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Thread: "Bad Boys" get all the girls? Nope!

  1. #1 "Bad Boys" get all the girls? Nope! 
    The Doctor Quantime's Avatar
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    We all here that the ladies like the bad boys. Or do they? Is it the men themselves? Or just what they say and do. I'll tell you the secret.

    There are 3 types of girls in this world:

    1: The ugly girl
    2: The ok girl
    3: The gorgeous girl

    Beautiful women when they become adults suddenly get men around them all the time 'duh'. So these women are used to men bending over backwards to give them what they want-but guess what? She's used to that! She gets it all the time! So if you connect with her a lot-your just pushing her away. It sounds really stupid-REALLY stupid, but its true.

    It all lies with how you treat girls. Here is why bad boys get the girls.

    When your a child your told 'Be nice to others and they'll be nice to you' Whe you become a teenager you don't ask what to do to get girls because your embarressed or whatever. So you assimilate that knowledge of being nice means you get treated nice-almost everyone in thinks the same as you-except those that weren't told 'be nice to other people'. So they are the minority and treat their families and friends bad-and thus girls.

    So why do girls like this? Imagine you are a beautiful woman-you get attention ALL the time-you may have been Dadd'ys little princess and are a spoiled brat. But that doesn't mean that inside your one does it? You get told your pretty all the time-and you know it, but you get sick of it-sick of the same men doing the same thing over and over again-so you create a shell a 'bitch' shell if you will. Suddenly some unknown man doesn't say you look nice-in fact instead of connecting with you-he disconnects.

    There is something that happens to most of us-we get used to rejection that much we become accustomed to it and handle it daily. Beautiful women? No, they don't have it-that makes them our opposites.

    So this man disconnects with her like saying-you look nervous, or your dress looks wierd. Don't be a jerk or call her-you want to reel her in. Strangley she is drawn to this, she wants to prove to this man that she is not nervous-that her dress is not wierd-she has this new thing she wants, and she WANTS it...remember she has always got what she wants. Now she can't have it-she will follow you until the ends of the Earth to get you, to fulfill this want. Eventually if you disconnect and re-connect then disconnect with her-keeping things not boring-she will become attached to you emotionally and bingo! She'll open up and you can connect with her more and more with the odd disconnecting in there now and again.

    All girls are the same inside-they are nice caring wonderful people and are really warm hearted-some of them just form barriers to protect themselves. The right man for a woman (beatiful women-its different for different types) is a man that is nice and caring-like the mass BUT can use bad boy tactics, its not nice I know but you have to do it. It is a shame that the girls actually have to settle for the bad boys-who really are bad and not caring-some are don't get me wrong-but a cross between a nice guy and a bad boy is the right man for a woman (beautiful woman).

    There is on amazon a book that can help with this-but I'd try google to find it-I'm not saying it as its basically advertising. These powers you can gain if you put in the effort and unlimited-you can have women at your feet and a lot of them-and if you mix the bad boy style with your nice guy quality-you are the one that she looks for as in THE ONE.

    But don't abuse your powers.


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  3. #2 Re: "Bad Boys" get all the girls? Nope! 
    Forum Cosmic Wizard paralith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    The right man for a woman (beatiful women-its different for different types) is a man that is nice and caring-like the mass BUT can use bad boy tactics, its not nice I know but you have to do it. It is a shame that the girls actually have to settle for the bad boys-who really are bad and not caring-some are don't get me wrong-but a cross between a nice guy and a bad boy is the right man for a woman (beautiful woman).
    I disagree. A "bad boy" is not "bad" because of the way he treats women. A bad boy is someone who is different from most others, who is usually a risk taker and does things unconventionally. This can be alluring to women for several reasons. I would say the bad boy you're thinking about is really a jerk, a guy who does treat women badly and yet women still like him. This kind of guy usually has something else going for him - looks, money, prestige, power - other things that shallow or weak women feel are enough to justify forming a relationship with him. That's another problem with your analysis - you're assuming that all gorgeous women, and only gorgeous women, are shallow, and will pursue anything anyone dares to tell them they cannot have. I won't deny that there are many super beautiful women who are that way - but most certainly not all of them, and there are plenty others who you would probably consider "ok" that are just as shallow.

    I think it's also important to keep in mind that the average person (which make up the majority of the human population) is usually fairly attractive. They have to be, otherwise we would have an awfully hard time achieving any reproductive success. Therefore, to focus your efforts on finding a girlfriend in the super gorgeous range is a rather limiting practice.


    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Forum Freshman Swordsmith's Avatar
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    As introverted and sarcastic as I am, I'm surprisingly capable of deep affections. In essence, I'm one of the "nice boys" girls complain about never being able to find.

    Yet they reject me when I ask them out.

    Funny, isn't it?
    "Sire, I have no need of that hypothesis." - As Laplace said when Napoleon wondered how the famous mathematician could write his book without mentioning God.
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  5. #4  
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    This is what I learned from a book that some experienced psychologists have made-and it is generally for getting sex. I've tried to adapt it to get more emotional with it because I don't help other men to have that one satisfaction-I use it to get nice guys to get nice girls attention, but thank you paralith for making things a little more clearer. It is a very difficult game to play and it is even worse that most top winning moves/behaviours are kept secrets. The dating game after all is to learn who is willing to put out for love and to prove that they are the right person to be with-I'm sure deep down we are all the same but we need to break the shells we make for ourselves.

    PS I wasn't picking that most beautiful women or women in general are shallow-simply putting that due to social influences on them has changed them into what could be percieved as being that way. A little more plainer I think the appropriate words to use is not bad boy, rather the fact that if a male acts-hard to get it can be intruiging to women as for the reasons you said-that sets that man aside from the masses, however I'm sure all men are good men deep down, but the rejection of women gets to them-which is a shame in my opinion. That's why its best for a man to act hard to get like the 'bad boys' do and then see how things go-of course not all women are the same but the majority of the time it works being hard to get-to disconnect from females wants them to connect with men as naturally women are emotional and do like to connect. But you can't stay connected all the time-it makes things VERY boring and dull. During initial contact it is best to be hard to get to get her attention as I'm sure that is the first big barrier. And trust me it does work-you can then work on your nicer side that they WANT to see. Am I right or am I right?

