Notices
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 201 to 215 of 215
Like Tree99Likes

Thread: solving a bully problem

  1. #201  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Flatland
    Posts
    5,438
    Quote Originally Posted by Stargate View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Lynx_Fox View Post
    For some bullies it becomes part of their personality, a form or self affirmation, that doesn't need external attention, or indicate a lack of confidence--and can be quite difficult to change as they become adults.
    So how do you know they are a bully? Sorry this is not making sense to me.
    Well, I suppose it depends upon what you think MAKES someone a bully.
    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
    Reply With Quote  
     

  2. #202  
    Moderator Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    8,309
    Quote Originally Posted by Stargate View Post
    So how do you know they are a bully? Sorry this is not making sense to me.
    The same way you always identify them, the only exception is they might well be acting alone and don't give too craps what you think, or anyone else around them thinks--they could be taking your wallet on the street, or being an abusive boss. They have the power to make you miserable, are fully confident in their ability to do so and enjoy doing it.
    Stargate likes this.
    Meteorologist/Naturalist & Retired Soldier
    “The Holy Land is everywhere” Black Elk
    Reply With Quote  
     

  3. #203  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,839
    Quote Originally Posted by Lynx_Fox View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Stargate View Post
    So how do you know they are a bully? Sorry this is not making sense to me.
    The same way you always identify them, the only exception is they might well be acting alone and don't give too craps what you think, or anyone else around them thinks--they could be taking your wallet on the street, or being an abusive boss. They have the power to make you miserable, are fully confident in their ability to do so and enjoy doing it.
    Yes, I see you point.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #204  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope sculptor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,211
    I did steady contract work for a bully for several years.

    One fine day he was being a total grump, so, I said(in a very loud voice): "All right, Carl, switch to polite mode, and I mean right now goddammit, or I'm out the door!"

    I headed for the door, at which, he stopped me with an apology.
    So, we negotiated for awhile about past and future jobs.
    When done, and I was leaving a sales lady queried: "Why are you the only one who ever yells back at him?"
    "I have a secret" said I, "I'm the best at what I do, so Carl needs me more than I need him."

    Eventually, i ended our relationship, and he proved me right within 2 weeks, and was being sued by 2 very unhappy and injured customers for 3 and 5 million$.
    He called and wanted me back. I most likely could have resumed the work and doubled my charges, but I had grown tired of that asshole, and said that when I leave someplace it ain't a bargaining ploy.

    Carl was a very insecure man who compensated by being mean.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #205  
    Moderator Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    8,309
    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    Carl was a very insecure man who compensated by being mean.
    From your story, it seemed he could have been simply mean who was practical enough to recognize your talents; there's no evidence for insecurities in your story.
    Meteorologist/Naturalist & Retired Soldier
    “The Holy Land is everywhere” Black Elk
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #206  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope sculptor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,211
    insecurity:
    One weekend, i was changing things in the showroom when a woman started tapping on the door.
    I let her in and she said that she wanted one of the product, so I showed her the various configurations, and told her that I couldn't quote prices but could guess
    ballpark numbers.

    Much later I met her again doing the installation. She told me that Carl had done everything he could think of to unsell the unit. He had been rude, didn't return phone calls, etc... . She finally went to the showroom when Carl wasn't there, and gave the salesman a check.
    She said that carl was extremely insecure, and might well be the most insecure man she had met in a very long time. She went on to say that Carl knew I could build the units, install the units and if I could sell the units, he feared that I wouldn't need him.

    Reflecting back on previous dropped deals, I began to see a pattern in what she had said.
    Once when visiting in New York, i had met with the architect who was refitting the Donahue/Thomas penthouse, and designed a room-full of units & cabinetry with her. Price was no object on this potential job.....so we could have netted a month's worth of profit for 3 days work. Awhile later, the architect called me at home and lamented that I was working for a total jerk who was insulting to her and her client as he wasted her time. I gave her the name of a competitor on the east coast, and kissed that opportunity goodbye.

    There were other incidents which hinged on my having gotten involved in the sales process. And every damned one of them would have been high profit projects.

    I think the pattern indicative of the accuracy of the diagnosis of the woman referenced above.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #207  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope sculptor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,211
    insecurity:
    One weekend, i was changing things in the showroom when a woman started tapping on the door.
    I let her in and she said that she wanted one of the product, so I showed her the various configurations, and told her that I couldn't quote prices but could guess
    ballpark numbers.

