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Thread: Month of severe depression

  1. #1 Month of severe depression 
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    I am suffering from mass depression for about 1 month now, and for whole life i have been suffering with a lot tensions, which involves relationship with my own family.

    But right now it took turn into depression because i had broke up with my beloved one due to a misunderstanding that she has about me, although it may take some time to be solved.

    Question is, can you forget someone who you have remembered for over 1 year and half? I have read somewhere that scientifically it's impossible, and a person will remember everyday or as much, no matter what happens.

    I even had the thoughts of committing suicide, had planned it, but i was stopped, and i read about it, so no more thinking about committing such sin.

    So what is the actual way to get out of this depression, because even in office, i remain down.


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    Even though no-one has died, this is exactly the same process of grieving for your loss.

    No, you won't forget. You'll do much the same as we do when someone dies. We're very, very sad for a reasonably long time. After that, the sadness is just as sad, but you can have longer and longer periods where you're not. Eventually, you get to the stage where you can be glad of the good times and have some lingering regrets about the ending.

    There's no way to get through it except to get through it. If you're still feeling this bad, though, you should consider seeing a doctor. Grief is normal and needs no medicalisation. Depression is treatable and it should be treated if you can't manage it yourself. (I suspect you're more of a candidate for a couple of sessions of face to face therapy rather than an anti-depressant medication, though. But that's up to you and your doctor.)


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  4. #3  
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    If you drink, smoke pot or are on some form of depressant drug then you should consider quitting now. Even cigarettes, not too much of a depressant but an unnecessary health risk and cost(which can be depressing). IOW do something positive. You will feel healthier and this will allow time to heal emotional wounds. Remember that you are not the only person this has ever happened to, there are agencies out there ready to counsel people in your situation...good luck.
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  5. #4  
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    The other thing demonstrated to help relieve depression is exercise. Do you do regular exercise? If not, you should start.
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  6. #5  
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    IMO you must rationalize what has happen and make sense of them. When you succeeded, you will come out stronger and this emotion will no longer effect you again*.

    *Unless someone help you, the only way out is to have you heart harden.
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    Quote Originally Posted by skeptic View Post
    The other thing demonstrated to help relieve depression is exercise. Do you do regular exercise? If not, you should start.
    I play outdoor sports, for about one hour, every single day.

    Well things keeps happening, i think it's really about patience as well, i feel better today as i had some amount of hope for the solution of my personal issues, i had talked about it, with concerned one.

    Thanks everyone for there advises!
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  8. #7  
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    This may not help, but I feel for you and want to help. If we didn't have disappointments and tragedies in our life, the good times would not seem nearly so good. You mention you play outdoor sports for about one hour a day. I would love to be able to do that. I, literally, have dreams where I am running. Today, if I tried one hour of strenuous exercise there is a very high probability I would suffer either a heart attack or stroke. Well, shit happens and it's how we deal with the shit that makes us what we are. Time will heal, but you won't forget, nor should you. Your past determines how you act today and so who you are in the future.


    enough philosophy - good luck.
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  9. #8  
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    forget?
    uh forget what?
    I forgot,
    then remembered my memories of memories
    and forgot again.
    I don't even remember the names of most people
    I was sad when I lost my lover, but had some nice memories------years later, I met her again, and prefered my memories to the person in front of me.
    save the good memories
    they remain unchanged in a world of change
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    You are experiencing what it is to be human, Nets, and in that experiencing you are not alone. Though we each travel a unique path in life, the journey embraces many shared and similar events between individuals. The only constant is change and that takes some getting used to, for we are more comfortable with the thought of things remaining familiar. Many people have put their thoughts and experiences out there, so that others may know that they are not alone.

    I thought that this one might be of encouragement to yourself and others....

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  11. #10  
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    Thanks on behalf of all Members and Guests scheherazade. Great Sound which in itself is healing. To the Thread, Yes, the crushing of one's romantic heart is sometimes sufficating. I'm nearly 79 and my immature adolescent love affair that crashed shattered my self esteem and beliefs, burnt into my soul and the scar still hurts sometimes. So I had to grow up or die. I chose the pretence of Life until my responsibilities became a more dominant part of my life. So my early burning in the fires of existance blunted my exuburance and total enjoyment but tempered me to take on responsible roles and make sure I was there for others. Does this make sense?

