Thread: man fall in love with woman like their mother

I had a relationship with a man..I found out that he cheated on me. He never really had respect for me but he told me that he could not live without me and sometimes he even was obsessed by me, extremely jalous, afraid that I would leave him after I found out the truth about him and his life.

His brother told me that I looked like their mother, who died when they were young. I remember that there is a theology about that,little boys fall in love with their mother and without knowing it they "file a foto of her" and when they are full-grown and they see a face like that they fall in love with her.

I have seen this before...just compare a photo of camilla and the nanny of prince charles...they look exactly the same.

Could this be an explanation why my exboyfriend always treated me this way? anybody who had to go through the same kind of situation? My exboyfriend told me also that he loved his mother but she was not always there for him and didnt want to care for him.

I agree with u....Now I am confused that every man maybe have same view about beautiful girls, but have totally different view about girlfriend. Why men have different opinions on choosing girlfriend? Of course, this maybe come from the influence of environment, but i think most of influence come from mother....

But I don't think it is a problem, if it doesn't go too far...I think girls also have same problem...

I do believe this whole theory about men being attracted to women who were like their mother was one of Freud's ideas. For that reason i'm not sure I believe it all that much.

But definitely a possibility!

Eeh..I would be careful not to generalize too much. It's certainly possible for a man to form a strong emotional attachment to a woman who resembles his mother either physically or through personality, or both. However, I wouldn't think this to be the one and only determinant, nor is it exclusive only to men. It is no less probable for a woman to have a relationships with a man based on some deep rooted paternal attachment. I think people of both sexes are equally prone to having some kind of unresolved or underdeveloped emotions in relation to their nurturing, and that such a person could carry those issues into their adult life when choosing a mate.

Personally I find this rubbish! In terms of looks and personality, my mother, whom I love obviously, is NOT what I look for in a woman! I think most men will feel the same.

Originally Posted by steph

I do believe this whole theory about men being attracted to women who were like their mother was one of Freud's ideas. For that reason i'm not sure I believe it all that much.

But definitely a possibility!

Oedipus complex

I think Mate selection is an emotional thing, probably even more than it is physical. The best looking woman is the one who looks most like something you identify with in a positive way.

This could also carry over to homosexuality. Maybe some people identify better with other men emotionally.

Arguing genetics about it all is kind of weak, because most of what attracts you to anyone or anything is stuff that's going on in your head, not your body.

I fell in love with a woman (my wife) who acts a lot like my father. Go figure.

A mother is the essence of love. Perhaps, men find that comforting, and thus look for the same essence and simplistic beauty in other women. After all, who doesn't want marry someone who will love you till the end of time?

Originally Posted by tritai

A mother is the essence of love. Perhaps, men find that comforting, and thus look for the same essence and simplistic beauty in other women. After all, who doesn't want marry someone who will love you till the end of time?

That statement is rather unfair me thinks!

Why couldn't a father be the essence of love too? Women don't have the license on love.

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

Originally Posted by sox

Personally I find this rubbish! In terms of looks and personality, my mother, whom I love obviously, is NOT what I look for in a woman! I think most men will feel the same.

Usually you are not aware of it if someone looks like your mother. Maybe she will have another skincolor, another nose, etc etc. But there is maybe something, for example the same smile or same expression which you dont see in a minute.
And there is a theory that if you recordnise this, you will feel attracted to this person, without the awareness that you identify this with yout mother.

Originally Posted by nicole12345

Usually you are not aware of it if someone looks like your mother.

I remember being lost in a department store. A worker asked me what my mother looked like. I didn't know!

Absum, I am not arguing the actual worth of individual guardians, all I'm saying is that in the majority of families, the mothers are the ones the children remember when asked of love, (but fathers can take that place themselves at any given time)...........

