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Thread: Poll: Women don't marry the best sex of their lives

  1. #1 Poll: Women don't marry the best sex of their lives 
    Forum Professor arKane's Avatar
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    Off hand I'd say maybe the best sex men were not the best marriage material. I've been married twice and I can say neither woman was the best sex I ever had. But I think marriage has a way of taking the fun out of sex, so it probably doesn't really matter how good anybody might be before marriage. I don't suppose I'm the only one with an opinion on this subject?

    Bad news, husbands. Although you may consider yourself to be your wife's most exciting sex partner, chances are the honor actually lies with one of her ex-lovers.

    A recent study from iVillage found that less than half of married women describe their husband as their best sex ever. Fifty-two percent of those surveyed said an ex was better in bed than their current spouse. Sound dismal? That's not the worst of it.

    The website surveyed 2,000 married women with a 60/40 split of those with and without children.

    If the lackluster sex isn't bad enough, the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse.

    Some might describe their sex lives as stale, but according to the survey, married women are quite content with this boring bedroom behavior.
    "The iVillage study shows that not all housewives are desperate – surprisingly they are quite content and fulfilled with their predictable sex lives," said editor Liz Zack in a press release. "Perhaps that's because sex is not a priority when it comes to personal time. Today's married women lead such busy lives that they consider rest and relaxation a better self indulgence."
    The New York Post recently cited the study in a story titled, "Nobody marries their best sex ever." Sex therapist Sari Cooper told the Post that she talks to many women who are concerned that their husbands don't match up to sexual escapades of the past. But Cooper explains:

    “Your best sexual relationship has likely been with the person who was most unstable and most volatile, but was very passionate. That’s like riding a roller coaster. That’s passion. But if you have a family, riding a roller coaster isn’t that great for kids.”

    Poll: Women don't marry the best sex of their lives- The Heart Beat - MSN Living


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    Northern Horse Whisperer Moderator scheherazade's Avatar
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    Perhaps I am an anomaly then, but my first husband was a very romantic soul and an excellent lover and my present husband holds the title hands down.

    I can't comment on the relationships of others, and frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.


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  4. #3  
    has lost interest seagypsy's Avatar
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    I think it is funny that they make the assumption that stable people are not passionate. And passion isn't necessarily what makes sex great. a rapist is pretty damned passionate but i doubt many women will say that a rape was the best sex they ever had.

    IMO, great sex has nothing to do with acrobatics or trick moves. It has to do with each partner acknowledging and respecting and satisfying each others needs and desires. Passion is part of that, but passion does not have to be dramatic. Great sex may not even have to include orgasm. If the sex satisfies the needs that you have at the moment, that is great. One may only need intimacy and not orgasm.

    I haven't had many partners myself. but Neverfly is the only one I have been with that seems to have shown any desire to see me satisfied as being as important as his own satisfaction.
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    Speaking badly about people after they are gone and jumping on the bash the band wagon must do very well for a low self-esteem.
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  5. #4  
    Forum Professor arKane's Avatar
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    But what about the following statement? I find it rather revealing that most women are okay with "boring bedroom behavior".

    If the lackluster sex isn't bad enough, the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse.

    Some might describe their sex lives as stale, but according to the survey, married women are quite content with this boring bedroom behavior.
    "The iVillage study shows that not all housewives are desperate – surprisingly they are quite content and fulfilled with their predictable sex lives," said editor Liz Zack in a press release. "Perhaps that's because sex is not a priority when it comes to personal time. Today's married women lead such busy lives that they consider rest and relaxation a better self indulgence."
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  6. #5  
    has lost interest seagypsy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arKane View Post
    But what about the following statement? I find it rather revealing that most women are okay with "boring bedroom behavior".

    If the lackluster sex isn't bad enough, the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse.