    Music is a great healer. A walk in the Sun, or in a raging Storm can help toughen ones resolve to live. Hell, how do you think I've lived to nearly 79 with a Physically T Model Ford Body for my conveyance and a wound that only escapism and maturity stopped bleeding.

    Yes, I was vunerable, pathetically open for the King Hit on my emotions, too bloody young to be exposed to something I couldn't handle.

    But I wouldn't change a thing. To have loved as deeply as I experienced that Adolescence Love was an experience that has led me to believe that the depths of human feeling are yet untapped.

    Always choose Life. And quietly go about exploring. westwind.
    Words words words, were it better I caught your tears, and washed my face in them, and felt their sting. - westwind
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  12. #11  
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    Nets,
    We are always listening in on to the flow of words. A flow of words that seems to never end for as long as we can listen. WE would see all as recondite, but experience and listening has brought meaning to words. I will always choose to live no matter what.

    You only get to live once, make the best of it. Nevermind, best isn't good enough, make you're life perfect.
    With bravery and recognition that we are harbingers of our destiny and with a paragon of virtue.
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  13. #12  
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    Rimsky-Korsakov "Scheherazade" / "

    Rimski Korsakov
    1001 ----the second 1/2 of the last and 1st 1/2 of the next...............
    and life goes on

    (last year it was mostly the finn) this year a lot of Tchaikovski, and..........
    Last edited by sculptor; November 10th, 2012 at 10:05 PM.
    question for you likes this.
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  14. #13  
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Galt View Post
    This may not help, but I feel for you and want to help. If we didn't have disappointments and tragedies in our life, the good times would not seem nearly so good. You mention you play outdoor sports for about one hour a day. I would love to be able to do that. I, literally, have dreams where I am running. Today, if I tried one hour of strenuous exercise there is a very high probability I would suffer either a heart attack or stroke. Well, shit happens and it's how we deal with the shit that makes us what we are. Time will heal, but you won't forget, nor should you. Your past determines how you act today and so who you are in the future.


    enough philosophy - good luck.
    Good one. Yes life has many tasks, we have to be careful, but then not so much careful that opportunity passes away, that's another thing too.

    Quote Originally Posted by scheherazade View Post
    You are experiencing what it is to be human, Nets, and in that experiencing you are not alone. Though we each travel a unique path in life, the journey embraces many shared and similar events between individuals. The only constant is change and that takes some getting used to, for we are more comfortable with the thought of things remaining familiar. Many people have put their thoughts and experiences out there, so that others may know that they are not alone.

    I thought that this one might be of encouragement to yourself and others....

    Yes, i can't disagree with this one at all.. Such times are challenges i think, and whoever proves them superior would be successful i guess. Thanks for the song.



    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    forget?
    uh forget what?
    I forgot,
    then remembered my memories of memories
    and forgot again.
    I don't even remember the names of most people
    I was sad when I lost my lover, but had some nice memories------years later, I met her again, and prefered my memories to the person in front of me.
    save the good memories
    they remain unchanged in a world of change
    Very nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by westwind View Post
    Thanks on behalf of all Members and Guests scheherazade. Great Sound which in itself is healing. To the Thread, Yes, the crushing of one's romantic heart is sometimes sufficating. I'm nearly 79 and my immature adolescent love affair that crashed shattered my self esteem and beliefs, burnt into my soul and the scar still hurts sometimes. So I had to grow up or die. I chose the pretence of Life until my responsibilities became a more dominant part of my life. So my early burning in the fires of existance blunted my exuburance and total enjoyment but tempered me to take on responsible roles and make sure I was there for others. Does this make sense?

    Music is a great healer. A walk in the Sun, or in a raging Storm can help toughen ones resolve to live. Hell, how do you think I've lived to nearly 79 with a Physically T Model Ford Body for my conveyance and a wound that only escapism and maturity stopped bleeding.

    Yes, I was vunerable, pathetically open for the King Hit on my emotions, too bloody young to be exposed to something I couldn't handle.

    But I wouldn't change a thing. To have loved as deeply as I experienced that Adolescence Love was an experience that has led me to believe that the depths of human feeling are yet untapped.