    Also swordsmith I must say that getting a womans attention is the key to their wanting to be with you-and that is only possible when you play hard to get and be a 'bad'. I have testimonies from many people (especially women) that this is the case. The fact being that women need someone unique from other men. I am not purposfully hard to get-I simply don't want to date some girls, but they know I'm sensitive-affectionate, charming etc, but because I'm a bit bad to them as in I don't try to do anything for them or am cautiously critical about the way they look and they are all at the door wanting to be with me, yet when I was younger I wondered why this was, and why showering girls with my love and affection got me nowhere-you do so much that you push her away as there is no room for her to be with you. Now I treat most girls (not my friends) with hard to get tendencies such as being critical of things they have at the time. Say for example a girl looked a little nervous, or a bit withrawn but was a looker-I'd tell her he looks nervous, then she usually says 'I know I don't really know anyone', I'd then introduce her and after 5 minutes go and get some drinks (purposfuly leave her) then later come back-I disconnect from her and then reconnect, this is a constant cycle.

    Show a girl your hard to get, but that she CAN get you, don't push her away all together. She will be intruiged by your boldness to note things about her and to tell her, to not do everything for her-after all she doesn't want you to be her daddy, but does want you to still be there to look out for her. You need to show her you have a tough exterior but a caramel soft interior.
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    Forum Cosmic Wizard paralith's Avatar
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    eh, I still don't agree. There's playing hard to get, and then there's not being too eager. They're not necessarily the same. A girl will definitely shy away if you're all over her all at once. It's pushy, it's assuming an intimacy you haven't earned yet, it's not very respectful of her feelings. And, it looks desperate. A man who appears desperate is a man who isn't very good at getting what he wants, and probably has little potential of being a successful, confident, potential partner. A decent amount of reserve can go a long way. I suppose if that's what you call "playing hard to get," then I guess we're relatively on the same page.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    I personally play hard to get so I can get to know girls-I'm not like the blokes out there that abuse women. It works with all the women; by putting on the hard to get routine to get attention and then talk with them and whatever flows from there-with disconnections that I engage depending on the woman, some are easier to show their true side and others are not. Basically this post was to describe the act of getting a girls attention as that is the most important first step that is the hardest. Granted there has been the odd one or two women that have viewed me as cocky and arrogant, but there will always be people that see more than the one thing-more than black and white.

    PS I agree we are on the same page, but still as I said there is always more than one way of looking at things. I think the easiest example I can think of is when girls fall in love with their gay male friends; it is not uncommon and for the reasons I have said.
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    Forum Cosmic Wizard paralith's Avatar
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    I'd imagine that your technique probably makes you look very confident, and confidence is another factor that makes a good impression on a girl. And as you say, confidence can be viewed as arrogance if it seems a little much.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    good god. Megablocks of text, and all could have been summed up in the following: ALPHA. MALE.

    That explains all behavior in relation to "bad boys" and women. Glad to clear that up.
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    Forum Cosmic Wizard paralith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    good god. Megablocks of text, and all could have been summed up in the following: ALPHA. MALE.

    That explains all behavior in relation to "bad boys" and women. Glad to clear that up.
    Not necessarily. I think the classic "bad boy" is something of an outsider, and probably a risk taker. Outsiders can be attractive to females for reasons of genetic diversity, and male risk takers can net large rewards if they play their cards right, so they have the potential to be a very good, supportive mate. Though I do agree that what svwillmer is talking about is basically the alpha male and not the roving male.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Its not quite that simple as that Jeremyhfht. I'm discussing the ability of a man to emulate hard to get tactics and disconnectors to get a females attention and attract them. Alpha males are dominant in say a group of friends at the bar and women like that-I'm talking about what you can do to attract a woman when you have no noticable things about you that a woman might like on first sight. Along with dressing for the occasion and looking well groomed and tidy will catch her eye, but some not for long-the whole point of being mystical to a woman excites her-she wants to get to know you, and as I said most women that want something will pursue it. It works with me all the time. The alpha male tendencies cannot be seen by females unless you do rule the roost-but that is becoming less evident is some places, the local clubs and bars I visit do not have a male leader-an alpha, granted there are the ones that are more outgoing but thats not the same. The whole idea of being hard to get and showing that you have some exciting qualities and a somewhat mysticism about you gets their attention and with time their attraction.

    The reason 'bad boy's tend to get the girls (based on the stereotypical judgement) is because they are different-not neccesarily the same as hard to get of course. Does anyone see what I mean?
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  12. #11  
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    Quote Originally Posted by paralith
    Not necessarily. I think the classic "bad boy" is something of an outsider, and probably a risk taker. Outsiders can be attractive to females for reasons of genetic diversity, and male risk takers can net large rewards if they play their cards right, so they have the potential to be a very good, supportive mate. Though I do agree that what svwillmer is talking about is basically the alpha male and not the roving male.
    And you've mostly described the Alpha Male. Congratulations. A major part of being an Alpha Male is being a risk taker. Which usually means you're stupid enough to take risks.

    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    Its not quite that simple as that Jeremyhfht. I'm discussing the ability of a man to emulate hard to get tactics and disconnectors to get a females attention and attract them. Alpha males are dominant in say a group of friends at the bar and women like that-I'm talking about what you can do to attract a woman when you have no noticable things about you that a woman might like on first sight.
    Growing...urge...to kill. Alpha males are always hard to get. No exceptions. And they're usually only "gotten" by the alpha female (classic Football Captain x Cheerleader Captain). You're basically talking about how to emulate an Alpha Male without actually being one. Good luck with that.

    The alpha male tendencies cannot be seen by females unless you do rule the roost-but that is becoming less evident is some places, the local clubs and bars I visit do not have a male leader-an alpha, granted there are the ones that are more outgoing but thats not the same.
    Okay. Rule #1: When you don't understand the extents of what an Alpha Male is, you aren't allowed to talk.

    An alpha male is ANYONE that contains these characteristics: Risk taker, Exercises often, makes women "feel good" (pheromones), is "suave", most likely a good motivational speaker, can easily get others to follow him, etc.

    Leader quality. They don't literally have to be throwing poo at the others and beating people up. In an instance where there is no alpha male, a female will probably settle for something lesser. Ergo, the one that is next best to an alpha (your little alpha-imitating tactics).

    Further reading (which I'm just now starting to read) can be found here: http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~taflinge/socsex.html
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    You are very wrong, very very wrong. Alpha males are percieved to be that, but its not that simple. There are too many extra factors involved and for reasons that paralith wrote about some females only find some of those things-like power etc as something worth establishing a relationship for. In the real world its never as simple as you say it is and no amount of 'research ' will prove or disprove this matter-it is down to a great number of circumstances and personal prereferences, look I was trying to share a little advice on how to woo a woman by using the tactics I learned which WORK EVERYTIME-what your saying makes no sense to me! Textbooks are written by lab men who can only create some sort of psychological or sociological conclusion based on whatever evidence they have which after personally studying psychology have learned is greatley scrutinised.

