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Thread: how to understand the undemonstrative person

  1. #1 how to understand the undemonstrative person 
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    hey there,
    i have a kinda probs here hoping someone can help.
    if u are a guy/woman that is the undemonstrative type or you have a children with that kinda type i hope you can share your experience here.
    i have a friend.
    i know he is the undemonstrative kind.his friends also referring that to him.
    i've known him for 3 years.
    of course he is not like the other guys.
    so its quite hard for me to understand his feelings and what he needs from me.
    because he rarely voice out to me but i can sense only through his actions.
    few times i was really tired and i've tried to be friends with other guys because he didnt talk to me.
    but then only he came back.
    when i keep myself silent he feels down.

    and when i open up to him he clam up.
    fo sure i feel very weird because he cant talk to me but can be happy talking to other girls.

    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    you know if you can tell me if you love someone what you need from them at least.
    your type is unique and adorable(my personal view).
    just hope you can be honest
    thank you yaa


    Last edited by ladys; October 4th, 2013 at 08:48 AM.
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    I,m not a lady ,but I feel this is a special case.I will try to share some something that has been passed down through the ages about friends.Mammals and animals and people too being mammal animals themselves all similar.The is that people have complex thoughts.People think alot.If you are always nice to your friend.And if you are around him and when you touch him it is always nice.And is you see that he eats good food and drinks plenty of water.And you show him that you care for him in general he will know this.You should be together and you should have fun together within reason.If he shows more happiness it will be because of this.Don.t be supprised if you hear him whistle and you know he is doing it for you and you whistle back for him and he comes to you .You can then be the best of friends.Don't worry friends are friends and they are all the same regardless.


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  4. #3  
    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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    Forum Radioactive Isotope cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    for sure i feel very weird because he cant talk to me but can be happy talking to other girls
    Then ask another girl to ask about you.

    Or you could just write a letter to him or Email so that he could respond through another means.

    Seems if he can talk to other girls you might be on the outs with him at this time and you should just move along away from him.
    Last edited by cosmictraveler; October 4th, 2013 at 07:02 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if u are a guy/woman that is the undemonstrative type or you have a children with that kinda type i hope you can share your experience here.
    My wife talks to herself a lot. Does that help? Seriously though, my advice is not to press him too much. Judge by his actions rather than words to see how he feels.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
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  8. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harold14370 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if u are a guy/woman that is the undemonstrative type or you have a children with that kinda type i hope you can share your experience here.
    My wife talks to herself a lot. Does that help? Seriously though, my advice is not to press him too much. Judge by his actions rather than words to see how he feels.
    yes kinda...
    alright but hurts yah?
    i am now.but need some guidance.
    thanks harold.
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  9. #8  
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    Sir Ducky you are incorrigible!

    Ask them.

    I am demonstrative....Very...my husband not as much....

    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
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    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    Simply because: as stated - undemonstrative, not much of a talker.
    I suggest you read (or re-read) To Kill A Mockingbird, and think about Boo Radley.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babe
    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
    In other words, swamp the poor guy with what you feel and what you feel HE should be doing/ feeling/ saying.
    An excellent way to make him clam up and avoid you.
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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  11. #10  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    Simply because: as stated - undemonstrative, not much of a talker.
    I suggest you read (or re-read) To Kill A Mockingbird, and think about Boo Radley.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babe
    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
    In other words, swamp the poor guy with what you feel and what you feel HE should be doing/ feeling/ saying.
    An excellent way to make him clam up and avoid you.
    Not at all. But if you wish to have a relationship with someone you need communications. I said NOTHING, Sir Ducky about SWAMPING them with what you need to discuss with them. My point was you do need to discuss it, and probably starting gently is the best way....Kiss my feathers....I just completed 3 squares on the feathers I PLUCKED out of your derriere for that comment! *GINGER GLARE*
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    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Not at all. But if you wish to have a relationship with someone you need communications. I said NOTHING, Sir Ducky about SWAMPING them with what you need to discuss with them.
    That IS swamping to someone like me (and probably him).

    My point was you do need to discuss it, and probably starting gently is the best way.
    YOUR timetable - more swamping.

    Mockingbirds...
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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    Er, being very undemonstrative myself... I really don't think you can actually read someone that is strongly undemonstrative. The only nuances that could that I have any affections towards you would be a willingness to discuss ideas. My emotional state can be determined from my productivity and/or writings/drawings.
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    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    If this person is an introvert as commonly understood, then they find all interaction with others tiring. Extroverts find dealing with other people invigorating or exciting, certainly not as a drain on their energy or emotions, which makes it hard for them to understand others who feel the exact opposite.