    Always choose Life. And quietly go about exploring. westwind.
    I highly appreciate how you lived so happily! And i would like to say myself, that i view my life as something, which i have to spend on completing some targets, i think i have to go right way, there's huge hope i will get what i want .

    Quote Originally Posted by Japith View Post
    Nets,
    We are always listening in on to the flow of words. A flow of words that seems to never end for as long as we can listen. WE would see all as recondite, but experience and listening has brought meaning to words. I will always choose to live no matter what.

    You only get to live once, make the best of it. Nevermind, best isn't good enough, make you're life perfect.
    Obviously, that speaks everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by sculptor View Post
    Rimsky-Korsakov "Scheherazade" / "

    Rimski Korsakov
    1001 ----the second 1/2 of the last and 1st 1/2 of the next...............
    and life goes on

    (last year it was mostly the finn) this year a lot of Tchaikovski, and..........
    Thanks
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  15. #14  
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    Nets...if what's bothering you is a thought you had that is totally out of character and irrational for your personality (I mean who would know that other than you) then there is a chance you might become obsessed with it. Such obsessive thoughts are probably the most disturbing thing a person can go through. Understand the irrationality of it all. Yep it is you thinking this but its disturbing because you simply cannot believe it is there. People feel like they're broken and can never repair. Thinking it will never go away is probably worse than the original thought. You are you, these thoughts are aberrations, many people have them and many people survive them. The expression 'there's light at the end of the tunnel' is apropos here. If you're in that tunnel then look past the darkness and you will see it. Inch towards it every day, visualize the opening, the end of your quest. It's there waiting for you. The journey is slippery, if you fall down then remember the goal, get up and keep moving forward.
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  16. #15  
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    One thing that is always a positive that can be taken from any sad and hurtful experience, is that what ever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

    It doesn't feel like you're a stronger person when your thinking negatively and your life seems bleak, or when you feel like your crying so much that your exhausting yourself... But when we get through the mental and emotional pain, by facing it, working on it, working it out... we always come out of it stronger more experienced and better people.

    Thoughts come in and out of our minds one at a time... usually there are something like 3 to 8 (I don't remember) main thoughts in a cycle at any onetime, that go round and round. If something very hurtfull has happened those thoughts will be dominant in your mind, untill you get over them.

    How soon you get over them is down to how well you personally, manage to deal with them. Some people give up, they let the bad things beat them and they never recover from a bad experience, it leaves it's mark permanently. Others manage to heal the damage completely so that it doesn't even leave a scar.

    I can only give my personal opinion which might not help you, i'm not trained or experienced with dealing with depression so you might want to ignore me.

    I prefer to face problems or things that have hurt me, I think about them alot.

    What you really need to do is transform each negative thought in the cycle into a positive thought. You replace the negative thought with the positive thought that is associated with it. Each time the negative thought arises, you instantly think of the positive that you associate with it.

    So, you must be a master of your thought cycles. First by tackling the thoughts head on, dealing with the emotion, working out it's cause, growing from reflecting on your experiences. This allows you to find positives which you can use to help you heal.

    My dad died recently, but he is no longer suffering with illness. negative into positive.
    I miss him a lot, i'll never get his advice again: but I still remember him and his advice in my mind and am grateful to have recieved it.
    He suffered a lot with his illness: But he was so brave and dignified.
    How will my mum cope?: as her kid i'll make sure she copes.
    It hurt a lot losing my dad, how will I cope when my mum passes?: Thats not going to be easy but I have the experience of my dad passing to learn from and help me prepare for my mum's passing.

    Negative thoughts into positive ones, until eventually the negative thought doesn't arise again and it losess all negativity.

    Sometimes it's a long process to be able to see a problem or sad experience from enough angles to find positives in it. Usually you can find a positive that you can associate instantly with each negative thought. Consciously controlling your own thought cycles, helping you feel better and more positive about your life.

    The mind can achieve anything, it can deal with anything, it can beat any problems.

    I hope that in some way this post makes some sense to you and helps you to feel better.

    All the best wishes for you
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  17. #16  
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    One thing that is always a positive that can be taken from any sad and hurtful experience, is that what ever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
    That is simply not true. It's just a way of blaming victims for not managing their recovery from trauma. PTSD anyone?

    Sometimes it's a long process to be able to see a problem or sad experience from enough angles to find positives in it.
    You don't even need to find positives in it.

