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Thread: Jim Colyer poems

  1. #1 Mild Winter 
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    Thought this would be a mild winter
    Damn! If it ain't starting to sleet!
    Roads will get nice and icy
    Going down to 10 degrees
    Someone get Al Gore on the phone
    I wanna cuss that turkey out
    We'll talk about global warming
    After we all thaw out

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    No one can call me a coward
    Accuse me of getting cold feet
    I'm wearing three pairs of socks
    Someone turn up the heat
    Got to buy me some pajamas
    To keep from freezing tonight
    Put extra covers on my bed
    Electric bills are out of sight

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    I think Al's jet just touched down
    In Tahiti's capital town
    (Brace yourself, Papeete!)

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    Jim Colyer ascap


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  3. #2  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
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    Your song should be renamed I Don't Understand the Difference Between Climate and Weather.

    Not very catchy, though.


    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
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  4. #3  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    Climate denial put to music, almost as bad as the last one about eliminating entire families of animals
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    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  5. #4  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleoichneum View Post
    Climate denial put to music, almost as bad as the last one about eliminating entire families of animals
    Yeah, but it isn't put to music. I might find these posts at least partially interesting if it was at least a YouTube link to some actual music. This is more like really bad folk poetry or something. Some of them read like the manuscripts of a serial killer...
    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
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  6. #5 The song that changed Little Big Town's life 
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    Article Chicago Tribune: Arrived Courtesy Of A Boat ... Sort Of | Little Big Town

    Pontoon Little Big Town - Pontoon - YouTube

    The song that changed Little Big Town's life wasn't really much of anything, just a tiny little slip of a thing, "a silly song about a boat," is how singer Karen Fairchild puts it, that turned into a monster.
    Little Big Town had been together for fourteen years when "Pontoon," a goofy Jello shot of a song, landed in 2012, and they soon discovered that the difference between being a well-respected veteran act with a handful of decent-sized hits and being a well-respected veteran act with a crossover No. 1 summer smash was all the difference in the world.

    The quartet's members, all of whom are also lead vocalists, have been friends forever, and are hopelessly intertwined in just about every way possible: Fairchild and Kimberly Schlapman have been friends since college; Fairchild and Jimi Westbrook are married. They no longer tour together in one bus ("thank the Lord," says Fairchild), but the members of Little Big Town are famously tight.

    Having their first No. 1 hit didn't change them much as a band, but "it makes us happy, I can tell you that," says Fairchild, on a day off from the band's tour with Keith Urban (they play the United Center on Friday). "You have to love all the music you make the same. They're all your babies. But when one of them gets so much attention and love and takes your career to a whole new level, it's so exciting. It brings us so much joy, and so many opportunities. That's been the biggest surprise of all."

    The members of Little Big Town didn't write "Pontoon," but they knew a careermaker when they heard one, and in the days before the song was released, the air around them felt different. "Pontoon" might not elevate them to the ranks of Urbans, Chesneys and Swifts, the thinking went, but if it didn't, nothing would.

    "I think on some songs you know, you know? But you still don't know," is the best way Fairchild can explain it. "When we heard 'Pontoon,' we went in the studio and cut it first on purpose, because we knew it was gonna lead the record. But if you could figure out (how to have a hit), you would do it over and over. You can have a gut feeling, and we did, that if we could get country radio to play it, it would be a big moment."

    "Pontoon" was released in April 2012, but it wasn't until the band's performance at CMT awards in June (they performed in an actual boat that had been brought onstage) that the song began to make an impact. "We knew that was going to be a pivotal performance, that it was gonna punch that song to a different level, or it wasn't," Fairchild remembers. "Looking out at our artist friends (in the audience) standing up and starting to sing, I though, Gosh, this song could really be something. The next morning, we got some great feedback and it kind of snowballed. It really started for us that night."
    By the time "Pontoon" exploded, the band had been together since the late '90s, their story one of almost textbook Nashville hardships: death (Schlapman's husband), divorces (band member Phillip Sweet's, and Fairchild's first marriage), failed label deals and humiliating day jobs.

    By the time "Tornado," the band's fifth studio disc and the birthplace of "Pontoon," was released, Little Big Town had earned a comfortable berth as one of country music's more reliable makers of modest hits, their albums solid mixes of bluegrass harmonies and poppy melodies, "though we do love things that have a little bit of grit and swampiness, that feel a little raw and dirty as well."

