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Thread: Best ways to calm down?

  1. #1 Best ways to calm down? 
    Forum Senior chero's Avatar
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    So, story first and then questions...perhaps some ideas later.

    At a baseball game with the nephews. Both teams are lined up, our league normally greets everyone first and then gets the game under way. Well, this morning is a little different.

    A father is out on the field looking for his son. Goes up to the team wearing orange, looks at them all - asks the coach where his son is at. The boy's name is James. Coach responds, don't have a kid name James. The ump (or whom ever/what ever this position is, staff) looks at the guy and points at the kid closest to him. After talking to this staff member, he told me that he had asked the dad if the kid he pointed to was his boy. The kid's name also happened to be James (he's on my nephews' team). Our color is green. The dad walks off, yelling for his son.

    I see our coach and maybe 1 or 2 others walk off the field following the guy. By this time the dad is frantic. hands on his head, frantic. Some parents from the crowd get up to follow as well, me being one of them. Sister stayed behind to watch her kid (that's how she said it to me). We are all in the parking lot. Dad's looking around and my coach is asking what the kid looked like, and what was done to bring the kid out, and the kid's age. after that the coach asked the guy to get onto the phone with his family and another one of the "field marshals" (?) to call 911. By this time every person knows that the kid is on the orange team, is 6 yrs old, black hair, the whole description. well, part of the description. what James looks like is not explained in great detail.

    Everyone goes out walking, looking for James, yelling his name. At least 2 drove around with some people in the car. police officers are called. It takes me 20 minutes to walk around, yelling James - and get back. No body has seen a little kid in orange, and now some nearby homeowners are on the hunt as well. I pass the officers by, walk back to my seat - and sit down.

    By this time, still 1/4 of the parents are looking for James. Orange shirt. 6 yrs old. dark hair. The league's staff member - who was there for the start, is gone. I presume he's talking with the cops or out on the prowl. The other team's coach is missing, I saw him talking to the cops. no body seems right minded as parents begin to mingle and talk, and the rest of the coaching staff looks confused.

    Time passes by and the original staff member comes back (the guy in the middle when the kids were all lined up). He goes over to the green team. pulls out James. the wrong James. leads him over to the parking lot, which by now occupied the dad, his wife, and an uncle (?). they all jump on the kid, hugging him.

    After talking to the staff member, the whole ordeal is explained a little more. the dad confused his son's team - as it was his original team and shirt color. Despite being asked multiple times, the dad refused James to being James. But in the end, everyone was safe and happy.

    So that's the story. My latest experience, building experience. my questions:

    what would you have done if this event unfolded in front of you?

    being placed into the position of the dad and the coach (or any other parent), what might you have done to calm down and double check yourself?

    what could be done to clam down the dad?



    Off the top of my head, I can't stop thinking of world war z...room of 10 Jews, 9 agrees - duty of the tenth to disagree. cool scene, seems logical.


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  3. #2  
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    Why didn't the kid respond to his name being yelled, by his father, despite the color of his uniform?

    Or is this a hypothetical situation?


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  4. #3  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja Pancakes View Post
    Why didn't the kid respond to his name being yelled, by his father, despite the color of his uniform?

    Or is this a hypothetical situation?
    It's real, and occurred the very same day I typed this up.

    I am not sure why much of what occurred, happened the way it did. that is why I posted it here. thought I could bounce ideas around.


    one thought about the kid, is that he did not understand the situation.

    one thought about the dad, is that he allowed fear and to some degree laziness get to him. understandable...

    but what about us others?
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  5. #4  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    Why didn't they bring all of the kids onto the field and then ask them If they knew James, plus his last name, or have heard of him. That way all of the kids could have helped and James would have been found much quicker.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
    Jimi Hendrix
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    The thing is, the dad's fear was completely rational, and his fear was blinding him to simple solutions. The best way of calming him down would be to find his kid. Any attempt to calm him down without producing his child would be seen by him as pointless, if not harmful. So, as cosmictraveler suggests, ask the children.
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  7. #6  
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    Quote Originally Posted by cosmictraveler View Post
    Why didn't they bring all of the kids onto the field and then ask them If they knew James, plus his last name, or have heard of him. That way all of the kids could have helped and James would have been found much quicker.
    Everyone was on the field. I heard that the orange team coaches even said there was no James on their team. perhaps this effects what the kids may do...they are all 6 or 7 years old.

    From my own perspective:
    I've been to all the games, but had never seen this man before that day. unsure if he had shown for practice. Another parent next to us was saying the same thing. didn't recognize him.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ninja Pancakes
    Any attempt to calm him down without producing his child would be seen by him as pointless, if not harmful.
    this brings up a good point. some of the parents doing the initial search were claiming never have seeing the man with a kid. over hearing this, the man blew up in their face. he was crying after it.

    would it have been more appropriate to explain the situation to little James, who had not answered when previously asked?

    pressuming that there is nothing to help calm the dad, I imagine there are some questions or actions left out that could have been implemented. thus far I am thinking of:
    calling the man's family (for him)?
    asking all available questions - I am not sure if anyone asked what the kid's face looked like.
    having someone stay with the dad at all times


    would contact work, or would that be weird?
    Last edited by chero; November 26th, 2013 at 11:38 PM.
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    Like, touching him on the shoulder, and saying "It's alright, we'll find him"? I think that could help.
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  9. #8  
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    ha ha! yea, that. just that. ha ha ha.
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  10. #9  
    Ascended Member Ascended's Avatar
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    Ok just some thoughts here, in such situations I think it is very important to assertain the facts. The first fact to be assertained is exactly who is responsible for the child in question, so that the parent knows exactly who they should be speaking to. This is the first thing to do the next thing is to find out from the responsible person who has overall responsibility for the venue/location the child is attending at the time, this is also important as they should have both the authority and necessary organisation skills to take appropriate action and handle the situation. Obviously in any lost child situation it's always going to be very difficult for a parent to remain calm and collected until they know for sure their child is safe and well, so getting the right people to organise the situation is extremely important.

    Once the correct people are informed then the parent needs to impart as much 'relevant' information as possible, hopefully then the responsible people can go over the necessary steps until the child is found safe and well. It is also important in such situations of lost children that the police are notified quickly, if the responsible person in charge is not doing this then I would strongly advise that the parent informs the police themselves so that they can then take charge of the situation.

    The thing here that is important is speed and coordination, because nobody can be sure in such situations whether or not a child has been injured or abducted, so people running around like headless chickens don't make for the most effective search patterns.
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