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Thread: I can't stick at ANYTHING to the point I'm convinced it's a real psychological problem.

  1. #1 I can't stick at ANYTHING to the point I'm convinced it's a real psychological problem. 
    Forum Sophomore somfooleishfool's Avatar
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    I can't seem to stick at anything. I'm 21 years old and the longest I've ever held a job for was 5 months (other than that they have all been less than 2 months. I have had probably between 10-20 jobs. I dropped out of school after failing the NCEA level 1 (16-17 years old).


    From there I went on to do the following, all of which I didn't complete: computer course, another computer course, yet another computer course, a plumbing course, a science degree in biochemistry, a bar mixology course (I completed this but it was only a 2 week course or something and I never used the qualification I gained from it), a forklift licence (this was a 1 day course which I completed, I finished this about a year ago and have to this day never driven a forklift), a CUP course (certificate in university preparation).

    Apart from this I have never gone out with a girl for longer than 6 months (and I've gone out with at least 11 girls off the top of my head), I've played guitar for about 3 years but I have yet to learn the entirety of a single song, hell I play a lot of games but I've never become pro at any of them.

    I'm dyspraxic (It's a learning disability roughly along the lines of dyslexia) which may or may not have some influence on this.

    You can save any speeches on lazyness and just getting over it and do it. This problem has caused plenty of depression, left me with the thought of suicide constantly on my mind for the last 5 years, catalysed my hatred for my family because of the constant lectures (at times I've been lectured for about 2 hours every day for months on end). IF it were lazyness, I would stop it.

    If I could eliminate this 1 trait from my life, my life would be pretty damn sweet. I come from a wealthy family, I'm capable of getting most any girl I desire to have. I believe I'm intelligent, though that is relative to who you are talking to and what about. I'm a nice person and have no problem making friends. pretty much if not for this one trait, I could be happy, but my life sucks and although I do not WISH to die, it feels like the only solution to this problem.
    Living is not free and money requires a job and a job cannot be held by me. I only survive by bludging off of my parents and at the moment, collect money from the unemployment benefit.


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  3. #2  
    Moderator Moderator Markus Hanke's Avatar
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    Since this obviously has a dramatic impact on your life I would recommend looking for professional help.


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  4. #3  
    Forum Sophomore somfooleishfool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Markus Hanke View Post
    Since this obviously has a dramatic impact on your life I would recommend looking for professional help.
    The problem is, it is remarkable how much hatred this one trait brings apon oneself. to be fair I havn't been to councelling since I've truly grasped the nature of this problem, but this trait makes people strongly look down on you. Though you may be right and I think in the near future I will take your advice.
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  5. #4  
    Moderator Moderator Markus Hanke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somfooleishfool View Post
    The problem is, it is remarkable how much hatred this one trait brings apon oneself. to be fair I havn't been to councelling since I've truly grasped the nature of this problem, but this trait makes people strongly look down on you. Though you may be right and I think in the near future I will take your advice.
    You really should. Counsellors are never condecending, because they understand what you are going through - they are trained for this, it is their daily bread. There are trusted and tested ways to deal with such issues.
    Would you go and see a doctor if there is something wrong with your body ? Of course you would. You should look after your mental health the same way, because it is equally important.
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  6. #5  
    Forum Professor jrmonroe's Avatar
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    Marcus Hanke makes valid points.

    Also, what has caused your separation from your employers, and how did you contribute to your separations? For example, did the jobs "get boring" after a short time (indicated by failure to arrive on time, not achieving minimum expected performance, etc)? Or, did you feel you were unappreciated? Underpaid? Ignored? Picked on by the boss? Passed over for promotions?

    If your most of your jobs seemed boring, then you're not matching your natural abilities or it's too tempting to revert to being M&D's kid again. Try taking a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. Take it a few times several days — or a few weeks — apart. See what types of work are most suited to your natural abilities.

    If you've typically felt unappreciated, underpaid, ignored, picked on, passed over for promotions etc, then your overall employer-employee expectations are unrealistic. This can easily happen in young people unaccustomed to the job market. My oldest brother had six jobs in his first ten years. Don't expect employers to fawn over you unless you do something spectacular like double the company's revenue or invent a feasible solution to the electric car problem.

    I think we can almost guarantee that, if you didn't have M&D to fall back on for financial support, you wouldn't be losing jobs left and right. (Avoiding living in a cardboard box under a bridge is a great work incentive. BTW, cardboard boxes can keep you amazing warm in cold weather, especially the heavy-duty double-walled ones used for big appliances.)

    One last consideration: What's your place among your siblings? Only child? Oldest? Second-oldest? Middle child? Baby of the family? Read Leman's Birth Order Book. It's easy reading, and I found it quite amazing as it nailed me and my siblings almost perfectly.

