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Thread: can't finish or stick to anything

  1. #1 can't finish or stick to anything 
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    hi i am a 23 year old female. i wouldn't say I'm depressed, i have a very loving husband and good marriage, but I've noticed that i can't stick to anything no matter how important it is to me. 2 months seems to be the limit. i didn't finish college, i tried several times but one month into the semester i would give up. I've tried diets and jobs and countless other things but like always i never complete anything. my mom left when i was little and my dad had schizophrenia i was raised by my grandmother and aunts and uncles they were very loving and i feel as though i don't have any major problems from my childhood. i feel as though my husband is my life-force i think about him all day and what i can do to make him happy, i know that he loves me immensely but I'm still insecure about my self. i have an eating problem i can't stop eating if my life depends on it. i don't know why i don't have any self control, i motivate myself for hours but when the time comes i do nothing. almost as if my brain has no control over my hands. i really want to change, Im tired of living like this, nothing makes me happy or sad for that matter I'm very indifferent and it scares me. what really scared me was that i gave birth to a premature baby and i went to the nicu everyday for 2.5 months he got really sick and didn't make it, i was extremely sad but at the same time i was relieved that i didn't have to go to the hospital anymore. my own thoughts disgust me. if anyone can give me some advice or suggestions i would really appreciate it.


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  3. #2  
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    probably some form of depression especially that you lost a child, as for your childhood I think you might need to reexamine that, you say you didn't have any major problems but parents leaving is a big psychological problem, I would at least entertain the notion of talking to a professional about some things and maybe see if there are options for you. I can't really say what the underlying cause could be because 1. I don't have a frame of reference and 2. I'm not qualified good luck.


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  4. #3  
    Forum Masters Degree Implicate Order's Avatar
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    Wow. Good for you. You appear to have identified a number of symptoms that clearly are at odds with your fundamental desires. What you are experiencing appears to be 'incoherent thought processes' where the mind playing defensively, throws up a range of symptoms' to obfuscate the 'real problems' but through their incoherence demonstrates that an issue exists . Many people go through life blithely 'blind' to symptoms of incoherence. It actually bodes very well that indeed you do care, hence the varying symptoms that appear to be associated with guilt. This in my opinion indicates that you are very normal indeed as opposed to those that may suffer from an actual lack of empathy.

    Get thee immediately to a good doctor or doctors and share these feelings with them particularly if you have a trusted one/s that may be able to assist you to mend your mind without a simple hand wave and a prescription. Medications are ok as a last resort but you may be able to work with your doctor or a specialist to fix the problem without seeking a solution that may just suppress rather than fix the emotions. At the same time, if you have some quiet space, try and spend some time self assessing these thoughts as you may be able to get to the bottom of things given your current identification that a problem exists.

    Best of luck, but I don't think you are actually going to need luck at all:-))
    Quidquid latine dictum, altum videtur
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  5. #4  
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    Quote Originally Posted by dm23 View Post
    i can't stick to anything
    Of course you can and you do - you just don't give yourself credit for the small things. Don't you finish washing a load of dishes, or finish walking around the park? The problem with your thinking here is that you rate yourself just by what is difficult... so your failures fill the picture and your self-esteem suffers.

    This may help: Keep a to-do list. Initially, set tasks that are embarrassingly easy. Like "walk around entire park". When you check these items off, congratulate yourself, like you mean it. Don't put items you might fail to accomplish... this is actually the hard part. You will probably find yourself gradually notching up the difficulty of tasks, because, you tell yourself, "I can do better than this. I KNOW I can." Well great you think so highly of yourself but try to focus all your self-doubt and humility into setting goals... the goals should always feel too easy. Over time your personal standards will have ups and downs. But you'll gradually raise the bar, and that is always something to feel good about.

    Implicate Order's advice to "get to the bottom of things" and "mend your mind" is sound. Most of us must do this to some extent at least once in our lives. Consider yourself lucky, for those whose lives are plain and easy, and demand no deep examination, earn no great insights either. You'll have insights, and you'll be a wiser woman. Did you know that recovered schizophrenics are more successful and happier in later life, and even boast higher incomes than the average? So get started on that. You can start modestly. Keep notes in a diary and remember a modest to-do list may help you progress.
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  6. #5  
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    i was extremely sad but at the same time i was relieved that i didn't have to go to the hospital anymore. my own thoughts disgust me. if anyone can give me some advice or suggestions i would really appreciate it.
    You say "disgust", but what you're really suffering from is a double dose of double edged guilt-grief-guilt. Most women who lose a baby like this or as a stillbirth carry some guilt that "it's all my fault". And then there's the relief from not having to deal with that desperately sick child once it has died - they feel guilty about that as well. ( A lot of people who've cared for a dying relative have similar two-edged feelings after they die.)

    And you don't say how long ago that happened. It's sad but true that it takes at least a year for most people even to come to terms with a loss like that.

    Did the hospital that cared for your tiny boy offer you grief counselling or other support services afterwards? If nothing makes you happy or sad as you say, that's one clear sign of depression. I don't know where you're from but there are online support groups for parents who've suffered the same kind of stress and loss as you have. Here's a couple

    Coping with the loss of a newborn baby - BabyCentre
    Loss and Grief | March of Dimes
    Losing a Premature Baby

    If you don't want to talk to people online, your doctor or hospital might have a list of local resources, networks or support groups that could help you. Get the help you need now, sooner rather than later.

    Take good care of yourself. (Don't beat yourself up if it's not the best care you might ever have got.)
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    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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