    When you want to deal with someone who's "quiet" like this, always be ready for the idea that you are literally imposing on them or asking too much of them. For such people, asking anything at all of them can be "too much" on some days.

    When some of us say we'd rather read a book than go out or talk to someone, believe us.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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  15. #14  
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    Most introverts are demonstrative, but subtle(most of the time).

    If you look for the clues, they become obvious.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    Most introverts are demonstrative, but subtle(most of the time).
    If you look for the clues, they become obvious.
    demonstrative
    (of a person) Tending to show feelings, esp. of affection, openly
    https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=de...NZSQ0QWGhoCIDg

    If you have to look for clues it's obviously not openly. In other words: they are NOT demonstrative.
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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  17. #16  
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    poker anyone?
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    to demonstrative wont help communication either... for sure for undemonstrative people well in the end there is no dealing... you like understand apprentice each other or you don't...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Not at all. But if you wish to have a relationship with someone you need communications. I said NOTHING, Sir Ducky about SWAMPING them with what you need to discuss with them.
    That IS swamping to someone like me (and probably him).

    My point was you do need to discuss it, and probably starting gently is the best way.
    YOUR timetable - more swamping.


    Mockingbirds...
    We shall not agree on this Sir Ducky.
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    If this person is an introvert as commonly understood, then they find all interaction with others tiring. Extroverts find dealing with other people invigorating or exciting, certainly not as a drain on their energy or emotions, which makes it hard for them to understand others who feel the exact opposite.

    When you want to deal with someone who's "quiet" like this, always be ready for the idea that you are literally imposing on them or asking too much of them. For such people, asking anything at all of them can be "too much" on some days.

    When some of us say we'd rather read a book than go out or talk to someone, believe us.
    My husband is much more introverted than I. I am definitely NOT!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    poker anyone?
    Haven't played that in a long long long long long time. I know how to do the dice games.
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  22. #21  
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    @Ladys: Seems to me you have love inside you, that needs expression. You can choose where to focus it. It's yours.
    A pong by any other name is still a pong. -williampinn
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    ladys,

    Have you ever thought about being direct about what you want to know? As one whom seldom shows affection, and oft appears aloof - I tend to prefer full disclosure over expressing my feelings in hope that the recipient get's the correct signals, the catch is that I only offer it when others ask - which is what I expect. I can't speak for others, but I wouldn't think your friend will bite your head off if you simply ask whatever it is you want to know or understand about your friend. I cannot stress enough, if you haven't tried being direct, then do so - you may be surprised at how effective impersonal approaches can be.
    "Cultivated leisure is the aim of man."
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  24. #23  
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    Stander-J's advice seems sensible, but I offer an amendment. I am, at times , undemonstrative. If I was approaced directly in the manner Stander suggests I would feel confined, restricted and imposed on. However, if the questions were preceded by this statement, I would be fine with it and quite likely respond later. Here is the statement: "I'm going to ask you some questions that are important to me. I hope you will be willing to give me complete answers, but I don't need them right away. I'd like to ask them then have you think about them for a while. You are important to me and so are these questions."
    stander-j and ladys like this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Galt View Post
    Stander-J's advice seems sensible, but I offer an amendment. I am, at times , undemonstrative. If I was approaced directly in the manner Stander suggests I would feel confined, restricted and imposed on. However, if the questions were preceded by this statement, I would be fine with it and quite likely respond later. Here is the statement: "I'm going to ask you some questions that are important to me. I hope you will be willing to give me complete answers, but I don't need them right away. I'd like to ask them then have you think about them for a while. You are important to me and so are these questions."
    Wouldn't that be how you normally approach a situation. Sensitivity and respect to each individual is what we all need to practice.
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  26. #25  
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    Many people are too self-centred and/or inexperienced to know the best way to approach a situation, or to be able to properly assess it from the other's point of view.
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Galt View Post
    Many people are too self-centred and/or inexperienced to know the best way to approach a situation, or to be able to properly assess it from the other's point of view.
    I truly don't know how to express this correctly.

    My job is observing people. It is a part of my craft. I observe them in all ways, joy, sorrow, anger, nasty, belligerent and every body language you can imagine.

    I believe (that term is a CONSTANT in my field of work), that if people take the time to even SLIGHTLY observe people and their body language and etc. they can be better approach individuals.

