Thread: Happiness in a relationship

Hi there. bit of a maths and behavioral thing here

i've considered the possibility of calculating how happy someone is in their relationship by observing them. and then calculating a score, then over time, i can see how the score the person recieves relates to happiness.
at the moment its a bit limited as i havent made many observations,
but as i make more observations i can eventually plot exactly a persons happiness

started deriving a formula for it. so i was interested in your opinions.

what variables do you think should be included?
do you think this task is possible?

This is definitely something that would be interesting to study, but I do think it will be difficult to accomplish. Finding a definition of happiness, let alone happiness within a relationship, that can be comparably measured across many different individuals, is really the basic problem. What makes one person happy will not be the same for another; what one person considers a good relationship will not always be the same as another. Finding purely behavioral, quantitative measurements for happiness will be very difficult.

The best measurement would probably be something more physical, say the average level of endorphins and/or stress hormones. But even this is tricky, as hormone levels themselves go up or down depending on what the person is experiencing at the time the measurement is made.

well i suppose you could generalise.

but you make a good point, that when trying to derive a mathematical formula for human behaviour, the problem is that each human wont obey the rules

This is a double thread.

Willmer in pretend moderator mode

It is forum rules to not have the same thread in two different places.

http://www.thescienceforum.com/Happi...hip-10002t.php

Originally Posted by jacketate

well i suppose you could generalise.

but you make a good point, that when trying to derive a mathematical formula for human behaviour, the problem is that each human wont obey the rules

I wouldn't say that we don't obey the rules; more that the rules are extremely complex and difficult to puzzle out. I never said it wasn't possible, just that it would be far from easy. I'm sure you could run a whole thread just on discussing what behaviors seem to be common in happy people.

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient

Aristotle

Give-take.
Take-give.

i think an important behavioural variable would be the amount of kissing that goes on. In my experience of multiple failed relationships the first sign of the end is when the amount of kisses given and received starts to tail off.

It would be interesting to calculate the exact percentage of snogs per week compared to the initial baseline level that would signify the beginning of the end. Perhaps developing a Snogometer would be a real moneyspinner and would appeal to those who don't want to waste any more time than necessary on a doomed relationship. The data might also be handy as evidence in divorce cases too.

Originally Posted by hmmm

i think an important behavioural variable would be the amount of kissing that goes on. In my experience of multiple failed relationships the first sign of the end is when the amount of kisses given and received starts to tail off.

It would be interesting to calculate the exact percentage of snogs per week compared to the initial baseline level that would signify the beginning of the end. Perhaps developing a Snogometer would be a real moneyspinner and would appeal to those who don't want to waste any more time than necessary on a doomed relationship. The data might also be handy as evidence in divorce cases too.

Hmmmm...

I might even think that PDAs (Public Displays of Affection?) could be used. If she stops clinging to you at bus stops, you know the magic's gone...

Originally Posted by sunshinewarrio

If she stops clinging to you at bus stops, you know the magic's gone...

Or maybe you've stopped taking the bus.

Originally Posted by serpicojr

Originally Posted by sunshinewarrio

If she stops clinging to you at bus stops, you know the magic's gone...

Or maybe you've stopped taking the bus.

Well i would hope you had a car! A girl won't dress up for you in the apparel you might like her to (e.g short skirt? High heels?) If she has to walk or take the bus!

Good relationships are spoilt by each partner fretting about what the other is doing or sayin or being and instead should focus on what the self is doing, saying or being.

Communication, special little acts of kindness and generosity, consideration, sponteneous affection, saying i love you every day and not just in words, forgiving mistakes and weaknesses, always being the first to say sorry and never forgetting to tell your lover how wonderful and special they are.

Love is a living energy like a fire. If it's not tended, fed and stoked, it will go out and once those embers have died down to a certain point, it is very difficult to rekindle the flames.

Some say love is a form of madness and avoid it like the plague but i would rather suffer the lurgy than never to have loved at all.

lol, you guys are making me feel old. I disagree with this whole PDA thing, because after you've been in a relationship for several years the need to be clinging to each other at every possible moment goes down - but that doesn't mean that the relationship is on the brink of collapse. I don't think it would be a very accurate correlation.

Originally Posted by paralith

lol, you guys are making me feel old. I disagree with this whole PDA thing, because after you've been in a relationship for several years the need to be clinging to each other at every possible moment goes down - but that doesn't mean that the relationship is on the brink of collapse. I don't think it would be a very accurate correlation.

It was a bit tongue-in-cheek: us Londoners tend to look down our noses at couples who engage in that sort of thing. It's all a bit chav.

And being a Londoner I neither need, nor have, a car. If that makes me less than alpha male that's fine. I feel superior about doing my bit for the planet.

Originally Posted by sunshinewarrio

It was a bit tongue-in-cheek: us Londoners tend to look down our noses at couples who engage in that sort of thing. It's all a bit chav.

And a bit of a missed opportunity, perhaps.

With about 700,000 foreigners now estimated to be living permanently in Britain, romantic prospects have never been rosier for British men. Our cities are full of attractive, bright young women from all over the world. Yet, too often, the men they view as potential breeding partners turn out to be less James Bond and more Austin Powers.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/global/ma...gnwomen127.xml

Define 'happiness'

Define' what a relationship is and how it should be'

A wanting anything, including a 'happy relationship' exists in now and the future. So define what 'now' is and where the future is going.

If two people can agree on all the above, you've got a very good foundation on which to build a very happy, successful and prosperous relationship.

Happiness is just your brain releasing the right chemicals into your blood stream. So really the question is what external stimuli is it that produces the desired effect. This will be different for everyone of course but you should be able to find some constants to at least start from.

Go the whole reductionist route and just measure diastolic blood pressure, white blood cell count, and serotonin levels.

Originally Posted by jacketate

Hi there. bit of a maths and behavioral thing here

i've considered the possibility of calculating how happy someone is in their relationship by observing them. and then calculating a score, then over time, i can see how the score the person recieves relates to happiness.
at the moment its a bit limited as i havent made many observations,
but as i make more observations i can eventually plot exactly a persons happiness

started deriving a formula for it. so i was interested in your opinions.

what variables do you think should be included?
do you think this task is possible?

I think, before you come up with a formula, you should consider how much happiness depends on mood. Otherwise I think you are talking about satisfaction. Also, if I may suggest, have a look into the research that has been done on lottery winners and their state of happiness.

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Truth is only for those, who can handle it. -me