Quite frankly, I was too dumb at the time to realize how difficult it would actually be. After the first year of school, I found myself back at home desperately studying perspective theory to make my dreams a reality. This resulted in 2 entire years spent inside my room at home, every day consisting of nothing more than projective geometry and linear perspective studies. 1,500 pages of notes and one tired mind later, I finally made the connection. I realized that the perspectives I attain when walking about outside during my 'everyday life' are perspectives of the sphere of the earth commonly viewed in 'globe' and photograph form. Finally.... the connection.

    Combined with a few watchings of Sagan's Cosmos, I found myself filled with wonder, interest and anger. I was angry that I had been assaulted by television, videogames and movies (as well as mind-suppressing teachers) during the tender development years of my life. I was angry that they almost took away my ability to grasp the cosmos and the fact that I live on a ball.

    This has led me to a terrible dilemma. The perspective skills I've developed make it impossible to ignore the cosmos. I've raised my consciousness-level far too high. Currently, I'm signed up to start Geology at college this upcoming fall. I struggle though. I've really come far as an artist, but I nearly despise the consciousness-lowering effect that popular entertainment media has on the mind.

    From one angle, I push myself in my current artistic direction, because I feel that the cosmos (or whatever the 'thing' is that we're 'in') may have the ability to defy the infinite regress without external aid (essentially, the 'watch' without a watchmaker). If this is true, in my opinion, the 'worth' of actions from a religious standpoint discontinues. Morality is only perceived and so is the value in certain actions. Existing in the cosmos is just a choice, not a mandate which results in 'goodies' at the end of the trail -- almost as though we're on life support. Pulling the cord at any particular time doesn't necessarily mean anything, and it'll probably happen eventually anyway.

    I'm wondering if anyone else here has converted to the sciences in a similar way. I don't expect too many responses. This forum seems hardly noticeable amidst the vast ocean of activities which put us back to sleep, incapable of grasping reality and the cosmos.

    Thanks.


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  3. #2  
    Forum Freshman StarMountainKid's Avatar
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    Interesting life story so far. I think you're lucky. Think of all the people who have had similar upbringings and experiences and have not come to your realization, and who will always remain a victim of "mind-suppressing" influences.

    My childhood was just the opposite of yours. My early environment encouraged intellectual and religious curiosity and I had the freedom to learn about any subject I was interested in and make my own choices.

    Personally I came to the conclusion about at age 14 that the Cosmos is indeed a "watch without a watchmaker", and that organized religion is the continuation of ancient, pre-science superstitious interpretations of this world we find ourselves living in. For me, the physics of the Cosmos is way more fulfilling and enlightening than the old religious interpretation.

    To be fed all the answers kills the far greater worth of a sense of wonder one feels when one realizes there are questions which we will never find the answers to. Why Existance exists at all is my primary wonderment. I'm not a believer is any religious god, but Existence Itself with me in It, whether it has some purpose or not, is a grand replacement for even the best of the human-created gods. I don't worry about the lack of religious purpose or the supposed 'goodies' at my personal end because the Whole Thing is something majestic in itself and beyond my limited human comprehension anyway.

    Rules of morality which are included in religion I think can be separated from its belief system, and can stand alone as a legitimate ethical system of behavior. I think morality "as only percieved" and as "not a mandate which results in 'goodies' at the end of the trail" is a revelatory idea. It allows the individual to think for himself and hopefully come to some obvious conclusions.

    I think we can find personal meaning in this percieved meaningless Cosmos just by being trully ourselves. In fully expressing our own being we are fulfilling our little part of the total expression of the Universe. This mysterious Cosmos isn't something 'out there', it's us. We are the Cosmos. We are a gear in the clockwork, and by our actually being alive right now we must be some essential gear in its mechanism. We may feel anchorless, but actually the anchor is ourself. Even though the totality of the machine remains beyond our understanding, in freely expressing ourselves we become a true expression and therefore an essencial part of this great mystery.

    I'm not sure how all this is a reply to your post...just my thoughts.


    "Where are you going?" "I go where it is changeless." "How can you go where it is changeless?" "My going is no change."
    http://www.youtube.com/user/starmoun...d?feature=mhee
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  4. #3  
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    Thank you for the reply Starmountainkid. I appreciate the alternate perspective.
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