    It took almost a decade and a half for the band to land its first truly outsized hit, but Fairchild feels lucky merely to have survived that long. Having their first blockbuster mid-career means "it's sweeter now," she says. "There's a lot to navigate as a new artist knowing whose advice you should take and whose you should not take. How can you know the scope of it? You can make a decision that dictates that you only get to make one record or a couple of singles, maybe you make a wrong choice on a song. It's just sad to think that someone who has a gift to share, that it can be over so quickly."

    "Tornado" seems to have an infinite number of potential singles, including "Your Side of the Bed," a mournful and intimate song about the dissolution of a relationship, sung George-and-Tammy-style by Fairchild and Westbrook. Because the more famous Little Big Town gets the more fans feel as if they personally know the band's members, the song has caused no end of concern. "Some of the fans are like, 'Is this song about y'all?'" Fairchild says. "We didn't write it from our perspective. It's funny, in the live show they'll yell, 'Kiss her! Kiss her!' It's like they get worried."

    Little Big Town are already "headlong into the process" of making a new album, though they must first finish the winter leg of their tour with Urban, with whom the band has toured and collaborated for years. "We went on the first arena tour Keith ever did," Fairchild says. "It was a real exciting time. He's got such a beautiful family and we love his crew and his band." The group sometimes hangs out with Urban and wife Nicole Kidman, Fairchild says, though they mostly run into each other backstage at catering. That Little Big Town may be headlining arenas themselves next time isn't lost on them, but they're trying not to think about it too much. "We know how to appreciate (things), and we know how hard we've worked to get here," says Fairchild. "We try to really soak it in and be in the moment, because it might not always be here."
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  7. #6  
    Bullshit Intolerant PhDemon's Avatar
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    Is this a blog or a discussion forum?
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  8. #7  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    Jim clearly has though it to be a blog for a couple of years now. Its very annoying with the drive by post spamming.
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  9. #8 Alcoholics Of The Future 
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    I see them in the bars
    Second Avenue in Nashville
    They're here every night
    Like they have time to kill
    I'm old enough to be their dad
    Some are just twenty-one
    They sure go through the beer
    Vodka, whiskey and rum

    Alcoholics Of The Future
    A brand new generation
    They're having fun now
    But the fun will play out
    Alcoholics Of The Future
    Floating on a sea of booze
    Pierced and tattooed
    Predestined to lose

    No use talking to them
    Already set in their ways
    They got an early start
    Throwing their lives away
    Headaches and hangovers
    Losing jobs and DUIs
    Totaled cars and jail time
    Broken homes and alibis

    Alcoholics Of The Future
    A brand new generation
    They're having fun now
    But the fun will play out
    Alcoholics Of The Future
    Floating on a sea of booze
    Pierced and tattooed
    Predestined to lose

    I wish I could turn them around
    Intercept them on their way down

    Alcoholics Of The Future
    A brand new generation
    They're having fun now
    But the fun will play out
    Alcoholics Of The Future
    Floating on a sea of booze
    Pierced and tattooed
    Predestined to lose

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  10. #9 america vs europa 
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Colyer View Post
    Thought this would be a mild winter
    Damn! If it ain't starting to sleet!
    Roads will get nice and icy
    Going down to 10 degrees
    Someone get Al Gore on the phone
    I wanna cuss that turkey out
    We'll talk about global warming
    After we all thaw out

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    No one can call me a coward
    Accuse me of getting cold feet
    I'm wearing three pairs of socks
    Someone turn up the heat
    Got to buy me some pajamas
    To keep from freezing tonight
    Put extra covers on my bed
    Electric bills are out of sight

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    I think Al's jet just touched down
    In Tahiti's capital town
    (Brace yourself, Papeete!)

    Mild Winter
    Maybe in Tahiti
    Not here in Nashville
    Not in 2014
    Mild Winter
    Only in Al's dreams
    Ice Age is coming
    At least that's how it seems

    Jim Colyer ascap
    Hi,

    I've read that there in the North of America has been extremly cold whether so far. Last week we have an article of our newspaper here in Finland about it an they said that in every state somewhere there was tepmperature below zero. On the other hand we have had warmer winter as we have normally. It is because of a high pressure area. If it is on above the north of Ameria like it has been a climate is colder andwe have warmer and vice versa.
    I don't like about harsh climate either.