Fathers are just as qualified, but since the actual question posted related to mothers, i answered from the mom-lover POV

For all primates, including humans, the very first intimate relationship an individual has is with its mother. Unlike other mammals, primates don't have litters, but have one baby at a time, to whom the mother devotes all her attention. Primate mothers don't hide their babies in a nest and spend the day hunting/foraging - they carry their infants everywhere with them. When a primate baby is first born, it has two primary desires: (1) to drink milk, and (2) to hold on to mom. The same goes for human women in traditional hunter gatherer cultures. Infants are carried by their mothers constantly, even when they go out foraging. Only when they're older will children be left with caretakers back at camp.

The constant close proximity doesn't happen as much in modern human societies, but that basic connection between mother and infant remains - the mother's instinct is to hold her infant, the infant's instinct is to be with the mother. Like I said, most other mammalian infants are not like this. They don't begin to shriek and cry if mom puts them down and leaves to get food.

That being said, the connection between this relationship and a male's relationship with his mate is questionable. Infants are "attracted" to their mothers, in that they desire to be near them, and even when older turn to their mothers for comfort in times of stress. But the biological imperative to not mate with close relatives is also very strong across all primates. I would have to say that if a male thinks he is romantically attracted to a woman like his mother, it may not be romance that he is subconsciously looking for, but rather a source of support and comfort, which may or may not translate well into an actual mate relationship. In mating, your mate also depends on you for support - it is not a one way deal.

Originally Posted by kojax

Arguing genetics about it all is kind of weak, because most of what attracts you to anyone or anything is stuff that's going on in your head, not your body.

So, according to you, genetics have no influence on our brains whatsoever. I find that rather hard to believe, because we wouldn't even have brains if we did not have the genes to encode for them. Your brain is just like any other organ in your body. It has been shaped by natural selection to optimally perform specific tasks. For humans and primates, understanding and maneuvering your way through the social sphere is one of those tasks.

I have a confession to make.

Around the time I was born, an aunt sewed for me a doll - a cartoonish smiling sort of raggedy-anne doll. It must have gotten packed away when I was very young, for I didn't remember it. But when I saw it as a young man: whoa what a cutie!!! And perhaps by fluke my wife just happens to look a bit like that first love, Sally, when she smiles. As for Sally's day-glo green hair... eh, the wife won't have it.

Originally Posted by Absum!

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

This is bullshit!

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

This is bullshit!

Why do you say that? I think it makes sense perfectly. I never really had a mother, so it took me a long time to gain confidence to talk to women. Lack of relationship with mother, lack of making one with women when older.

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

This is bullshit!

Rebellion also is a way of following.

I'm nothing like my parents, they both are really bad and illogical persons(well mostly my father)
which if I ever met anyone like them I'd be doing the world a great favor
by getting rid of them.

Afterall, if both of your parents are bad there's no reason to follow their path.

Today I'm proud to be the total opposite of them.

Originally Posted by Pong

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

This is bullshit!

Rebellion also is a way of following.

What about anti-conformity?:

Today I'm proud to be the total opposite of them.

================================================== ===

I would say bad are just words though Hanuka, they may seem bad to you at the moment, but as I learned with my father, it takes time as you grow older to see how they feel. The only way to do that is to experience similar events or empathize. You don't have to be like them, but their behaviour does influence you.

There is no justification for being irrational, stupid, illogical and a piece of shit at
any given time or place.

Originally Posted by Pong

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

I think the relationship with your parents definitely colours the relationships you have in the future.

This is bullshit!

Rebellion also is a way of following.

Err....yes well don't you think rebellion is also influenced & governed by the relationship you have with your parents too Hanuka so stop acting like a rude ignorant little......

P.s sorry am i using words that are too long and complicated for you?

stfu you stupid ****! no'ne is talking about rebellion here.
And no, it's not too complicated for me to understand tyvm.. usob

Originally Posted by Absum!

Hanuka so stop acting like a rude ignorant little......

Little what? Why don't you say it?

I've been wondering Selene if you started medication or something. Honestly.