    The whole point of being fit, suave, charming whatever are all parts of the jigsaw puzzle that makes a great bloke, being able to be hard to get and to disconnect is the path you create for a woman to follow so she sees those collective greatness about a man (funny, honest etc). That is the whole point of what I meant! Sheesh.
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    Okay. I'm done. You're [insult deleted]
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    But I'm right. Ask any woman or bloke that knows this stuff and they'll agree with me. I win! I'm the alpha male ahahahahahahaha.

    Your alright though
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    Woman are more ruled by emotion and by extention, instinct. A hard to get, mysterious etc guy comes across as an alpha male. Since we used to live in smallish groups, there was usually only one or two alpha males that all the woman were attracted to. But nowadays, our"clan" is so big, that many guys can act as alpha males and get away with it. Posers were usually sorted out quite quickly by the alpha males, but nowadays you can get sorted out one night and come back another with 20 new woman there that don't know you.

    A very few woman use there heads when it comes to first impressions and it is these few woman that I am interested in. Alas that is not a good recipe!

    BTW, I am fully aware that men too are mostly ruled by basic instincts and, surprize!, emotions. I am not one of those men though and am looking for an atipical woman. Tall order.
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    I seek a female for mating purposes :L I cannot locate one... alpha male is BS it's nonsense dreamnt up by men trying to explain women, the reality is we're all screwed it's just that some guys are attractive to women.
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    Woman are more ruled by emotion and by extention, instinct...,<snip>

    A very few woman use there heads when it comes to first impressions and it is these few woman that I am interested in. Alas that is not a good recipe!

    BTW, I am fully aware that men too are mostly ruled by basic instincts and, surprize!, emotions. I am not one of those men though and am looking for an atipical woman. Tall order.
    Atypical women do exist....trust me......There is hope....I know one very very well... I feel like I'm one with her! Heck I almost feel as if she's me!

    Perhaps I don't want to get into this conversation. But I'll give my two cents worth.

    Take this with a grain of salt... almost as if it's coming from that one girl I know very well....that atypical, rational, female....

    The alpha male being attractive:
    Alpha males like to stand out. Thus they do anything to get attention. Whether it's risk taking or not. Whether it's being a complete moronic fool or running around campus like a psycho yelling "LOOK AT ME!!!!" Or any other technique for that matter. It could be a lot more subtle. Yet the desire is the same: To gain attention from the opposite gender. Alpha males generally think they are amazing. So they do these tactics with confidence. Thinking that someone will think, too that they are awesome and swoon all over him. Unfortunately that can be correct even in the most moronic of alpha males. They'll be outsiders in the sense that they're doing something to stand out. They won't be in the fact that they're probably relatively extroverted. The shy guy in the corner isn't going to get noticed as much. And neither is the shy gal for that matter. Or the girl who fits in with the guys, a "one of the guys" type...*heading off topic, getting back on topic*

    Of course there are other things that females find attractive. Of course some women are going to be incredibly shallow and only want a guy that is loaded, has power, is hawt, or what not. And those shallow females will be someone's trophy wife. And they'll be happy with their really really shallow life.

    Yet there are some girls like me (well the one I know very very well...) that find intelligence hawt and rationality a good thing. And of course being nice is a good thing too. Nice is always good.

    Playing the tactic of hard-to-get:
    Hm. Personally, (well, that one girl that I know really well) is not a huge fan of this tactic. I mean if you're going to try to play hard to get with a rational, shy girl, she might not recognize it...

    Oh and there was some comment about being pushy - pushing a relationship forward too fast. That is never good. Let me have time to think about things...do things together but don't push, please! And it's disrespectful of me! I've broken up with guys for that reason.

    And that's the end of my two cents (er that girl that I know very very well's two cents...)
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    Quote Originally Posted by sderenzi
    I seek a female for mating purposes :L I cannot locate one... alpha male is BS it's nonsense dreamnt up by men trying to explain women, the reality is we're all screwed it's just that some guys are attractive to women.
    Well, if a God does exist, you'll never have children.
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  20. #19  
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    Quote Originally Posted by (Fe)male
    Atypical women do exist....trust me......There is hope....I know one very very well... I feel like I'm one with her! Heck I almost feel as if she's me!
    *raises hand* I too feel that I represent an atypical woman in this respect. I don't make any attempts to deny the fact that I can be a pretty emotional person, but I make it a point to be aware and in decent control of said emotions. We are out there. But we are a rare breed. I'm already off the market, myself.

    The alpha male being attractive:
    Alpha males like to stand out. Thus they do anything to get attention. Whether it's risk taking or not. Whether it's being a complete moronic fool or running around campus like a psycho yelling "LOOK AT ME!!!!" Or any other technique for that matter. It could be a lot more subtle. Yet the desire is the same: To gain attention from the opposite gender. Alpha males generally think they are amazing. So they do these tactics with confidence. Thinking that someone will think, too that they are awesome and swoon all over him. Unfortunately that can be correct even in the most moronic of alpha males. They'll be outsiders in the sense that they're doing something to stand out. They won't be in the fact that they're probably relatively extroverted. The shy guy in the corner isn't going to get noticed as much. And neither is the shy gal for that matter. Or the girl who fits in with the guys, a "one of the guys" type...*heading off topic, getting back on topic*
    That's not quite how an alpha male is actually defined. That might be how some alpha males act, but what makes the alpha the alpha is his standing in the social hierarchy. Alphas are, on average, attractive, charismatic, confident - but more importantly, a lot of people think they're pretty much great. The moronic fool running around and yelling like a pscyho is probably not an alpha male; you don't get to the top of too many social circles if that's your usual MO for attracting female attention. But, if you don't have what it takes to be an alpha, then you may very well try the alternative mating strategy of crazy stand-out psycho instead.

    Playing the tactic of hard-to-get:
    Hm. Personally, (well, that one girl that I know really well) is not a huge fan of this tactic. I mean if you're going to try to play hard to get with a rational, shy girl, she might not recognize it...

