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Thread: can a male actually be friends with a female?

  1. #1 can a male actually be friends with a female? 
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    So here's an interesting question for the behavioural analysts out there.

    If the males natural instinct is to reproduce then perhaps the sole reason we spend time with females is to have sex with them.

    But some males hang out with other females and claim it as a friendship.

    Is it possible for this friendship to occur, or is the male just trying to fake a "connection" with the female so he can plant his seed?


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    eh? I have lots of female friends but having any form of relationship with any of them is not something I have considered, I wonder if you are a young person, where it may not always be your brain in control?

    I reckon to be honest that this is essentially because I have a full and healthy love life with my wife and well, I have nothing left to give anybody else, so no desire.


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    I wonder if you are a young person, where it may not always be your brain in control?
    yeh that sounds plausible, where your hormones pretty much rule your life, (believe me i know about it)

    I have lots of female friends but having any form of relationship with any of them is not something I have considered
    i'm not making any slur on your integrity here =). but could it be that someone with female friends could be trying to show the kind, sensitive side that women can find attractive? and hence eventually lead to sex?

    animal instict with the human thought process again =)
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    NO because I have known some of my current friends since the 1960's and really they are like sisters, there really is no need for me to commit suicide. Really I am very happy just being married to a nyphomaniac goddess who is considerably younger than I am, and as long as she looks after me till I die she can have my entire estate.
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    Ah ok congratulations on the nymph goddess, you must love it =).

    So can you remember the initial reason you became friends with these girls?
    do you remember why you first engaged them?
    in my young age my main reason of engaging females is so i can have sex with them.

    your idea could be relevant to the discussion
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  7. #6 Re: can a male actually be friends with a female? 
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    So here's an interesting question for the behavioural analysts out there.

    If the males natural instinct is to reproduce then perhaps the sole reason we spend time with females is to have sex with them.

    But some males hang out with other females and claim it as a friendship.

    Is it possible for this friendship to occur, or is the male just trying to fake a "connection" with the female so he can plant his seed?
    I think if all occassions of males befriending females are for the purpose of sex, then it's only (in some cases) on a subconcious level. And I suppose there are situations in which a male may naturally want to have sex with a particular female, but not seriously and conciously consider trying to make it happen.
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    I've got quite a few female friends and have never really thought of them sexually. Well I try not to but sometimes I am drawn and vice versa with them. But thats just young age.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    Ah ok congratulations on the nymph goddess, you must love it =).

    So can you remember the initial reason you became friends with these girls?
    do you remember why you first engaged them?
    in my young age my main reason of engaging females is so i can have sex with them.

    your idea could be relevant to the discussion
    Yes I did not go out of my way to make friends with girls, or boys for that matter, these ladies are either spouses or widows of ex-colleagues/friends, or new friends made through membership of clubs, organisations, such as CTC or MENSA. Of course in my earlier years and there was a certain predatory instinct but truthfully not these days.
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    I'm a single girl (because i choose) and i have lots of male friends of various ages.

    Occasionally they try for sex, but usually when they are going through a bad time and need reassurance, comfort or a cuddle.

    Mostly they respect the friendship to not jeapordize it in any way.

    I am very tactile and easy to talk to and i think they like being able to have a woman they can communicate with and be affectionate to without the complications and upsets 'relationships' sometimes bring.

    Which is the same for me. It is very healing, reassuring and precious to be able to have such good close friendships.

    They would be on my doorstep if i was ever having a bad time and the same from me for them. They are like brothers to me and are the loves of my life.

    I wouldn't swap them for the world.

    Yes.....it is more than possible to be able to have friendships with the opposite ses. All it takes is love and respect.
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    Yes it is possible to be friends with females if you are a male without wanting to seek a relationship. It is also possible to be friends without wanting to have sex with them too. I have several close friends that are females who I shudder to think of in any sexual sense - they are (at the risk of using a cliche phrase) like sisters to me.
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    No problem if you are in a loving relationship where you are both fulfilled or if you are a practising celibate.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megabrain
    No problem if you are in a loving relationship where you are both fulfilled or if you are a practising celibate.
    Just because you're single doesn't mean you get a bit of rumpy pumpy now and then!