    Mainio
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  11. #10  
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    Well, here in the Pacific Northwest, we have had a mild winter. It took forever before we got our first freeze, have had lower than average precepitation and smaller than average snowpacks in the Mountains.
    "Men are apt to mistake the strength of their feelings for the strength of their argument.
    The heated mind resents the chill touch & relentless scrutiny of logic"-W.E. Gladstone


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  12. #11  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    Agreed Janus, Its was a very mild 50 degrees here in the Bothell area today.
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  13. #12 She's Built 
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    Five foot eight
    Hundred-forty pounds
    Lifts me in her arms
    Spins me around
    Shapely hips
    Black stretch pants
    Cowboy boots
    I'm in a trance

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    Hard as steel
    Sturdy legs
    Solid as a rock
    Got the biceps
    New age girl
    Hard as bricks
    Built to last
    Built for sex

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    I'm in ecstasy when we make love
    She could be Ms. Olympia

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  14. #13  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Colyer View Post
    Five foot eight
    Hundred-forty pounds
    Lifts me in her arms
    Spins me around
    Shapely hips
    Black stretch pants
    Cowboy boots
    I'm in a trance

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    Hard as steel
    Sturdy legs
    Solid as a rock
    Got the biceps
    New age girl
    Hard as bricks
    Built to last
    Built for sex

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    I'm in ecstasy when we make love
    She could be Ms. Olympia

    She's Built
    Like a monument
    Good in bed
    Pays our rent
    She's Built
    Like the pyramids
    Squashes me
    Like a squid

    Jim Colyer ascap
    DAMN It was our little dirty secret!
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  15. #14  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    Squashes me
    Like a squid
    Undoubtedly the greatest country music lyric ever written. Personally I would have wrote 'squishes' but what do I know? Nothing worse than being squashed by a squid while out riding the range. Little is known about Architeuthis and I don't think anyone would predict that type of behavior. The closest I ever got to being squashed by an eight armed lovesick female was when I got involved with a menage a cinq with four girls from Butte Montana.
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    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  16. #15  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zinjanthropos View Post
    Squashes me
    Like a squid
    Undoubtedly the greatest country music lyric ever written. Personally I would have wrote 'squishes' but what do I know? Nothing worse than being squashed by a squid while out riding the range. Little is known about Architeuthis and I don't think anyone would predict that type of behavior. The closest I ever got to being squashed by an eight armed lovesick female was when I got involved with a menage a cinq with four girls from Butte Montana.
    FIVE SINKS? WOW!!! How do you wash in all of them at the same time?
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  17. #16 Planet Of Death 
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    Nobody has anything to lose
    Death is right around the corner
    For everybody alive
    Even those yet to be born

    Planet Of Death
    Whirling through space
    Cemetery around our star
    Horrible place
    Planet Of Death
    Bones of the dead
    Mortuary around the sun
    A fossil bed

    Maturing like an apple or orange
    Until we just shrivel down
    Have you purchased a gravestone?
    Reserved your place in the ground?

    Planet Of Death
    Whirling through space
    Cemetery around our star
    Horrible place
    Planet Of Death
    Bones of the dead
    Mortuary around the sun
    A fossil bed

    Bridge:
    Woody Allen says
    Sex and death
    Are all he believes in
    All there really is

    guitar

    Even the dog you worship will die
    Doesn't matter how cute he was
    He's just another death form
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

    Planet Of Death
    Whirling through space
    Cemetery around our star
    Horrible place
    Planet Of Death
    Bones of the dead
    Mortuary around the sun
    A fossil bed

