Thread: I need some role model to follow!

I am lost, I don't consider myself as a stupid person, I am extremely curious,open minded and hyperactive.. I like to indulge in every topic and conversation, I like to be everywhere and to try everything, I have big appetite for knowledge.. but when it comes to interaction with people I am very stupid, naive, a person without character.. sometimes I am acting like a chameleon.. copying other people I like ( but I guess this is more or less normal behavior ) , even I am 22 years old I am acting really childish sometimes, I am very labile and insecure..

I like being around people, but lately I feel sad and vulnerable when I am around people.. and at the other side I can't isolate myself on a longer run.. I am simply not that type of a person. I don't know how to react in many situations or it has something to do with lack of courage.. but anyway I am trapped and I need to find a role model to live by. Can you help me somehow ? :|

Its probably not very comforting but I was about 35 before I stopped being uncertain of myself around others but the change came for me when I stopped thinking other people would rescue me and learnt to rescue myself.
Confidence comes from being certain of your own ability and making decisions about who you are going to be and how you are going to achieve it. Be mindful of yourself - by this I mean stop and think if your first reaction is the right one. For example - if you see someone that makes you sneer and feel superior inside - stop and think whether this person deserves your kindness and help instead.
Who you are is who you decide to be - its all up to you, you can decide to be kind or horrible, mean or generous. Decide to be happy - you will attract the right people to you that way.

If you havent made any serious plans for the future I would suggest now is the time to do so. What career do you want? Do you want to be married/single, parent or not? and then work towards those goals.

In all I can only tell you that I found my life to be much better and my successes to be greater when I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about others. Introspection is the pathway to hell in my opinion.

Heh, that's the main problem.. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be. One friend of mine who is kind of successful in his area told me. '' I understand your curiosity to know everything about everything, but that's not possible ,you can hardly become expert of one thing if you want to do all things, if you chase two rabbits you won't get neither one.'' I am completely uncertain of what I want to become.. So far I tried many things, and what's even more important I was really motivated and focused onto the thing I was in.


I don't know whether I want to be married or single, matter of fact I had many relationships in my life so far but neither one of them was real relationship, when it starts being serious I would just lost interest and run away, bad and wrong but what should I do.. and the last time I tried to open my heart the girl run away from me :-D. I guess it's karma or just a bad luck.

I know that majority of people at my age face this type of problems, but I have enormous need to write about it, after all internet is the only place where I can open myself like this. Usually when I open myself people see it as weakness and try to benefit from it. ( Ok I lie, when it comes to reality I have never been open about my feelings and emotions to someone ) I guess it has something to do with dignity and insecurity.

One more thing I notice about myself, I spent way to much time on internet and on social network, since I was a younger kid. And I believe it somehow shaped my interactions with people when it comes to reality. I am different person when I am on 'facebook' and totally different person in reality.

Nah, now I feel really stupid writing about this .. I think I need to simplify things, I need clear goals, I need more courage to say 'no and yes' to some things. :

Close down your Facebook account, stop tweeting, join a running club, go to the gym, hit the town , get fixed up.

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

...
Nah, now I feel really stupid writing about this .. I think I need to simplify things, I need clear goals, I need more courage to say 'no and yes' to some things. :

There you are second guessing yourself again.

My advice is for you to ignore everybody's advice (including my advice) and just go live your life as you see fit.
The world is a big random place and in spite of all the well meaning crap people spout it is largely unpredictable.
You really just have probable results to work with, it is like gambling.
All you can do is make your best bets about what will happen and then roll the dice on it.

Try doing something you like, and keep in mind that better paying jobs are usually more fun.

Many young adults feel the same way you do so don't feel you are the only one with this kind of problem. Everyone goes through this during their lifetime and some never get over the feeling of insecurity. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will one day adjust or become introverted which then you should seek professional help.

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

Heh, that's the main problem.. I have absolutely no idea what I want to be. One friend of mine who is kind of successful in his area told me. '' I understand your curiosity to know everything about everything, but that's not possible ,you can hardly become expert of one thing if you want to do all things, if you chase two rabbits you won't get neither one.'' I am completely uncertain of what I want to become.. So far I tried many things, and what's even more important I was really motivated and focused onto the thing I was in.


I don't know whether I want to be married or single, matter of fact I had many relationships in my life so far but neither one of them was real relationship, when it starts being serious I would just lost interest and run away, bad and wrong but what should I do.. and the last time I tried to open my heart the girl run away from me :-D. I guess it's karma or just a bad luck.

I know that majority of people at my age face this type of problems, but I have enormous need to write about it, after all internet is the only place where I can open myself like this. Usually when I open myself people see it as weakness and try to benefit from it. ( Ok I lie, when it comes to reality I have never been open about my feelings and emotions to someone ) I guess it has something to do with dignity and insecurity.