No offense meant, but it just seems a few pistons aren't getting sparked.

Originally Posted by 425 Chaotic Requisition

What about anti-conformity?

Any "anti" is following a course, as framed. Are you with me or against me?



@Hanuka if you're "the total opposite of them" then when they say "up" you must say "down". That's losing control in the worst way. I'm sure it's hard to clear your mind of them, but that's the only way to live on your own terms. If what's right for you just happens to be something your parents approve of, never mind them.

Don't be techincl. you know wut I mean..
Me father is as bad as fathers get. Actually I had a horrible dream which he showed
the peak of his un-understandingness which I won't elaborate about because it's too stupid.

p.s. S seems to be on attack mode towards me. She tracks all me recent posts and
replys very unefficiently to them, just to bite.

Oh dear Pong (and Hanuka and the rest of the wannabe trolls) allow me to point something out and save you some trouble

There is a big difference between me and you

You get annoyed and indignant and I don't

And Hanuka I have much better things to do with my time than follow you around the forum, (please dont flatter your self!)
you just happen to always be there with your unenlightening monotonous remarks like a little rugrat that gnaws away at the threads taking huge chunks of potential discussion and leaving little heaps of wasteful excreta instead.

And Pong last time I saw the specialist he said the treatment was working very well.........thankfully they have managed to find an antidote to the symptoms of despondency and exasperation caught from the science forum and its excessive amounts of ignorance and dreary debates having no purpose except to fluff up peoples egos.

The majority of counter arguments i've observed on this forum are not based on the subject and the desire to progress but instead they more often spring from the indignation that another person might dare to disagree or offer a better idea. And then it turns into a cat-fight with each player trying to get the upper-hand and the subject frequently gets lost in such threads.

I have witnessed far more intelligent and constructive discussions in a primary school playground.

There should be a warning on the forum for all to see saying

WARNING
Exposure and participation in this forum could lead to a serious loss of faith in the capabilities of human nature.

Then quit.
..or are you waiting for another ban??

p.s. somehow all the catfights in this forum seem to include you.
I suggest chilling; or someone else will come and do it for you.

p.s.s. you are tracking my posts: just check your recent posts page and see how
foolish you are.

Common guys, can't you be civil? You are going on over nothing and derailing the thread.

Testing, testing, one, two, three....-theme song-
Welcome to another night of Why I Have Lost Faith in My Elders
In tonight's scandal we have Absum, Hanuka, and Pong! Their story starts in a science forum, and there it shall end unless someone goes to drastic means of revenge.
-Ahem-, so anyway, WHAT, you ask, is the problem?
Oh well, nothing really folks, except that maybe you're seeing some highly determined people in front of you who do not have the sense to stop an argument.
Well folks I say that this is another great example of why we should not keep faith in our elders....they're immature, overconfident, and very obnoxious at times. And they wonder what's wrong with TODAY'S generation? Ha!

Thank you for viewing this occasional show. Tune in sometime later for the next episode of Why I Have Lost Faith in My Elders

I may be just a lowly thirteen-year old, but I must say, some peole here are not handling the problem maturely. Ok, sure, I've got a big mouth too. Yea, i have had some arguments before.

But I have never argued on just the whims of anger and spite.
If you can't end an argument, don't even contribute.
So how about we all calm down, take a deep breath, control ourselves, and very nicely, be civil to each other.

Thank you very much, KALSTER, for your kind support.

I see reasons to ban both of them, so just say the word and they are gone. Perhaps even a public hearing to see if they are worthy to stay.

Er, Absum's just revving 'cause I called her on apparent loss of personality. And we've got poor Hanuka over his explosive topic. Let's give them some slack.

@Absum. I'm glad to see you're lively as ever.

@Hanuka. I'm not being technical. I'm saying you can't live on your own terms until you quit minding your parents.

Just as long as "Giving them slack" doesnt allow for more explosives, I'm game.