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  18. #17  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    I wonder if Ozzie Osbourne & Black Sabbath can make a big comeback singing country tunes.
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  19. #18  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    I think Ozzie has way better taste then this
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  20. #19 Rough Couple Of Years 
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    v1
    Mother died, 2010
    Didn't help at all to pray
    So I stayed half drunk
    Laid in bed all day
    Hard to manage, hard to cope
    Couldn't shake the guilt I felt
    Wanted to give up
    Maybe shoot myself

    chorus
    Rough Couple Of Years
    10, 11, half of 12
    I'm telling you, man
    I went through hell
    Fell on hard times
    Anguish and tears
    Been there, done that
    Rough Couple Of Years

    v2
    Got mugged in the street
    Got hit from behind
    He stole my wallet
    He robbed me blind
    He took my car keys
    He stole my phone
    Even took my glasses
    Then left me alone

    chorus
    Rough Couple Of Years
    10, 11, half of 12
    I'm telling you, man
    I went through hell
    Fell on hard times
    Anguish and tears
    Been there, done that
    Rough Couple Of Years

    v3
    Backed into a car
    Some Chinese dude
    He pissed me off
    I tried to be rude
    Geico paid the bill
    He's outta my life
    Gotta have insurance
    For trouble and strife

    chorus
    Rough Couple Of Years
    10, 11, half of 12
    I'm telling you, man
    I went through hell
    Fell on hard times
    Anguish and tears
    Been there, done that
    Rough Couple Of Years

    v4
    I slipped on some ice
    I injured my knee
    Walked with a cane
    Through January
    I heard from my ex
    Making threats again
    Don't want no lawyers
    Don't want no women

    chorus

    v5
    On top of all this
    Got a DUI
    I hate them cops
    Man, that's no lie
    I finally got up
    In 2013
    Got another decade
    To be nasty and mean

    chorus

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  21. #20  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babe View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by zinjanthropos View Post
    Squashes me
    Like a squid
    Undoubtedly the greatest country music lyric ever written. Personally I would have wrote 'squishes' but what do I know? Nothing worse than being squashed by a squid while out riding the range. Little is known about Architeuthis and I don't think anyone would predict that type of behavior. The closest I ever got to being squashed by an eight armed lovesick female was when I got involved with a menage a cinq with four girls from Butte Montana.
    FIVE SINKS? WOW!!! How do you wash in all of them at the same time?
    It's hard, very hard.
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  22. #21  
    Forum Radioactive Isotope zinjanthropos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Colyer View Post
    On top of all this
    Got a DUI
    I hate them cops
    Man, that's no lie
    Was fun until I got to here. If you're going to hate cops for arresting you for drunk driving then you might as well hate all of society. You're old enough to realize that the cops don't make the laws, they only enforce them. We Jim, through our government representatives, make the laws and we actually pay the cops to uphold them. So if you hate cops then you hate all members of society. I find this lyric in unbelievable poor taste and may simply be there to gain some popularity from other dimwits who think like you. If you think I'm a cop then you are wrong, I just get tired of this mentality, maybe I expect more from a civilized songwriter and I question the intelligence of your legions of followers, if you have any..
    All that belongs to human understanding, in this deep ignorance and obscurity, is to be skeptical, or at least cautious; and not to admit of any hypothesis, whatsoever; much less, of any which is supported by no appearance of probability...Hume
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  23. #22  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    I wonder if Jim writes the music too...or just the lyrics. I've been working on my guitar playing...maybe I'll write something and record it for the OP. Or if he does write the music, add the chords to the lyrics. I learned how to play "Nothing else matters" by Metallica today.
    Fixin' shit that ain't broke.
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  24. #23  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968 View Post
    I wonder if Jim writes the music too...or just the lyrics. I've been working on my guitar playing...maybe I'll write something and record it for the OP. Or if he does write the music, add the chords to the lyrics. I learned how to play "Nothing else matters" by Metallica today.
    would love to hear a clip! You have seen my youtubes?
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  25. #24  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    No....please post them!

    I'll record a clip for you, after I practice a little more.