    Oh and there was some comment about being pushy - pushing a relationship forward too fast. That is never good. Let me have time to think about things...do things together but don't push, please! And it's disrespectful of me! I've broken up with guys for that reason.
    In general, I think playing hard to get would only be appropriate for specific women, who have the right personality to be intrigued or challenged by it. I also think that what svwillmer calls "playing hard to get" isn't exactly that, but like I said, something more along the lines of behaving confidently and not being too pushy.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    I wrote an article on this ages ago, you can see it here:


    http://girltalk-ladiesonly.blogspot....oh-really.html
    'Time is the space between birth and death' by me.
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    Yes, and we all know it's probably chocked full of your common sexist tripe.

    No wait, sorry, this time I was wrong. It's optimistic tripe. Your article literally babbles on, wastes a few minutes of time, without really telling anyone anything.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremyhfht
    Yes, and we all know it's probably chocked full of your common sexist tripe.

    No wait, sorry, this time I was wrong. It's optimistic tripe. Your article literally babbles on, wastes a few minutes of time, without really telling anyone anything.
    you read it......you can't help yourself can you.

    You should also read the one called:

    'why some men can't get laid'.
    'Time is the space between birth and death' by me.
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    well, she does have one point that the people who advocate the truth of "nice guys finish last" tend to be awkward in social situations and lack confidence. And that doesn't necessarily equal "nice." But it does come across as general weakness, which is definitely not an attractive trait for most women, even "nice" ones. A person like that will require a lot of emotional support and investment from his partner, and will not necessarily be able to return the favor. It won't be a mutually beneficial relationship and it will be difficult to keep up.

    P.S. - you seemed to disappear there for a while, ToR. Where have you been?
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Quote Originally Posted by paralith
    well, she does have one point that the people who advocate the truth of "nice guys finish last" tend to be awkward in social situations and lack confidence. And that doesn't necessarily equal "nice." But it does come across as general weakness, which is definitely not an attractive trait for most women, even "nice" ones. A person like that will require a lot of emotional support and investment from his partner, and will not necessarily be able to return the favor. It won't be a mutually beneficial relationship and it will be difficult to keep up.

    P.S. - you seemed to disappear there for a while, ToR. Where have you been?
    usual things, family, fun, writing and blogging.

    Meanwhile re that 'one point' that I have. The article consists of an evolved argument based upon that 'one point' and no more are offered.

    Nice guys finish last- said whom? Are all guys in relationships vile? no.

    The single guys I have read on forums saying how nice they are and yet women steer clear, rarely are. The 'nice' guys I do come across in life and on forums are mainly in relationships, though there are of course many nice single guys who for reasons of their own remain single. The problem is simply that the unhappy singletons have got zero clue about women and so exude elements of themselves that are repellant. I imagine Jeremy is one of those 'unhappy repellant males'.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoryofrelativity
    [
    Nice guys finish last- said whom?
    I think Green Day said it, in their song 'nice guys finish last'.

    But I'd say your probably right about the awkward/lack confidence thing. My suggestion to those lacking conifence is to keep your head up (literally, don't walk around looking at the ground) and fake confidence. Fake it long enough and if things go well you just might get a bit of confidence.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Supernothing
    Quote Originally Posted by Theoryofrelativity
    [
    Nice guys finish last- said whom?
    I think Green Day said it, in their song 'nice guys finish last'.

    But I'd say your probably right about the awkward/lack confidence thing. My suggestion to those lacking conifence is to keep your head up (literally, don't walk around looking at the ground) and fake confidence. Fake it long enough and if things go well you just might get a bit of confidence.

    Good advice, I get through most things this way.
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    In every process of change there are early adapters and slow strugglers who eventually get left behind.

    Physical strength and impressive but empty charisma in men don't equal welfare in the 21st century, while they may have helped to get bread on the table in more ancient times. What you need nowadays is intelligence, an open mind and the ability to cooperate with your peers rather than trying to subject them to your ego. Some women understand this, they adapt to the new situation and choose partners who have the qualities for success in the 21st century. But some struggle to adapt and keep following alphamale-types. Someday they'll be like the last sad few who can't give up an old addiction, while the rest has moved on.

    By the same token some men understand that the woman of the 21st century is well-educated and able to survive on her own strength on the labour market, while some other men fail to grasp that the role of women in society has changed. Here the strugglers are those who only look for shallow but physically attractive women, cute little pets that are good for decoration and amusement but not much else.

    Ok that's a caricature, but think about it :wink: Humans change, this ideal picture of a cheerleader and a football captain can quite soon be an oddity of the past, of the old days when we were not so adapted yet to modern life.
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    Pendragon wrote:

    In every process of change there are early adapters and slow strugglers who eventually get left behind.

    Physical strength and impressive but empty charisma in men don't equal welfare in the 21st century, while they may have helped to get bread on the table in more ancient times. What you need nowadays is intelligence, an open mind and the ability to cooperate with your peers rather than trying to subject them to your ego. Some women understand this, they adapt to the new situation and choose partners who have the qualities for success in the 21st century. But some struggle to adapt and keep following alphamale-types. Someday they'll be like the last sad few who can't give up an old addiction, while the rest has moved on.

    By the same token some men understand that the woman of the 21st century is well-educated and able to survive on her own strength on the labour market, while some other men fail to grasp that the role of women in society has changed. Here the strugglers are those who only look for shallow but physically attractive women, cute little pets that are good for decoration and amusement but not much else.

    Ok that's a caricature, but think about it Wink Humans change, this ideal picture of a cheerleader and a football captain can quite soon be an oddity of the past, of the old days when we were not so adapted yet to modern life.
    I fully agree with this. The world is changing. It is a shame however that most good looking women are not this '21st century woman'. I personally wish for a beautiful woman, that is the first thing I look for. But that soon goes out the window if she acts quite 'alpha female'. But then you could say my wants of a woman are behind too. The question is, do we settle for looks and no intelligence, intelligence but no looks, or do we go what I aim to do using the tactics I have explained to get to know as many women as possible and have both? I personally would like future generations to not have to have one or the other. Life without intelligence would be primitave, intelligence without life would be no fun, but if we could have both then future generations could leave this rat race where it is very difficult to find the right partner due to the many obstacles we have set before us (mainly media related stereotypes), to whom which many get left behind and end up unhappy; I personally do not want the next generations to suffer like today, I don't want todays generations to suffer either. That is why I spread my techniques to other men to help them search all walks of life.

    PS, The tactics I use are not to lay a girl, but so I am able to query EVERY woman that I want so I can see if she is not shallow or really shy; it narrows down how far I have to look for the right girl, and trust me, I haven't found her yet . I must say though that it is a shame that there are many men that change women into being these tarted up sluts (exuse the language). These girls are usually hiding their true nature. So my advice would be to not judge a book by the cover. Also. Good things come to those who wait.
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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    I have looks, intelligence and I can cook a shepherds Pie

    oh and re the lack of 'shallow' .....I just came 6th out of thousands of bloggers in a 'blog against abuse' event.

    Damn, start the queue here chaps!

    Ooooops, watch out my ego doesn't hit you on the way out!

    Add sense of humour the that list of attributes. 8)
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    Your blog is quite interesting and I can see the audacity of feminity XD. One thing I must say about females, (no offense intended) is their child like behaviour. Raising your kids? Raise your wife first . I find women the biggest challenge, reward, complicated and wind-up there ever was, but they are well worth the time and effort-they're bags of fun . Heres a list I think is appropriate for both sexes to attributes:

    Females wants:

    Honesty
    Sense of humor
    Intelligence
    Eye contact
    Smiles
    Personality
    Confidence
    Maturity
    Sensitivity
    Looks

    Most probably in order. :wink:

    Mens wants:

    *CENSORED*

    Kidding

    More or less the same, but the order rearranged.
    And yes, of course, a good cook (not sure about Sheperds pie, but maybe...can you make a tasty apple pie?) :wink: XD

    PS, two words; body language
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    You certainly do paint a pretty picture! Alas you are so, so far away...
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoryofrelativity
    I have looks, intelligence and I can cook a shepherds Pie
    Oh, so close, if only you had said egg and bacon pie.
    Eat Dolphin, save the Tuna!!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    Your blog is quite interesting and I can see the audacity of feminity XD. One thing I must say about females, (no offense intended) is their child like behaviour. Raising your kids? Raise your wife first .
    Hmm. I find it interesting that you think that. Usually women mature faster than men, and it's usually thought to be the other way around, that men in general are more child-like than women. Probably because women do tend to think about commitment and investment and the future more than men do.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    You need to read my blog about 'why men prefer blondes'.

    Women are not child like they 'act' childlike for some men as those men prefer it. There is no shadow of a doubt, the dumb blondes do very well when it comes to catching a male who is at the top of the food chain. look at Hugh Heffner.

    ps, bacon, egg, apple pie, you name it. I can cook it!
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    Great, I'm first in line.

    [Ad Hominem deleted]
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    Great, I'm first in line.

    PS What a way to get rid of Jeremy earlier, phoah you sure put him down. A bit mean of you though eh?
    Do NOT tempt fate!!
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    The link to that post I mentioned earlier re female childlike behaviour!

    http://girltalk-ladiesonly.blogspot....b-blondes.html
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    I read the blonde bit, very true :-D. I also read the 'Why women are crap at D.I.Y'. That story was very funny; men know the answers but don't remember them until they have to (the stop tap, ). Men are better than women at a lot of things; good at handling tasks very well (one at a time anyway ).

    PS I have one question to which I have never had an answer nor know the reason. Why do women wind up men, as in the odd remark; such as: "why women are better than men", and stuff, you know what I mean :wink:. One last thing, your blogs are good seem a little short :?.
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    I read the blonde bit, very true :-D. I also read the 'Why women are crap at D.I.Y'. That story was very funny; men know the answers but don't remember them until they have to (the stop tap, ). Men are better than women at a lot of things; good at handling tasks very well (one at a time anyway ).

    PS I have one question to which I have never had an answer nor know the reason. Why do women wind up men, as in the odd remark; such as: "why women are better than men", and stuff, you know what I mean. :wink: One last thing, your blogs are good seem a little short :?.
    The length is integral when writing for humor, too long and you lose your audience. In the case of the long DIY blog, I was just lucky on that one.

    Meanwhile, in answer to your question - why do women wind up men?

    Attention of course, exactly the same reason why kids wind up their parents.

    Why women continue into adulthood and men not I am not sure, perhaps it is because women still desire that person to person connection, whereas men mature to preffering person to technology connection.

    Man and TV, man and Ipod, man and W11, man and gameboy.

    Whereas women just want men.

    Did you read my blog post about 'The Truth about large penis's' ?

    http://girltalk-ladiesonly.blogspot....ge-peniss.html
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    I have now. It is an intruiging evolutionary theory of why it is so . Its nice to know that men can combat the 'small' comments with "I don't **** black holes, I love tight ****s" (black holes as in the cosmological black hole, although if thats what you were thinking, you have to admit that there is a strange correlation , only kidding).

    As long as a man and a woman are happy with each other and the size, thats all that matters, although I still think its funny that all the blokes in the showers still check each others penises to measure up. Longer dick, more dominant man? I don't think so. Knowing how to use it (and also the accessory in the mouth and also our old friend touch), makes the perfect combination to the act.

    Here is new statement: Nice guys never finish, there is no end to how perfect a man can be. :-D

    And women too...

    PS Did you notice my discrete hard to get attitude?
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    I have now. It is an intruiging evolutionary theory of why it is so . Its nice to know that men can combat the 'small' comments with "I don't **** black holes, I love tight ****s" (black holes as in the cosmological black hole, although if thats what you were thinking, you have to admit that there is a strange correlation , only kidding).
    Took me a while to get there but I got there in the end!

    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    As long as a man and a woman are happy with each other and the size, thats all that matters, although I still think its funny that all the blokes in the showers still check each others penises to measure up. Longer dick, more dominant man? I don't think so. Knowing how to use it (and also the accessory in the mouth and also our old friend touch), makes the perfect combination to the act.

    Here is new statement: Nice guys never finish, there is no end to how perfect a man can be. :-D

    And women too...
    erm yeh.........

    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    PS Did you notice my discrete hard to get attitude?
    No?
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    The subconscious mind is a wonderful thing

    :wink: Kidding

    Good blogs keep up the good work! :-D
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    The subconscious mind is a wonderful thing

    :wink: Kidding

    Good blogs keep up the good work! :-D
    thank you

    I won't direct you to my :

    www.dreamsanalysed.blogspot.com


    Because as a scientist it would not interest you.

    Look into my eyesssssss
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    En contriare madamoiselle, I am very much intrugied with the paranormal (spirits, dreams palmistry, astrology etc) I'm a strange scientist 8)
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    En contriare madamoiselle, I am very much intrugied with the paranormal (spirits, dreams palmistry, astrology etc) I'm a strange scientist 8)
    then off to the alter we go

    oh how oft (imagine Shakespearian female speaking...and long flowing frock with pantaloons beneath) I dream of a scientist who believes in magic.....