    First you need to live with it - like learning to protect a weak ankle after a sprain.

    Then you learn how to live well with it. In the case of an ankle, time and appropriate exercise will overcome the weakness. In the case of grief and loss, getting the right balance between remembering the good times and regrets about the ending. These initial stages are much the same no matter who you've lost. A relationship of 18 months may later be recalled as one of the nicest ever, whereas the loss after 30 years or more with the love of your life will be a burden of some sort for the rest of your life.

    An 18 month relationship loss can be a learning experience even though it's pretty awful to live through. Be kind and patient with yourself. Take care of your physical health. Don't try to forget, let the memories become a part of you even if they're upsetting and uncomfortable while they settle in to the new situation.
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    One thing that is always a positive that can be taken from any sad and hurtful experience, is that what ever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
    That is simply not true. It's just a way of blaming victims for not managing their recovery from trauma. PTSD anyone?
    It's not blaming anybody for anything. It's just a saying that gives me a little bit of comfort when i'm feeling down. It might not be true though.
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    It might not be true though.
    It certainly isn't true. And it is used to criticise people who aren't coping well with difficulties. Just contrast how people respond supportively to others who've just lost a loved parent to the way they minimise or dismiss the continuing fear and distress of someone whose violent or abusive parent still lives.

    For most people it's about learning how to cope with normal obstacles, grief and disappointments. The 'strong' feeling comes from knowing that good comes with the bad. That we can be happy remembering periods, or even brief moments, of joy or contentment or pleasure even when there are other things that are not so easy to remember or to live with.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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  20. #19  
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    One thing that is always a positive that can be taken from any sad and hurtful experience, is that what ever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
    That is simply not true. It's just a way of blaming victims for not managing their recovery from trauma. PTSD anyone?
    ... .
    stronger? or just warped and twisted into a different me?

    yeah, i spent a lot of nights alternately:
    sitting alone in the dark and waiting(didn't know what I was waiting for, just waiting)
    and screaming obsenities at the walls

    but time heals, and getting involved in university studies, much like stripping naked and running through the woods at full speed, leaping logs and ducking limbs forces the mind to live in the moment---no past, no future---just being completely in the moment, spinning, twisting, leaping , diving, ducking, full tilt boogie with no bruising...,
    formed layers of thoughts and memories and curiousities over the underlying angst and anger burrying them to the point where they didn't even cause an itch. Having a family(wife, and twin sons) also helped me be more than a misanthropic, antisocial recluse. When you care about others, wei wu wei, doing by not doing---------helping and careing for them helped me...
    the old scars are still there, and i don't normally think of them nor engage in discussions that would bring then to the fore. Now, when I sit in the dark, I enjoy
    some old friends:
    Tchaikovsky: Symphony No. 5 / Bernstein Boston Symphony Orchestra - YouTube
    Borodin: Second Symphony - YouTube
    ZaterdagMatinee 22 januari 2011 - YouTube

    But now, I also got you guys to help pull my mind out of myself, and peak my interests, and encourage my studies , beyond my sculpting or building
    ( solarium - Imgur ).

    thanx for being here, thanks for being alive
    (I mean that sincerely)
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    stronger? or just warped and twisted into a different me?
    I don't know about you, but I do know about growing up in a household with a father groaning throughout every night with nightmares he couldn't talk about. Lots of WW2, and every other war, veterans do the same thing.

    He was a contented family man during the day, but his nights were awful.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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  22. #21  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nets View Post
    I am suffering from mass depression for about 1 month now, and for whole life i have been suffering with a lot tensions, which involves relationship with my own family.

    But right now it took turn into depression because i had broke up with my beloved one due to a misunderstanding that she has about me, although it may take some time to be solved.

    Question is, can you forget someone who you have remembered for over 1 year and half? I have read somewhere that scientifically it's impossible, and a person will remember everyday or as much, no matter what happens.

    I even had the thoughts of committing suicide, had planned it, but i was stopped, and i read about it, so no more thinking about committing such sin.