    Some might describe their sex lives as stale, but according to the survey, married women are quite content with this boring bedroom behavior.
    "The iVillage study shows that not all housewives are desperate – surprisingly they are quite content and fulfilled with their predictable sex lives," said editor Liz Zack in a press release. "Perhaps that's because sex is not a priority when it comes to personal time. Today's married women lead such busy lives that they consider rest and relaxation a better self indulgence."
    as I stated, great sex doesn't have to be dramatic. on the other hand if these women really feel their sex life is so drab, it could just be that they are grown up and see their marriage as a big picture and take joy from all the other little nice things that happen in a marriage. Anyone can have wild sex, but getting genuine love and respect from someone is far more rare and precious.

    What good is multiple orgasms if the guy can't remember your name and couldn't care less if you died.
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    Speaking badly about people after they are gone and jumping on the bash the band wagon must do very well for a low self-esteem.
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  7. #6  
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    There's more to sex than fireworks, lightning and rainbows for many people. And in a marriage of 30+ years, so what if a few years in the middle are not as marvellous as at other times?
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  8. #7  
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    I guess cuddling up with someone you are really in love with can be even more powerful than the best ever sex and when you're with someone that you really want to be with and she makes you feel like sex is just the icing on the cake, then it's not really all that important whether or not it's the best ever sex. So heck if I feel like that as a guy and we are supposed to be less driven by the emotional than you ladies then sure why wouldn't a woman choose love over sex.
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  9. #8  
    Northern Horse Whisperer Moderator scheherazade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chrisgorlitz View Post
    I guess cuddling up with someone you are really in love with can be even more powerful than the best ever sex and when you're with someone that you really want to be with and she makes you feel like sex is just the icing on the cake, then it's not really all that important whether or not it's the best ever sex. So heck if I feel like that as a guy and we are supposed to be less driven by the emotional than you ladies then sure why wouldn't a woman choose love over sex.
    Indeed.
    The strong sense of trust and caring, knowing that your significant other is there and cares about you and vice versa is something that one is cognizant of 24/7/365. The shared history of the journey builds a strong foundation.
    The 'frothy bit' is excellent also, but it is not as important to an enduring relationship as the former.
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  10. #9  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    Satisfying a woman isn't just about sex but it does help to understand how to have great sex so that at least she does get all she wants before the man does. Although sex is only one part of the love that can be shown there are other treats that women enjoy as well. Making them feel that they are truely the one you love by expresing it to them is another example of the kindness that men often do not show to their ladies. I'm not going into all of the things that are good ways to make a woman feel satisfied but only say that sex is a part of it.
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  11. #10  
    Northern Horse Whisperer Moderator scheherazade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cosmictraveler View Post
    Satisfying a woman isn't just about sex but it does help to understand how to have great sex so that at least she does get all she wants before the man does. Although sex is only one part of the love that can be shown there are other treats that women enjoy as well. Making them feel that they are truely the one you love by expresing it to them is another example of the kindness that men often do not show to their ladies. I'm not going into all of the things that are good ways to make a woman feel satisfied but only say that sex is a part of it.
    Indeed, and the 'best sex' is that which satisfies the deeper emotional needs. People often focus purely on the physical aspects of sex yet the pleasure of the act is profoundly psychological.
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  12. #11  
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    Quote Originally Posted by cosmictraveler View Post
    Satisfying a woman isn't just about sex but it does help to understand how to have great sex so that at least she does get all she wants before the man does. Although sex is only one part of the love that can be shown there are other treats that women enjoy as well. Making them feel that they are truely the one you love by expresing it to them is another example of the kindness that men often do not show to their ladies. I'm not going into all of the things that are good ways to make a woman feel satisfied but only say that sex is a part of it.
    So if things start going wrong in a relationship, it's usually not because of boring sex? But it always seems the boring sex becomes a lot more noticeable when the relationship is being strained. Why is that?
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  13. #12  
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    There's more to sex than fireworks, lightning and rainbows for many people. And in a marriage of 30+ years, so what if a few years in the middle are not as marvelous as at other times?
    So what causes about 30% of both married men and women to cheat when they don't want the marriage to end?
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  14. #13  
    Forum Cosmic Wizard icewendigo's Avatar
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    "the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse."
    This reminds me of a video interview with the author of the book "What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind"
    www.youtube.com/watch?v=myJfioEKVxU
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  15. #14  
    Forum Professor arKane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by icewendigo View Post
    "the poll found that 66 percent of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than have sex with a spouse."
    This reminds me of a video interview with the author of the book "What French Women Know: About Love, Sex, and Other Matters of the Heart and Mind"
    www.youtube.com/watch?v=myJfioEKVxU
    I haven't been aware of any married woman willing to admit to a sexless marriage even if it was true. Also, most guys I've known lie about the frequency of sex they have with their wives and girlfriends. They actually think most couples have sex every day in a normal relationship and don't want to be thought of as less than normal.
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  16. #15  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope sculptor's Avatar
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    Based on the fact that only 2 of them married me, they probably don't marry the best sex?
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  17. #16  
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    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    Based on the fact that only 2 of them married me, they probably don't marry the best sex?
    I've always felt that when I wanted to be the best sex I was. But sometimes I just wanted sex without putting in the effort to make it the best. But I've also noticed the less sex I have the more I want to make it the best when I do have it.
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  18. #17  
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    But it always seems the boring sex becomes a lot more noticeable when the relationship is being strained. Why is that?
    When things are going wrong, strangely enough, every imperfection becomes yet another instance of what's wrong. So what was previously 'good enough' or tolerable becomes another defect when you're adding up defects. If everything else was good, the 'good enough' things would continue unremarked.
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  19. #18 Dr. Pepper 
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    Sometimes, on a hot day, an ice cold Dr. Pepper is like the nectar of the Gods. Sometimes, I'm in the mood for something else, maybe not soda, at all.
    Chocolate milk, maybe.
    Ice tea.
    It doesn't mean I'll stop loving Dr. Pepper if sometimes, I want tea.
    Or water.
    Or if I think I'd be better off with gatorade even if I want Dr. Pepper.