    In fact being a girly means you can usually get it whenever you want!


    God - if there is such a thing as reincarnation please send me back with a vertical grin :-D
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    I guess it's cos I've got a soft spot for the girls, never used to have though....
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    Do you think it's 'wrong' to have sex with friends and not be in an actual relationship with them?
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    Certainly not, marriage was not an invention of mine, I hate being told how I should and should not behave, confining or restricting a human in any way is to me appalling, except for the obvious things like murder etc. If two humans wish to share an intimate experience and it harms no other then ok.

    Supposing two couples who are also very close friends decide to 'explore' a group experience, most probably they would be mature adults and so there is almost no chance of them allowing either of the females to become pregnant. It may be considered dangerous by some but life is.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megabrain
    Certainly not, marriage was not an invention of mine, I hate being told how I should and should not behave, confining or restricting a human in any way is to me appalling, except for the obvious things like murder etc. If two humans wish to share an intimate experience and it harms no other then ok.

    Supposing two couples who are also very close friends decide to 'explore' a group experience, most probably they would be mature adults and so there is almost no chance of them allowing either of the females to become pregnant. It may be considered dangerous by some but life is.
    On a similar topic have you seen the news about the seperated at birth twinswho fell in love not knowing they were brother and sister, got married and then are told they can't be married? What a load of crap, they fell in love not knowing they were related, they are doing nothing wrong. I think its disgusting the courts have decided their marriage 'void'. Does anyone else agree with my point? Or part of it?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minxy
    Do you think it's 'wrong' to have sex with friends and not be in an actual relationship with them?
    I only think it's wrong in the sense that usually the 2 people end up having different thoughts about the situation. One will get more attached than the other, or develop feelings that aren't returned, and bad things tend to happen. I don't think in and of itself it's morally wrong but it's a situation that's best avoided imo. It begs trouble.
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  19. #18 Re: can a male actually be friends with a female? 
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    So here's an interesting question for the behavioural analysts out there.

    If the males natural instinct is to reproduce then perhaps the sole reason we spend time with females is to have sex with them.

    But some males hang out with other females and claim it as a friendship.

    Is it possible for this friendship to occur, or is the male just trying to fake a "connection" with the female so he can plant his seed?

    Have you heard of a man called Jesus?

    Or, more simply, what of you and your mother, maybe your sisters?

    Are you friends, or do you really have sexual feelings for them?
    Does a theory of everything therefore need to be purely theoretical and only account for the known laws and forces in handling the improbability of fortune telling?

    the www feature below can explain it better.
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  20. #19 Re: can a male actually be friends with a female? 
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    Quote Originally Posted by streamSystems
    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    So here's an interesting question for the behavioural analysts out there.

    If the males natural instinct is to reproduce then perhaps the sole reason we spend time with females is to have sex with them.

    But some males hang out with other females and claim it as a friendship.

    Is it possible for this friendship to occur, or is the male just trying to fake a "connection" with the female so he can plant his seed?

    Have you heard of a man called Jesus?

    Or, more simply, what of you and your mother, maybe your sisters?

    Are you friends, or do you really have sexual feelings for them?
    To think of women as merely objects for sex is shallow. You won't get many girlies willing to put up with you if that's what you think!

    That's one of the biggest put offs for most women, when a man appears more interested in her body and its functions than anything else about her, such as personality etc.

    You may as well go out and buy a slab of meat
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    Mmmmm.

    You are not referring to me?

    If you are, you misread my statement, as most do.

    What I aimed to highlight was the fact that the poor sod who wrote this thread failed to think of his mother and sisters, and how it IS possible, "is", possible to be friends with a female without having sexual feelings.