    Here's me playing the Moonlight Sonata on my keyboard. https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/46946106/MoonlightSonata.mp3




    Fixin' shit that ain't broke.
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  26. #25  
    Cooking Something Good MacGyver1968's Avatar
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    And on the opposite end of the spectrum...here's me drunk off my ass playing L7's "Shitlist" from the movie "Natural Born Killers"

    https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/...6/shitlist.mp3
    Fixin' shit that ain't broke.
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  27. #26  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGyver1968 View Post
    And on the opposite end of the spectrum...here's me drunk off my ass playing L7's "Shitlist" from the movie "Natural Born Killers"

    https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/...6/shitlist.mp3
    I have this aversionto being intoxicated. I love my champagne but I hit my personal enough. I have never liked the intoxicated feeling......
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  28. #27  
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  29. #28 Jim Colyer poems 
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    Never shoulda married in the first place
    Living together was working out fine
    Living together meant I had control
    Shoulda known I'm not the marrying kind

    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing
    That In-Law Thing just doesn't work out
    I know I'll never get married again
    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing

    Her daddy's perfect, he can do no wrong
    She loved her daddy more than she loved me
    Too bad her mother got to daddy first
    He's the husband I could never be

    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing
    That In-Law Thing just doesn't work out
    I know I'll never get married again
    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing

    Her mother had a death grip on her
    Drove us apart for the sheer pleasure

    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing
    That In-Law Thing just doesn't work out
    I know I'll never get married again
    I've had enough of that In-Law Thing

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  30. #29  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    Jim, get a blog........
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  31. #30 Janey In Her Prime 
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    She just turned twenty-five
    Good God, she's so alive
    Dancing there in black stretch pants
    Asking me if I wanna dance
    Brown hair way down her back
    Good God, she's stacked and packed
    Boots all the way to her knees
    I know she knows how to please

    Janey In Her Prime
    She can be mine, all mine
    If I only have the nerve
    I can move in with her
    Janey In Her Prime
    She'll give me all her time
    Wonder Woman here with me
    More than a fantasy

    Personality plus
    A thirty-six inch bust
    Barbarella come to life
    Looking good, looking so ripe
    Got lips I long to taste
    A twenty-three inch waist
    What's more, got a pretty smile
    Taking me that extra mile

    Janey In Her Prime
    She can be mine, all mine
    If I only have the nerve
    I can move in with her
    Janey In Her Prime
    She'll give me all her time
    Wonder Woman here with me
    More than a fantasy

    I got the nerve, I'm making my move
    She's got those curves, I'm so in love

    Janey In Her Prime
    Now she's mine, mine all mine
    Somehow I got the nerve
    I just moved in with her
    Janey In Her Prime
    She gives me all her time
    Wonder Woman here with me
    More than a fantasy

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  32. #31  
    Theatre Whore babe's Avatar
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    Jim.......get a youtube thing
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  33. #32 Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws 
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    Waylon and Willie
    Wanted dead or alive
    It was all promotion
    It was all hype
    Young Jamey Johnson
    Made himself a name
    Smoking marijuana
    Sniffing cocaine

    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Gunslingers of the old west
    Billy the Kid killed men
    Jesse James did 'em in
    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Bank robbers from the old school
    Hoodoo Brown and his gang
    They all knew they would hang

    Cash sang of prisons
    Strumming on a guitar
    Spent only one night
    Behind those bars
    Mr. Merle Haggard
    Served a little time
    Made a fortune outta
    His fighting side

    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Gunslingers of the old west
    Billy the Kid killed men
    Jesse James did 'em in
    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Bank robbers from the old school
    Hoodoo Brown and his gang
    They all knew they would hang

    Bridge:
    These Nashville whippersnappers
    Thought they were bad
    They couldn't hold a candle
    To old Sam Bass

    guitar

    Kris Kristofferson
    Tried to be mean
    Just a Rhodes scholar on
    The Nashville scene
    But Doc Holliday
    Was was one tough dude
    Doc was a dentist
    He'd pull your tooth

    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Gunslingers of the old west
    Billy the Kid killed men
    Jesse James did 'em in
    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws
    Bank robbers from the old school
    Hoodoo Brown and his gang
    They all knew they would hang

    Rap:
    Butch Cassidy
    And the Sundance Kid
    Robbing trains
    Shooting people dead
    John Wesley Hardin
    No Mercy at all
    Made the country bleed
    Can't Outdraw The Real Outlaws

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  34. #33 I Think You're Fabulous 
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    Maybe it's just me
    But I don't think so
    It must be everyone
    Thinking like I do
    I've seen you on TV
    Seen you on youtube
    Now I'm in your presence
    Standing next to you

    I Think You're Fabulous
    I think you're super
    More than that
    You're super-duper
    I Think You're Fabulous
    I'm in a stupor
    I think you're great
    Such a trooper

