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Thread: What's a good set of criteria for finding an adequate female?

  1. #1 What's a good set of criteria for finding an adequate female? 
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    I'm guessing physical attraction would be the best up front way to predict good genes. What's the best way of securing an intelligent and attractive child?


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    Moderator Moderator John Galt's Avatar
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    Adopt.


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    Forum Cosmic Wizard icewendigo's Avatar
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    Adopt.
    LOL , ooh that was a good laugh. thanks.

    What's a good set of criteria for finding an adequate female?
    I'll go along with the question since I dont know your age or cultural background. Your question is unidimensional, humans arent squids, theres more factors to consider than just procreation. Also the environment the child lives in has an impact on his development, presumably you and the adequate female are important components of this environment. Unless you are inexperienced and heading for disaster, a sociopath or a masochist seeking misery, you must have reasons to think the "relationship" will be enjoyable for each person (common interests, compatible personality, empathy, etc).
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    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Galt View Post
    Adopt.
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  6. #5  
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by icewendigo View Post
    What's a good set of criteria for finding an adequate female?
    I'll go along with the question since I dont know your age or cultural background. Your question is unidimensional, humans arent squids, theres more factors to consider than just procreation. Also the environment the child lives in has an impact on his development, presumably you and the adequate female are important components of this environment. Unless you are inexperienced and heading for disaster, a sociopath or a masochist seeking misery, you must have reasons to think the "relationship" will be enjoyable for each person (common interests, compatible personality, empathy, etc).
    We will discuss the correct parenting and environment a different day. I just want to know... What are some good traits to look for in a female other than attractiveness? How can you know that one is healthy both physically and mentally? What traits are beneficial to the success and overall quality of life for a child?
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    Forum Cosmic Wizard icewendigo's Avatar
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    How can you know that one is healthy both physically and mentally?


    Ask her if she has any diseases and if she has a mental disability, since you wish to have a healthy and mentally stable child.
    Ask her about or meet her parents, if her parents have a disease she might be pre-disposed, of course its not a clear cut indication unless its a hereditary disease. Evaluate her physical fitness(sports,etc) and age(not too old since it increases odds of birth defects) and personal lifestyle(smoking, heavy alcohol, etc). Ask for a blood sample and have it checked for sexually transmitted diseases or if its strickly genetic diseases check for a host of genetic diseases many of which can have no symptoms. Intelligence and Mental health can be very hard to accurately evaluate without living with a person day to day and observing their behavior in a variety of situations and environment(stress, conflict, life change, etc). Unfortunately, she might have a disease that cant be detected initially or that develops later on, and you can have a relatively healthy female but still end up with a child with a problem, I guess that most parents with a child that has Leukemia dont have Leukemia themselves etc. Ideally you should also live in a pollution free remote location, as opposed to a home between a nuclear powerplant and a toxic dump in a region with high levels of mercury and other chemicals in the air and hormone disruptor molecules in the water and household objects.
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    Forum Radioactive Isotope skeptic's Avatar
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    Take a good long look at the woman's mother. Chances are, she will grow into something like her mother. If her mother is smart, and lives long, then those are good genes passed down.
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  9. #8  
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    Quote Originally Posted by icewendigo View Post
    How can you know that one is healthy both physically and mentally?


    Ask her if she has any diseases and if she has a mental disability, since you wish to have a healthy and mentally stable child.
    Ask her about or meet her parents, if her parents have a disease she might be pre-disposed, of course its not a clear cut indication unless its a hereditary disease. Evaluate her physical fitness(sports,etc) and age(not too old since it increases odds of birth defects) and personal lifestyle(smoking, heavy alcohol, etc). Ask for a blood sample and have it checked for sexually transmitted diseases or if its strickly genetic diseases check for a host of genetic diseases many of which can have no symptoms. Intelligence and Mental health can be very hard to accurately evaluate without living with a person day to day and observing their behavior in a variety of situations and environment(stress, conflict, life change, etc). Unfortunately, she might have a disease that cant be detected initially or that develops later on, and you can have a relatively healthy female but still end up with a child with a problem, I guess that most parents with a child that has Leukemia dont have Leukemia themselves etc. Ideally you should also live in a pollution free remote location, as opposed to a home between a nuclear powerplant and a toxic dump in a region with high levels of mercury and other chemicals in the air and hormone disruptor molecules in the water and household objects.
    That would require a thorough examination. I'd say 99 out of 100 women, regardless of health, would look for another guy who isn't a hypochondriac.

