Thread: Tired of misunderstandings..wondering if I'm the wrong one..

-At work my boss yelled at me again b/c he doesn't want to ever see customers bag their groceries and sometimes if they want to I allow them to bag their own...the first time he told me I assumed he meant not to allow them to bag unless they preferred to do so...apparently they are prohibited from bagging...

-Today a friend of mine told me that I wasn't supposed to use a serving spoon during lunch even though I enjoy using spoons to gather the sauce...I didn't think table etiquette was to be taken so seriously among friends...then I picked up a cracker that he brought over to examine it because I'd never seen the brand before and everyone laughed and acted like I was a fool (in my own home,mind you!)...

-I am intelligent and well-read yet get nervous easily and can't ever think of anything to say in social situations (who wants to listen to evo-devo lectures at a party or learn a new language on a whim?...noone but me it seems..)

-I'm short and muscular but because I'm a nice person people think I'm a pansy. I hate that being polite is seen in a negative light...also, people make stupid uninformed comments like "hey look at that guy (pointing at some tall guy), he's huge..he's bigger than you",,people don't get that a.) height doesn't equal size and b.) even if the guy weighs more I'm most likely stronger b/c muscular strength and length are proportional on a scale of 2/3. The thickness and kind of muscle fibers present determine strength more accurately.

Am I wrong..is the world wrong?

I don't think it's a matter of right and wrong, mate. It's just learning how to fit ourselves into this planet where we exist as social beings... This is sometimes especially hard during our teenage years when our brains and bodies are changing faster than we can really keep pace with.

The same thing is happening with your friends. Most of them are probably afraid of being made fun of themselves, so they've learned that they won't be made fun of if they deflect attention on to others.

Just learn to be comfortable with yourself as a human being. Learn what works for you. Your friends will come and go.

As for your boss, ask him how he'd like you to handle the situation when customers want to bag their own groceries. You might tell him that you always thought it would be inappropriate to argue with the customer just because the manager doesn't want them bagging their own stuff... Let him know you were trying to do what was right, and since the customer explicitly asked to do it themselves, you felt it best not to argue. See what he says. If he has no advice on how to handle it better next time, or he can't tell you what he wants you to say to those customers, then he really has no place being upset with you.

Finally, don't be so hard on yourself. Just learn from your mistakes, but whatever you do, don't kick yourself when you're down. It sure won't help you to stand up any faster. 8)

inow has it very well stated on the grocery thing. As to societies little rules you'll find that it's OK to say "Fuck off", I like doing things my way. Not literally of course. You can be the richest most successful person on the planet and still slurp your soup. Many people find it easier to just fit in however. I myself love to agree with social order to a point. Stupid little things I often just disregard and actually go out of my way to be sure everyone knows I'm breaking the rules There is a fine line between the rebel and total anarchy, just be sure you know what that line is. You also want to avoid looking like a total ass. Guess it all comes with experience.

Originally Posted by (In)Sanity

inow has it very well stated on the grocery thing. As to societies little rules you'll find that it's OK to say "Fuck off", I like doing things my way. Not literally of course. You can be the richest most successful person on the planet and still slurp your soup. Many people find it easier to just fit in however. I myself love to agree with social order to a point. Stupid little things I often just disregard and actually go out of my way to be sure everyone knows I'm breaking the rules There is a fine line between the rebel and total anarchy, just be sure you know what that line is. You also want to avoid looking like a total ass. Guess it all comes with experience.

I would love to say "fuck off" and I have many many times in the past. Yet I'm still living with my dad at 25 and he and his friend (who is a friend of mine as well although we often disagree) constantly ridicule me for my lack of social finesse..I don't understand why it matters so much..like you've said, you can be a success in this life and be different (different in society's eyes..normal in mine). I have broken rules and verbally fought authority and even taunted a security guard (ok 2 security guards on two occassions..lol..one told me to "move along" when I was talking to a friend on a sidewalk...the other told me I couldn't stand in front of a school bulding (a school I'm attending) and "loiter"...)...Fighting authority accomplishes little when said authority lives with you ( in the form of my father) or is ever-present at school and work..I'm so motherfucking tired of being forced to be a corporate android at work and a slave to my dad's will at home..will I ever be free?

Oh and the reason I can never win against my dad in an argument is that if he makes me to do something that I think is stupid or ridiculous he will say "Michael, did you insert unruly demand here yet? I'm not taking you to the store until you ________." Yeah..I'm 25 and have no car...

Originally Posted by gottspieler

Oh and the reason I can never win against my dad in an argument is that if he makes me to do something that I think is stupid or ridiculous he will say "Michael, did you insert unruly demand here yet? I'm not taking you to the store until you ________." Yeah..I'm 25 and have no car...

Sounds like you just are suffering from what many have before you and many others currently are. You just need to get a new environment. Patience is the key here, Hostility in this situation is highly unlikely to help you, if anything it would just make it worse. I try to limit my acts of "rebellion" to things that will not cost me in the end. It's one thing to be a free thinking independent person, it's another to just be an outlaw.

Originally Posted by (In)Sanity

Originally Posted by gottspieler

Oh and the reason I can never win against my dad in an argument is that if he makes me to do something that I think is stupid or ridiculous he will say "Michael, did you insert unruly demand here yet? I'm not taking you to the store until you ________." Yeah..I'm 25 and have no car...

