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Thread: break ups

  1. #1 break ups 
    Forum Senior chero's Avatar
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    Would you consider asking your friend to break up with a person you don't like because the guy or girl is a (in your perspective):
    a jerk
    disrespectful
    the two argue constantly about stupid discussions
    the other demands more from your friend
    the other demands unreasonable things from your friend
    after fighting all the time, you see your friend become depressed
    somehow after being depressed, your friend continues to fall for the other



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  3. #2  
    Ascended Member Ascended's Avatar
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    No I wouldn't, people have to make their own decisions even the wrong ones, however I would perhaps start introducing my friend to lots of other more suitable prospective partners who I'd think were better for them. The thing is though when it comes to such things unless you are asked directly for advice or an opinion then anything you do say may be very unwelcome and certainly fall upon deaf ears.

    Also it seems to me the role of a good friend is to be there and cheer their friend up, to listen and to make them laugh, but not to make their choices for them or tell them how to live their lives no matter how much at times we may think it is for the best, but hey that's just my opinion.


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  4. #3  
    Forum Professor pyoko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chero View Post
    Would you consider asking your friend to break up with a person you don't like because the guy or girl is a (in your perspective):
    a jerk
    disrespectful
    the two argue constantly about stupid discussions
    the other demands more from your friend
    the other demands unreasonable things from your friend
    after fighting all the time, you see your friend become depressed
    somehow after being depressed, your friend continues to fall for the other

    I have, and still often do. She pretends to listen but invariably goes back into the same old tired abusive relationship. He is neurotic, extremely violent, immature, abusive, a rapist. I am afraid of what he is capable of.
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  5. #4  
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    Would you consider asking your friend to break up with a person you don't like because the guy or girl is a (in your perspective):
    a jerk
    disrespectful
    the two argue constantly about stupid discussions
    the other demands more from your friend
    the other demands unreasonable things from your friend
    after fighting all the time, you see your friend become depressed
    somehow after being depressed, your friend continues to fall for the other
    No, I wouldn't ask them to break it off. But I would do something.

    Depending on the specific concerns, I might ...

    1. Ask my friend to see me only without her/his companion because their behaviour upsets me in [some offensive or distressing] way.

    2. Tell her/ him about other people I've known in similar circumstances and how (badly) that turned out.

    3. Send her/him a couple of pithy quotes from Captain Awkward ... this one's relevant to lots of situations, #511: When you find out that someone you care about is mean. | CaptainAwkward.com

    “Please do not sink all of your time and energy into figuring out mean (but sexy) people. Your kindness cannot fill them up, but their unkindness can drain you dry.”


    Or this one, Reader Question #4: My friend is dating someone terrible, or, Secrets of The Darth Vader Boyfriend. | CaptainAwkward.com


    I’ve never done heroin, but if it felt anything like the first few months of falling in love with this guy I totally understand why people do it, to the point that when he broke up with me I didn’t sigh with relief and run screaming in the other direction. No, I tried to get the relationship back.

    4. Or read some Captain Awkward for myself to stiffen the spine before saying or doing anything, #272: When you see Darth Vader coming, do you speak up? | CaptainAwkward.com

    Thanks for so neatly encapsulating the way that abuse ripples out and poisons everything around the abusive situation, and the way it puts bystanders in a double-bind. If you don’t say something, are you enabling this stuff? If you do say something, are you potentially making it worse or giving the abuser more of a reason to isolate the victim? And it doesn’t have to be hitting to hurt – watching someone get constantly berated and belittled makes a little piece of your soul break off and die just the same.


    This one's really worth anyone spending the time to read. The section on what therapists do and how most of us just couldn't sit back and not tell a friend to Break up. Break up now!!! makes a lot of sense.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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  6. #5  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    I would never suggest anyone break up with anyone unless they were in an abusive relationship, and I were close enough to offer them advice. I'd say "get the hell out of there"!!!
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  7. #6  
    Forum Senior chero's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    I would never suggest anyone break up with anyone unless they were in an abusive relationship, and I were close enough to offer them advice. I'd say "get the hell out of there"!!!
    I don't get it, is that a quote? from where?
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