    Whatever the case, romance cannot be interrupted by science, I really don't think. Spend a while with her, and you can read her mind if you are really "soul mates". If you can't connect with her, she may have a genetic ailment or you just don't connect so don't marry.
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  10. #9  
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SOLARIS_7 View Post
    That would require a thorough examination. I'd say 99 out of 100 women, regardless of health, would look for another guy who isn't a hypochondriac.

    Whatever the case, romance cannot be interrupted by science, I really don't think. Spend a while with her, and you can read her mind if you are really "soul mates". If you can't connect with her, she may have a genetic ailment or you just don't connect so don't marry.
    I'm not a hypochondriac. I'm just thinking about my children and with all of the information in this day and age; it would be blind not to ensure them a healthy, attractive, and intelligent life. I will take the upmost care in their conception as I will their development, both nature and nurture. What's so wrong about that?
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  11. #10  
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by icewendigo View Post

    Ask her if she has any diseases and if she has a mental disability, since you wish to have a healthy and mentally stable child.
    Ask her about or meet her parents, if her parents have a disease she might be pre-disposed, of course its not a clear cut indication unless its a hereditary disease. Evaluate her physical fitness(sports,etc) and age(not too old since it increases odds of birth defects) and personal lifestyle(smoking, heavy alcohol, etc). Ask for a blood sample and have it checked for sexually transmitted diseases or if its strickly genetic diseases check for a host of genetic diseases many of which can have no symptoms. Intelligence and Mental health can be very hard to accurately evaluate without living with a person day to day and observing their behavior in a variety of situations and environment(stress, conflict, life change, etc). Unfortunately, she might have a disease that cant be detected initially or that develops later on, and you can have a relatively healthy female but still end up with a child with a problem, I guess that most parents with a child that has Leukemia dont have Leukemia themselves etc. Ideally you should also live in a pollution free remote location, as opposed to a home between a nuclear powerplant and a toxic dump in a region with high levels of mercury and other chemicals in the air and hormone disruptor molecules in the water and household objects.
    I'm enjoying the responses, but this will take a bit more research on my part. I need to find ways to gauge ones health, fitness, and intelligence. I found reports on attractiveness which describe it scientifically, it's a good bit of information.
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  12. #11  
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    The act of procreating, along with the process by which gametes are created, produces a human being with a random assortment of genes. While the exact make-up of the child cannot be controlled, you can control the choice of which mate the other half of the genes come from. Quite honestly, I opine that a scientific approach to this problem is very misplaced. Quite interestingly, and referenced to in Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, a disjuncture may form between our professed desired qualities and the qualities which we actually desire when selecting mates. The reason is that the mechanism behind selection is unconscious for the most part. Things get crazy when people are interviewed before and after a mate selection session. The subjects alter their professed desired qualities to match what they actually chose, and they have no idea of having done so.

    What I take away from an example like that is that the selection of a mate is natural rather than strict criteria fulfillment. It comes down to a simpler fulfillment that we usually look for but never think about, for example, "Do we get along?" And, usually, a basic fulfillment will show that your other criteria have been met, she's healthy enough, smart enough, fit enough, and/or intelligent enough. At least, that's the way I see it.

    To put things more simply and with more urgency toward the child. If you can't stand the mother of your child, you have already contributed to a poor environment for the child, generating negative effects on many factors that you want to foster in your child. Environment has a profound impact on development. Environment isn't too much concerned with the health, fitness and intelligence of your mate per se, but the relationship that you have with your mate, that you have with your child, and the child's relationship with its mother.

    After this point is where parenting tips take over, like giving your child the right toys and such, but I don't intend to take the subject that far in this thread. It simply wouldn't be relevant.
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  13. #12  
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    Quote Originally Posted by SOLARIS_7 View Post
    ... Spend a while with her, and you can read her mind if you are really "soul mates". If you can't connect with her, she may have a genetic ailment or you just don't connect so don't marry.
    I would like to issue caution here. From experience, I know that communication is an essential element to a functioning relationship. Maybe SOLARIS_7 was being facetious, but one should never rely on attempts to "mind-read" his/her partner. On that same note, attributing a "failure to connect" to a genetic ailment is much more likely to be an attribution error on the assessor's part than an actual correct assessment, leaving the latter of SOLARIS_7's options more likely. Failure to connect would more specifically result in a conflict of personalities expressing itself in overall undesirable relationship dynamics. In other words, the two of you, together, are incompatible.
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  14. #13  
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    I maintain that finding a good mate can come down to science. It's not about chasing eye, hair, or skin color as it is truly about chasing a female with healthy signs of fertility among intelligence and physical fitness. A good waist-hip ratio has been shown to be a sign of fertility. Symmetry, a good sign of health.
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  15. #14  
    Forum Junior TheDr.Spo's Avatar
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    These kinds of traits are going to be ones that a typical male will find attractive intuitively. Nature does not necessitate conscious appraisal of symmetry and ratio. I would warn that if you did try to do such things, you would dismantle the attractiveness of your mate and distort its representation in your own mind. You wouldn't have a relationship with a person, but rather a healthy body. Merely seeking things like health and physical fitness, your mate would feel as though she is being used as mere means rather than being treated as an end in herself.

    I agree that finding a good mate can come down to science. However, by asking the question, "What's a good set of criteria...," it is apparent that you're not entirely sure what you're looking for and want a scientific answer. The answer one receives can be scientifically explained, but it does not follow that science can dictate what you should want. Based on self-perception theory on attitudes, I would suggest that you go out and socialize with the opposite sex. Your attitude that forms will essentially be your answer. You'll find out what you like and what you don't like, which can be scientifically explained, not dictated.

    I think you either forget two important aspects, or you are innocently naive: Selecting a mate is a process based on how one feels, and you will be a father that has to cooperate with a mother in order to successfully raise a child that can capitalize on its good genes.

    As a matter of you yourself being able to pass on your genes, try explaining to your future mate why you like her, assuming you are going to consciously utilize a scientific criteria for signs of fitness and intelligence. You would drastically reduce your chances of procreation in the span of seconds.
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  16. #15  
    Forum Freshman idontknowanything's Avatar
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    Who said I was looking for a partner? I'm just looking for a highly attractive female that is healthy and intelligent to bear my children. I'm not talking about a wife, but more of a surrogate mother of some sort. In short: I won't have to cooperate with a woman. I'm on a journey to give my unborn children the greatest gift a father can, thought in their very conception. I do not have to follow your social normalities. I will use science in every aspect of my life, only to improve upon my life as well as others.
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  17. #16  
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    Quote Originally Posted by skeptic View Post
    Take a good long look at the woman's mother. Chances are, she will grow into something like her mother. If her mother is smart, and lives long, then those are good genes passed down.
    I agree. Learn as much as you can about her family--a good thing to do in most cases anyhow, unless you show what you're really after :0
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  18. #17  
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    You can begin by calling them "women" or "ladies" instead of "females".

    Her mother might be a good indication of what she'll be like in 20 to 30 years.

    However, notice who her friends are and what lives they live. People actually are known by the company they keep. Friends are a good indication of the person's personality. People associate with their own.

