Thread: Need for Friends?!

Just how important are friends to you? Some people think they can live without them, and others just can't get them. Personally my friends mean a lot to me. Though they sometimes can be a pain in the ass, I wouldn't know what to do without them. How can people think they don't need other persons in their life? And if you can't find good friends: how do you, without changing who you are?

Just to give some extra’s definitions, there are true friends and other (casual) friends.
Your true friends are the ones who can say and do things others can’t, who can ask things you would only do for them. You don’t have many of these. When having them you would say you can’t live without them (without these specific person(s))
Your other friends are the ones you get along with, you share that talk at a party, you go to the pub or restaurant together or visit each other from time to time, you would feel it as a loss if they went out of live.
This being said both are necessary for me but maybe just because I know them now.
Some people don’t care much about relations and make new contacts in a blink of the eye, they have the tendency to care less about having true friends.
Some people like the more at the surface attitude better with your casual friends and don’t like it when true friends come to close to their real self…

taking the two kind of friends into consideration I think everybody needs friends, not the two kinds depending on the person you are.

To accept and enjoy loneliness is a master's achievement.. so I guess we dont always need friends. They sometimes just make it easier to live.

i'd say you need them... but not always.

I think true, personla friends are very important. They stand up for you and you stand up for them.

Why does solitary confinement drive people mad?

Isn't is a cry for any human being to be accepted and to be liked?

When you are in an environment foreign to you, wouldn't you rather have someone that you are familiar with to be with you? For security?

Isn't it healthy to have someone to talk to? To vent out feelings instead of keeping them to yourself, someone you are familiar with and can trust?

Effervescent

Originally Posted by Effervescent

Isn't it healthy to have someone to talk to? To vent out feelings instead of keeping them to yourself, someone you are familiar with and can trust?

Effervescent

who's to say that a volleyball named wilson can't provide that security for venting feelings.

who's to say that a volleyball named wilson can't provide that security for venting feelings.

LOL

But wouldn't you need some affection back from the other person? The volleyball just sits there. And if you seek advise from a close friend... what advise can the volleyball give you?

Effervescent

Originally Posted by VMStudent

To accept and enjoy loneliness is a master's achievement.. so I guess we dont always need friends. They sometimes just make it easier to live.

Sometimes it's nice to have some time to oneself, at other times it's nice to enjoy the company of others, we learn from each other, we cannot survive (as a successful species) alone..

Sometimes it's nice to have some time to oneself, at other times it's nice to enjoy the company of others, we learn from each other, we cannot survive (as a successful species) alone..

I agree.

"No man is an island"

Effervescent

Apparently Paul Simon is: "I am a rock, I am an island."

Originally Posted by The P-manator

Apparently Paul Simon is: "I am a rock, I am an island."

Well good for him! (actually I don't know who Paul Simon is)

Effervescent

Originally Posted by Effervescent

Originally Posted by The P-manator

Apparently Paul Simon is: "I am a rock, I am an island."

Well good for him! (actually I don't know who Paul Simon is)

Effervescent

Pieman and Carbunkel

Or was it Simon and Garfunkel they sang songs (about halfway between now and the middle of the last century, or way back in the last millenia).

As for the Rock and the Island, They depended on the rest of us to buy their records so not that much of an island.

Its allways fun to have friends, but not a need. its like they say
"You dont miss what you never had"
and also if you grow up with few friends you dont raelly need friends

Originally Posted by Zelos

Its allways fun to have friends, but not a need. its like they say
"You dont miss what you never had"
and also if you grow up with few friends you dont raelly need friends

"If a man journey's through life without meeting others does he really exist?"

