Notices
Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: Why Do We Act Stiff/Differently Infront of Those Attractive

  1. #1 Why Do We Act Stiff/Differently Infront of Those Attractive 
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    9
    Is there a scientific explanation for this cause? What exactly happens to our body that causes us to act strangely around them, and in some cases tend to avoid them (ie: sit farther away from them in class out of fear).

    The reason I ask is because around all my friends and their female friends I really have an outgoing personality. But when a girl I'm really attracted to is around/watching/in the conversation I start feeling slightly stiff and I get much, MUCH more quiet than I normally do

    So why does it happen and what can be done about it? Why do the most outgoing people go through this as well? I don't think the "you just dont wanna look stupid!" answers will suffice, because I know there is more to it than that, particularly because if I did a speech in front of the class it feels LESS awkward.

    Is it because we're not prepared with things to say? Probably not...considering we're just so attracted to them that even being prepared with something wont help....

    Any ideas?


    Reply With Quote  
     

  2.  
     

  3. #2  
    Time Lord
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    5,328
    You say not, but to me it seems like stage fright. You just more value the approval of that particular audience.


    A pong by any other name is still a pong. -williampinn
    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #3  
    Forum Masters Degree organic god's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    London
    Posts
    567
    we talking metaphorically stiff right? physically stiff can be explained by any biologist in the forum. you know what i'm talking about =)
    everything is mathematical.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #4  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    annapolis
    Posts
    87
    What happens to our body ? The same thing happens when someone points a gun to your head. You become inhibited, because something important to you is on the verge of leaving. Instead of your life, it is in the form of a very attractive girl, something that we as men are very emotionally attached to.
    did I kayak did I.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #5  
    Forum Cosmic Wizard paralith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    2,190
    I think it's just general nervousness. Different people act differently when they get nervous. Some get quiet, others talk a million miles a minute, others blush and run away. Whatever it takes, people find ways to get some form of control over a situation that they feel they have no control over yet matters a lot to them. That's the kind of situation that is most likely to cause a stress reaction.
    Man can will nothing unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
    ~Jean-Paul Sartre
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #6  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    9
    Quote Originally Posted by organic god
    we talking metaphorically stiff right? physically stiff can be explained by any biologist in the forum. you know what i'm talking about =)
    That just made me laugh because I just realized what I had done hahahaha
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #7  
    Forum Ph.D. Hanuka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    The 10th Kingdom xD
    Posts
    750
    ROFL! xD
    Good Brother
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    The truths that matter to us the most are often left half-spoken..
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #8 Re: Why Do We Act Stiff/Differently Infront of Those Attract 
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Nirgendwo und Ueberall
    Posts
    1,296
    Quote Originally Posted by MavRick
    Is there a scientific explanation for this cause? What exactly happens to our body that causes us to act strangely around them, and in some cases tend to avoid them (ie: sit farther away from them in class out of fear).

    The reason I ask is because around all my friends and their female friends I really have an outgoing personality. But when a girl I'm really attracted to is around/watching/in the conversation I start feeling slightly stiff and I get much, MUCH more quiet than I normally do

    So why does it happen and what can be done about it? Why do the most outgoing people go through this as well? I don't think the "you just dont wanna look stupid!" answers will suffice, because I know there is more to it than that, particularly because if I did a speech in front of the class it feels LESS awkward.

    Is it because we're not prepared with things to say? Probably not...considering we're just so attracted to them that even being prepared with something wont help....

    Any ideas?
    The answer to your question more likely involves pain than fear. The anterior cingulate cortex lights up in fMRI scans when experiencing or imagining physical and emotional pain. It's also associated with "social pain"..or pain caused by social rejection. A person's sensitivity to social rejection was found to be correlated to their pain sensitivity, according to a study performed by Naomi Eisenberg. You have probably set yourself up for failure by assuming you'll be rejected and experience the very emotional pain that you're trying to avoid. Yet in reality, you'll never know until you try. Neuroscience has suggested in the recent past that dopamine is involved in addiction, be it to a person or a drug. Dopamine-mediated stimulation of the brain's pleasure circuits leads to periods of intense arousal and craving..like when waiting eagerly to play a video game you enjoy or to have sex with a lover..or to snort cocaine. To stop the addiction cycle, you need to resolve the issue at hand. If you are taking drugs in lieu of dealing with other problems...deal with the problems at hand and ditch the drugs. If you like a girl, ask her out and move on if she says no and devote your affection to someone else. Stop the negative cycle.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #9 Re: Why Do We Act Stiff/Differently Infront of Those Attract 
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    annapolis
    Posts
    87
    Quote Originally Posted by gottspieler
    Quote Originally Posted by MavRick
    Is there a scientific explanation for this cause? What exactly happens to our body that causes us to act strangely around them, and in some cases tend to avoid them (ie: sit farther away from them in class out of fear).