Drone drone drone drone.....and on and on....yawn bloody yawn............


Practically every man I have ever met not matter what their age or profession behave like self indulgent sex obsessed little boys who have moody sulks if they don't get their own way and will lie and deceive a woman to sit at her table get into her knickers and have their washing done!

Yes men look for a mother substitute to look after them because they are like overgrown children and they are too lazy to look after themselves......so what's new?

Yes men look for a mother substitute to look after them because they are like overgrown children and they are too lazy to look after themselves......so what's new?

That is a terrible generalization, and one counterexample is my own father. He is one of the most assiduous people I know, working days and nights in the hospital to make sure the rest of his family is living comfortably. He goes to work at 5 in the evening, comes back at 6:30 the next morning, and then gets about 6 hours of sleep before waking up to go and exercise. Then he also goes to faraway hospitals to work even longer, staying away from home for many days at a time. My mom takes care of him yes, but she helps just like any loving wife should. DOES THAT SOUND LAZY TO YOU? DOES HE SOUND LIKE AN OVERGROWN CHILD? NO, RIGHT? SO STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS THAT WILL NEVER IN A BILLION YEARS COME TRUE!

Practically every man I have ever met not matter what their age or profession behave like self indulgent sex obsessed little boys who have moody sulks if they don't get their own way and will lie and deceive a woman to sit at her table get into her knickers and have their washing done!

If thats your reason for slandering all men, I must say, it is pathetic. It sounds more like personal crap rather than scientific intellect.

DO NOT MAKE FALSE ACCUSATIONS..........YOU WILL FOREVER BE PROVED WRONG.

@tritai

I support you in your views. I would be in fact disgusted to have a relationship with a woman that is like my mother. We are not all like Oidipus. No, I prefer women that have their own mind and agenda and are both independent and intelligent. Everything else would be incredibly boring.

Originally Posted by Dishmaster

No, I prefer women that have their own mind and agenda and are both independent and intelligent.

Mothers aren't?

Mine isn't. Should I date your mom?

LOL. Well, perhaps if you have a daughter, my son would be a good match. His upbringing makes him a pushover - I should say negotiator - so I foresee a dynamo wife AKA soccer-mom for that guy... yeah somewhat like his mother.

These patterns progress through generations like a game of dominoes.

Matchmaking ona science forum?

Tsk, tsk. what IS the world coming to?

:P

Originally Posted by tritai

Yes men look for a mother substitute to look after them because they are like overgrown children and they are too lazy to look after themselves......so what's new?

That is a terrible generalization, and one counterexample is my own father. He is one of the most assiduous people I know, working days and nights in the hospital to make sure the rest of his family is living comfortably. He goes to work at 5 in the evening, comes back at 6:30 the next morning, and then gets about 6 hours of sleep before waking up to go and exercise. Then he also goes to faraway hospitals to work even longer, staying away from home for many days at a time. My mom takes care of him yes, but she helps just like any loving wife should. DOES THAT SOUND LAZY TO YOU? DOES HE SOUND LIKE AN OVERGROWN CHILD? NO, RIGHT? SO STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS THAT WILL NEVER IN A BILLION YEARS COME TRUE!

Practically every man I have ever met not matter what their age or profession behave like self indulgent sex obsessed little boys who have moody sulks if they don't get their own way and will lie and deceive a woman to sit at her table get into her knickers and have their washing done!

If thats your reason for slandering all men, I must say, it is pathetic. It sounds more like personal crap rather than scientific intellect.

DO NOT MAKE FALSE ACCUSATIONS..........YOU WILL FOREVER BE PROVED WRONG.

I base my 'assumptions' on observation, how i see most men behave

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule

So lets make that 99.99999% of men

P.S A bit touchy aren't we? Isn't the above called a tantrum?

Tsk tsk....the young are so idealistic, sweet but not practical

Tsk tsk....the young are so idealistic, sweet but not practical

Based on what I've seen and heard about you, you must take "practicality" to a fault.