One more thing I notice about myself, I spent way to much time on internet and on social network, since I was a younger kid. And I believe it somehow shaped my interactions with people when it comes to reality. I am different person when I am on 'facebook' and totally different person in reality.

Nah, now I feel really stupid writing about this .. I think I need to simplify things, I need clear goals, I need more courage to say 'no and yes' to some things. :

Dan Hunter is right you know - other people's advice is only helpful if you can relate to it and apply it. Everyone muddles through the world in different ways and some fall into success and some work hard at it.

I recognise some of what you are saying as how I was when I was younger - I didnt know what I wanted to do, I didnt know what I was good at, I didnt particularly like myself and I was most definitely not happy and content. I started volunteering and went round a few places - drug centres, animal homes, old people's homes etc.. I found that the more I cared about things other than myself the better my life got and the less I worried about how stupid/awkward/unlikeable I was because I was slowly turning into a smart, confident likeable person without even noticing.

Originally Posted by Dave Wilson

Close down your Facebook account, stop tweeting, join a running club, go to the gym, hit the town , get fixed up.

Solution isn't that simply..:-) What if I am already going to the gym, hanging out even more than I could ( maybe this could be the problem.. ) and I simply can't deactivate my facebook account, oh I just realized that I am addicted. When I deactivate my facebook account I feel completely isolated and like something is missing. I like the version of myself in virtual reality. I feel like I am leading two lives and it is not as naive as it might look.

I never said I am not happy, I am just lost. I have many questions to which I can't answer.. but thanks everyone for the feedback.. I highly appreciate.

P.S At what point in you life you realized what you exactly want to do with your life ? It's a little childish and cliche question, but I am highly interested to hear the answer :O

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

P.S At what point in you life you realized what you exactly want to do with your life ?

I'm 58 and I'd be interested in an answer too.

Baz Luhrmann got it right:
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...;v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

I am completely uncertain of what I want to become.. So far I tried many things, and what's even more important I was really motivated and focused onto the thing I was in.


I don't know whether I want to be married or single, matter of fact I had many relationships in my life so far but neither one of them was real relationship, when it starts being serious I would just lost interest and run away, bad and wrong but what should I do.. and the last time I tried to open my heart the girl run away from me :-D. I guess it's karma or just a bad luck.

I know that majority of people at my age face this type of problems, but I have enormous need to write about it, after all internet is the only place where I can open myself like this. Usually when I open myself people see it as weakness and try to benefit from it. ( Ok I lie, when it comes to reality I have never been open about my feelings and emotions to someone ) I guess it has something to do with dignity and insecurity.

One more thing I notice about myself, I spent way to much time on internet and on social network, since I was a younger kid. And I believe it somehow shaped my interactions with people when it comes to reality. I am different person when I am on 'facebook' and totally different person in reality.

Nah, now I feel really stupid writing about this .. I think I need to simplify things, I need clear goals, I need more courage to say 'no and yes' to some things. :

To a large degree it doesn't matter what you set out to do. You'll likely get at least 50 adult years, which is plenty of time to strive for and chase multiple dreams--they only real limitation is stacking the physically demanding ones before the less demanding. At one time I wanted to be a Maine canoe guide and learned that; than a commercial fishermen...and was for a few years; than I wanted to be a research meteorologist and did that for five or six years; than wanted something more people centric so joined the army as a mechanic that turned officer which was a hell of a lot of fun as I met and interacted with people all over the world; and now I'm a part time teacher trying to inspire kids in math and science. And many many hobbies to keep me busy every waking moment rather than grow old and fat in front of the boob tube.

If there was one overarching theme, I wanted to grow old and interesting--someone it would fun to sit beside and laugh and listen to a hundred stories from a lifetime of different experiences from all over.

So here's my advise. Define yourself by yourself, not other people, and just get on with something without worrying about setting one specific goal--you got a lot of time to do many things.

Curious, good advice has been given you. All I might add about self confidence is this: If you believe you are not better than anyone else, you have earned the right to believe you as good as anyone else. No one is "better" (in any real sense) than anyone else. But you are just as good (important). Introspection can be helpful in understanding one's self but everyone struggles with self-doubt, at times . This is normal and, in fact, essential to learning both humility and confidence. Stay off the social websites; they're just gossip-fests and don't help in developing real social skills or confidence. You have as much right to exist as does anyone.

Never ask for advise until after you have learned how to ignore it!