    As with men, women can notoriously lie in their self-evaluation of themselves (either consciously or subconsciously) as to fitness as a partner and parent, but it's easy to catch a man in a lie about the money he makes or how strong he is.

    It's more difficult to catch a woman lying about her purity (Was she the town skank before she relocated a couple years ago? Is she seeing other men here and there while she's claiming to be exclusively dating you?) and about her psychological stability (What kind of mental problems has she had throughout her life? What kinds of counseling has she received?). Don't take her word about previous relationships and breakups. You don't want to marry and have kid with someone who turns out to be a psychobitch, or a drug abuser, or a witch.

    Sure, men can have problems too, but their reputation is usually much more public. And authorities are much less likely to arrest or convict a troubled woman of the same wrongs that troubled men also commit (public nuisance, domestic abuse, petty crimes, serious crimes, etc). People in general are less likely to bad-mouth a woman. So you are right to wonder how to scrutinize a woman.

    Background checks on women are more difficult because it's more natural/accepted for a woman to change her name. It's also more acceptable for women to be more creative when using nicknames (for example, "Tina" for "Christina", "Beth" for "Elizabeth", etc), whereas men's nicknames are usually more obvious (that is, come from the beginning of their name -- for example, "Bill" for "William", "Chris" for "Christopher", etc). Rarely do you find, for example, a "Rick" who is really a "Frederick" instead of a "Richard".

    Likewise, it's more acceptable for a woman to change her appearances, wear makeup, wigs, heels, etc. So in the extreme, the plain Jane living next door could be a downtown hooker, and you'd never know it.

    Abusers target victims who are less able than them, obviously, so abusive men will abuse women and children, and abusive women will abuse children. Women abusing children has yet to receive its full scrutiny by the public. What experiences did she have growing up? Did she ever babysit? Did anyone ever allow her to babysit their kids? How did it turn out? Doe she babysit now? How does she interact with children? How is she with children for extended periods of time? Does she merely give them hugs and kisses when she says hello and goodbye to them, or can she honestly interact with them for long periods.

    Final thought. Society allows women to cover up their mistakes. Women will lie and cover up their wrongdoings more than men will. Some men will even brag about their mistakes. It's all about appearances, and women can be masters at the craft.
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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    Quote Originally Posted by idontknowanything View Post
    Who said I was looking for a partner? I'm just looking for a highly attractive female that is healthy and intelligent to bear my children. I'm not talking about a wife, but more of a surrogate mother of some sort. In short: I won't have to cooperate with a woman. I'm on a journey to give my unborn children the greatest gift a father can, thought in their very conception. I do not have to follow your social normalities. I will use science in every aspect of my life, only to improve upon my life as well as others.
    The problem with this, which I am attempting to address, is that the success of your offspring is not determined solely by genes. Environmental factors in upbringing have very profound impacts. A cooperating couple can provide a much better environment for the child than one single parent can. Do you plan on raising the child yourself, without a mother, or do you plan on simply impregnating the woman and leaving the woman to raise the child? There is, of course, option C, taking turns with the child, but that would require some form of cooperation with the mother.

    A quick thought: If the child is not brought up well to a degree that the child procreates with another suitable mate, then the effort you have put towards creating the child, and furthermore, your ultimate goal (I presume) toward passing down good genes to all future generations, has been rendered fruitless.

    I presume your goal to be such because otherwise you are simply attempting either to temporarily improve short-term posterity or you are wanting merely to bestow your child, and only yours, with good genes. Both options, especially as I have phrased the former, become pointless after the offspring's death. Furthermore, your goal, being one of these two, dies along with you (basing the goal, to some degree, in your own selfishness), and then ultimately the offspring, assuming it had not been successful in procreating, serving no purpose toward overall posterity.

