Thread: Eye Behavior During Conversations.

I've started to play poker recently and I want to improve on my social skills to make the games more interesting. So what I want to improving first is my eye behavior during interactions.

I'm told that when you talk to another person you look them directly in the eye when talking. When I do this I'm sometimes told that I stare into the person's soul, so I was wondering if looking into their eyes is just exaggerated and I have to look them in the face instead. Also I talk to the person while looking at them and my face directed else where, I feel that this is rude. And when a topic is finished I stare off into space until another topic is started, is this wrong?

normal glances, not stares.

if you do that, you put people off, intimidate them or make them want to fight you. lol..

It's basic psychology proven by numerous studies, there should be many on Google for you to check out.

"Maintaining eye contact" is not the same kind of thing as lovers gazing unflinchingly into each other's eyes. When you do that unblinking gaze/stare thing, people do feel that it's invasive.

It's also the sort of thing that a senior army officer or a stern school teacher does when giving you a talking to. They literally stare you down.

So, constant or intense eye contact is either too intimate or too intimidating or both. The most important thing is not to look away when someone returns your glance and not to stare into the distance when it would be natural to look towards the person, like when they say something to you or do something that involves you.

Originally Posted by Mindow

I've started to play poker recently and I want to improve on my social skills to make the games more interesting. So what I want to improving first is my eye behavior during interactions.

I'm told that when you talk to another person you look them directly in the eye when talking. When I do this I'm sometimes told that I stare into the person's soul, so I was wondering if looking into their eyes is just exaggerated and I have to look them in the face instead. Also I talk to the person while looking at them and my face directed else where, I feel that this is rude. And when a topic is finished I stare off into space until another topic is started, is this wrong?

It's not all in the eyes. Another thing you might want to investigate is the topic of micro expressions - facial expressions that are automatic and reflexive and difficult to hide, and they are different than willful movements of facial expressions. There are even some people trained to analyze videos of politicians or informants to detect deception, and some claim their ability is as good as lie detector tests. Although, strictly speaking, they aren't detecting a falsehood, just that the emotion that the person is attempting willfully to display is false.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microexpression