Notices
Results 1 to 54 of 54
Like Tree20Likes
  • 1 Post By marnixR
  • 1 Post By Bad Robot
  • 1 Post By Bad Robot
  • 2 Post By Bad Robot
  • 1 Post By Bad Robot
  • 1 Post By Bad Robot
  • 1 Post By Bad Robot
  • 1 Post By Neverfly
  • 3 Post By Lynx_Fox

Thread: Science Jokes

  1. #1 Science Jokes 
    Forum Sophomore Dkav's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    183
    who has good science jokes?


    Reply With Quote  
     

  2.  
     

  3. #2 Re: Science Jokes 
    Veracity Vigilante inow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    3,499
    Quote Originally Posted by Dkav
    who has good science jokes?
    The Discovery Institute?
    The Creation Museum?
    The replica of Noah's Arch in Kentucky?


    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #3  
    Forum Freshman boson31415's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Joburg, South Africa
    Posts
    24
    ^ nice!
    The average person thinks he isn’t
    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #4  
    WYSIWYG Moderator marnixR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Cardiff, Wales
    Posts
    5,810
    more maths rather than science proper, but this xkcd item had me in stitches :

    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #5  
    Veracity Vigilante inow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    3,499
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #6  
    Time Lord zinjanthropos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Driving in my car
    Posts
    5,003
    Not a joke but pretty close. ...from Cheers:

    Cliff: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #7  
    Forum Senior Yash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    352
    Quote Originally Posted by zinjanthropos
    Not a joke but pretty close. ...from Cheers:

    Cliff: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
    Scientific one !! good
    Though, i'll always oppose alcoholism but it was fun reading this joke !!
    Satisfaction Should Be Given First Priority
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #8  
    Comet Dust Collector Moderator
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    New Jersey, USA
    Posts
    2,848
    You need to kill some more weak brain cells, then read it agin
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #9  
    Forum Professor jrmonroe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    1,444
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
    Reply With Quote  
     

  11. #10  
    Forum Sophomore Dkav's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    183
    Quote Originally Posted by jrmonroe
    hmm thats true isn't it? mathematics is fundamental for any discipline.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  12. #11  
    New Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    3
    ^^^^^
    ^^^
    ^^


    looool ..that was really nice joke =D Biology was defeated =C
    Reply With Quote  
     

  13. #12  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    42
    I've got a few

    one electron says to another: I think I want to try a new atom. Kinda tired of this one
    Says the other electron: Stop being so negative.


    a doctor, a biologist and a mathematician are walking on the streets when they see a man walk into a beautiful house. They stop at the sidewalk for a while to admire the house when a few minutes later 2 men come out of the house.
    All 3 are equally amazed since they are sure no-one else was home and only 1 person went in.
    The doctor says: Classic case of damaged eyesight. We have double vision.
    The biologist says: No, I can still only see 1 house, so it's not double vision. It's asexual reproduction. We just witnessed a miracle of nature.
    Both the doctor and the biologist argue over this for a while, when suddenly they noticed the mathematician started walking away from the house again.
    When they ask him if he isn't intrigued, he simply states: There are -1 occupants now.


    When a chemist has diarrhea he has
    (Take your time and figure it out )

    one electron yelling at another: What are you doing all the way up there. Get back down here.
    Says the other electron: I can't, I'm way too excited.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  14. #13  
    Forum Isotope Bunbury's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    2,590
    Got it. (The answer not the ailment.)
    Reply With Quote  
     

  15. #14  
    The Doctor Quantime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    4,546
    Quote Originally Posted by toonb
    One electron says to another: I think I want to try a new atom. Kinda tired of this one

    Says the other electron: Stop being so negative.
    Here's a new one for you then:



    A hydrogen atom walks into a bar. He morosely walks up to the bar and says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”
    The barman says, “Are you sure?”
    The hydrogen atom says...


    ...“Yes, I’m positive.”
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
    Reply With Quote  
     

  16. #15  
    WYSIWYG Moderator marnixR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Cardiff, Wales
    Posts
    5,810
    A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course,rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

    The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."

    "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

    But then...
    A student took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

    The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
    Ascended likes this.
    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
    Reply With Quote  
     

  17. #16  
    Forum Sophomore Dkav's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    183
    Quote Originally Posted by marnixR
    A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course,rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

    The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. "Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."

    "If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

    But then...
    A student took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

    The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
    taha
    Reply With Quote  
     

  18. #17  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Neverfly likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  19. #18  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  20. #19  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  21. #20  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Thought of this in chemistry class, may not actually be scientifically correct but whatever. Astronaut is outside of a shuttle, which is somehow in an absolute zero environment. Astronaut inside the shuttle says via radio "Don't worry mate, it's absolute zero, no pressure." The joke of course being, that pressure decreases as temperature decreases. :P
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  22. #21  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Quote Originally Posted by PhDemon View Post
    Not really a joke but an observation:

