Thread: Eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful non verbal way for humans and animals to communicate. It has an array of meanings in the animal kingdom. The eyes have always intrigued me and I often hold steady eye contact when engaged with a person. I feel the eyes tell their own story, but it is not this that has me sharing with the universe my own thoughts. I have noticed that when you are engaged in eye contact with a person you are actually looking into only one of their two eyes, the right eye or the left eye. I guess; tell me if you have notice this before, have just realized this, or maybe you are an individual that knows why this occurs. Hopefully we see eyes to eye!

It depends on the other person. For example Natives in my area (generally) prefer to drop what they're doing, turn for straight face-to-face engagement but avoid direct eye contact, which is felt to be hostile. Then some other people do prolonged eye contact but only askew e.g. while facing elsewhere, often at another subject, as though the eye contact is really about that third subject.

With me personally eye contact is glancey so not really fixed on one eye or the other. Among family there's a bit of ping-pong between the eyes, yes. I think we need an objective observer to track the pattern.

Why do you only look at one eye? Because your eyes can only focus at one point. If you tried to look at both eyes, which you can probably do with enough effort, your focus will be before or beyond the other person. You can always look right between the eyes if you don't like asymmetry or pingponging between the two, but this may feel more impersonal to you.

I cannot look at a person's eyes while talking. I always have to look away.

Aye, same here. I find that looking into eyes be too intense for me, I'm trying to
improve this leatly, have slight success but still not the desired outcome...
I suppouse that mostly shy people have this problem... :/

p.s. but when I look at the eyes tho, it resulting in look at one eye(usually the left
eye of my "opponent")...

Originally Posted by DivideByZero

I cannot look at a person's eyes while talking. I always have to look away.

Don't worry about it, it's cultural. Eyes are just sensory organs. Why should people lock organs when they communicate? I don't go feeling people's faces while talking to them.

Reminds me of how Korean women hold hands when walking together.

There's something innately aggressive about watching the eyes though. There are these monkeys in Japan you can go amongst. But the keepers give this dire warning: Don't look into their eyes! If you do the monkey absolutely spazzes out and some visitors have their faces scratched and bitten for this indiscretion.

Originally Posted by Pong

Originally Posted by DivideByZero

I cannot look at a person's eyes while talking. I always have to look away.

Don't worry about it, it's cultural. Eyes are just sensory organs. Why should people lock organs when they communicate? I don't go feeling people's faces while talking to them.

Reminds me of how Korean women hold hands when walking together.

There's something innately aggressive about watching the eyes though. There are these monkeys in Japan you can go amongst. But the keepers give this dire warning: Don't look into their eyes! If you do the monkey absolutely spazzes out and some visitors have their faces scratched and bitten for this indiscretion.

woah thats neat! If you think about it now, it would be really hard not to look at the monkey's eyes after reading the sign. I'd probably make a dummy with eyes and keep staring at it. harrr!

[quote]There's something innately aggressive about watching the eyes though.quote]

I agree, if the eye contact is meant for this, but this is not always the case. When you are listening to someone intently, such as a serious matter, to show you are giving your full attention you might sustain eye contact. When flirting or looking at a loved one you might hold eye contact. When you first meet someone, especially in a work environment, you might hold eye contact while exchanging names. There are a lot of times you might hold eye contact and I think your eyes or another’s eyes will most often convey what they mean too.

This is why policmen are tought to only look in one eye of the person they speak to and stick to it as switching from one eye to the other makes them look insecure.

Originally Posted by Zitterbewegung

This is why policmen are tought to only look in one eye of the person they speak to and stick to it as switching from one eye to the other makes them look insecure.

I agree that by switching between the eyes can be concieved as insecure, even if only insecure about you're understanding of the information you are being given or percieving in that given situation.

I find that when I am engadged in conversation that interests me I focus on one eye. It is not neccesarily right or left, but the most visable or clearest eye! (It is basically the easiest one to look at and focus on)

There is a lot more to the way that I look at people's eyes, that right now, I lack the eliquence to explain fully (from my point of view, anyway).

I will say this though...When engadged in a non-aggressive conversation/interaction I tend to look at the eye furthest away from my sight. ?

When engedged in an aggressive (ie. Debatable conversation that I feel I am being ignored in or confrontational conversation/interaction) I tend to focus on the eye closest to my sight. ?

I know there is a lot to be said about this I feel, which I will leave up to you guys!

I hope this has had some useful contribution!? :wink:

Something else that comes to mind, is when I was being reprimanded as a youngster by my parents.

As most of you will know, you fell that you are right and are not immediatley capable of recognising or accepting that there might be a different possibility!