    It is possible, I suppose, that one could harbor selfish goals, yet unintentionally contribute to the overall posterity of the human species. However, I also suppose that such people would not be conscious of their own selfishness if they still sought to cooperate with a spouse in order to raise the child to its potential, thus inadvertently better equipping the offspring later in life in order to procreate and thus inadvertently fulfilling a greater imperfect goal, improving the overall posterity of the human species.

    All in all, you appear (to me) to have genuine interest in the goal I initially put forth, improving overall posterity indefinitely by contributing to a generation with better combinations of genes than the generation before it, but I think you place all determination of success on genes alone, while that presumption is generally not supported.
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  20. #19  
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    Rather than just 'looking at her mother', look at her family as a whole. If she has still living grand or great-grandparents, then clearly she's from a long-lived family. Such families tend to have fewer health problems - by definition.

    Most importantly, is she a nice person. Who is also reliable and sensible. There's no point in being good on whatever points you identify, but turn out to be a careless parent who doesn't pay attention to what's really important. Another good reason to look at families as a whole, not just the individuals.

    But really. I cannot imagine what you've got in mind.

    I won't have to cooperate with a woman.
    What you want to do is find someone who'll not only be a good parent, she'll also be competent and capable of making up for your absence displaying your outstanding inadequacy and incompetence as a father. There may be a lucky infant who grows into a caring and responsible adult at the end of this. But you seem to be starting out intending to make that outcome as difficult to achieve and as unlikely as possible.

    I hope this is just a passing phase and you finish up as a loving, reliable partner of a good woman who will partner you in all of life's endeavours, raising a family being just one of the more important ones.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
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  21. #20  
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheDr.Spo View Post
    A quick thought: If the child is not brought up well to a degree that the child procreates with another suitable mate, then the effort you have put towards creating the child, and furthermore, your ultimate goal (I presume) toward passing down good genes to all future generations, has been rendered fruitless.
    I don't mean to sound stupid (okay, so maybe I am), but for a quick thought, this statement is rather profound and has far-reaching implications.

    I can see a variety of views on this, but totally selfish parents would simply raise their children to be slaves to them. However, with an eye toward the success of all their descending generations, parents would instill in their children truths that they think are valid throughout all time and for all situations. Is this, then, the origin, definition or impetus of morals?

    So it sounds best to choose a mate with the same/similar set of morals as you. Or slightly different morals, mostly like yours, but perhaps containing some others that you think are important but are lacking in (something to complement yours). With an eye toward this being repeated down through the generations.
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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  22. #21  
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    Quote Originally Posted by idontknowanything View Post
    In short: I won't have to cooperate with a woman.
    What does this mean? Are you going to rape her? If so, there is no need to be picky. Just rape as many women as possible.
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  23. #22  
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    Quote Originally Posted by idontknowanything View Post
    I'm not talking about a wife, but more of a surrogate mother of some sort. In short: I won't have to cooperate with a woman. I'm on a journey to give my unborn children the greatest gift a father can, thought in their very conception.
    Gift? I only see selfishness.

    Apart from yourself, you can give your child a mother. Think of all the kids out there born to single mothers who went to the sperm bank. There's a National Public Radio story on this. These women themselves fantasize finding the father of their children, bumping into them by accident in public, etc. It's only natural. Look at it from the child's perspective. All the other kids have mothers, except yours. That's much weirder than not having a father. That's messed up.

    What lesson does that teach the child, either boy or girl? The girl will grow up thinking it's okay to walk away from her child, and the boy will think it's okay to have children with women who don't care about raising them. No matter how you "educate" them with words, the reality of their lives will speak volumes louder and have lifelong impressions on them.
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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  24. #23  
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    Quote Originally Posted by idontknowanything View Post
    I'm guessing physical attraction would be the best up front way to predict good genes. What's the best way of securing an intelligent and attractive child?
    If you marry your best friend and lover than it's likely that regardless of the truth of the situation--you'll find your children intelligent and attractive anyhow. It just works that way.
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