Originally Posted by billco

Originally Posted by Zelos

Its allways fun to have friends, but not a need. its like they say
"You dont miss what you never had"
and also if you grow up with few friends you dont raelly need friends

"If a man journey's through life without meeting others does he really exist?"

of course, ones existens is independed of other people

Originally Posted by Zelos

Originally Posted by billco

Originally Posted by Zelos

Its allways fun to have friends, but not a need. its like they say
"You dont miss what you never had"
and also if you grow up with few friends you dont raelly need friends

"If a man journey's through life without meeting others does he really exist?"

of course, ones existens is independed of other people

I’m not sure. Nobody has ever seen a alien (or has somebody seen billco?), so do they exist? It depends on what you mean by existence. Mostly something doesn’t exist until someone can declare that it does. So if no one knows you “exist” you don’t exist.

the dinosaurs did exist even thou no one could say they did until later parts of human era.

if i am alone i can say i exist since i stand there
I think, therefor i am

existens isnt about someone knowing you. just that you physicly existed

Okay, that's a clear definition. I do agree with you that you would exist. Though what would be the meaning of a existence if nobody knows you were ever there?

I don’t believe you live your life if there is nobody to share with. If you have a idea or something like that, you would like to tell somebody about your idea. Somebody who really listens to you and might even agree with you. You need somebody who cares for you and sympathizes you when your sick or unhappy. Somebody to laugh with when your happy and to cry with when you are depressed. I believe that if you would be the only one in the world, your emotional abilities wouldn’t have been as they are now. You wouldn’t laugh if you were happy cause laughing to yourself seems very stupid. There would be no need to cry, cause there’s nobody to hear it. I think you wouldn’t be able to live without other people, at least not for a long time. And as we need other humans in or lives we need friends: the humans we care for and of whom we know that they will be there when we need them.

Originally Posted by Zelos

the dinosaurs did exist even thou no one could say they did until later parts of human era.

if i am alone i can say i exist since i stand there
I think, therefor i am

existens isnt about someone knowing you. just that you physicly existed

The only trace we have of Dinosaurs are rocks (not bones) which have been carved out of bigger rocks.

The statue of David is also made out of rock, and carved from it. Did David exist? 8)

Okay, that's a clear definition. I do agree with you that you would exist. Though what would be the meaning of a existence if nobody knows you were ever there?

Invalid question
Question already specefy there shall be a meaning.
Answer: There is none. Existens is existens for no reason. Your work is to increase entropy and no more

If you have a idea or something like that, you would like to tell somebody about your idea.

yeah, i tell my friends, me and myself. toghater can I, me and myself reason about it all

Somebody who really listens to you and might even agree with you. You need somebody who cares for you and sympathizes you when your sick or unhappy.

Not really. thats a need for people with a social need. those who never had it never will need it.

I believe that if you would be the only one in the world, your emotional abilities wouldn’t have been as they are now.

Hurray theyd probebly be gone. sweet. Somebody give me a gun. im on for a rampage

I think you wouldn’t be able to live without other people, at least not for a long time.

a human can, what a human needs to. If its required to be isolated to survive it will. all it need is something to focus on. and survival alone can be it.

And as we need other humans in or lives we need friends: the humans we care for and of whom we know that they will be there when we need them.

Join the collective and be assimilated and you will never be alone
There is no you. No i. Only US

Okay, then I’ll put it this way. What happens when you don’t give enough attention to your domestics? They grow mad. What happens if you don’t give any attention t your children? They grow mad. What happens if Zelos is entirely alone on the world? He’s the happiest person on the world . Why would all animals have a social need but we humans not? Aren’t we the most social “animals” of al?

We humans are social.
But i think its weak. The weaker you are the more friends you need to get the power in numbers.

Originally Posted by Zelos

We humans are social.
But i think its weak. The weaker you are the more friends you need to get the power in numbers.

Tell me how would you unify the strong bond of love, the weak bond of freindship, the magnetic attraction of wealth and the gravity of resposibility? 8)

simply smash them to pieces and form my own laws

Sounds like you got no friends teenie.

im not a popular person and i dont really wish that i had a thousand friends but i always need to know that there is someone i can talk to. I dont mind being alone usually, but i cant stand being alone in school and when everyone else it laughing and talking to their friends... I think friends are necessary cos there was a point in my life where i didnt really have any friends and then i sort of lost my confidence in socialising with people, and today i still think its a miracle when someone talks to me and doesnt hate me! So friends are an important thing in life basically.

Originally Posted by Megabrain

Sounds like you got no friends teenie.

i do have friends

but i dont need them. they are a + in life but not a need

if you never had friends, you never miss them(not speaking from personal expieriance of course!). you cant miss what you never had.

For many, having a friend means having a strong emotional connection with another human being. A person that you would share your intimate feelings with. A person that you would reveal your vulnerability to. Me being a man, I would only partake in such a thing if the other was a woman with whom I felt passionate about. And even then it would be a rare selective process. My personal nature is not one of sentiment.

I tend to view the term "Friend" in a more basic rudimentary form. To me a friendship is nothing more than a companionship in which there is shared a mutual understanding of all things or at least one thing in particular. A friend/companion/partner/brother-in-arm is someone who has seen many of the same things, endured many of the same hardships and put up with much of the same bulls**t as you have. A friend is a person you can relate to in terms of raw experience. As a result, a friend is not so much a person that you love but is a person that you respect and, if given enough time, can trust as well.

Oddly enough, enemies can be seen in much of the same way. An enemy can be just as important. Though I don't make it a habbit of procuring one.

I can survive on my own, I am quite happy to walk into a woodland and just wander on my own for couple of hours, i do this once or twide a week. I prefer it to be on my own, it's so much more peaceful than people nattering in your ear constanly. However there are also times when i need the company of my friends but it is there company i enjoy, not the frivolous talking. My answer is that i could quite happily survive on my own, but the company of other people is also nice, it is not needed, but i consider it one of life's +ives

Man is a pack animal, and generally needs the company of others. True 'loners' are rare and many times exhibit qualities frowned upon by the rest of society, especially if society forced the situation upon them.

Originally Posted by Megabrain

Man is a pack animal, and generally needs the company of others. True 'loners' are rare and many times exhibit qualities frowned upon by the rest of society, especially if society forced the situation upon them.

Sounds like my kinda' padre.


Any time society frowns upon me I just turn and laugh in its face.

Originally Posted by chamilton333

if you never had friends, you never miss them(not speaking from personal expieriance of course!). you cant miss what you never had.

thats what ive said

and i grow up with few/no friends so for me they arent a need, a + but no need.

and i do spend most of my time alone

Hiho,
It's me again the end of the thread (or the start of a new discussion)

You can stop guessing now, because the "friend" test was already done by a king.

A German king to be exact (I forgot his name, but maybe you can remember)
His actual plan was to find the Language of Languages the Language that all our Languages spread from. He wanted to use this language and spread it though whole Europe.

So this is what he has done:
12 newborns where taken from their homes and brought to the king, they weren’t tortured nor hurt. When they arrived the king put the infants together in a room and had them be watched by some women who should feed and watch over the babies day and night, but they shouldn't be talked to or played with, their faces should stay expressionless and dull.
This was done, the babies didn’t cry that much (about as much as the average), and they weren’t sick. After a few weeks the babies started dying. No sickness, they just died. The king was very shocked about this and thought it was a sign of god (something like that).

I ask you Zelos and the others that believe they can "survive" without friends. Have you ever been emotionally effected, or not even that have you been moved by for example by someone else’s doing?
Has a moment like this passed where you haven’t shed a tear where others did?
This interests me.

Hope you answer soon.

The thread cutter,

miomaz

Originally Posted by miomaz

I ask you Zelos and the others that believe they can "survive" without friends. Have you ever been emotionally effected, or not even that have you been moved by for example by someone else’s doing?
Has a moment like this passed where you haven’t shed a tear where others did?

sure i have been moved by people and shared a tear or two , but this has no implication on my ability to do without friends. Sure i like having them around but i can still live without them.

Well, then you'll just have a very lonely life with low self esteem

i don't lead a lonely life, nor did i say i didn't have any friends.My self esteem is probably well above average. I do have friends as you should know, when i go on holiday to Kos however, i find the quietist spot and read one of the books i have taken, i do this for most of the holiday away from other people

I'm not sure whether there are actually two issues wrapped up in this, one being the need for friends and the second the need for 'company'
If it's just friends then I suspect one can get along without them as I am sure many people do, but company is different, I'm sure we all need that from time to time at least.

The irony of many who claim to seek metaphysical solitude is their need to tell others about it and receive validation and thus a boost to their esteem. 'The lone wolf'. Except the 'lone wolf' is always trying to be noticed by the pack.

My wife and I almays make jokes about a lot of songs. There is one about the typical teen who choses to be 'alone' if he can't have his true love. He must still still moping in his bedroom 50 years later and lives off his Social Security cheque....meanwhile the girl who wouldn't go to the prom with him now has 6 grandchildren and her favorite past time is bingo.

Hi friends,

Friends will add texture to a persons life. Theres nothing more interactive than a human being. You can have a life without friends but it would be less interesting.

They also provide confirmation that you're an ok person. If you didn't have friends you've got to figure theres something lacking in your personality that stops other people from liking you.

regards
Robert

( http://www.priority1design.com.au )

Originally Posted by Effervescent

Why does solitary confinement drive people mad?

Isn't is a cry for any human being to be accepted and to be liked?

When you are in an environment foreign to you, wouldn't you rather have someone that you are familiar with to be with you? For security?

Isn't it healthy to have someone to talk to? To vent out feelings instead of keeping them to yourself, someone you are familiar with and can trust?

Effervescent

Personally, I've always found people threatening, not comforting, or providing security. For whatever reason, people don't seem to like me much. (Animals are much nicer that way) People are a source of pain and anxiety and fear. I can only relax when I am alone. Strangely, I still like people, I like watching them, and I like seeing them happy and well. I just like it at some remove, such as on television or chatting on the internet. (much as I like tigers, as long as they are behind bars or barriers in a zoo) But I can control interactions there, turn it off if need be. More and more I find face to face contact difficult and draining. I often am tired after talking to people in person.

I often wonder if somehow I have the smell of the mastadon, carrier pigeon, or dodo about me. (All species murdered by man) I see people as the most dangerous thing on the planet.

Over the years I have gone from desiring friendship, to being angry at not having it, to anxiety over its lack, to a realization that I can live without it, and at last to being comfortable in my skin and accepting that the only validation I would ever get is from myself and even being happy in that state.

So no, I no longer need friends, I simply need to be safe (as much as that is possible) and left alone. But I still like talking to people, as long as I can control the interaction.

Sounds like you've had a bad experience sometime, not all people are a danger to you, if they were, you would not have survived this long. :wink:

Yep they do say animals are more loyal than people, but most of us draw upon our experience to select friends with even more care, maybe you are a poor judge of character - who knows, one thing is clear though, (like it or not) you do seek interaction with others, that's why you posted!

Originally Posted by Megabrain

Sounds like you've had a bad experience sometime, not all people are a danger to you, if they were, you would not have survived this long. :wink:

Yep they do say animals are more loyal than people, but most of us draw upon our experience to select friends with even more care, maybe you are a poor judge of character - who knows, one thing is clear though, (like it or not) you do seek interaction with others, that's why you posted!

Eh, yeah had some bad experiences and yeah, definitely a bad judge of character. And while I eat meat and wear leather, I like animals a lot. They may not be bright but a pet can be a really good friend. A dog just doesn't care if you are cool or not.