    But then again, you didn;t know that? If you did, apologies. I think you perhaps quoted me instead of someone else you had in mind. Then again, english is fast becomming a misread communication process, what with the ambiguity between the US and UK.
    Does a theory of everything therefore need to be purely theoretical and only account for the known laws and forces in handling the improbability of fortune telling?

    the www feature below can explain it better.
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    Quote Originally Posted by streamSystems
    Mmmmm.

    You are not referring to me?

    If you are, you misread my statement, as most do.

    What I aimed to highlight was the fact that the poor sod who wrote this thread failed to think of his mother and sisters, and how it IS possible, "is", possible to be friends with a female without having sexual feelings.

    But then again, you didn;t know that? If you did, apologies. I think you perhaps quoted me instead of someone else you had in mind. Then again, english is fast becomming a misread communication process, what with the ambiguity between the US and UK.
    I am not referring to you and i agree with what you say.

    Sorry i was refering to the intial part.

    It's think it's important to be able to get on with as many people as possible, especially the opposite sex, because it gives you more viewpoints and broadens your horizons.

    There does seem to be a difference to the way men and women think.
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    What I aimed to highlight was the fact that the poor sod who wrote this thread failed to think of his mother and sisters, and how it IS possible, "is", possible to be friends with a female without having sexual feelings.
    Well the family aspect is quite a different debate. usually you will grow up with your mother or sister and have unconditional love for them. This is not really what i was referring to.

    I am debating that when a male first communicates with a random female, is it just for sex or does he consider friendship possible?

    I don't appreciate being called a poor sod in all of this. i thought it would of been obvious that i wasn't discussing female relatives. as most people don't want to have sex with thier mothers. sorry for the misunderstanding
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    What I aimed to highlight was the fact that the poor sod who wrote this thread failed to think of his mother and sisters, and how it IS possible, "is", possible to be friends with a female without having sexual feelings.
    Well the family aspect is quite a different debate. usually you will grow up with your mother or sister and have unconditional love for them. This is not really what i was referring to.

    I am debating that when a male first communicates with a random female, is it just for sex or does he consider friendship possible?

    I don't appreciate being called a poor sod in all of this. i thought it would of been obvious that i wasn't discussing female relatives. as most people don't want to have sex with thier mothers. sorry for the misunderstanding
    Well in that sense, unless the man is gay, then there is always a question of sex.
    Without a doubt a man initially wants sex with a woman, unless she is hideous, but then a blind man wouldn't care!

    This is where men are very vulnerable, because this is where women have the power, she always has and always will until the end of time.

    She has the power to say yes or no.

    Some women will abuse that power by teasing the man into a jibbering wreck with maybe's and possibilities thereby obsessing him with thoughts of it until he can think of nothing else.
    Sometimes because she wants something from him e.g his pay packet, a nice holiday, that diamond ring she's had her eye on etc etc etc or she has a self esteem problem and wants to be Queen Bee or she just gets a sadistic kick out of reducing men to jellyfish.

    Or the woman will be nicer and tell him to bugger off straight away if she has no intention.

    Then it's up to the man to decide whether to stick around for a 'friendship'

    But also a woman will sometimes use the ploy of saying no initially and seeing if he will stick around for friendship first to make sure he's not just after her for her body and genuinely likes her as a person.

    As much as women love to be sex objects they also hate men just lusting after them for their bodies. Contrary complex creatures yes but behind the complexity it is just a dance and kind of makes sense.

    In that case the first no doesn't always mean no, but if she repeats it then you can be quite sure she means it, and you will only make yourself feel and look foolish if you think otherwise.

    In some ways it is better to get the sex issue over and done with in order to get on with being friends.

    Some of my best friends are with ex-partners.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minxy
    Some women will abuse that power by teasing the man into a jibbering wreck with maybe's and possibilities thereby obsessing him with thoughts of it until he can think of nothing else.
    Sometimes because she wants something from him e.g his pay packet, a nice holiday, that diamond ring she's had her eye on etc etc etc or she has a self esteem problem and wants to be Queen Bee or she just gets a sadistic kick out of reducing men to jellyfish.
    Not neccesarily, there are men who love being dominated, cruelly treated and even humiliated by women to lead a man on and then say 'no' could be to some I imagine, a thrill.