    Much later I met her again while doing the installation. She told me that Carl had done everything he could think of to unsell the unit. He had been rude, didn't return phone calls, etc... .She finally went down to the showroom and gave a salesman a check when Carl was out.
    She said that carl was extremely insecure, and may have been the most insecure man she had met in a very long time. She went on to say that Carl knew I could build the units, install the units and if I could sell the units, he feared that I wouldn't need him.

    Reflecting back on previous dropped deals, I began to see a pattern in what she had said.
    Once when visiting in New York, i had met with the architect who was refitting the Donahue/Thomas penthouse, and designed a room-full of units & cabinetry with her. Price was no object on this potential job.....so we could have netted a month's worth of profit for 3 days work. Awhile later, the architect called me at home and lamented that I was working for a total jerk who was insulting to her and her client as he wasted her time. I gave her the name of a competitor on the east coast, and kissed that opportunity goodbye.

    There were other incidents which hinged on my having gotten involved in the sales process. And every damned one of them would have been high profit projects.

    I think the pattern indicative of the accuracy of the diagnosis of the woman referenced above.
    Carl was a penny pinching ******* who was in business to make money, but threw away profits due to his weakness.

    And, that is as crazy as people making business decisions based on sex or race.
    Last edited by sculptor; April 4th, 2014 at 09:14 AM.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #208  
    Forum Ph.D. Raziell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    928
    Just wanted to add another interesting strategy here.

    One of my childhood friends when we started what I think in America is high school (From age 13-16) he was abit obese. So a guy with 2 friends in a grade above came over to him inside our class room and their "leader" pushed him and said "Whats up fat boy". My friend punched him in the face and wrestled him in the ground immidiately.

    He was never bullied in our school again. And there was alot of bullying on that high school. Helps to prove that the best thing someone can do when bullied is showing immidiate counter-aggression.

    In my own case I was bullied abit in elementary school, but not more than others. It was sort of a "everyone messes with everyone" situation. In high school I was never bullied because I knew the right people. I was lucky to be friends with people that "noone wanted to mess with" so despite being rather skinny and frail myself I was never in danger of being bullied. Again, shows that from the ground up in society - its not what you know but who you know. I guess some things never change.
    A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it. - David Stevens
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #209  
    Forum Ph.D.
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    940
    Quote Originally Posted by Raziell View Post
    He was never bullied in our school again. And there was alot of bullying on that high school. Helps to prove that the best thing someone can do when bullied is showing immidiate counter-aggression.
    this has been mentioned already. several times. it may work well in the movies but in real world the bullies i saw were physical bigger than the bullied and they had bully friends. this is sort of definition of a bully. 'counter-agression' was not likely.

    i said before that i was not bullied much. my largest shame was not helping those who were bullied.
    babe likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #210  
    Forum Ph.D.
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    940
    i was reading afew days ago on cbsnews.com (i think) that one of the worst is for parents to intervene. this results in even more bullying and teasing for the bullied children. given that i will say agin what i think is the solution:

    Quote Originally Posted by Chucknorium View Post
    best solution is education. education by parents. education by schools. when children are taught wrongness then it will passed generation to generation.
    of course this is long term and does not solve current bullying

    i also think that there are times when parents must intervene when things have gone too far.
    babe likes this.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  11. #211  
    Moderator Moderator
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    8,309
    I think most pop science views that bullies are insecure, or can be deterred by simply fighting back and other such nonsense might have a bit of truth in elementary school but generally aren't true by adulthood. Such views are an attempt in many of us to find something akin to fairness in the world--or some sort of balance of wishful thinking because many of us can't wrap our heads around the idea that some people are simply evil, or more generally life sucks sometimes.

    --
    I do think that good examples, the right mentorship, and discipline can avert the types of personalities that lead to bullying in children so before it's completely ingrained in their personality as adults.
    scoobydoo1 and babe like this.
    Meteorologist/Naturalist & Retired Soldier
    “The Holy Land is everywhere” Black Elk
    Reply With Quote  
     

  12. #212  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,839
    Quote Originally Posted by Lynx_Fox View Post
    I think most pop science views that bullies are insecure, or can be deterred by simply fighting back and other such nonsense might have a bit of truth in elementary school but generally aren't true by adulthood. Such views are an attempt in many of us to find something akin to fairness in the world--or some sort of balance of wishful thinking because many of us can't wrap our heads around the idea that some people are simply evil, or more generally life sucks sometimes.