And I do seek interactions, just ones I can control (at least as far as ending them) so this forum is perfect for me. I think I am like the colonists in Asimov's I Robot series. I like people just fine as long as they are 200 miles away from me

friends...i think they r strongely needed but for teh "social" and a "Healthy" personality devolopment
even though im only 18..nearly.. but for maaaanyy years i chose to live without any friends and be completly isolated..it lead to alot of negative effects.
today i have freidns..the "normal" shape and relationships
.me and my girls have fun from a whiel to while.... complain abot normal things..but absouloutely not exposed to them..even if they r
i think we shouldnt let teh beauty of friends charm us..coz nothign lasts..and u can never make sure...
but the shock worths it sometimes we need them! no other choice!

Originally Posted by Artemis

Just how important are friends to you? Some people think they can live without them, and others just can't get them. Personally my friends mean a lot to me. Though they sometimes can be a pain in the ass, I wouldn't know what to do without them. How can people think they don't need other persons in their life? And if you can't find good friends: how do you, without changing who you are?

i don't actually relate that much to most of my "friends". but when i need someone to vent to, go shopping with, or go to the movies i know they're there. i don't really have a friend that i know is unconditional, and that i trust entirely, but thats what my parents are for. but anyway humans need social interaction and i thinkthe loners who are all " i hatepeople and dont need anyone but me" are lying to themselves.

Humans are a social animal, if we were in the wild we would group together and run in packs.

Everyone needs human interaction on some level.

I don't have true friends or casual friends. When I have spare time I like to do what I want to do, and I don't really like having to fit in with other people.

As several other people have already pointed out, humans are highly social animals. In our evolutionary past, group living was very advantageous - humans could accomplish more and were safer when they worked together. As social animals, things like social status is also very important when it comes to mate attractiveness - individuals at the top/center of a cooperative group get the most benefits out of that group, so you'd definitely want that person for your mate.

Since sociality has all these advantages, we've evolved a genetic disposition to enjoy being social (if we enjoy having friends, we'll have more of them, and reap more of the benefits of group living). So most people, on average, have a desire to have friends and to be a part of the group. We enjoy it. And we don't enjoy being left out of the group.

But that doesn't mean we need friends in order to survive, and there will always be individuals with different levels of desire to be with other people. Growing up without society will probably make it difficult to properly interact with society in the future - but if you don't want to interact with society, what does it matter?

I think if not exactly friends the social interaction on some level is definitely necessary for emotional health.

Even the lack of human touch has been demonstrated to be detrimental to emotional health.

Babies in overcrowded orphanges have died from isolation not neglect.
People forced into isolation eg. prisoners become depressed and anxious.

A couple of sources.
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neur...2frintner.html
http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org.../full/63/2/273

Based on those sorts of findings I would presume that the more quality in a relationship then the more benefit.

I'm not sure the isolated babies really count as evidence of the need for friendship. Parents and other immediate family can provide a baby with all the stimulation it needs to grow up healthily. I think friends would be individuals unrelated (or at least more distantly related) to you that you form a bond with.

Prisoners being forced into isolation is a better example, but I think it should be considered on an individual basis. If people who are used to normal social contact are suddenly isolated, then yes they would probably become anxious and unhappy (and probably the majority of people are like this). But, maybe other people would be able to handle it better than others. There's always going to be variation - I mean, just look at the different posts in this thread. Friends are clearly more valuable to some people than they are to others. An interesting question might be what is the cause of this variation?

friends?
you mean the people you buy drinks for, have a good time with, but as soon as you turn off the money-tap, they disappear?
or the people that are impressed with your work, you start talking, and have a 3 hour conversation, but the next day they're not saying a word, and trying to avoid you?

humanity.. meh. 1 wrong word, and you're damned for life.
i got aspergers, so i am a bit socially and emotionally handicapped.
usually i dont pick up very well on social signals at all.
on top of that i've had a brother who has been giving me confusing social
signals (he likes being beaten up for some reason)
and i once pushed a girl down from a playhouse, who broke her arm when i was 4.


i also have problems when i'm supposed to feel a certain way, according to how i've observed other people feel, i don't.

oh, my great grand-aunt who was generally a very nice person and whom i liked spending some time with, died, and i didn't feel anything. no loss.

oh, i just discovered that the person who i thought was my father for 11 years turns out not to be my dad, and that my real dad lives in oslo, and that for some reason i've never been told so before.
yet i feel nothing.

and when i pushed down that girl?
"she broke her arm? oh, well thats bad i guess."

my 12 year old little sister got a birthday, and my mother pleas me to send her a present. i don't.

on the other end of the spectrum, i usually give money to people down on luck, like bums, when i saw somenoe being assaulted by 7 full grown guys, i ran towards them and scared them off, and i'm a member of a few
organizations that helps people affected by wars and catastrophies.

in general, when seeking friends, i look for someone i might get something out of. like information or personal enjoyment.

.. am i cold or what.

Originally Posted by dejawolf

in general, when seeking friends, i look for someone i might get something out of. like information or personal enjoyment.

.. am i cold or what.

well, speaking in strictly evolutionary terms, that's probably what friends are supposed to be - unrelated individuals (so you don't share common genetic interest) that you can gain some advantage from by associating with them. we evolved emotions to encourage us in this respect - so you might seem to cold to most people who relate to things via their emotions, but it's not like it's your fault. You were born with asperger's and so have a different view on emotions and friendships than other people. It's not as though you're intentionally trying to hurt peoples' feelings or anything.

if I haven't said before, freindships is a crook

the classic meeting your girlfreinds, freinds who have absolutely nothing in common apart from *momentarily forgets to sugar coat the truth* mutal alliance ...I mean freindship.

I don't discount human interaction is important, yet society is a dichotomy

friendship is valid and long lasting as marriage these days.

I sound skeptial because its reality,

increase in Gang culture shows how people are reduced to a commodity.

one of my earliest memories is a guy where I live, very popular... had nothing to do with the fact he was wealthy... of course not.

give me a break

Originally Posted by freejack

increase in Gang culture shows how people are reduced to a commodity.

one of my earliest memories is a guy where I live, very popular... had nothing to do with the fact he was wealthy... of course not.

give me a break

friendships serve purposes. Whether people want to think of it that way or not, it is true. Sometimes the purpose is more utilitarian - a gang member that is valuable to his fellow members because of some skill he has that benefits the gang, a wealthy high status person whose very association with you may rise your own social status. Sometimes the purpose is more personal - the friendship is about emotional fulfillment, about mutual support of one another. But it is still a purpose, and you benefit from it.

Men and women, in fact, tend to view friendships differently like this. (I say tend, because it's not 100% true for every friendship for every man and every woman - it's an average, a trend.) Men tend to maintain friendships more when there's a common goal or purpose. My boyfriend often says to me it's important to maintain friendships with other people in his field, so that in the future they can help each other out, do each other favors. It's not like he doesn't like these people for themselves and only for their future purpose - he still values them emotionally and enjoys interacting with them, but the friendship is further solidified by the common purpose. I, on the other hand, have more difficulty in maintaining friendships that do not give me a continued, personal emotional fulfillment. I do this more with people with whom I share a common goal or purpose, yes, but when my friends and I move far away from each other, communication usually slows down, and we tend to drift apart. After a certain point I actually feel awkward talking to them again. It's the ones that I interact and bond with on a more daily basis, that are more immediate in my life, that I find easier to maintain.

Originally Posted by VMStudent

To accept and enjoy loneliness is a master's achievement.. so I guess we dont always need friends. They sometimes just make it easier to live.

this is a contradiction in terms, being on your own does not equal loneliness. You are only lonely if you are alone and desire the company of others. That said, some people remain 'lonely' while in the company of others, as it is a particular type of company they desire.

I am on my own every evening when my chidlren go to bed from 7pm until midnight, but I am not lonely. I enjoy my own company and the freedom to do as I please.

During the day I see friends by prior appointment only, as I enjoy planning my own day.

I do value my friendships hugely.

If you want to make 'good friends' then you just take the opportunity to be around a variety of people and situations and then take your time and choose wisely, as you would with a romantic relationship.