    PS — I'd definitely leave the "bar mixology course" off your resume.
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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  7. #6  
    Forum Sophomore somfooleishfool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jrmonroe View Post
    Marcus Hanke makes valid points.

    Also, what has caused your separation from your employers, and how did you contribute to your separations? For example, did the jobs "get boring" after a short time (indicated by failure to arrive on time, not achieving minimum expected performance, etc)? Or, did you feel you were unappreciated? Underpaid? Ignored? Picked on by the boss? Passed over for promotions?

    If your most of your jobs seemed boring, then you're not matching your natural abilities or it's too tempting to revert to being M&D's kid again. Try taking a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. Take it a few times several days — or a few weeks — apart. See what types of work are most suited to your natural abilities.

    If you've typically felt unappreciated, underpaid, ignored, picked on, passed over for promotions etc, then your overall employer-employee expectations are unrealistic. This can easily happen in young people unaccustomed to the job market. My oldest brother had six jobs in his first ten years. Don't expect employers to fawn over you unless you do something spectacular like double the company's revenue or invent a feasible solution to the electric car problem.

    I think we can almost guarantee that, if you didn't have M&D to fall back on for financial support, you wouldn't be losing jobs left and right. (Avoiding living in a cardboard box under a bridge is a great work incentive. BTW, cardboard boxes can keep you amazing warm in cold weather, especially the heavy-duty double-walled ones used for big appliances.)

    One last consideration: What's your place among your siblings? Only child? Oldest? Second-oldest? Middle child? Baby of the family? Read Leman's Birth Order Book. It's easy reading, and I found it quite amazing as it nailed me and my siblings almost perfectly.

    PS — I'd definitely leave the "bar mixology course" off your resume.
    I would go with the first suggestion, I got bored over time. Turned up late, stopped turning up sometimes, and yes you've nailed me on all counts, didnt complete minimum required tasks.

    thanks for the mbti link, it looks very compelling and I will look into it.

    I immagine you are correcto about not losing a job if i didnt have m&d.

    I am the youngest of 3 children. I have a brother older than me and a sister older than him.
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  8. #7  
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    Also, that birth order book is terrible. TERRIBLE.
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  9. #8  
    Forum Professor jrmonroe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Philovitist View Post
    Also, that birth order book is terrible. TERRIBLE.
    Why? It's a known phenomenon, as far as I can see. The author says that it's not guaranteed that there's an absolute correlation to birth order. What's so terrible about it?
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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  10. #9  
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    The most important thing is that you're just 21. It's not uncommon for people to take some time to find work or areas of interest that really engage them.

    Though I'd suggest that getting in some practice on punctuality and diligence in any job or activity is worthwhile - if only to have that as a positive element in a reference when applying for a new job that really appeals to you. It's not enough that a job is tiring or boring for an adult to not put in the bare requirements for job performance.

    Counselling would be a good idea. A good careers counsellor can give you excellent whole of life advice - even if only by coincidence.
    "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." Winston Churchill
    "nature is like a game of Jenga; you never know which brick you pull out will cause the whole stack to collapse" Lucy Cooke
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  11. #10  
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    Sounds like typical ADD/ADHD. You should ask your doctor to try amphetamine based medication.

    Also, make sure you only discuss this with your parents until you're diagnosed and set on medication, as they may try to dissuade you for reasons that are beyond the OP topic. As manufacturers, by pride, they will always deny any fabrication fault.

    Also, since you are talking about depression, avoid Adderall. It has levo-amphetamine which will likely make things worst (make your doctor confirm this). You should probably get 100% d-amphetamine(dexedrine) or d-methamphetamine(desoxyn). Ritalin is like coffee and is mostly for children.
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  12. #11  
    Forum Professor jrmonroe's Avatar
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    To put a young person's natural lack of certitude about their life's goals in perspective, a significant proportion of university students obtain their four-year degrees in five years due to realizing part-way through that they began course work toward a degree that they don't really want to pursue. (It can be an expensive changing of horses in midstream, but certainly well worth it.)

    But I would also agree with others here (and I think with you) that your situation is beyond the norm. It is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, and I think we all congratulate you on seeing it for what it is. Sadly, it is all too common that persons with these kinds of problems cannot bring themselves to realize that their life problems are within themselves. These people, due to their denial, are in much worse shape than you, where they blame all their bosses for being jerks, their girlfriends for being too selfish, their parents for being perfectionists, etc. They would rather take street drugs because "the world sucks" than to take physician-prescribed medication to help mediate the problems within themselves.