************************************************** ***************
Anyway, has the OP found suitable responses to his question/comments?

I'm sorry for being a bit childish b4, but the circumstances were a bit...testy, as you can see.

Originally Posted by tritai

Tsk tsk....the young are so idealistic, sweet but not practical

Based on what I've seen and heard about you, you must take "practicality" to a fault.

************************************************** ***************
Anyway, has the OP found suitable responses to his question/comments?

I'm sorry for being a bit childish b4, but the circumstances were a bit...testy, as you can see.

You are yet another who talks nonsense!

And excuses their behaviour by blaming others.

Yet another who is cowardly and weak minded not to be able to take full responsibility for their words and actions and says pathetically that it was another who caused such a thing, as if you were a puppet on a string.

No wonder the world is such a mess with so many puppets all blaming each other for their misdemeanors.
I am yet to find more than a handful of people in my life who have seen and moved beyond the clause of justifying their behaviour by blaming others as the cause.

None of you seem to get the point.

Wrapped up in your trivial small world of gossip and curtain twitching speculation.

Absum!, did you ever read a book called "The Catcher in the Rye"??
Anyways; the plot(and the storys` hero) really suits you, and the end of things really suits the reality.

~Just sayin'..

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Absum!, did you ever read a book called "The Catcher in the Rye"??
Anyways; the plot(and the storys` hero) really suits you, and the end of things really suits the reality.

~Just sayin'..

Very good Hanuka, yes I have thanks

I think I would identify more with the hand that would push the children over the cliff. The quicker and harder they fall the better.
Get it over and done with asap eh bless em!

Hanuka, no matter what labels, pins and badges you stick on in order to disguise the truth, there's no denying the fact that you somewhat advertise a vacancy.

Have you read the Hungry Caterpillar? You remind me of the holes that you have to push the furry caterpillar through

Originally Posted by Absum!

Very good Hanuka, yes I have thanks

I think I would identify more with the hand that would push the children over the cliff. The quicker and harder they fall the better.
Get it over and done with asap eh bless em!

Hanuka, no matter what labels, pins and badges you stick on in order to disguise the truth, there's no denying the fact that you somewhat advertise a vacancy.

Have you read the Hungry Caterpillar? You remind me of the holes that you have to push the furry caterpillar through

Vacancy is bliss for those who know how to appreciate it:
Some people seem to always search for the harder way in instead for the easier way out... not that either are wrong..

Besides.... I don't see what it has to do with the above..

..on the other hand; the suspicion of you adveritising caprice seems to suit any case
of you being involved..

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

Very good Hanuka, yes I have thanks

I think I would identify more with the hand that would push the children over the cliff. The quicker and harder they fall the better.
Get it over and done with asap eh bless em!

Hanuka, no matter what labels, pins and badges you stick on in order to disguise the truth, there's no denying the fact that you somewhat advertise a vacancy.

Have you read the Hungry Caterpillar? You remind me of the holes that you have to push the furry caterpillar through

Vacancy is bliss for those who know how to appreciate it:
Some people seem to always search for the harder way in instead for the easier way out... not that either are wrong..

Besides.... I don't see what it has to do with the above..

..on the other hand; the suspicion of you adveritising caprice seems to suit any case
of you being involved..

Your waffling Hanuka

Have you been on the fire water, or sucking green substances into your lungs again?

Originally Posted by Absum!

Have you been on the fire water, or sucking green substances into your lungs again?

Originally Posted by me

..the suspicion of you adveritising caprice seems to suit any case
of you being involved..

..see??

Originally Posted by Hanuka

Originally Posted by Absum!

Have you been on the fire water, or sucking green substances into your lungs again?

Originally Posted by me

..the suspicion of you adveritising caprice seems to suit any case
of you being involved..

..see??

see what?

nvm..

Strange