I thijnk there's a lot of good advice here, and I agree with them that there is often more self-knowledge to be gained by getting out intereacting with others, trying different things, volunteering, than by sitting home in isolation brooding about the future or any defects that you think you may have. Volunterring doesn't just mean charitable, social work. It might mean offering to work for free in any area that interests you, whether it's a local radio station or newspaper, a museum, the zoo, something to do with the arts, a school, helping build to something. When you find activities that excite you, I suspect the rest will fall into place, including finding like-minded friends, mentors, or even a romantic interest.

this is what me and my friends would call a 'first world problem'

altruistic people are hard to find but they do exist. they are usually not celebrities. they are not wealthy. when you find one you will know and then you can use him as a role model. here is a definition of altruism http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

I am lost, I don't consider myself as a stupid person, I am extremely curious,open minded and hyperactive.. I like to indulge in every topic and conversation, I like to be everywhere and to try everything, I have big appetite for knowledge.. but when it comes to interaction with people I am very stupid, naive, a person without character.. sometimes I am acting like a chameleon.. copying other people I like ( but I guess this is more or less normal behavior ) , even I am 22 years old I am acting really childish sometimes, I am very labile and insecure.. |

Curiosity is great ! But have you found yourself completely absorbed with one of those topics? If you have, how long did you pursue just that one topic?

If you haven't been absorbed by just one, can you think about the way/s these topics are related for you? Do they have something in common? As one example, some "topics" cluster around "being a helping person"-- these folks often go into helping professions.

If you aren't in college, is that something that interests you? There are many websites now that offer FREE college level courses. Check out Lancaster Univ in the UK, or MIT. What I'm suggesting is to start being a "focused curious person". Apply your curiosity to "an area of knowledge". If you still aren't sure, try some free college courses to help you narrow your focus.

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

I like being around people, but lately I feel sad and vulnerable when I am around people.. and at the other side I can't isolate myself on a longer run.. I am simply not that type of a person. I don't know how to react in many situations or it has something to do with lack of courage.. but anyway I am trapped and I need to find a role model to live by. |

Today, "isolation" (even in a crowd) is a real and serious problem. No one likes feeling isolated. Do you know what the sadness is about when around people? Do you think they "know what they want", for example? Most people don't. Many people feel "lost", just like you. But the antidote to lostness is doing... it's as simple as that. Do until you feel comfortable in the doing.

As to role models, no one can pick that for you. Who INSPIRES you? Who gets you excited by their work or life? If you could meet only ONE person, who would that person be? Imagine yourself stranded for 6 hours--who would you like to be stranded with, to talk to, to share your ideas? Who is in your life now who truly hears your ideas?

And conversely, who is inspired by YOU? Everyone thinks it's the other guy or gal they need to follow, to act like. But often, WE can be the leader, someone to follow, to admire, etc. Put yourself into some helping positions, and you will see you do have talents, gifts, ideas, and values that other people admire.

Originally Posted by Chucknorium

this is what me and my friends would call a "first world problem". Altruistic people are hard to find but they do exist. They are usually not celebrities. They are not wealthy. When you find one you will know and then you can use him as a role model. Here is a definition of altruism Altruism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Some of the verbiage you posted wasn't showing up. So I tweaked it a bit. Anyway as you go through life, you will find some things you have a passion for. I would recommend finding both work and relationships you can be passionate about and then go for it. Nobody that isn't passionate about what they are doing is ever going to get to the top of their game.

Originally Posted by Lifes

Today, "isolation" (even in a crowd) is a real and serious problem. No one likes feeling isolated. Do you know what the sadness is about when around people? Do you think they "know what they want", for example? Most people don't. Many people feel "lost", just like you. But the antidote to lostness is doing... it's as simple as that. Do until you feel comfortable in the doing.

The feeling of isolation could be you are just not comfortable with yourself. If you like yourself that shouldn't be a problem, but if for some reason you don't like yourself or even just some aspects of yourself, you will have more of a tendecy to stay isolated. It's just not easy to share yourself with others if you don't like yourself.

If you want being online with people to count for something. Practice sharing yourself with others online with the intent that the more you do it the easier it will be in face to face situations. Anyway what do you have to lose by making this forum work for you?

Wow, I didn't expect so many answers, and it's really nice to hear all the good advises but let's clear something..

First of all, I am very social and communicative person, people usually feel good around me.. some people can't understand how I can hang out with huge spectrum of people. I can even enjoy being in company of less intelligent and toxic people. I just like meeting new people and participating in something new. Usually the people with whom barely few people want to hang I can enjoy being with.. I always see only good things in people, like I said I have some very childish and naive attributes.

I have trained almost every single sport that could be trained in my town. Football, basketball, swimming, kick-box, ufc, dancing. In my youth I was addicted to online video games, because I liked competition and self proving. I was quite good in some games, even participated in many tournaments that are considered as really BIG ( at least in gaming world ).
I played chess for two years and I represented my town at few tournaments, lately I am passionate about photography, and I can say I am on the good road to acquire some decent knowledge about it.