    I, however, agree with your assessment.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    Simply because: as stated - undemonstrative, not much of a talker.
    I suggest you read (or re-read) To Kill A Mockingbird, and think about Boo Radley.

    i will.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babe
    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
    In other words, swamp the poor guy with what you feel and what you feel HE should be doing/ feeling/ saying.
    An excellent way to make him clam up and avoid you.
    aihh
    my mistake then.
    i never meant to.
    i am just trying to understand him.
    so now the best thing to do is giving him some time?
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  29. #28  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    Simply because: as stated - undemonstrative, not much of a talker.
    I suggest you read (or re-read) To Kill A Mockingbird, and think about Boo Radley.

    i will.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babe
    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
    In other words, swamp the poor guy with what you feel and what you feel HE should be doing/ feeling/ saying.
    An excellent way to make him clam up and avoid you.
    aihh
    my mistake then.
    i never meant to.
    i am just trying to understand him.
    so now the best thing to do is giving him some time?
    I think Stander J gave you the best advice......express the need, but don't demand it to be instantaneous.....?
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    Quote Originally Posted by stander-j View Post
    ladys,

    Have you ever thought about being direct about what you want to know? As one whom seldom shows affection, and oft appears aloof - I tend to prefer full disclosure over expressing my feelings in hope that the recipient get's the correct signals, the catch is that I only offer it when others ask - which is what I expect. I can't speak for others, but I wouldn't think your friend will bite your head off if you simply ask whatever it is you want to know or understand about your friend. I cannot stress enough, if you haven't tried being direct, then do so - you may be surprised at how effective impersonal approaches can be.
    i've tried.
    he just stay silent.
    and yes maybe i have to learn that kind of approaches and exactly like what John Galt has mentioned.
    good one and much thanks.
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    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ladys View Post
    if you are the undemonstrative one,love computers,not a much talker,sensitive,anti social.
    Yes.
    So I refuse to say anything.
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    Simply because: as stated - undemonstrative, not much of a talker.
    I suggest you read (or re-read) To Kill A Mockingbird, and think about Boo Radley.

    i will.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babe
    Tell him how you feel, and make it clear what you do need from him. No communication goes further than words in a relationship!
    In other words, swamp the poor guy with what you feel and what you feel HE should be doing/ feeling/ saying.
    An excellent way to make him clam up and avoid you.
    aihh
    my mistake then.
    i never meant to.
    i am just trying to understand him.
    so now the best thing to do is giving him some time?
    I think Stander J gave you the best advice......express the need, but don't demand it to be instantaneous.....?
    yes babe.
    i'll try
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Galt View Post
    Stander-J's advice seems sensible, but I offer an amendment. I am, at times , undemonstrative. If I was approaced directly in the manner Stander suggests I would feel confined, restricted and imposed on. However, if the questions were preceded by this statement, I would be fine with it and quite likely respond later. Here is the statement: "I'm going to ask you some questions that are important to me. I hope you will be willing to give me complete answers, but I don't need them right away. I'd like to ask them then have you think about them for a while. You are important to me and so are these questions."
    thanks John.
    you help a lot.
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  33. #32  
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    Good luck ladys!! *S*
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    Just to throw in my 2 cc's.

    Pay close attention to subtle differences too, many times people that aren't as demonstrative, really in truth are just as much, it's just in more subtle ways that don't comport to how most others perceive affection.

    I am saying this because I tend to be sometimes as well or perceived as such.

    You said though when you try to talk to other guys, there he comes. That's a sign hun. Look for the nuances, and hey you aren't going to change him to a totally demonstrative person in the way you want, and if you can't stand the thought of that, then you don't like him enough for who he is.

    Also, guys are idiots, if you wish for more affection, don't beg for his, instead be more obvious with yours. Sometimes us self-absorbed types you about have to hit with a bat before we get the signals. Girls tend to see subtle things (guys tend to be more on the subtle side when it comes to displaying emotion (although not as much I think these days)), guys tend to see what they want to see. Get in his way more, don't run him off, just make it obvious, maybe it isn't as obvious to him as you think.
    ladys likes this.
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    Get in his way more, don't run him off, just make it obvious, maybe it isn't as obvious to him as you think.
    Just don't behave like a stalker. It's all too easy if you're misreading or if you're convincing yourself to read too much into someone's behaviour.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
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  36. #35  
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    alternately

    Ladys, if you do not appreciate subtlety, maybe this ain't the guy for you?

    ...................................
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    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Not at all. But if you wish to have a relationship with someone you need communications. I said NOTHING, Sir Ducky about SWAMPING them with what you need to discuss with them.
    That IS swamping to someone like me (and probably him).
    My point was you do need to discuss it, and probably starting gently is the best way.
    YOUR timetable - more swamping.
    Mockingbirds...
    We shall not agree on this Sir Ducky.
    I know.
    And that's what really pisses me off about extroverts and/ or those people that decide "you really should join in, it'll be fun".

