I am no cook but I can make a decent meal every now and again. For what it's worth... how to cook!
If you want to make a make eggs for breakfast, for your parents or for your wife on SUnday or something, as a surprise maybe, you just grab a frying pan and break the egg shell and then dump the insides onto the pan and watch as it begins to cook. You would be advised to set the temperature at about half the maximum so as to save your egg from burning. Boiling eggs is easy too, all you need is water, eggs and a pot. You pour the water into the pot and then boil it at a high temperature. You should be advised to ask how long to boil it for and how long, but you can't go wrong with boiling an egg for about six minutes or so. Even if it is too soft you will still enjoy it, as it will harden up as heat stimulates growth inside the egg according to the heat applied and the insides have nowehre to go so get harder under the shell as they gorw or expand. Why not have a smoke while you wait or do the dishes, but if you want to do the dishes, which takes about say eight minutes, then you shuoldn't boil it at a high temperature. Never seen a hard boiled egg before, and maybe it is nicer, but be advised you could hard boil it the first time. So what? How much do eggs cost anyways?
If you were to look on the box of the thing you want to cook you will find all the instructions on what to do, and what not to do. If you were to follow them you could bake anything, and frying is so simple that anyone can do it once they figure it out over a minute or two, no matter how slow they are. Roasting is like baking, so follow the instructions on the box of one fo the things you can bake or stick in the oven.
The first thing you sould be able to make is soup. If you throw a lot of different vegaetables, meet, or anything else that you can eat into a pot, you just 'fry' it until it smells right. You tke your pot and then pour some water into it and then the food. I think at least an hour is required though, or is it about fourty five minutes? There, now you know how to make soup! Husbands rejoice to those little moods of the wifey!
How about steak? That is easy enough, you just fry it as per usual. You could include bacon in this, and hamburger patties. Try to fry your meats rather than roast them - it is easier, quicker and better tasting. Do you enjoy a nice meety steak or a roast? Well, you know how to fry meats now!
Or, if you are in the mood, how about a pizza or a chicken in the oven? You simply would take the pizza or chicken and let the oven warm up - allow for tenty minutes minutes or so to be sure there is warmth. Then leave it to 'bake' for a while making sue you open it to smell it after about fifty minutes, twenty minutes, then ten mnutes - that makes it safe on any heat! The longer you roast or bake the foods in the oven the closer together your checks should be. Open the oven quickly to check for progress - just take a quick wiff opening it so slightly. This is becaue the heat will escape and the oven will have to heat up again, but, if it is just a crack then hardly anything escapes. If it is just a crak then the density of the heat will have very little of itself escaping from the oven, taking no time off of the time to cook it. To make the pizza grab a base at the store and then ask how long you should cook it for rather. You can, as you know, stick anything edible onto the base too. Chicken is eay aswell and you can stick it in a pot even if you are worried about cooking or just are less confident about your timing. Do not fear the kitchen, it feeds you and asks for nothing!
To make a vegetable bake, as my mother calls it, you just grab a few vegetables and some oil and mess them all up on the pan. Then you just stick it into the oven and repeat the timing process, or, fry the damn things. It is rather healthy and yet so tasty.
Pies are easy to make too, simply follow the instructions on the box and you won't go wrong. It is advised you place some lubricants on the outisde of the pie as my mother does and then it won't stick to the base of the tray. Neat little trick mind you...
Spaghetti? That is even easier to make! You just do it like two minute noodels. If you don't know how long to stick the spaghetti into the pot for, which you just dump it into the pot actually, you will not make them too burned. You could drink a cupsof coffe while you wait, boiling the kettle each time and putting little cold milk into the coffee to make it need to cool down first, then wait for it to cool down and drink it before you get the spaghetti out of the pot. Or, you could have a smoke while you wait, do the dishes, excetera excetera...
Vegetables are things I avoid. To boil some peas you just got to sample a pea every now and again after about ten minutes to see if it is cooked yet. Use a fork to spear one out with and squash it open and taste if it is cooked or not. No harm there, corn, beans and cabbage too!
To bake your vegetables is also easy. Just smell every now and again after twenty minutes, then five minute intervals. You actually should boil vegetables as it is cheaper and tastier too. When something that is hard, and all vegetables are hard in the beggining, you should pierce them with a fork going into the pot to check how soft they have become, and a simple smell test will help you a lot too.
Now go cook up a storm! No more of this punishment from your wives, or, for special treats cook once a week, say Sunday, to make every Sunday a mother's day!