While being reprimanded and thinking of my own thoughts, not knowing whether I am right or not, I found myself staring between the eyes! (Lack of confidence)

Yet when I believed in what I was thinking and trying to convey, I found that I could look dead in the eye, almost as if trying to make them see my views!(Complete confidence!) :-D

If i know the person well, i can look at his/her eyes while talking if the person is not known to me then i can't talk like this.

I agree with most of the posts, especially Guy, and I don't think it's possible for me to look in both eyes of another person at the same time.

I usually find myself glancing in the eyes then away, and doing it again every now and then to show I'm still attentive.

It's annoying when somebody doesn't look at you when you're talking to them, even if it's not direct eye contact. You feel like you need to repeat what you've said because of the impression that they weren't listening the first time.

What about the times when your eyes lock together with those of a complete stranger, drawn like magnets, and neither of you seems able to tear your vision away - you have to really concentrate your mind on doing it. Those seconds seem like a very long time. There's no other apparent attraction between you and no words are exchanged, though sometimes a smile of acknowledgement. Perhaps it's a subconscious recognition of some strong link, but what could it be and where from?

Originally Posted by MoonWolf

I don't think it's possible for me to look in both eyes of another person at the same time.

The lady at my bakery has these remarkably wide-set eyes, plus I think she must be slightly wall-eyed because it sure feels like she looks into both. Butcher shop next door, the gal is practically cycloptian and it seems she's staring at a dust mote six inches in front of my face.

eye contact is the one which help us to increase our verbal communication.
the person who has eye contact has confident ,bold enough to face any critical situation.eye cantact is very important while presentation.

revathy

wide circles

For no reason; I'd like to add an observation about a guy I knew who stared, stared unblinkingly into the eyes of everyone he spoke to, every second he spoke to them.

Stared. No reason. He thought it indicated his sincerity. He did this naturally, because... it's what he did. People didn't like to talk to him. Every second - stared you int the eye.

"Nice day today isn't it" _hard-stare_


"You know you sometimes over-do the eye-contact thing" I said one day.
"I do?" He was 45.
"Yes, you do." "Really?"

"I'm just being sincere".

Ahh but do you know if you are being stared at whilst not looking at the other person?

Rupert Sheldrake did lots of research on that

There's another word for that...I....can't....quite...remember.

It may be some consellation but I read this somewhere on eye contact, that you should hold a gaze for about 2 seconds, and looking in more than one eye makes you look un-confident. Next time you get pulled by the police, they'll look you in one eye only, look for that.

Still eye contact is the most connecting human communication there is I believe, especially if you and the person you find attractive look at each other in the eye, thats just the cutest. That shy bashful look is beautiful.

Originally Posted by 425 Chaotic Requisition

There's another word for that...I....can't....quite...remember.

It may be some consellation but I read this somewhere on eye contact, that you should hold a gaze for about 2 seconds, and looking in more than one eye makes you look un-confident. Next time you get pulled by the police, they'll look you in one eye only, look for that.

Still eye contact is the most connecting human communication there is I believe, especially if you and the person you find attractive look at each other in the eye, thats just the cutest. That shy bashful look is beautiful.

Aaah you're such a big softy romantic chaos!

Originally Posted by Absum!

Aaah you're such a big softy romantic chaos!

Ahhhh. I try to be. :wink:

Originally Posted by 425 Chaotic Requisition

That shy bashful look is beautiful.

Indeed. Extensive psychological studies have shown that behavior in women that in most animals translates into submissiveness is considered attractive and flirty by men. Making eye contact (which in most animal groups is a status challenge) and then shyly looking away is, at it's root, a submissive gesture.

That is not to say that a woman who behaves this way is necessarily submissive in personality. Signals that once originated for a certain purpose are often re-purposed into different meanings during the course of evolution. Ritualized gestures of respect and friendliness in humans are also often rooted in gestures of submission.

A friend of mine used to practice for ages in front of the mirror to get the fluttering eyelash bashful kind of look.

She said that if you held your face straight and looked up at a man with your eyes it made your eyes look bigger your eyelashes longer and it made a man melt.

When i tried it the guy i was with asked me if i was ok and that i looked tired and did i want to go home!!!!!

I don't think it worked for her really either because she ended up with a horrible man and found herself in a womans refuge with her two kids after 6 months of marriage.

Better to look a man square in the eye i say, because at least they know you won't take any shit from him!

Another thing that is difficult with eye to eye contact.......

What do you do if the person you're making eye contact with has cross eyes and one eye seems to be focusing on your left ear and the other over your right shoulder.

When this happens i can't help looking over my shoulder wondering what they are looking at!

It's very off-putting! Which eye do you focus on?????

I've noticed that confusion too. Wierd .