    They appear to utterly incapable of grasping the idea that some people do not want to be life and soul of the party, or even a focus (any focus at all) of attention.
    PhDemon and ladys like this.
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    is it okay for me to know why genius duck?
    If this person is an introvert as commonly understood, then they find all interaction with others tiring. Extroverts find dealing with other people invigorating or exciting, certainly not as a drain on their energy or emotions, which makes it hard for them to understand others who feel the exact opposite.

    When you want to deal with someone who's "quiet" like this, always be ready for the idea that you are literally imposing on them or asking too much of them. For such people, asking anything at all of them can be "too much" on some days.

    When some of us say we'd rather read a book than go out or talk to someone, believe us.
    tough one.
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  39. #38  
    Time Lord
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    Quote Originally Posted by dbhokie View Post
    Get in his way more, don't run him off, just make it obvious, maybe it isn't as obvious to him as you think.
    Quote Originally Posted by adelady
    Just don't behave like a stalker...
    When he moves to the water dish, wiggle your ears in his peripheral vision.

    Gah. Are we talking about a human being here? Might honesty be more respectful than cunning?


    Ladys, my short earlier post was trying to be subtle. Here's a blunt version: You appear to need somebody to love, desperately. I think you've pinned your heart on this guy just because he's there, and you have love to give, not because he's good to you. Then he ignores you yet he's interested in other women... *please* this is a terrible foundation. You're feeding yourself into an emotional vacuum.

    So here's more advice from some random stranger on the internet:

    Issue an ultimatum.
    Tell him you love him but you're frustrated. You might explain why but keep it brief and don't pose your words to prompt a particular response.
    Ask him what he wants from you, and what he has to offer.
    Give him a few days to think about it and reply.
    Don't melt for an undefined "start over" but if he offers change, by his own initiative, then congratulations and good luck.


    Ladys, the problem basically is that you have a lot of love that you need to express somehow. The problem isn't just this guy who is the object of your love. You can't turn it off, and the world would be a darker place if you did. You can choose to focus your energy elsewhere though.
    A pong by any other name is still a pong. -williampinn
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  40. #39  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pong View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by dbhokie View Post
    Get in his way more, don't run him off, just make it obvious, maybe it isn't as obvious to him as you think.
    Quote Originally Posted by adelady
    Just don't behave like a stalker...
    When he moves to the water dish, wiggle your ears in his peripheral vision.

    Gah. Are we talking about a human being here? Might honesty be more respectful than cunning?


    Ladys, my short earlier post was trying to be subtle. Here's a blunt version: You appear to need somebody to love, desperately. I think you've pinned your heart on this guy just because he's there, and you have love to give, not because he's good to you. Then he ignores you yet he's interested in other women... *please* this is a terrible foundation. You're feeding yourself into an emotional vacuum.

    So here's more advice from some random stranger on the internet:

    Issue an ultimatum.
    Tell him you love him but you're frustrated. You might explain why but keep it brief and don't pose your words to prompt a particular response.
    Ask him what he wants from you, and what he has to offer.
    Give him a few days to think about it and reply.
    Don't melt for an undefined "start over" but if he offers change, by his own initiative, then congratulations and good luck.


    Ladys, the problem basically is that you have a lot of love that you need to express somehow. The problem isn't just this guy who is the object of your love. You can't turn it off, and the world would be a darker place if you did. You can choose to focus your energy elsewhere though.
    hye pong,
    he is responding to me with his actions and and thats the main reason im here now.
    and i dont know how far he is interested in other women as from what i've seen he always interested in women not guys.
    i did half from the advice and like i said he is responding.he is just didnt talk.
    thats why now for me to go further i would want to really to understand him first.
    i've been set him apart for about 9 months because i thought things are over.
    painful tough to see him feeling down the way he is but i never knw it was me as he never say it.

    thanks ya pong
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  41. #40  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Dywyddyr View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Not at all. But if you wish to have a relationship with someone you need communications. I said NOTHING, Sir Ducky about SWAMPING them with what you need to discuss with them.
    That IS swamping to someone like me (and probably him).
    My point was you do need to discuss it, and probably starting gently is the best way.
    YOUR timetable - more swamping.
    Mockingbirds...
    We shall not agree on this Sir Ducky.
    I know.
    And that's what really pisses me off about extroverts and/ or those people that decide "you really should join in, it'll be fun".

    They appear to utterly incapable of grasping the idea that some people do not want to be life and soul of the party, or even a focus (any focus at all) of attention.
    Do not be Mistaken, Sir Duckness. I am married to a man who is not social by nature,(except with me and family and some friends) but sometimes by necessity. I DO agree, that it is not ok to PUSH people into something that would make them very uncomfortable.
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