Sounds like you just are suffering from what many have before you and many others currently are. You just need to get a new environment. Patience is the key here, Hostility in this situation is highly unlikely to help you, if anything it would just make it worse. I try to limit my acts of "rebellion" to things that will not cost me in the end. It's one thing to be a free thinking independent person, it's another to just be an outlaw.

I'm just upset because it really gets to me knowing that I won't be able to move out of my dad's house for at least 4 years (I am determined to get my Bio degree and will be in school and working the entire time). I'll be 29-30 by then! Even if I save up $5000, books are $500-600 a semester and a car is a $2000-4000 payment plus insurance and gas. I'll scarcely be able to afford what's currently on my plate making grocery store wages. Yet, because they offer flexible scheduling I need such a job. I can work as much or as little as I please. Also, I'm not even 100% sure I'll get financial aid. If that's the case...well..I'll be forced to get a two-year degree at community college, save up $30,000 and then go to university...

Hi gottspieler,
I'm sorry that you feel a bit trapped.
I can only give you one piece of advice. Clearly you are an intelligent person: if at any point in time you spot the opportunity to improve your condition, just take it, don't let anyone discourage you or tell you that you can't make it. Give it a go, of course if it isn't exaggerately risky on a financial or personal level.
I made this kind of choice a few years ago, which meant leaving my country, family, etc.; but now I have a better job, I'm more confident and independent. I still go back to my home country now and then to see family and friends, but as a different, and I think better, person.

Concerning your friends and, from what you say, even your father making fun of you, I think it's disgraceful. No offence, but I'd expect this kind of behaviour from very rough and ignorant people.
As someone pointed out in this thread, there are many people who feel they are worthless and mediocre, and therefore they constantly point at everybody else's weaknesses to hide their own shortcomings.

I appreciate the responses everyone. There are some loopholes, I suppose, to my projected 4 year odyssey. What I can do is 1.) take summer classes 2.) get compensation from work for some of the classes I'm taking (other people at work do for English and Math classes) 3.) Save all Christmas and birthday money 4.) Attempt to earn scholarships for school

Yet if I do all of this and still can't accomplish my dreams I will probably do some terrible terrible things I'll regret...I will NEVER forgive my dad for a.) not being there for me emotionally b.) not helping me with tuition money c.) not helping me get a car and d.) never caring if I succeed or not in life..all of these things (in addition to having no friends, having no girlfriend, having no money, wondering the meaning of life and getting upset due to finding little) led to me developing an anxiety disorder last year because I just couldn't take it anymore. Every day for a year and a half I thought I would die b/c I became paranoid that my heart couldn't take the stress and I'd die.

Maybe I'm a bit judgemental..maybe I should have tried harder the first time I had a chance to go to school and blew it due to a deep depression...but if I were him, I would think that family always comes first (regardless of age) and that since I won't live forever investing money in my child/children would be the most fulfilling thing to do. I mean, he knows I'm doing well in school and that I wouldn't flunk out. All he wants to do worry about himself...yet who is going to be able to aid him financially when he's in need? He's giving me a place to live and food, and I'm thankful. But my happiness and sanity require much more.

find some volunteer work to do, something relivant to your studies or future career if possible

volunteering is a good way to meet great people

Originally Posted by marcusclayman

volunteering is a good way to meet great people

It's also a great way to become a great person.

Originally Posted by inow

Originally Posted by marcusclayman

volunteering is a good way to meet great people

It's also a great way to become a great person.

I already am a great person. I've given money to the homeless, helped out at a nursing home, I'd give the shirt off my back to a stranger (and I in fact have before). I paid it forward and it's high time someone pays me back.

At least I'm WAY more humble than you.





I'm the MOST HUMBLE PERSON EVER!

so humble, I'm going to quote myself and then everyone will know how humble I am and love me for being so much better than them

Originally Posted by marcusclayman

At least I'm WAY more humble than you.





I'm the MOST HUMBLE PERSON EVER!

so humble, I'm going to quote myself and then everyone will know how humble I am and love me for being so much better than them

Damn..you win sir. :P

I'm so humble I didn't even mention I am the humblest.

Originally Posted by spuriousmonkey

I'm so humble I didn't even mention I am the humblest.

I used to have a problem with being conceited, but after some hard self-evaluation, I was able to solve that problem; Now I'm perfect.

Gott, we all reach a point where you either accept mediocrety or seek something better, and I'm sure in a way, that we're always at that point. Life is somewhere in the balance of effort and relaxation, we need to try to be able to take it easy and take a step back and feel good about what we've done and what we have, but we also need to take those steps back to observe ourselves and the things around us and plan for the future of what we want to be, and who and what we want to suround ourselves with

the feeling of accomplishment can only come if you seek something, whether or not you get it doesn't matter, doing something for the sake of doing something, whether it's looking for new friends, only to distance yourself from your old friends temporarily and to find them in a new light; or moving somewhere else completely and leaving behind everyone and everything of an old life, just to find too many commonalities for comfort. Even if what we see as better turns out to be a more appealing form of mediocrety, at least it's one of your chooosing, and not one fate has chosen for you

only you have the hope of ever "reading" your own context, that is your relationship with things around you, and only you can decide what you want that context to mean, and then take the steps to change it

whatever that means :?

Originally Posted by Janus

Originally Posted by spuriousmonkey

I'm so humble I didn't even mention I am the humblest.

I used to have a problem with being conceited, but after some hard self-evaluation, I was able to solve that problem; Now I'm perfect.

People say I'm indecisive, but I'm not so sure...

Originally Posted by spuriousmonkey

I'm so humble I didn't even mention I am the humblest.

humbility beats humility any time