    --
    I do think that good examples, the right mentorship, and discipline can avert the types of personalities that lead to bullying in children so before it's completely ingrained in their personality as adults.
    Do you think countries like Russia, the USA, China are bullies? Do you think Africa, is a bully continent? Do think all dictators are bullies?
    Reply With Quote  
     

  13. #213  
    Forum Senior samsmoot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    304
    Quote Originally Posted by chero View Post
    what are some ways to change or add to current education system to curb bullying in schools?
    If it can't be curbed it can be avoided. Home Education avoids bullying at school in an instant. We could disagree on the merits of school v HE but the sad fact is that ignorance is rampant and parents are clueless as to their rights to home educate, at least in the UK. I have encountered a social worker, an employment advisor and a judge who all had in common the lack of knowledge that HE was even possible - so what hope for the rest of us? The education laws in this country are phrased in such a way that 'education otherwise than at school' means an equal footing for either method of education - it's the parent's choice. And the law is also framed, and Judgements have been made, so that a child could follow self directed (autonomous) learning provided there was no indication that they were not getting an education according to their age, ability and needs. In practice the authorities do not like Home Ed, and like to interfere for the sake of it, rather than when the law requires them to.

    Due to the lack of information I made a page a few years ago to inform parents and children that there is an instant answer for when enough is enough, and it's 'deregistration'. Some dislike the idea of taking children out of school, quite passionately, others support HE - but nobody should be kept in the dark about it.
    Scientists and religionists can be easily differentiated: one lot is arrogant, irascible and disdainful, the other believes in God.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  14. #214  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Resident of Big Island of Hawai'i since 2003, and in Bayside, Ca. since 1981, Humboldt since 1977
    Posts
    12,444
    Quote Originally Posted by Chucknorium View Post
    i was reading afew days ago on cbsnews.com (i think) that one of the worst is for parents to intervene. this results in even more bullying and teasing for the bullied children. given that i will say agin what i think is the solution:

    Quote Originally Posted by Chucknorium View Post
    best solution is education. education by parents. education by schools. when children are taught wrongness then it will passed generation to generation.
    of course this is long term and does not solve current bullying

    i also think that there are times when parents must intervene when things have gone too far.
    Actually I did that.

    There was this kid much bigger than my son, in grammar school who would literally leave bruises unseen to the eye (due to clothing) on my son and bully him.

    I went to the school first. Nothing was done, so, the next time my son was hit, I took a picture of the bruises, with a couple of witnesses as to day and time and I called his parents house. I asked for his mother, and his brother said she was not available, so I asked to leave a message for his mother, and told him to make sure she got it.

    "IF your brother EVER touches my son again, I am calling the Sheriff and reporting a crime of battery by your brother. I have witnesses to prior, and I have pictures. Please give your mother the message."

    My son was NEVER bothered by this kid again. Ever.

    Yes sometimes parents need get involved when the school won't/can't.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  15. #215  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Resident of Big Island of Hawai'i since 2003, and in Bayside, Ca. since 1981, Humboldt since 1977
    Posts
    12,444
    Quote Originally Posted by Lynx_Fox View Post
    I think most pop science views that bullies are insecure, or can be deterred by simply fighting back and other such nonsense might have a bit of truth in elementary school but generally aren't true by adulthood. Such views are an attempt in many of us to find something akin to fairness in the world--or some sort of balance of wishful thinking because many of us can't wrap our heads around the idea that some people are simply evil, or more generally life sucks sometimes.

    --
    I do think that good examples, the right mentorship, and discipline can avert the types of personalities that lead to bullying in children so before it's completely ingrained in their personality as adults.
    I agree!

    I have over the year seen CHATROOM BULLIES!!
    Reply With Quote  
     

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Similar Threads

  1. Solving Infinity
    By swedishfished in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: May 8th, 2012, 03:30 PM
  2. Solving Sudoku
    By saul in forum Mathematics
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: July 28th, 2011, 01:38 PM
  3. solving for X
    By Heinsbergrelatz in forum Mathematics
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: June 19th, 2011, 06:40 PM
  4. Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 16th, 2008, 06:09 PM
  5. problem solving
    By symplectic_manifold in forum Mathematics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: August 18th, 2005, 07:39 AM
Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •