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Thread: Your Favorite Insults, Put-Downs, Sarcastic One-Liners, etc.

  1. #101  
    WYSIWYG Moderator marnixR's Avatar
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    "i won't insult your intelligence - there's so little of it that it's easier for me to ignore it"
    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." (Philip K. Dick)
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  2. #102  
    Forum Freshman blood_pardon's Avatar
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    Your ugly.
    Do you know the name of your grandfather? What about your great grandfather? Great great grandfather? In four generations no one will remember you either.
    Paul Washer
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  3. #103  
    Forum Ph.D.
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    Quote Originally Posted by blood_pardon


    Your ugly.
    "Your" a fine writer!
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  4. #104  
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    I'll be back!
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  5. #105  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    "You are clear evidence of why abstinence only doesn't work, I'm sad that no one provided your parents with condoms."
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  6. #106  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    "You appear to want to engage in a battle of wits... unfortunately you are unarmed..."
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  7. #107  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    "You see (point at person being insulted) this is what happens when cousins marry..."
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  8. #108  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    Yo mama's so hairy....Bigfoot takes pictures of HER!
    Fixin' shit that ain't broke.
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  9. #109  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    "If you would stop copulating with your sister long enough, you would have enough focus to actually read what I am typing."
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  10. #110  
    Your Mama! GiantEvil's Avatar
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    Yeah, I did the same thing. But only ever once!
    I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
    Lucky me. Lucky mud.
    -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.-
    Cat's Cradle.
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  11. #111  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    Your mom's so fat when she fell down the stairs I though Eastenders was starting (one for the Brits - or foreigners who google the TV theme tune, as a clue it starts with a heavy drum beat).
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  12. #112  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    One from the world of cricket. David Boon (quite a large gentleman) was asked by the bowler how he got so fat. A typical Australian () his response was: "Every time I f*** your missus she gives me a biscuit..."
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  13. #113  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    "Please stop talking, when I need an ignorant opinion from a nutcase I'll read the Daily Mail..." I've actually used this one recently in the pub to a global warming denier
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  14. #114  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    "Yelling at a rock would yield more results than continuing this conversation with you."
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  15. #115  
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    "A face like a can of smashed assholes."
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  16. #116  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle...
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  17. #117  
    ▼▼ dn ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ▼▼ RedPanda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968 View Post
    Yo mama's so hairy....Bigfoot takes pictures of HER!
    Yo mama's SOOOO fat......that I am concerned for her welfare, what with the increased risk of diabetes and cardiological problems.
    Perhaps you could suggest she reduces the amount she eats and maybe take up light exercise.
    Well, whatever you think is best.
    I hope she's well.
    Kind regards,
    RP.
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    "And, behold, I come quickly;" Revelation 22:12

    "Religions are like sausages. When you know how they are made, you no longer want them."
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  18. #118  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    If your brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose...
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  19. #119  
    flattened rat 甘肃人's Avatar
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    You ain't worth the powder to blow you to hell!
    And what does the Lord require of you but to love justice, to be merciful and to walk humbly with Him?
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  20. #120  
    Forum Masters Degree pavlos's Avatar
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    My favourite is this "It sounds like you aspire to become mentally handicapped. It seems. You would rather gaze in wonderment at the invisible barriers on the bus than have the intellectual capacity to identify them as windows."
    A logician saves the life of a tiny space alien. The alien is very grateful and, since she's omniscient, offers the following reward: she offers to answer any question the logician might pose. Without too much thought (after all, he's a logician), he asks: "What is the best question to ask and what is the correct answer to that question?" The tiny alien pauses. Finally she replies, "The best question is the one you just asked; and the correct answer is the one I gave."
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  21. #121  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    "Stop eating crayons, tighten up the strap on your helmet and go sit in the corner like a good little window licker"
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  22. #122  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    Somewhere, a village is being deprived of it's idiot.

    well, You tried and you failed. The lesson here; never try.

    I'm not as stupid as you look.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
    Jimi Hendrix
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  23. #123  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    Yo mama's so hairy, she looks like she has Buckwheat in a leg lock.

    ETA: Here in Texas "Yo Mama" jokes are called "The Dozens" ..don't ask me why....two people exchange jokes about the other's mother until one runs out of ideas....and the other is declared the winner.
    Last edited by MacGyver1968; October 3rd, 2014 at 04:35 PM.
    Fixin' shit that ain't broke.
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  24. #124  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    Somewhere, a village is being deprived of it's idiot.
    ... and judging by the idiot it's New York...

    One I heard at school today, teacher to 10th grade student who was being a bit of a dick "you're just a patch of pubic hair with an idiot hanging off it..."
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  25. #125  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    This one is good for talking to the members on a facebook page or even a forum thread I suppose: "Wow, this page/thread has more taint barnacles on it than Aqua Man's last girlfriend!"
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  26. #126  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    He/she wasn't born ugly, they're just the runner-up in a blowtorch fight.

    Someone started a fire on his/her face and put it out with a shovel.

    Beauty is skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone.

    He/she took a fall from the top of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  27. #127  
    Forum Ph.D. Raziell's Avatar
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    From black adder with the guy playing Mr. Bean:

    Person A: They call me the man with a thousand faces
    Person B: Then why did you pick the ugliest one?
    A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it. - David Stevens
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  28. #128  
    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raziell View Post
    From black adder with the guy playing Mr. Bean:

    Person A: They call me the man with a thousand faces
    Person B: Then why did you pick the ugliest one?
    Somewhat similar to a comment I once made to a young lady.
    Her: I'll let you know that I have a fantastic body!
    Me: If that's the case why did you leave it at home and come to the pub in this one tonight?
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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  29. #129  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    One of our lab techs was once asked by his girlfriend if her bum looked big in a particular dress. He replied "which one?" [yes she did hit him ]
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  30. #130  
    Forum Bachelors Degree One beer's Avatar
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    I can't remember exactly who to attribute these to, but;

    Lady to Winston Churchill, (in a disgusted tone): " Sir, you are drunk! "
    Churchill: " Madam, you are ugly. Tomorrow I shall be sober. "

    ?Marx Brothers?
    Lady: "If you were my husband I would poison your wine"
    Man: "If you were my wife I would drink it"

    OB
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  31. #131  
    Forum Bachelors Degree One beer's Avatar
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    "He sets low personal standards, which he consistently fails to achieve"

    Various


    OB
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  32. #132  
    Forum Bachelors Degree One beer's Avatar
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    "A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"


    "A face like a bag of spanners"


    Les Dawson, I think


    OB
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  33. #133  
    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by One beer View Post
    ?Marx Brothers?
    Lady: "If you were my husband I would poison your wine"
    Man: "If you were my wife I would drink it"
    OB
    Change "wine" to "tea" and that too has been attributed to Churchill.
    But it's also supposedly an exchange between Lady Astor and Lord Birkenhead.
    (Then again, Churchill had declared himself a fan of reading - and thus presumably "borrowing" - quotes).
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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  34. #134  
    Forum Sophomore Karsus's Avatar
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    "Less useful than an inside-out bag of dicks."
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  35. #135  
    Samurai of Logic Falconer360's Avatar
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    "The best part of you ran down your mom's ass and became a stain"
    "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." Hunter S Thompson

    "It is easy to kill someone with a slash of a sword. It is hard to be impossible for others to cut down"
    - Yagyu Munenori

    "Only a warrior chooses pacifism; others are condemned to it."
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  36. #136  
    Forum Bachelors Degree GoldenRatio's Avatar
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    Most of my favorites come from full metal jacket & probably would not be appropriate here, even with this forums liberal profanity settings.

    but a few

    "Did your parents have any children that lived?"

    "what is your major malfunction numnuts?"

    "Your so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece"

    Some of my personal ones I have told others

    "If your still looking for a job I hear the circus is looking for acts just like you"

    "I dont know what your problem is, I am guessing a learning disability or perhaps English isn't your native tongue so listen very carefully and try not to fuck it up this time"

    "dont make me drag my balls across your face"

    to a promiscuous girl "your like a starving squirrel trying to find a nut"

    "as an atheist, I do not say this often but I will pray for you"

    More to come.
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  37. #137  
    ▼▼ dn ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ▼▼ RedPanda's Avatar
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    I know one too offensive to post. :S
    SayBigWords.com/say/3FC

    "And, behold, I come quickly;" Revelation 22:12

    "Religions are like sausages. When you know how they are made, you no longer want them."
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