# Thread: Science and Math Jokes.. Groaners mostly

1. Enjoy..

Q: How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

A: He works it out with a pencil and a few sheets of paper.
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What do you call the medical student who graduates last in his or her class?

Doctor.
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A farmer is asking an engineer, a physicist and a mathematician to build the most efficient fence around his flock of sheep.

The engineer builds a square fence around the sheep and says "That's the best I can do".

The physicist wraps a fence around the equator and slowly shrinks it until it encounters the first sheep, then says "That's the best I can do".

The mathematician smirks and takes a meter-long length of fence, wraps it around himself and declares triumphantly "I define myself to be outside!"
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Q. What's the integral of 1/cabin d(cabin)?
A. Log cabin by the sea.
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A man finds a magic lamp, rubbed it, and poof, out comes a genie who gives him 3 wishes.

The man's first wish is to live forever and it is granted.

Then he realizes that eventually the universe will end so he wishes for the hubble constant to be zero and it is granted.

Satisfied, he sits back and wishes for a bowl of pudding. Poof, a bowl of pudding materializes out of nowhere, the hubble constant goes negative, and the universe collapses.
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Hey, you must be made out of Copper and Tellurium!
Cus you're CuTe.
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Hey, you must be made out of Fluorine, Iodine and Neon!
Cus you're damn FINe.
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Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
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wanna hear a joke about sodium and hydrogen? NaH
how 'bout nitrogen oxide? NO
silver and five nitrogen oxides? Ag NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
potassium? K.
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A neutron walks into a bar, and ask the bartender how mutch for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge"
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A neutrino walks through a bar..
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A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
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Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am."
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Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

....
Kay that ends my rampage. I got some of these on t-shirt form.. http://relativisticdesigns.com/designs/

2.

3. A Higgs boson goes into a church. The priest says 'You can't come in here'. The Higgs says 'Well without me you can't have mass'

4. The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows). ' In the middle of it, the experimentalist says 'Wait a minute', studies the chart for a second, and says, 'Oops, this is upside down.' He fixes it. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...'.

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