    It's hard to believe
    You're so beautiful
    Prettier in person
    Than on video
    I'll take your autograph
    Like most people do
    Still can't believe I'm
    Talking here with you

    I Think You're Fabulous
    I think you're super
    More than that
    You're super-duper
    I Think You're Fabulous
    I'm in a stupor
    I think you're great
    Such a trooper

    Bridge:
    I love your dimples
    I love your hair
    I love your smile
    Just let me stare

    I Think You're Fabulous
    I think you're super
    More than that
    You're super-duper
    I Think You're Fabulous
    I'm in a stupor
    I think you're great
    Such a trooper

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  35. #34  
    Your Mama! GiantEvil's Avatar
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    Trite and pop'y, but technically better than most of your attempts. You're improving Jim.
    I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
    Lucky me. Lucky mud.
    -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.-
    Cat's Cradle.
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  36. #35  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
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    You've definitely upped your creepy level with this one. Well done.
    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
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  37. #36  
    Your Mama! GiantEvil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flick Montana View Post
    You've definitely upped your creepy level with this one. Well done.
    Seems quite innocent to me. I detect no hints of "Every Breath You Take" or "Centerfold".
    I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
    Lucky me. Lucky mud.
    -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.-
    Cat's Cradle.
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  38. #37  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
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    Every Breath You Take is a song about stalking. It's about as innocent as Roxanne.
    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
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  39. #38  
    Your Mama! GiantEvil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flick Montana View Post
    Every Breath You Take is a song about stalking. It's about as innocent as Roxanne.
    Well, yea. That is what I was implying. I see no indications that Jim's "song" is other than a fan poem. I just don't see where Jim's lyrics "put out the red light".
    I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
    Lucky me. Lucky mud.
    -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.-
    Cat's Cradle.
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  40. #39  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jim Colyer View Post
    I Think You're Fabulous
    I think you're super
    More than that
    You're super-duper
    I love this part! I thought it was a nice poem
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  41. #40 I saw Little Big Town again 
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    I saw Little Big Town again last night. They opened for Keith Urban at Nashville's Bridgestone Arena. It was the last show of the tour, and LBT did a 12-song set. It was basically the Tornado album, but they started with "Little White Church" and ended with "Boondocks." Karen talked about how they used to play at 3rd & Lindsley. Kimberly teased the crowd about "motorboatin'.

    I was there for Little Big Town, but I have to give Keith Urban credit. He gives you everything he's got.

    Keith brought Karen Fairchild back for a duet.

    We Were Us Keith Urban & Karen Fairchild - We Were Us - Louisville, Ky 12-8-13 - YouTube
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  42. #41 I'm In Love 
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    I'll see her tonight
    She'll be all fixed up
    I'll pick her up
    In my Nissan truck
    We'll drive out somewhere
    Where it's good and dark
    Just a crescent moon
    And a thousand stars

    I'm In Love
    I'm satisfied
    These feelings
    Can't be denied
    So many girls
    This one's enough
    Enough for me
    I'm In Love

    My friends are downtown
    Looking for something
    I don't know what
    And neither do they
    I used to go with them
    Not anymore
    She changed all that
    It's not like before

    I'm In Love
    I'm satisfied
    These feelings
    Can't be denied
    So many girls
    This one's enough
    Enough for me
    I'm In Love

    Yeah, we'll get married
    Have a kid or two
    Work our butts off
    Like couples do
    Live for the future
    One eye on the past
    I know our love
    Is gonna last

    I'm In Love
    I'm satisfied
    These feelings
    Can't be denied
    So many girls
    This one's enough
    Enough for me
    I'm In Love

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  43. #42 Scattered, Smothered & Covered 
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    I woke up this morning
    Put on a Little Big Town CD
    You know I love those voices
    Karen and Kimberly sing to me
    I lay in my bathtub
    Soaking suds in my own pontoon
    Drove out to the Waffle House
    Caught a glimpse of the setting moon

    Scattered, Smothered & Covered
    Three scrambled eggs and coffee
    Hash browns with cheese topping
    Scattered, Smothered & Covered

    Heard them on the juke box
    "Little White Church" just for me
    Born and raised in the boondocks
    Phillip and Jimi harmony