    The reason I ask is because around all my friends and their female friends I really have an outgoing personality. But when a girl I'm really attracted to is around/watching/in the conversation I start feeling slightly stiff and I get much, MUCH more quiet than I normally do

    So why does it happen and what can be done about it? Why do the most outgoing people go through this as well? I don't think the "you just dont wanna look stupid!" answers will suffice, because I know there is more to it than that, particularly because if I did a speech in front of the class it feels LESS awkward.

    Is it because we're not prepared with things to say? Probably not...considering we're just so attracted to them that even being prepared with something wont help....

    Any ideas?
    The answer to your question more likely involves pain than fear. The anterior cingulate cortex lights up in fMRI scans when experiencing or imagining physical and emotional pain. It's also associated with "social pain"..or pain caused by social rejection. A person's sensitivity to social rejection was found to be correlated to their pain sensitivity, according to a study performed by Naomi Eisenberg. You have probably set yourself up for failure by assuming you'll be rejected and experience the very emotional pain that you're trying to avoid. Yet in reality, you'll never know until you try. Neuroscience has suggested in the recent past that dopamine is involved in addiction, be it to a person or a drug. Dopamine-mediated stimulation of the brain's pleasure circuits leads to periods of intense arousal and craving..like when waiting eagerly to play a video game you enjoy or to have sex with a lover..or to snort cocaine. To stop the addiction cycle, you need to resolve the issue at hand. If you are taking drugs in lieu of dealing with other problems...deal with the problems at hand and ditch the drugs. If you like a girl, ask her out and move on if she says no and devote your affection to someone else. Stop the negative cycle.
    So according to Eisenberg the higher pain tolerance you have to physical stimulus the higher tolerance you will have to continued social rejection, or intense social rejection ?
    did I kayak did I.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  11. #10  
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Nirgendwo und Ueberall
    Posts
    1,296
    Yes.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  12. #11  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    England
    Posts
    23
    next time it happens to you try and remember what thoughts were running through your mind, when its me its only ever with this one girl and every time i constantly rack my brain for something to say but i get all these suggestions and think to myself no not yet, wrong time, thatll sound stupid, she wont be interested in that, ha thatd make my mates laugh but she'll just walk away, the list goes on its like a ball of fear and ideas that are apparently bad but still work to whomever else i may say them to.

    and i know u don't agree but i think its a defense mechanism, the fear of rejection or failure is to much to even attempt a single word.

    and stopping it :?

    well you've got two options, settle with the less attractive but easier to talk to girl or wait it out and hope as hard as you can that it leaves XD

    good luck
    Reply With Quote  
     

  13. #12  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    29
    Interesting subject

    Emotion is not calculated by logic.

    You can calculate the action towards logic, but not how to react from logic.

    The less value a person has to you, the smaller the chance of acting towards that person for attraction. Which would actually gain attraction from that person till a certain degree.

    The opposite is true as well.

    The more value a person has to you, the bigger the chance of actings towards that person for attraction. Which would reduce the attraction from that person till a certain degree.

    The value of this is higher when not aware.

    This value is based upon your body language, where your body language is 100% accurate through the reflection of your character when not aware.

    For instance "signalling".

    Where a smile is commonly the most effective as a first signal. Simply because its a friendly gesture. Which translates into (depending on surroundings) interesting.

    However, supplementing is the most common mistake. Supplementing basically translates into buying attraction.

    These are just a few variables. You would be amazed how many actions are taken for social interaction attraction.

    If you wish to understand the psychology, you should get in contact with seduction community's. These people call themselves pick-up artists, descendants of casanova, venusian artists.

    Whatever you may call them, its all about being an alpha male.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  14. #13  
    Forum Freshman Cynical Seductress's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    LaRochelle, France
    Posts
    23
    Excellent response by Gottspieler again; an explanation inferring a very logical Darwinian history as well.

    Regardless of the chemical causes, you are probably correct in your reasoning that the reaction is triggered by the desire to be accepted by someone you perceive to be important, credible, or desirable.
    One tactic people use to circumvent this is to convince themselves that their target is not important to them, and to treat the target in that manner. You are more comfortable talking to someone you see as being an inferior than you are talking to someone who you see as being above you or better than you. This is because you are worried about that person's opinions of your words and actions (for reasons described by Gottspieler).
    This is effective on (probably most) women because they are psychologically conditioned to seek a dominant mate. Treating them as inferior makes it appear as though you have the confidence that is a sign of that.
    Humanity cheats Natural Selection because its inferiors are allowed to continue to exist. Inevitably, there will be no way to escape obesity, diabetes, stupidity, and hair loss. Do me a favor by killing yourself and your family.
    You're not crazy, you won't PM me-
    Reply With Quote  
     

  15. #14  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    annapolis
    Posts
    87
    Quote Originally Posted by Cynical Seductress
    Excellent response by Gottspieler again; an explanation inferring a very logical Darwinian history as well.

    Regardless of the chemical causes, you are probably correct in your reasoning that the reaction is triggered by the desire to be accepted by someone you perceive to be important, credible, or desirable.
    One tactic people use to circumvent this is to convince themselves that their target is not important to them, and to treat the target in that manner. You are more comfortable talking to someone you see as being an inferior than you are talking to someone who you see as being above you or better than you. This is because you are worried about that person's opinions of your words and actions (for reasons described by Gottspieler).
    This is effective on (probably most) women because they are psychologically conditioned to seek a dominant mate. Treating them as inferior makes it appear as though you have the confidence that is a sign of that.
    Lol you make humans sound like apes by this response. How about a boss ? Do we treat them as inferiors as well even though we percieve them as superior ? (if we are in touch with reality) I dont think so. And how about a mate with money, who is passive. I gaurantee he will get a mate faster then a dominate person who is in a slum.
    did I kayak did I.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  16. #15  
    Forum Freshman Cynical Seductress's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    LaRochelle, France
    Posts
    23
    1. Logical Fallacy: Straw-man - choosing a weak argument or (in this case) altering an argument to make it weak to a situational or hypothetical attack.

    2. Humans are apes.

    3. The original poster was referring to interaction with an attractive female, as was I. Obviously different situations require different techniques, as with an employer. That was not my focus.
    Humanity cheats Natural Selection because its inferiors are allowed to continue to exist. Inevitably, there will be no way to escape obesity, diabetes, stupidity, and hair loss. Do me a favor by killing yourself and your family.
    You're not crazy, you won't PM me-
    Reply With Quote  
     

  17. #16  
    Forum Senior Booms's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    The perceptual schematic known as earth
    Posts
    361
    Whatever the reason it's distinctly human, no other species pussyfoots around the opposite gender, they just get on with it


    therefore the psycholigical 'stiffness' and indiffernce I would assume comes from our 'higher intelligence' suppressing the primal desire to simply mount her there and then

    in human society sex is embarrassing, as open as you think you are, not a single person would feel comfortable talking in public to a random stranger about the ins and out's of their personal sexual experiences, because this isn't an evolved process, rather the advancements of our mental capacities, we still have the animalistic hormones and 'feeling' which contradict the way we are brought up to think, your stiffness and indifference are the physical results of the subconscious battle waged between your 'higher' mental intelligence and your animal desires
    It's not how many questions you ask, but the answers you get - Booms

    This is the Acadamy of Science! we don't need to 'prove' anything!
    Reply With Quote  
     

  18. #17  
    Time Lord
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    5,328
    Quote Originally Posted by Booms
    no other species pussyfoots
    Not even pussycats? I dunno, it seems to me most species sink tremenous energy into "flirting" with sex. Look at flowers. Their entire purpose in life is to make sex indirect and uncertain.
    A pong by any other name is still a pong. -williampinn
    Reply With Quote  
     

  19. #18  
    Administrator KALSTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    South Africa
    Posts
    8,229
    Whatever the reason it's distinctly human, no other species pussyfoots around the opposite gender, they just get on with it
    Not sure what you mean here? Courting is VERY common among other species.
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

    "Gullibility kills" - Carl Sagan
    "All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it." - Harry Block
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
    Reply With Quote  
     

  20. #19  
    Forum Freshman
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    29
    Quote Originally Posted by Booms

    in human society sex is embarrassing, as open as you think you are, not a single person would feel comfortable talking in public to a random stranger about the ins and out's of their personal sexual experiences
    It actually does happen, this is how "love" is created in the most efficient way.
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •