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Thread: Do/Can people really change?

  1. #1 Do/Can people really change? 
    Forum Freshman piok_opze's Avatar
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    Do people change over time? the way they basically behave, they way they react, etc..
    for example, i have always been a bit too possessive of the things i like (alive or not), and tend to show it out at the slightest insecurity of losing them. Also, i have always realized that its the way i am, and have consciously tried to change. and must say i succeeded pretty much. With time, age and the experience that comes with it, i have been able to change the way i react to such situations (or the way i outwardly portray my reactions). However, down inside, its kinda almost the same. Its just that now days i am like, alright if its got to go, its go to go..

    so the question is, it it possible for people to basically change who they are?


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  3. #2 Re: Do/Can people really change? 
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    Quote Originally Posted by piok_opze
    Do people change over time? the way they basically behave, they way they react, etc..
    for example, i have always been a bit too possessive of the things i like (alive or not), and tend to show it out at the slightest insecurity of losing them. Also, i have always realized that its the way i am, and have consciously tried to change. and must say i succeeded pretty much. With time, age and the experience that comes with it, i have been able to change the way i react to such situations (or the way i outwardly portray my reactions). However, down inside, its kinda almost the same. Its just that now days i am like, alright if its got to go, its go to go..

    so the question is, it it possible for people to basically change who they are?
    YES!

    I t makes me shudder when i hear the phrase

    'people don't change" or 'a leopard doesn't change it's spots'

    For starter we are not leopards, we are people with big, useful, adaptable, flexible brains!

    Most behaviors are simply habits we get into, and they can also be got out of.

    Yes it takes work, effort and practice to change but it is NOT impossible.

    We change all the time as well as we get older. I am different now to what i was like ten years ago. My attitude is different my beliefs and my thoughts etc by just simply learning from life and changing particular things about myself i didn't like.

    I have recently stopped smoking (as well as cannabis) and drinking, and just this has changed me considerably.

    But i have to say there are many things that we also must learn to accept about ourselves.

    If your behavior, such as the possessiveness is making you (and perhaps other people) unhappy, the perhaps it might be a good idea to change it, or at least tone it down.

    Often the source of behavior can run deep, so the best way to tackle that is to find out why you feel so insecure about losing things or people.

    Everybody has these fears to different degrees, and i guess yours is a greater degree which is causing you unhappiness and perhaps has become irrational?

    You could try to change this yourself but maybe it might be quicker and better to get some professional help to change it?
    Get help from your friends too and see what they think about it and if they can reassure you?

    Talk logic and reason into yourself about it.
    Strengthen your independence and inner security about yourself. Get to a place where you know you can cope with loss.

    There's many strategies to making change and succeeding. Don't get stressed or anxious about it, approach it playfully and experiment. See what works for you and what doesn't


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  4. #3  
    Forum Ph.D.
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    Yeah there was a recent study on military personnel.
    When they first joined the army they had to take a personality test and a few years later they were asked to repeat the same (type of) test.
    There was hardly any correlation or consistency of the personality types, the majority were completely different to how they entered the army.
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  5. #4  
    Forum Freshman piok_opze's Avatar
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    i understand that people 'change' all the time. but again, its not what you see outside that i am interested in.

    for ex, one might have been an angry person, but learned to control his anger. and people would consider him changed. all fine. but does he get the anger feeling, and then handles it....or he doesnt get the anger feeling at all after he changes?

    maybe this is a better way to put it:
    does the initial thought process actually change, or does the person changed to handle the thought process accordingly??

    btw Selene, u sounded like i have a big issue...lol..i was just trying to give example...its ok, you can take my car :-D
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  6. #5  
    Forum Professor Obviously's Avatar
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    This reminds me of a House MD episode where House claimed that people don't change, then was proved wrong at the end of the episode
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  7. #6  
    Forum Masters Degree organic god's Avatar
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    personally i don't think people change massively, it is just the person they put forward that changes.
    the person that someone appears to be is dependent on how much they care what other people think of them.
    i don't care what people think thats why i don't go out, drink beer and get in fights with the other morons at my school, or why i don't change who i am when i talk to others.
    the people who care will change their behaviour when interacting with other people
    everything is mathematical.
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  8. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by piok_opze
    i understand that people 'change' all the time. but again, its not what you see outside that i am interested in.

    for ex, one might have been an angry person, but learned to control his anger. and people would consider him changed. all fine. but does he get the anger feeling, and then handles it....or he doesnt get the anger feeling at all after he changes?

    maybe this is a better way to put it:
    does the initial thought process actually change, or does the person changed to handle the thought process accordingly??

    btw Selene, u sounded like i have a big issue...lol..i was just trying to give example...its ok, you can take my car :-D
    I don't want your car! I don't drive, never have, never will.......horribly smelly expensive things!

    You said:

    'for example, i have always been a bit too possessive of the things i like (alive or not), and tend to show it out at the slightest insecurity of losing them.'

    So i was just responding to that. I didn't say you've got issues, if that's the case then i've got issues too!

    I know how it feels to panic about losing stuff. When i was younger i used to be a nut-job when it came to insecurity. I locked a boyfriend in the bathroom once for three hours because he said he was leaving. Didn't really help the situation did i?

    I used to hate being on my own, but that's because i didn't properly know myself and therefore i didn't trust myself. It was always reassuring to have someone there, and i've put up with some right plonkers in my life just in order not to be alone!!
    As i've got older and got to know myself i realised i wasn't as crazy as i thought and started to enjoy my own company, and now i can take or leave people and don't behave like a bunny boiler anymore.

    Anyway as i got older i managed to talk myself down from the nutty tree by practicing reasoning with myself. It just takes cognitive awareness of why your behaving in a particular way.

    I find it's when you don't look closely at your behavior then things become irrational.

    As for the question of whether we still feel those feelings but just adapt them for the outside i think that depends on what they are and where the feelings and behavior come from.

    For example the behavior i just described toned itself down with time and reason and now i don't feel panic if i'm going to be on my own because it doesn't scare me anymore, in fact quite the contrary, i love my own company now.

    But i think everyone feels things like anger for example, but you learn to control it. When i was younger i used to let fly with anger, but time taught me that i came out worse off in the end when i did and i didn't achieve anything except more upset and more anger.

    Emotions are a great thing to have because they make things real and more interesting and give life meaning, but i guess like most things, too much of anything can often have a detrimental effect and sometimes emotions can be a foe as well as friend.
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  9. #8  
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    P.s

    Just to add to this:

    One of the things which has been a strong factor in making me change certain behaviors has been the effect it has had on other people.

    Nobody likes hurting other people, even when we don't mean to, but sometimes we all do.

    The best thing to do then is to feel the pain, learn to forgive yourself and don't do it again.

    That's one of the most powerful reasons to enable change.
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