    Scattered, Smothered & Covered
    Three scrambled eggs and coffee
    Hash browns with cheese topping
    Scattered, Smothered & Covered

    I know every Waffle House waitress
    I know them, and they know me

    Scattered, Smothered & Covered
    Three scrambled eggs and coffee
    Hash browns with cheese topping
    Scattered, Smothered & Covered

    Modulate:
    Scattered, Smothered & Covered
    Three scrambled eggs and coffee
    Hash browns with cheese topping
    Scattered, Smothered & Covered
    Jim Colyer ascap
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  44. #43  
    AI's Have More Fun Bad Robot's Avatar
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    Hi Jim

    I love Waffle House, only they don't have any close to where I'm living now. Damn! Them.

    The first picture is the back of the menu. Notice the hash browns section in the middle (They are the best).



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  45. #44  
    Life-Size Nanoputian Flick Montana's Avatar
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    At what point does this become spam? (and no, I'm not talking about Waffle House's food...)
    "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -Calvin
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  46. #45  
    Universal Mind John Galt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flick Montana View Post
    At what point does this become spam? (and no, I'm not talking about Waffle House's food...)
    I don't think it fits any standard definition of spam. It is more akin to treating the forum as a personal blog. On the whole though I view this much as the Earth is viewed in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: mostly harmless.
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  47. #46  
    Your Mama! GiantEvil's Avatar
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    It's a brilliant idea Jim, but your execution just so totally flails. You should try it again.
    I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around.
    Lucky me. Lucky mud.
    -Kurt Vonnegut Jr.-
    Cat's Cradle.
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  48. #47 Warm You Up On A Cold Night 
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    Baby, we've known each other a long time
    But the time has never seemed right before
    This may be it, it's 10 degrees outside
    Leave your door unlocked, I'm coming over

    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night
    Wrap my arms around you, hold you tight
    Under the covers, in our pajamas
    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night

    One of the coldest winters we've ever had
    At least it will kill off a lotta bugs
    I just wanna cuddle up beside you
    Pull you in close, give you a lotta hugs

    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night
    Wrap my arms around you, hold you tight
    Under the covers, in our pajamas
    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night

    It don't matter the time of year
    I'll be there, and you'll be here

    We'll turn this into a permanent thing
    Take it through the spring, into the summer
    You'll need somebody to get you through
    There will always be another winter

    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night
    Wrap my arms around you, hold you tight
    Under the covers, in our pajamas
    I'll Warm You Up On A Cold Night

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  49. #48 She Loves Animals 
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    She said She Loves Animals
    Wants to work in a zoo
    She majored in zoology
    Like animal lovers do
    She grew up with dogs and cats
    Spent money on dog food
    She fed a tank full of goldfish
    Loves her cockatoo

    She Loves Animals
    Hippos, elephants and bears
    Lions, tigers and monkeys
    Anything with fur
    She and I can't make it
    I don't share her sympathies
    I don't get off on giraffes
    I despise those horrid beasts

    She preaches animal rights
    Eats only vegetables
    Protects scorpions and insects
    Yeah, they're animals
    I've read the science books
    I know evolution's true
    Still, I ain't sleeping
    With no damn baboon

    She Loves Animals
    Hippos, elephants and bears
    Lions, tigers and monkeys
    Anything with fur
    She and I can't make it
    I don't share her sympathies
    I don't get off on hippos
    I despise those horrid beasts

    Bridge:
    The only animals I don't hate
    Are the ones cooked on my plate
    Fried, broiled and grilled
    Roasted, steamed and baked

    She Loves Animals
    Hippos, elephants and bears
    Lions, tigers and monkeys
    Anything with fur
    She and I can't make it
    I don't share her sympathies
    I don't get off on gators
    I despise those horrid beasts

    Rap:
    Get off your high horse, honey
    Come over here and ride me
    I'll never step on your foot
    Whee-e-e-e-e-e!

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  50. #49  
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  51. #50 Liquored Up 
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    Jack in the black
    Jack in the green
    It's sixty-nine
    I'm twenty-three
    Car in a ditch
    Landing in jail
    Out of control
    Over the rail

    Liquored Up
    Drunk as a skunk
    Out of my mind
    Deep in a funk
    Liquored Up
    No girl friend
    Just a dead beat
    Just a dead end

    Man on the moon
    Neil in the news
    Headed for Nam
    Woodstock blues
    Vodka and gin
    Bud's no wiser
    Country Club malt
    I'm hungover

    Liquored Up
    Drunk as a skunk
    Out of my mind
    Deep in a funk
    Liquored Up
    No girl friend
    Just a dead beat
    Just a dead end

    Fortunate Son
    CCR
    Radio on
    Back in my car
    Dickel on rocks
    Dixie cup
    Ezra Brooks
    7Up

    Liquored Up
    Drunk as a skunk
    Out of my mind
    Deep in a funk
    Liquored Up
    No girl friend
    Just a dead beat
    Just a dead end

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  52. #51 Self 
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    I can't feel sorry for anybody
    Too busy feeling sorry for myself
    I can't sympathize with anyone
    Too busy looking out for myself

    Self
    My sister says I'm selfish
    Self
    I prefer self-centered
    Self
    Self-oriented sounds even better
    Self
    It's every man for himself

    We're all going down with this ship
    Nobody on this boat can survive
    If you don't drown, the sharks will get you
    Bloody the water, eat you alive

    Self
    My sister says I'm selfish
    Self
    I prefer self-centered
    Self
    Self-oriented sounds even better
    Self
    It's every man for himself

    You must believe in self-defense
    It's a vicious world out there
    I'm taking care of number one
    Death is the only thing we share

    Self
    My sister says I'm selfish
    Self
    I prefer self-centered
    Self
    Self-oriented sounds even better
    Self
    It's every man for himself

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  53. #52 Eternally Grateful 
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    I raised her kid
    Gave her a home
    I paid the bills
    And then some
    I bought her a car
    Money on the side
    I even loved her
    Made her my bride

    Eternally Grateful
    That's what she said
    As she closed the door
    Behind her
    Eternally Grateful
    What does it mean
    What's it all about
    What's it for

    Begged her to stay
    I tried to change
    Took dancing lessons
    Very strange
    She called me Cold Fish
    She called me a dud
    She found someone else
    He must be a stud

    Eternally Grateful
    That's what she said
    As she closed the door
    Behind her
    Eternally Grateful
    What does it mean
    What's it all about
    What's it for

    I'll make my way
    To the strip club
    Find some young stripper
    Looking for love

    Eternally Grateful
    That's what she said
    As she closed the door
    Behind her
    Eternally Grateful
    What does it mean
    What's it all about
    What's it for

    Jim Colyer ascap
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  54. #53  
    Genius Duck Moderator Dywyddyr's Avatar
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    Oh good.
    A new addition to the Colyer blog.
    "[Dywyddyr] makes a grumpy bastard like me seem like a happy go lucky scamp" - PhDemon
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  55. #54  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    I really wish he would just get one, rather then incessant posts here that he does not respond to at all. Any other poster doing the volume of drive by posting that he does would have been warned and banned by now.
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  56. #55  
    Administrator KALSTER's Avatar
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    Jim, from now on, please post any new poems in this thread. Don't make a new thread for each new one. This isn't a blog. I have merged a bunch of your threads into this one. Thanks.
    Paleoichneum and Bad Robot like this.
    Disclaimer: I do not declare myself to be an expert on ANY subject. If I state something as fact that is obviously wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. I welcome such corrections in an attempt to be as truthful and accurate as possible.

    "Gullibility kills" - Carl Sagan
    "All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it." - Harry Block
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
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  57. #56  
    Time Lord Paleoichneum's Avatar
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    Thanks Kalster
    If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. -Thorin Oakenshield

    The needs of the many outweigh the need of the few - Spock of Vulcan & Sentinel Prime of Cybertron ---proof that "the needs" are in the eye of the beholder.
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  58. #57  
    Malignant Pimple shlunka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleoichneum View Post
    Jim, get a blog........
    Jim, get a girlfriend*
    Jim, get a job*
    Jim, get a life*
    Jim, get a new hobby*
    Jim, get a new forum*
    Jim, get an infection*
    "MODERATOR NOTE : We don't entertain trolls here, not even in the trash can. Banned." -Markus Hanke
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