    So what is the actual way to get out of this depression, because even in office, i remain down.
    Hey Nets I'm sorry to here about your depression, it's not nice to here that other people are suffering and you just want to take their pain away, but it's difficult trying to choose the right words to offer some comfort. I think the truth is we all care and want to help but none of us have lived your life or shared your experiences so we can't really know how you're feeling or truely understand your pain it's unique to you as are your memories of happier times. Whilst you probarbly won't forget they do say time is the great healer and may'be, hopefully for you in time things will start to get easier with the pain not being so raw and you can be more philisophical and start to remember fondly the good times, whatever your pain now nobody can take away your more pleasant memories from you. As I said earlier none of us can really truely understand what you are going through, we can only try to help you by explaining how we've coped and got through situations of loss and pain in our own lives and hope you can find something helpful from it.

    I remember many years ago I lost someone who I loved very much and found it hard to deal with, I was really down but so full of unfocused emotion what I found really helped me was going and helping out at an animal rescue shelter. It gave me a chance to help focus my emotions on nursing sick animals back to health, the just being able care for something was so beneficial and animals have this strange carming effect.

    I don't honestly know if this could or would help you but what I can say is we are all here to help if we can but also to listen.
    Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it. - confucius
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  23. #22  
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    War sucks the life out of some people.
    Psycologically, "the walking wounded".... no joy in life, just wandering about, waiting to die
    It has been claimed that more of our current returning vets die from suicide than the number of their buddies who died in battle.

    maybe we should drag these posts into WestWind's No more war thread?

    (personally, I'm outa this shit, it's bringing back too many emotions)
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    Quote Originally Posted by adelady View Post
    It might not be true though.
    It certainly isn't true. And it is used to criticise people who aren't coping well with difficulties. Just contrast how people respond supportively to others who've just lost a loved parent to the way they minimise or dismiss the continuing fear and distress of someone whose violent or abusive parent still lives.

    For most people it's about learning how to cope with normal obstacles, grief and disappointments. The 'strong' feeling comes from knowing that good comes with the bad. That we can be happy remembering periods, or even brief moments, of joy or contentment or pleasure even when there are other things that are not so easy to remember or to live with.
    I still think that in the end we'r stronger as a result of experience, it depends how we define strong. There will always be exceptions. I know people who have had abusive parents and are in my opinion strong people.

    People are horrified by stories of abuse when they do arise, it has a sinister ellement which causes rage, the empathy is there but the disgust is prominent, losing a loved one is something that everybody can relate to but doesnt usually have a sinister side, so it's more ripe for expressions of compassion rather than disgust.

    Anyway I never picked up on any derogative connotations in that saying, I only see the encouraging positive side of it. Could get a bit tiresome though if everybody keeps saying to you. Or if it's said with the implication that somebody is being a wuss, then yeah I see what you mean, but thats not the proper context of the saying. Some people areso good at bullying that they disguise it as incouragement I suppose.
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    As many here have pointed out, the experience of depression becomes known to most of us at some point in the journey. We are creatures that form strong bonds of attachment and feel loss keenly. Even some animals have been observed to demonstrate recognizable symptoms of depression in response to change and loss.

    These mechanisms of coping are as many and unique as we are and the passage of time often helps but is not a guaranteed cure. Many keep their emotions buried deep while they cope with the everyday challenges and these repressed feelings are capable of overwhelming us when least expected, forcing us to confront ourselves, sooner or later. It is also important to recognize that any and all change affects us to some degree, even change which we ourselves have initiated. While many comprehend depression in response to traumatic events in our lives, depression can also come about subtly as smaller events transpire, each one small enough in itself but capable of cumulative effect.

    Depression can be incidious or sudden. We are all potentially at risk. Sharing our experience with others helps to ease the sense of alienation and/or isolation.

    To quote Red Green, who frequently addresses life circumstances through the use of humor, "We are all in this together."
    Last edited by scheherazade; November 13th, 2012 at 01:58 PM. Reason: Spelling correction.
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    I believe, as per i got to know through her sister, that misunderstandings are getting cleared.. But for me, there are a few things, which i will need to clear.

    For now, i am leaving for about 6 days, Gonna visit my neighbor state, with a group, hope it will be a good journey.

    Will stay in touch, thanks all again!
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  27. #26  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    18
    Hi everyone, once again.

    These 6 days spent really good, got rid of headache under 2 days. When i got back i had talked to her sister, both of them would talk to me then, and it's patched up now, things are great again.

    Finally out of this depression now. Thanks everyone!
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