There was a period when I used drugs more frequently than I should, I have tried almost every type of drug but primarily psychedelics( lsd,shrooms,,dmt etc).

I have finished my studies , and I am in waiting process to continue my master studies, just waiting for the right chance to sail somewhere outside of this country.

The only thing I am aware of is that I am hungry for knowledge and new experiences. But sometime laziness and lack of courage can be a big obstacle in that road.

When it comes to altruism, I think I might see a little bit of myself in this field .. I am always trying to be good and to do good.. not because it's a right philosophy to live by, but because I feel that way and I can't do anything different, I am just not that type.

You'll do very well, CuriousMind; don't worry over it. You HAVE the two ingredients necessary. Mind and curiosity. That's all you're gonna' need. Enjoy the ride.

Patience is a virtue worth having. Good things come to those who wait. You will find your calling because you thirst for something and obviously are very able. Interest in others takes you a long way and kindness is a given.

Your story reflects my life to some extent and for years I felt the same sense of inadequacy. Eventually I discovered that I could play poker very well, and decided that would be my life. It would have given me enormous freedom and control - answerable to nobody and with the possibility of achieving a very high income. Then I fell in love and all that changed in an instant. That opened up a new chapter in my life which included involvement with civil law. But more than that my eyes were opened to things I would never would have known had I got rich and comfortable - complacency would have been the norm with no opportunity to see how things really operate. Ignorance is bliss, they say, and it can take a long time to realise the truth. I'd say it's no bad thing because once you know there's no possibility of not knowing - and if you know it's one more worry on your plate.

Originally Posted by CuriousMind

Wow, I didn't expect so many answers, and it's really nice to hear all the good advises but let's clear something..

First of all, I am very social and communicative person, people usually feel good around me.. some people can't understand how I can hang out with huge spectrum of people. I can even enjoy being in company of less intelligent and toxic people. I just like meeting new people and participating in something new. Usually the people with whom barely few people want to hang I can enjoy being with.. I always see only good things in people, like I said I have some very childish and naive attributes.

I have trained almost every single sport that could be trained in my town. Football, basketball, swimming, kick-box, ufc, dancing. In my youth I was addicted to online video games, because I liked competition and self proving. I was quite good in some games, even participated in many tournaments that are considered as really BIG ( at least in gaming world ).
I played chess for two years and I represented my town at few tournaments, lately I am passionate about photography, and I can say I am on the good road to acquire some decent knowledge about it.

There was a period when I used drugs more frequently than I should, I have tried almost every type of drug but primarily psychedelics( lsd,shrooms,,dmt etc).

I have finished my studies , and I am in waiting process to continue my master studies, just waiting for the right chance to sail somewhere outside of this country.

The only thing I am aware of is that I am hungry for knowledge and new experiences. But sometime laziness and lack of courage can be a big obstacle in that road.

When it comes to altruism, I think I might see a little bit of myself in this field .. I am always trying to be good and to do good.. not because it's a right philosophy to live by, but because I feel that way and I can't do anything different, I am just not that type.

Do you by any chance have a hyper active thyroid? (I'm only half kidding here...)

Other than that, you sound like you may be addicted to a broader concept of New Relationship Energy by your comments about just liking to meet new people. New people help to satisfy your curiosity yet there is a sense of overwhelming urgency created by the sheer knowledge that there is too much to ever learn or experience in one lifetime.

You do not require a role model, in my opinion. You would possibly benefit from a retreat to an isolated location where I expect that you would first freak out horribly at the lack of connectedness, after which you might be able to identify your priorities in the "When I get back to civilization, I'm going to..." manner.

Go where your heart takes you and you'll never be regretful. A good way to think about life is like this....

Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

dubstep my dear
Dubstep

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined"

Henry David Thoreau

So many famous quotes... So much advice that means well, but can't really get to you.

I am like you, want to know too much for my own good, and with this i know too little all together. Can be demotivating. However if you can be flexible enough, you can make it work. I work as a student advisor right now. I help PhD and Master students at the practical points of their research. I can't get to closely involved in either one, i must spread my attention. And because i can't know every inns and outs about everyone in my lab, i just stick with talking to them, asking them to teach me, and in return i give them advice about things that are not entirely in their field, combining my all-roundness with their specialism usually works well.

"A dolphin will forever think one is stupid, if intelligence was tested by the ability to climb a tree."

Once you find your place, you will feel that your are perfect like you are, that your social awkwardness is to make you more approachable for other people that have the same feelings, and that when you can speak about your subject, they see you change into an ironclad machine of science..