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Thread: Jokes that tickle westwinds fancy.

  1. #1 Jokes that tickle westwinds fancy. 
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    Old Lady appears in Court to face shoplifting charge.

    What did you steal? inquired the Judge.

    A tin of peaches.

    How many peaches were in the tin?

    Six.

    Six days in prison.

    With that the Husband of the elderly women jumped up

    Excuse me your honour.

    She also stole a can of peas. westwind.


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    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  3. #2  
    Forum Professor pyoko's Avatar
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    Will each pea be a minute or an hour in jail? Why does the husband hate his wife?


    It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
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  4. #3  
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    ( HE HE HE ). You are silly pyoko. Don't you realise her husband dosent like peas?? westwind.
    Last edited by westwind; November 4th, 2012 at 05:24 AM. Reason: gender problem on my part. westwind.
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    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  5. #4  
    Forum Professor pyoko's Avatar
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    He doesn't like peas
    Like a bees' knees
    She stole some peaches
    Now in jail she teaches

    Thank you, I'll be here all week.
    It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
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  6. #5  
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife asked---now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?---Maria---well senora, there are tree reasonswhy I wanna increase. The first is that I iron better than you. Wife---who said you iron better than me?---Maria---Jor huzban, he say so.---Wife---Oh yeah!--- Maria---The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you---Wife---Nonsense, who saidyou were a better cook than me?---Maria---Jor huzban did.---Wife---Oh, he did, did he?---Maria---The third reason is that I am better at sex than you--- Wife---really boiling now, through gritted teeth asks---And did my husband say that as well?---Maria. No senora, the gardener did.---Wife, So how much do you want? westwind
    sculptor and question for you like this.
    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  7. #6  
    has lost interest seagypsy's Avatar
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    So now that westwind has mastered the art of posting imagery of enigmatic beauty to the forum one is left with the foreboding speculations of whether or not we will find out what exactly this "fancy" is and if he will ever present a photo of it, preferably one taken while in the process of it being tickled. And if he does, will Macgyver be amused?

    (sorry westwind, I couldn't resist a set up like that)
    MacGyver1968 and westwind like this.
    Speaking badly about people after they are gone and jumping on the bash the band wagon must do very well for a low self-esteem.
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  8. #7  
    Northern Horse Whisperer Moderator scheherazade's Avatar
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    My father-in-law sent this one a few days ago and it certainly made me chuckle and I believe it is appropriate for all ages.

    The Fisherman's Wife

    After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was,

    the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

    On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable,

    an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.


    Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and

    after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched -

    with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.


    The therapist turned
    to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"


    "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

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  9. #8  
    Forum Bachelors Degree
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    That.
    Tickled my fancy too.
    With bravery and recognition that we are harbingers of our destiny and with a paragon of virtue.
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  10. #9  
    Brassica oleracea Strange's Avatar
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    Given the sophistication and erudition of westwind's jokes, this might be appropriate:

    What's brown and sticky?









    A stick.
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    ei incumbit probatio qui dicit, non qui negat
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  11. #10  
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    A stick? I don't get it? Have I come unglued here? Still, I'll stick to my own jokes and avoid any sticky situations. Stick with me Strange, keep your eyes glued on the Thread. You ain't seen nothing yet..
    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  12. #11  
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    The Family gathered at the Grandparents home for their Xmas Dinner. Everyone was seated around the table. The food arrived and little Johnny started eating immediately.

    ""Johnny, please wait until we say Grace,"" said his mother.

    ""I dont need to,"" said Johnny.

    ""Of course you do,"" his mother insisted.

    ""We always say a prayer before eating at our house.""

    ""That's at our house."" said Johnny.

    ""This is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.""
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    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  13. #12  
    Quagma SpeedFreek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by westwind View Post
    A stick? I don't get it? Have I come unglued here? Still, I'll stick to my own jokes and avoid any sticky situations. Stick with me Strange, keep your eyes glued on the Thread. You ain't seen nothing yet..
    It comes from a certain style of English joke...


    What's pink and hard?

    A pig with combat training.



    What's green, has six legs, and if it dropped onto you from up a tree, it could kill you?

    A snooker table.
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  14. #13  
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    What's black and white and red all over?

    A zedbra with sunburn...

    or is it a Newspaper?
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  15. #14  
    The Enchanter westwind's Avatar
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    I'm not going to encourage this type of response from you question for you. So no Likes. This is piss poor q4u. This Joke Thread is for Quality Jokes as you might pick up at a Drunks Night attended by former Spitfire Battle of Britian Pilots.

    This is a grade three Primary School Joke that you have tried to unload on the Posters to this Thread. I'll not have it.

    I want you to get out there where the Quality Jokes are and, using your brilliant memory, harvest them and try again on this Thread.

    I'm still astounded that you would peddle this rubbish on my Thread. . westwind.
    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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