    Quote Originally Posted by Forum Lion Tamer
    In some ways it is better to get the sex issue over and done with in order to get on with being friends.
    I shall put this to all my female friends and see what the response is. :wink:
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  26. #25  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minxy
    In some ways it is better to get the sex issue over and done with in order to get on with being friends.
    Now if only I lived nearer Northants...

    More seriously, I find I cannot (any longer at least) engage in sex without pretty strong feelings being involved - including not just the fondness of friendship, but an intensity of emotion that could be considered romantic/passionate whatever. Which means the zipless thingname is not really an option. Sleeping with friends therefore (the famous f-buddy system) is also something I have tried and given up on. Ergo, I have female friends with whom there is none of the sex thing going on - that's my tuppence to this thread. :-D
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megabrain
    Quote Originally Posted by Minxy
    Some women will abuse that power by teasing the man into a jibbering wreck with maybe's and possibilities thereby obsessing him with thoughts of it until he can think of nothing else.
    Sometimes because she wants something from him e.g his pay packet, a nice holiday, that diamond ring she's had her eye on etc etc etc or she has a self esteem problem and wants to be Queen Bee or she just gets a sadistic kick out of reducing men to jellyfish.
    Not neccesarily, there are men who love being dominated, cruelly treated and even humiliated by women to lead a man on and then say 'no' could be to some I imagine, a thrill.

    Quote Originally Posted by Forum Lion Tamer
    In some ways it is better to get the sex issue over and done with in order to get on with being friends.
    I shall put this to all my female friends and see what the response is. :wink:
    Well of course there are some who will beg or pay good money for that sort of treatment!

    By getting the sex issue over and done with i mean the question of sex not the act.

    But then perhaps that spoils all the fun!
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  28. #27  
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    Men are always thinking about sex. No amount of intellectual posturing will ever change that.

    If you're a guy and you have a lady friend who is even slightly attractive then at one point or another you will fantasize, or at least consider objectively, what it would be like to have sex with her.

    Every female friend I have ever had has been filed into the "What If" processor of my brain. Of course I would say that about 75% of these sexual scenarios are merely impulsive. Therefore it's not as if I try to put them into action on a daily basis. Yet the initial question is always there.

    But you know, I'll tell you something else; One of the main reasons most of us guys never try to initiate sexual relations with every one of our chick-friends is simply because we are all too aware that the possibility for success is usually slim to nothing. So why bother? I, for one, am content with just having an attractive girl to talk to and innocently flirt with at my work place or within my social circle.

    Sex is like food. I think about food all the time. I'm almost always hungry. But that doesn't mean that I am constantly eating. Like most normal human beings I have a certain level of self control that keeps me from changing into some pizza addicted sex-crazed werewolf.
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  29. #28 Re: can a male actually be friends with a female? 
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    So here's an interesting question for the behavioural analysts out there.

    If the males natural instinct is to reproduce then perhaps the sole reason we spend time with females is to have sex with them.

    But some males hang out with other females and claim it as a friendship.

    Is it possible for this friendship to occur, or is the male just trying to fake a "connection" with the female so he can plant his seed?
    Wow. How awfully sexist of you. :P

    Depends on where you draw the line, doesn't it? If males and females are "people" first, then it's certainly possible to just have friendships.

    Then again, there's also the misconception that a sexual relationship is only intended to result in children. Personally, I think the male sexual drive is more inclined to simply the urge to have sex. Not to have children.

    How many guys do you know who wander around going "I need to make a baby..." More then likely they're probably wandering around going "I need to get laid!"
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    Wow. How awfully sexist of you.
    hey science doesn't have to be morally right =), im actually quite curious on this subject as i don't think i've ever been friends with a girl just for the purpose of being friends.

    [quote]One of the main reasons most of us guys never try to initiate sexual relations with every one of our chick-friends is simply because we are all too aware that the possibility for success is usually slim to nothing. So why bother?

    That is a fair point. but im quite curious on why you would begin interacting with the now chick friend. was it a sex driven decision or was your primary objective to become friends.

    it seems to me that sexual desire is the main reason males interact with females, friendship is a fall back.
    to quote Kolt. we are all to aware that the possibility for success is usually slim to nothing.

    so the first contact will almost be an analysis and evaluation of the situation to see if sex is a possibility, and then various factors would contribute to a possible friendship.
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    I think this is an interesting question. I have discussed this quite a bit with some friends of mine who happen to be female. I think we all know that for certain it is possible to have friends that are female, and that these friends are not for the intention for having sex, or so I think so. Some of my close friends are female and I don't think of having sex with them, we make jokes about sex and everything but I don't have the intention of doing them afterwards. Another one of my friends has a boyfriend whom I know, so in that sense i don't think of having sex with her.

    But what I think is most interesting is the beginning of the friendship. That is, you may have female friends now, who are just friends, but was that the intention from the beginning. With one of my closest friends it certainly was, it just didn't turn out they way I initially intended it to but instead a good friendship.
    I think in the natural instinct of males, which I think is above 50% of the time, we do think of females and having sex with them. It's a natural instinct, we do what we can to try and achieve this, we even go so far as to claim friendship in the hopes that we can lure the woman somehow into bed.

    But we are also cognitive beings with other interests and we like to share our instincts. What I'm trying to say here is that a friendship with a female can begin without the intentions of sex, when we are not in our so-called natural instinct. For example, on a field trip to the mountains you spend a lot of time looking at landscapes, it is something you like or are interested in, and it also so happens that someone else, a woman in fact, has the same interest. This is the beginning of a friendship, something the both of you have in common. The intent of this friendship was to share a common interest, you may not even be physically attracted to her but rather attracted to the fact that you can talk to someone about something you like that does not necessarily lead to sex.

    So not only is it possible to have a female as just a friend but it is also possible that the beginning of a friendship, that is, the intent of the friendship was not sex-driven or sex-related.
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer

    On a similar topic have you seen the news about the seperated at birth twinswho fell in love not knowing they were brother and sister, got married and then are told they can't be married? What a load of crap, they fell in love not knowing they were related, they are doing nothing wrong. I think its disgusting the courts have decided their marriage 'void'. Does anyone else agree with my point? Or part of it?
    On a moral standpoint, no. On an evolutionary stand point, if the couple decides to have children, yes it is wrong. Incest causes a high rate of genetic defects.
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    I don't think it makes sense for something to be "wrong" from an evolutionary standpoint.
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    Yes, I think that a man and a woman can be friends.
    I have only two female friends, but eight male friends and plenty of male buddies. I find most of the women I know stupid and shallow, and there is absolutelly nothing to talk about with them. The two of my female friends are just as butchy as I am. I always get along better with men.

    My male friends treat me as a guy, and I'm sure that none of them have sexual thougths about be.
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    Yes, I think that a man and a woman can be friends.
    I have only two female friends, but eight male friends and plenty of male buddies. I find most of the women I know stupid and shallow, and there is absolutelly nothing to talk about with them. The two of my female friends are just as butchy as I am. I always get along better with men.

    My male friends treat me as a guy, and I'm sure that none of them have sexual thougths about be.
    depends how hot you are i suppose.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacketate
    Yes, I think that a man and a woman can be friends.
    I have only two female friends, but eight male friends and plenty of male buddies. I find most of the women I know stupid and shallow, and there is absolutelly nothing to talk about with them. The two of my female friends are just as butchy as I am. I always get along better with men.

    My male friends treat me as a guy, and I'm sure that none of them have sexual thougths about be.
    depends how hot you are i suppose.
    I'm hot, but they don't have that kind of thoughts.
    One of my friends once said to me: "I sometimes forget that you are a girl, and when I see you in a skirt or you say something girly, I get really confused. And then I remember, you ARE a girl. You look very feminine, but you talk like men, and that is confusing."
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    Quote Originally Posted by serpicojr
    I don't think it makes sense for something to be "wrong" from an evolutionary standpoint.
    True; "wrong" is a value judgment. But, something could most certainly be maladaptive, which inbreeding depression is.