    There are times I feel thirsty and I grab a Dr. Pepper but it just doesn't seem to be the right mood and I won't finish it. Then, I feel kinda bad for not finishing it.

    You know, I never really thought about when I've had the best Dr. Pepper of my life. It never occurred to me that there even could be such a thing. It was always the same- Dr. Pepper. I only responded differently to it, depending on my mood or other factors.

    ETA--Clarification:
    If I'm not in the mood for Dr. Pepper, maybe for tea, that may be the same as being in the mood to just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or go for a walk together.
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  20. #19  
    Forum Professor arKane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverfly View Post
    Sometimes, on a hot day, an ice cold Dr. Pepper is like the nectar of the Gods. Sometimes, I'm in the mood for something else, maybe not soda, at all.
    Chocolate milk, maybe.
    Ice tea.
    It doesn't mean I'll stop loving Dr. Pepper if sometimes, I want tea.
    Or water.
    Or if I think I'd be better off with Gatorade even if I want Dr. Pepper.

    There are times I feel thirsty and I grab a Dr. Pepper but it just doesn't seem to be the right mood and I won't finish it. Then, I feel kinda bad for not finishing it.

    You know, I never really thought about when I've had the best Dr. Pepper of my life. It never occurred to me that there even could be such a thing. It was always the same- Dr. Pepper. I only responded differently to it, depending on my mood or other factors.

    ETA--Clarification:
    If I'm not in the mood for Dr. Pepper, maybe for tea, that may be the same as being in the mood to just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or go for a walk together.
    Okay, I'm probably a little slow here, but I'm having a problem figuring out how what you just said relates to the OP?
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  21. #20  
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    But it always seems the boring sex becomes a lot more noticeable when the relationship is being strained. Why is that?
    When things are going wrong, strangely enough, every imperfection becomes yet another instance of what's wrong. So what was previously 'good enough' or tolerable becomes another defect when you're adding up defects. If everything else was good, the 'good enough' things would continue unremarked.
    You sound experienced with this concept? But yes I can relate to what you just said.
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  22. #21  
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    Quote Originally Posted by arKane View Post
    You sound experienced with this concept? But yes I can relate to what you just said.
    Exactly- who isn't?
    Quote Originally Posted by arKane View Post
    Okay, I'm probably a little slow here, but I'm having a problem figuring out how what you just said relates to the OP?
    Read it slowly and you'll ketchup.
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