    *looks to the sky........perhaps wondering if one will fall from it?*
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    I've never sky dived before. :wink:
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    haha. It doth appear that this thread has gone from a discussion of mating techniques to active practice of said techniques. Well, as active as you can get via public online forum.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    In fact I think it looks more like a chatbox than a discussion on Behavioral and Social Science.

    Svwillmer, ToR, please get back on topic. More offtopic babble will be deleted.
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    I've more or less made my point anyway, I think we've all come to an understanding of the theory of mine. It has of course had the holes filled and now it is complete thanks to the help of everyone on this topic. Thank you all; its been fun.
    "If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe". - Carl Sagan
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    I've come to think that atypical woman are still only woman and atypical men are still only men. After all the intelligent banter, our instincts still take over. All the easily recognizable clichés of “protect me and feed me, and I’ll forward your genes” “I’ll protect you and feed you, if you’ll forward my genes” thing still applies. Maybe what counts as attributes that can achieve these goals have changed in some woman (and men).
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    I've come to think that atypical woman are still only woman and atypical men are still only men. After all the intelligent banter, our instincts still take over. All the easily recognizable clichés of “protect me and feed me, and I’ll forward your genes” “I’ll protect you and feed you, if you’ll forward my genes” thing still applies. Maybe what counts as attributes that can achieve these goals have changed in some woman (and men).
    Indeed. What makes a successful hunter-gatherer does not quite scan to what makes a successful businessman. But, we were hunter-gatherers for a lot longer than we were businessmen, so a lot of the attractive attributes from the former still have a fairly strong influence on people. I'm inclined to say more intellectual people are less influenced in this way.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    As would I. But am I wrong in saying that women are more inclined to conceptualize something in terms of emotion (instinct) than men (when it comes to relationships)? I do think that men are MUCH more emotional than women give them credit for (although not on the outside).
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    Let me clarify. Back in the hunter-gatherer days, it would probably have been better for the clan, if men internalized their emotions. It would make for braver, less-prone-to-suffocating-fear men during battle/hunting. And conversely, for woman to be more emotional towards their children, i.e. to care more whether they lived or died. If woman are more external with their emotions, it is that much easier for her offspring to be able to recognize that emotion and develop in the required manner.
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    Let me clarify. Back in the hunter-gatherer days, it would probably have been better for the clan, if men internalized their emotions. It would make for braver, less-prone-to-suffocating-fear men during battle/hunting. And conversely, for woman to be more emotional towards their children, i.e. to care more whether they lived or died. If woman are more external with their emotions, it is that much easier for her offspring to be able to recognize that emotion and develop in the required manner.
    Men are like Vulcans.

    They try to supress their emotions because when released they are very intense.
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    Or they are intense as a result of being suppressed? Now, I am VERY unhappy about the phenomenon where women find men that show some empathy, only useful (mostly) as friends/a shoulder to cry on and don’t see them as potential partners.

    PS, you seem vaguely familiar, have you ever been to South Africa, ToR?
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    Let me clarify. Back in the hunter-gatherer days, it would probably have been better for the clan, if men internalized their emotions. It would make for braver, less-prone-to-suffocating-fear men during battle/hunting. And conversely, for woman to be more emotional towards their children, i.e. to care more whether they lived or died. If woman are more external with their emotions, it is that much easier for her offspring to be able to recognize that emotion and develop in the required manner.
    There are several reasons why men seem less emotional than women; most of my own knowledge revolves around intra-gender relationships, so I'll phrase it that way.

    If you look at chimp society, the key for a male to gain reproductive success is alliances. Chimp clans are patriarchal, and obviously the males at the top get all the matings. But you get to the top by allying with other members of the group, especially males, and battling it out for the top spot. Now it's very important to maintain these alliances, because the slightest weakness will be taken advantage of by another group. So, even if there are personal differences between the males or they have arguments, they have to reconcile quickly and surely so that they can hold on to their top social spot. So in this case, being to "emotional," e.g. holding a grudge, continuing to have bad feelings, etc, disrupts the alliance and makes it weaker, and reduces reproductive success. Early human societies, like chimp societies, were also patriarchal, and also like chimps, females leave their original family groups to immigrate into a new group when they're of mating age. For females, reproductive success is best garnered by holding on to resources, so they're not necessarily inclined to share with each other if they'd rather keep the limited resources for themselves. If females do want to form relationships with each other, they have to put in a lot more emotional investment in order to form a lasting bond. With males, they have the bond of the purpose-driven alliance, and more often than females, are with relatives, which makes the formation of relationships much easier. So females use emotion in their relationships much more than males do. On the other hand, this also means that a disruption in a female-female relationship is going to be much more hurtful, since it represents something of a betrayal of a large emotional investment.

    So yes, I guess you could say males have suppressed emotion. But it's a kind of suppression that has been going on a long time throughout our evolutionary history, and doesn't necessarily represent something that's against their will. Cultural ideals about men and emotions are probably more along those lines.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Thanks, all of this makes sense. Tell me, what differences are there between chimp sociology and human sociology, if any?
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    Thanks, all of this makes sense. Tell me, what differences are there between chimp sociology and human sociology, if any?
    The biggest difference is the parental investment of the male. Chimp males do very little for their young, but human males put a great deal of investment in their children. And since they put so much investment in one child, they need to make damn sure that child is actually theirs, and they're not being cuckolded into spending time on some other man's offspring. This is generally why many traditional human cultures have such strict rules about what is acceptable behavior for women; the male-dominated social group is making sure to keep control of their females' reproduction. However, this also makes a good male a resource that is worth fighting for, which is also something that doesn't happen too often in the animal world.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    That is very interesting. You know I wanted to either become a physicist or a microbiologist, but this stuff is great. I wonder how much of modern psychology makes sense in terms of this animal behavioral way of looking at human emotions and behavior? Did Yung and Freud take these things into account? I guess they probably mostly made observations and did some experiments to come to their conclusions.
    I also guess that the study of animal behavior has not so much changed modern psychology than been used as way to explain it better?
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    That is very interesting. You know I wanted to either become a physicist or a microbiologist, but this stuff is great. I wonder how much of modern psychology makes sense in terms of this animal behavioral way of looking at human emotions and behavior?
    It makes a lot of sense. But not everything is traced back to ancient genetic behavior. A good chunk of it is the result of society and current environments.

    Psychology, quite simply, explains everything about humans. So long as you have a good head on your shoulders.

    Did Yung and Freud take these things into account? I guess they probably mostly made observations and did some experiments to come to their conclusions.
    hahaha. Jung and Freud were along the lines of delusional. It's rarely the case where optimism and cynicism as so strongly opposing in the same field. Jung looked at all the wrong areas. Freud was so cynical, he somehow breached the realms of reality and became delusional himself.

    But, fortunately, between the two "founders" a sane version of psychology eventually found its way to...er...some people.

    I also guess that the study of animal behavior has not so much changed modern psychology than been used as way to explain it better?
    ...? Animal behavior...? What are you going on about?
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    I mean animal psychology that translates into behavior. Why we behave like we do. The evolutionary advantage of behaving in a certain way.
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    I mean animal psychology that translates into behavior. Why we behave like we do. The evolutionary advantage of behaving in a certain way.
    That isn't animal psychology. It's regular psychology. Although that specific aspect of psychology may have a special name I don't know about.
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    It's called evolutionary psychology, and it's the study of how behavior and the brain evolved, how they are adaptive. As you said, Jeremy, a good deal of individual behavior is cultural, but the biological background of the brain on which cultural learning takes place is still just another organ whose evolution we can study, and which study is often illuminated by comparative study - comparing humans to other social animals, especially primates.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Ah yes. Evolutionary psychology. Duh. That should have been a no-brainer for me.
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    lol. everybody has their brain farts every now and then. If you're really interested in this stuff, Kalster, you should try reading "Our Inner Ape" by Frans de Waal. He's one of the top chimp researchers out there and in this book especially he uses his studies on chimps in a comparative way to look at human behavior. This book really helped me decide that this is the field I would devote my life to. I think you would enjoy it. I've also just gotten my paws on a copy of "Baboon Metaphysics; The Evolution of a Social Mind." Which does similar things to "Our Inner Ape" but with baboons. I just started it, but so far it holds lots of promise. You could probably check that one out too.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Thanks, I'll definitely try and get these books. Baboons are less like us than chimps, maybe it would offer an even more basic look at our psychology.
    What is your field of study/research Jeremy, if I may ask?
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    Currently, I'm not actively researching anything. My brain hasn't been...compliant lately. My major fields of study used to be philosophy, logic, religion, and many subjects dealing with the brain (ranging from neurology to psychology). I also dabbled in other things like physics and chemistry (and many more).

    But, for the last half of this year, I haven't really done anything. Now is the time for me brain to rot :P.

    Also, all of my studies are self taught.
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    Now, I am VERY unhappy about the phenomenon where women find men that show some empathy, only useful (mostly) as friends/a shoulder to cry on and don’t see them as potential partners.
    I just realized that I kind of skipped over this earlier. Now, my guess would be that when a guy becomes a shoulder for a girl to cry on, he's filling a role that, during our evolutionary history, was usually filled by another female. The role of a mate in a female's life was largely that of a protector and a provider, and most emotional support was gotten through other women. So by being this kind of auxiliary emotional support, you're not really putting yourself in the shoes of a mate. It's much more of a passive role in a female's life, and a mate is expected to be much more active. Of course, as we said before, what constitutes an acceptable mate is changing with our changing cultural environment, but again, these basic tendencies have been in place for a lot longer than our current culture.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    And that is the problem . I am looking for women that can recognize my ability to be both an empathic, understanding, insightfull mate and a more conventional mate. A woman that is less driven by emotion and a bit more logical. These women are rare, but I am sure they are worth waiting for!
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    Like most things in life it comes down to probability; chaos and luck. I have similar preferences but you'll never know what a girl is like unless you get to know her, and you have to play that game with care too. Be too nice she'll see you as a friend (as you and paralith discussed before), be too overbearing in getting to know her and you'll scare her off.

    Look at how many happy people in love with each other there are, most will tell you they didn't find each other because they wanted to, it just happened. Love and the right person will just hit you, there is nothing we can control as far as destiny is concerned-you can make your own, but when it comes to the right girl, its just luck you and her meet. Sorry about that
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    It sucks. The thing is it is not difficult for me to find a mate. It is these rare attributes that are lacking. I could be in a relationship, but it would be a farce. Some people might even interpret my preferences to mean that I think most women are not good enough for me, but that is not the case. The very definition of a relationship is that sense of companionship where we can compliment each other, learn from each other in a way that is only possible between male and female. And for me to be in a relationship where I would be the dominant one simply as a result of being perceived as “smart” and wise is not, for me, optimal. Sure I could do that as an ego trip, but that defeats the purpose of a relationship for me. I am going to die a bachelor.

    No I'm just kidding.
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    To quote something quite familiar:

    "...It's impossible. The idea that I could fall in love at first sight? It's romantic nonsense. There's no scientific rationale to that.

    "C'mon, Doc, it's not science. You meet the right girl, it just hits ya; it's like lightning"

    "Marty, please don't say that!"

    :wink: :-D
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    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    And for me to be in a relationship where I would be the dominant one simply as a result of being perceived as “smart” and wise is not, for me, optimal. Sure I could do that as an ego trip, but that defeats the purpose of a relationship for me. I am going to die a bachelor.

    No I'm just kidding.
    Being more intelligent is absolutely no indicator you will wear the pants in a relationship. Dominance is not determined by intelligence.

    How do dogs dertermine who is pack leader? Doggy most likely to build his own kennel or doggy who is physically stronger/larger and naturally able to lead. Fearless doggy.
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    Of course. But I live in quite a small town. I am not necessarily more intelligent, but more knowledgeable than the average Joe and Jane as a result of my scientific way of looking at things and taking interest in how things work. I’m 6 foot 4 inches tall and about 250 pounds, so am not seen as a weakling.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theoryofrelativity
    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    And for me to be in a relationship where I would be the dominant one simply as a result of being perceived as “smart” and wise is not, for me, optimal. Sure I could do that as an ego trip, but that defeats the purpose of a relationship for me. I am going to die a bachelor.

    No I'm just kidding.
    Being more intelligent is absolutely no indicator you will wear the pants in a relationship. Dominance is not determined by intelligence.