    I hope you find a practitioner who would rather that you not be on medication forever, but only to help you find and maintain balance in control over your life. I certainly hope that your condition allows this to happen.
    Grief is the price we pay for love. (CM Parkes) Our postillion has been struck by lightning. (Unknown) War is always the choice of the chosen who will not have to fight. (Bono) The years tell much what the days never knew. (RW Emerson) Reality is not always probable, or likely. (JL Borges)
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  13. #12  
    Forum Sophomore somfooleishfool's Avatar
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    I'm more often than not, good with being punctual. I just find that after I get lazy and turn up late ONCE or don't turn up to work ONCE, I'm screwed and frequency of mishaps will increase. I do not have AD(H)D, I have been tested and found to have nothing more and nothing less than dyspraxia with SLIGHT traits of asbergers syndrome (almost certain this is solely due to being raised by an asbergers syndrome father). I would rather avoid taking drugs unless strongly suggested by a GP. Drugs are still drugs whether they're legal or illegal.
    The ironic thing is, the one thing I seem to have trouble NOT sticking at is drugs. Every drug I have ever tried (which is not a big list luckily) I have found my self struggling to not become addicted to.
    I found a link somehow (can't recall where I found it as it was found at 4am) that was a GREAT read, I strongly suggest reading it for anyone who isn't so happy with their lot in life or even would rather just be a bit happier Apes in Elysium: The Science of Happiness: What Works
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  14. #13 I have the same problem 
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    I completely understand, I can't finish anything I start, literally not one single thing. I'm a writer, or would be at least, and I've started more stories and books than I can even count. I'm always trying to start something after I pick myself up and it all goes great for the first bit, but it always comes crashing down. Whether it's writing, losing weight, jobs, whatever...it doesn't last long. Everyone thinks I'm just lazy or afraid of success or some other bullshit. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Nicole, you have so much potential! Why don't you just finish something, it can't be that hard." I tell myself the same thing, because it shouldn't be. Unlike you I'm not from a rich family so this little problem of mine has me in a world of shit and suicidal depression. Unfortunately, I have no idea what is wrong with me either.
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  15. #14  
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    dude,theres nothing with you!its called growing up experiencing life and trying to figure out who you are.we are all doing the same.my advice to you is that you complete some task of any kind.start with something small.by yourself or ask someone to help.it could be anything,for example mow your lawn,or your parents lawn.even though the task at hand sucks,complete it!it helps you learn a little more about yourself,and will raise your confidence.and work does suck.especially working for some random asshole.maybe in the future you will figure out what you really want to do as a career,and you can start your own company.but it is very important you keep a positive outlook on life,no matter how deep you have to dig inside yourself to find it.im only giving advice based on my opinion,i hope this helps you out in anyway.
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  16. #15  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    1. Find something, anything that you enjoy doing first of all. Do not just find a job that you earn a living at but instead find something you enjoy doing like working as a set up man for a rock band, mowing lawns or washing cars. All those jobs are not 9 to 5 types of work and 2 of them you set your own hours to do the work. It is more important you do something that you enjoy doing or at least can put up with doing that is important no matter what it might be.

    2. See a professional for help in your mental health issues for, as mentioned, they really can help and if medications will help and you find they can , then use them to help yourself not to abuse them. Listen to those professionals and if they don't seem to be helping you then find others that do for not all professionals are the same and use different ways to help.

    3. Ever try joining the military, it may sound rather odd but sometimes getting into a branch of the military will give you direction and discipline that you might need to help you overcome your problems. It isn't always the way to go about things but , if you join the service, you only have to enlist for 2 years in a few of them which you can then leave if you can't stand that type of work.

    4. Never give up hope that you'll never find your way in life because you just might find it when your not expecting it. Sometimes things happen around you and changes happen to your life that are mind blowing and that can happen anytime. Find friends that will be supportive of you and drop friends that aren't.

    Good luck to you and remember there's hope just keep on trying, never give up.



    Don't Stop Believing Journey lyrics - YouTube
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
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  17. #16  
    Forum Sophomore somfooleishfool's Avatar
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    few years down the track, problem solved. A book I read was the conduit to turning my life around 100%. I excersise frequently now, eat healthy, am underway passing my studies and getting qualifications. If anyone feels like their life sucks because the can't lift a finger to save themselves try reading "the power of habbit" truly changed my life. I lead a much happier life now and the future looks bright
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  18. #17  
    Universal Mind John Galt's Avatar
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    Excellent news. Although you are, to me, only a face and photo on an internet forum I felt genuine pleasure reading of your success. And even more pleasure that you had chosen to share that success with everyone and offer encouragement to those who might be currently disastisfied. Have a great 2014 and beyond.
    Strange and Ascended like this.
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  19. #18  
    Northern Horse Whisperer Moderator scheherazade's Avatar
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    Look at this, somfooleishfool.

    You actually came back to an on-line forum to post an update after 17 months.

    That's pretty impressive to me. All the best with your future endeavors and I too am a proponent of a healthy diet and regular exercise as a starting point for much healing. Thank you for the book recommendation.
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