    Men tend to have a coalition/team/alliance mentality when it comes to being friends with other males. During our evolution, male alliances were largely purpose-driven (males cooperating together can out-compete a lone male by himself). Similarly, human female-female friendships serve the function of social support and stress relief.

    So, through whatever set of circumstances (the situation through which they meet, the way the girl behaves, what the male is looking for at the time, etc), should a female take on a "team member" type of role, then the male is less likely to think of her as only a reproductive opportunity. And also, through whatever set of circumstances, if a male takes on a social-support type of role, the girl is less likely to think of him as a potential mate.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
    ~Jean-Paul Sartre
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  38. #37  
    Forum Professor serpicojr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paralith
    True; "wrong" is a value judgment. But, something could most certainly be maladaptive, which inbreeding depression is.
    Agreed, that was my (not explicitly stated) point.

    Extending this idea, it doesn't make sense to discourage incest on evolutionary grounds. There is nothing wrong with respect to or even contrary to evolution for maladaptive traits to be passed down. It's just less likely, by definition of maladaptive, that such traits will survive.
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  39. #38  
    The Doctor Quantime's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NeptuneCircle
    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer

    On a similar topic have you seen the news about the seperated at birth twinswho fell in love not knowing they were brother and sister, got married and then are told they can't be married? What a load of crap, they fell in love not knowing they were related, they are doing nothing wrong. I think its disgusting the courts have decided their marriage 'void'. Does anyone else agree with my point? Or part of it?
    On a moral standpoint, no. On an evolutionary stand point, if the couple decides to have children, yes it is wrong. Incest causes a high rate of genetic defects.
    Its only because the government know they are related, if the government did not know they would not be against it. They fell in love with each other not knowing they were brother and sister, they care and adore each other, and now a piece of paper says they can't do that. There is nothing morally wrong with them falling in love. If they knew they were related from the start then no, maybe. So we agree on that. But yes about reproducing will be problematic, by most chance against normality. But still I don't know, maybe. I think if they want to be married, they should. If they have children they must think what troubles they and the child(s) may have over time and be prepared for that, and if they want to bring a child into the world knowing that they may be disabled in some way.
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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  40. #39  
    Forum Freshman coatesman's Avatar
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    well non of you guys can be- lol joke
    nothing is more fun than joing a forum u h8
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  41. #40 To streamsystems 
    Forum Sophomore Schizo's Avatar
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    STREAMSYSTEMS- you asked the question if mother and sister were friends and if you thought of them sexually.

    I am a male who has a mother; I have, in dreams, thought of my mother sexually; although in consciousness am repelled from the thought. Many ideas have been spawned because of this. One is that our subconscious is unfettered or unrestrained in basic instinct thus desiring anything that may closely resemble that instinctual program. It is only when you apply the conscious that you negate out certain behaviors... i.e. having sexual relations with a mother, due to what, over time, has been cultured in thought.

    One may ask why, if the subconscious is unfettered, did not the conscious carry over those desires, and truthfully I do not yet know the answer myself; I feel it would take some research into the beginnings of man.

    Actually a thought did just occur; it is possible to say that in the beginning of the human race there was far more incest that took place, but because we could understand that it brought, in most cases a negative outcome, over time cultured the belief that it was wrong.


    To answer the question at hand... it is plainly obvious to me that because of an organisms primary function (reproduction); a complex organism such as a human is structured according to its substructure.


    The brain with its multitude of characteristics does in fact have only one function in mind, whether it be conscious or subconscious, and that is to reproduce; everything that we have created is an extension of that.

    In theory we have unraveled the mysteries of the universe so we can get laid.
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  42. #41  
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    lol well for starters homosexuals would be a lot more limited with friends if this was true

    but if your saying heterosexuals only then in my opinion there's always something behind me wanting to talk to the girl, but i know whether or not i would want to have sex with them, i can be friends with girls without having to feel a sexual attraction
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