    Chemists are the only people who wash their hands before going to the toilet as well as after...
    I do too, but the first time is with lotion and the second time is with kleenex.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  23. #22  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Apocalyptic Paradise
    Posts
    6,613
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    Thought of this in chemistry class, may not actually be scientifically correct but whatever. Astronaut is outside of a shuttle, which is somehow in an absolute zero environment. Astronaut inside the shuttle says via radio "Don't worry mate, it's absolute zero, no pressure." The joke of course being, that pressure decreases as temperature decreases. :P
    I don't get it. Could you explain it, again?
    Reply With Quote  
     

  24. #23  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Quote Originally Posted by Neverfly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    Thought of this in chemistry class, may not actually be scientifically correct but whatever. Astronaut is outside of a shuttle, which is somehow in an absolute zero environment. Astronaut inside the shuttle says via radio "Don't worry mate, it's absolute zero, no pressure." The joke of course being, that pressure decreases as temperature decreases. :P
    I don't get it. Could you explain it, again?
    Dialog:
    Astronaut outside of spaceship is repairing ship. Astronaut inside of ship tells him "Temperature is absolute zero, no pressure captain." Absolute zero in terms of temperature would have very little/no pressure.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  25. #24  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Apocalyptic Paradise
    Posts
    6,613
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    Dialog:
    Astronaut outside of spaceship is repairing ship. Astronaut inside of ship tells him "Temperature is absolute zero, no pressure captain." Absolute zero in terms of temperature would have very little/no pressure.
    Wait.. slow down. I'm still not following. So... the punchline is that he has to pee? No wait... you said "No pressure."
    Hmmm...
    He's not pressuring the captain?
    Hey got it- you meant cabin and not captain. Because the ship is pressurized, right?

    No, no... Don't tell me... I can figure this out...
    Reply With Quote  
     

  26. #25  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    shlunka likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  27. #26  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Quote Originally Posted by Neverfly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    Dialog:
    Astronaut outside of spaceship is repairing ship. Astronaut inside of ship tells him "Temperature is absolute zero, no pressure captain." Absolute zero in terms of temperature would have very little/no pressure.
    Wait.. slow down. I'm still not following. So... the punchline is that he has to pee? No wait... you said "No pressure."
    Hmmm...
    He's not pressuring the captain?
    Hey got it- you meant cabin and not captain. Because the ship is pressurized, right?

    No, no... Don't tell me... I can figure this out...
    No no no, he's bleeding out of his left big toe. He was getting ready to put a turnikit on to stop the bleeding, but the captain radioed not to, because it would be much easier to use fire and carterize it.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  28. #27  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Quote Originally Posted by Neverfly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    Dialog:
    Astronaut outside of spaceship is repairing ship. Astronaut inside of ship tells him "Temperature is absolute zero, no pressure captain." Absolute zero in terms of temperature would have very little/no pressure.
    Wait.. slow down. I'm still not following. So... the punchline is that he has to pee? No wait... you said "No pressure."
    Hmmm...
    He's not pressuring the captain?
    Hey got it- you meant cabin and not captain. Because the ship is pressurized, right?

    No, no... Don't tell me... I can figure this out...
    Or perhaps it's Brokeback Starship and the captain is trying to pressure the other crew members into homosexual actions.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  29. #28  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  30. #29  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Apocalyptic Paradise
    Posts
    6,613
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    No no no, he's bleeding out of his left big toe. He was getting ready to put a turnikit on to stop the bleeding, but the captain radioed not to, because it would be much easier to use fire and carterize it.
    You can't fool me. I know there is no air in space. Astronauts train to hold their breath. I saw it on Discovery.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  31. #30  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  32. #31  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Neverfly and mat5592 like this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  33. #32  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Quote Originally Posted by Neverfly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by shlunka View Post
    No no no, he's bleeding out of his left big toe. He was getting ready to put a turnikit on to stop the bleeding, but the captain radioed not to, because it would be much easier to use fire and carterize it.
    You can't fool me. I know there is no air in space. Astronauts train to hold their breath. I saw it on Discovery.
    Not if he lights a zippo inside his suit, and then drops it down into his boot.
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  34. #33  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  35. #34  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Dogbox in front of Dywyddyr's house.
    Posts
    1,785
    Unfortunately, I think many individuals think science itself is a joke...
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
    Reply With Quote  
     

  36. #35  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  37. #36  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  38. #37  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Japith likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  39. #38  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Neverfly likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  40. #39  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  41. #40  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Japith likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  42. #41  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  43. #42  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  44. #43  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  45. #44  
    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Scunthorpe, UK
    Posts
    11,766
    Getting the priorities right:
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
    Reply With Quote  
     

  46. #45  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Apocalyptic Paradise
    Posts
    6,613
    Quote Originally Posted by Bad Robot View Post
    Look at poor Pluto...
    Bad Robot likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  47. #46  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  48. #47  
    Moderator Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    8,416
    Oldy but goody related to math:

    shlunka, PhDemon and Bad Robot like this.
    Meteorologist/Naturalist & Retired Soldier
    “The Holy Land is everywhere” Black Elk
    Reply With Quote  
     

  49. #48  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Math is good.

    Reply With Quote  
     

  50. #49  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  51. #50  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  52. #51  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  53. #52  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  54. #53  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

  55. #54  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Washington state
    Posts
    6,114
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •