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Thread: Geek Jokes

  1. #1 Geek Jokes 
    Forum Freshman Fatboy Miller's Avatar
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    Probably done many times already - but hey I'm new here!

    What are your favourite geek jokes (the worse the better!)?

    I'll start!..

    A hydrogen atom walks into a bar. He morosely walks up to the bar and says, I think Ive lost an electron.
    The barman says, Are you sure?
    The hydrogen atom says...


    ...Yes, Im positive.


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  3. #2  
    Veracity Vigilante inow's Avatar
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    Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).

    The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.

    However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.

    According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes.

    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".


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  4. #3  
    Veracity Vigilante inow's Avatar
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    Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

    The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.

    She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
    He repeats "one third x cubed".
    Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".

    The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".
    The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"





    A math professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
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  5. #4  
    WYSIWYG Moderator marnixR's Avatar
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    you want geek jokes ? look no further than Dilbert or xkcd
    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
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  6. #5  
    Reptile Dysfunction drowsy turtle's Avatar
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    I could make a joke about dividing by zero, but it'd go on forever...
    "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." ~ Douglas Adams
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  7. #6  
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    If you live in 45 degrees you'll get cancer!
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  8. #7  
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    If you live in 45 degrees you'll get cancer! The "i" in debit card stands for I. What is left is "debt"! More guages for what? In the house? Where's the race in circuit city? I'm tired again. I wil come back after time."not a joke!"
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  9. #8  
    Forum Freshman asspain's Avatar
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    Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?


    A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
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