    How do dogs dertermine who is pack leader? Doggy most likely to build his own kennel or doggy who is physically stronger/larger and naturally able to lead. Fearless doggy.
    I don't quite agree. Individual (monogamous) human relationships are highly variable and depend a lot on the specific characteristics of the people involved. There will definitely be those where dominance is determined by physicality, but even in non-human settings, good social intelligence can go a long way towards keeping the top spot, even if you're not necessarily the strongest or biggest one around. Especially in a lot of modern cultures, like we've been saying, what will gain respect and/or deference from your mate is changing with the times.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    Quote Originally Posted by paralith
    Quote Originally Posted by Theoryofrelativity
    Quote Originally Posted by KALSTER
    And for me to be in a relationship where I would be the dominant one simply as a result of being perceived as “smart” and wise is not, for me, optimal. Sure I could do that as an ego trip, but that defeats the purpose of a relationship for me. I am going to die a bachelor.

    No I'm just kidding.
    Being more intelligent is absolutely no indicator you will wear the pants in a relationship. Dominance is not determined by intelligence.

    How do dogs dertermine who is pack leader? Doggy most likely to build his own kennel or doggy who is physically stronger/larger and naturally able to lead. Fearless doggy.
    I don't quite agree. Individual (monogamous) human relationships are highly variable and depend a lot on the specific characteristics of the people involved. There will definitely be those where dominance is determined by physicality, but even in non-human settings, good social intelligence can go a long way towards keeping the top spot, even if you're not necessarily the strongest or biggest one around. Especially in a lot of modern cultures, like we've been saying, what will gain respect and/or deference from your mate is changing with the times.
    I was actually not being overly serious with the doggy thing.

    My genuine observation is that generally women wear the pants. That said a physically stronger person can throw their weight around more and use that to dominate despite their perhaps being intellectually inferior.

    This would be the case perhaps where domestic violence reigns the roost.
    Men generally dislike a more intelligent mate, it makes them feel threatened. This is why men prefer 'dumb blondes'. This is not a rule, just a common trait. There are as you say no 100% foolproof 'rules'.

    May I ask what are the posters here experience of relationships?

    Many,nil,few?

    Note. Check out my girltalk blog for a satirical look at relationships, latest post is 'how to tell your man loves you'. Note it is related to dogs. Hence I was still in 'doggy' mode when replying here. My doggy observations are not meant to be taken too literal. I have yet to observe a dog build his own kennel.
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    Well personally from my experience have always believed in compromise. To truly succeed in a relationship both the man and woman must make sacrifices and compromises to be truly happy. Wanting ones own way on both sides of the relationship breaks it up.

    I persnoally know a quite vast amount of what some call 'useless information', for example I know what colour is but at the same time know how to stack hay bales, or lay a patio. Not that I'm flawless with the last one but my overall roundness in all aspects of life coupled with my open mindedness and always theorising why something is if I don't understand it makes me seem very intelligent, my IQ however is only 126 so I'm not genius. Anyway the point of me being self-gloating (not really, jus thought someone might percieve it) is that my partner will generally do what I think is best, I lead, but I do at the same time ask her what shes wants and sometimes use intuition as to what she wants and she's never complained before and seems very happy. I considered her my equal (as I do a lot of other people), but my special equal. Just because she didn't know how to lay a patio, how to get around a corner sharply with a car or whatver-she has the ability to learn as I have and teach her. After all she knew how to teach me how to cook (thats not me being stereotypical), and to be more understanding of peoples feelings (she was the emoitonal database).

    I think 'who wears the trousers' is very common among many couples, but just because one takes charge is does not mean that one is more dominant, just that both have their own area of experteise and when the time arrives to use it, that one with the knowledge takes charge for the benefit of the two. Usually that being me and I take charge very often 8). But as not to appear dominant and her submissive-when it comes to a lot of situations where my qualities are called upon I would let her do her own thing and not crtisise her if she does it wrong compared to how I do it. But she got there and my 'did you know's that are common gave her my 'usless information' which adds up to a good help in the future. She does however have the superb ability (as most women) to charm things their way-it may only work on me now and again, (noticing often when she does) but it helps us get what we wanted. With my brains, looks etc, and her charm and virtues we made an unstoppable team.

    But in time of course, things went the way fate had them and going separate ways was neccesary. So in answer to your question, there are loads of type of men and women and from my experience most women have a condescending self assured power that they wear the trousers, but any clever man could see this if he looked. But you have to give her power now and again, becuase like all of us, we don't like being controlled. I think women should be less 'looking down their nose' a little because its actually that attitude that drives men away-even when women give a man power-she lets him know someway that it is still actually her power and that drives them away. It took me years to notice, but fortunately its not too late.

    I think the best thing for any man to do (seeing as women never change-no offense ladies) is to learn how to be confident, charming, intelligent etc etc and take authority of women (for their own good of course :wink. But still let them think they have power over you-that way you can subtly show her what it feels like to be controlled and she won't like it, hopefully then from there you both can realise what you did and compromise for both to wear one leg each.
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    Quote Originally Posted by svwillmer
    seeing as women never change-no offense ladies
    You may have meant no offense, but I find this statement to be a gross generalization and very unfair. There are a great deal of people, both men and women, who find making substantial changes in their adult ways of behavior and thinking very difficult, and most will see it as simply being who they are, and will see no good reason to change. When it comes to relationships, most will think they just need to find the right person to "love me for me," as it were. But people can change, and some do, and I seriously doubt that ability to change varies significantly according to sex. Speaking from personal experience as a woman in a serious relationship, I know that I have changed a great deal in many ways, and most of it I could not have done without the help of my partner. I used to greatly lack self confidence, had trouble planning ahead for my future, and was very immature in my way of viewing real life. Today I am a very different person from who I was then. In my personal opinion, the right mate is the one that can both support you and be supported by you; the right relationship is one where you help each other grow and change for the better.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
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    I agree. That is exactly what I meant in that post. That one part you quoted must be a stereotypical assumption based on the area I live. But like I said there was no offense in anyway meant. I'm just quoting my surroundings, after all the himlayas and the Amazonia are quite different and tribes in the same way years ago would be different in their beliefs and actions given their surroundings.

    I'm glad this forum exists, they allow for the overall interperetation of the world so that not many stereotypes are created.
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    I'll just say...


    all women are equal but some are more equal than others.


    thats my entire embitted arguement condensed into a worthless tripe copycat statement (which has a certain degree of irony running through it.)

    if you want more, read your own posts
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    Quote Originally Posted by freejack
    I'll just say...


    all women are equal but some are more equal than others.


    thats my entire embitted arguement condensed into a worthless tripe copycat statement (which has a certain degree of irony running through it.)

    if you want more, read your own posts
    Agreed.
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