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| leohopkins |
 Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:48 am Post subject: Lawless Britain |
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Forum Professor
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 1124
Location: Croydon, England
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What is is with the teenagers in todays society. It is on a weekly basis now that you hear of a stabbing. Whats going on ?
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The hand of time rested on the half-hour mark, and all along that old front line of the English there came a whistling and a crying. The men of the first wave climbed up the parapets, in tumult, darkness, and the presence of death, and having done with all pleasant things, advanced across No Man's Land to begin the Battle of the Somme. - Poet John Masefield.
www.leohopkins.com |
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| 425 Chaotic Requisition |
| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:26 am Post subject: |
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The Doctor
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 2682
Location: UKGBNI, England, Derbyshire
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The stabbings you hear on TV, and in the news are posted around the country, every stabbin is placed on the newspapers and TV. Your seeing 'SOMEONE HAS BEEN STABBED', on front of every newspaper and that may have been the only one in the country that week. Teenagers will get over it, they're just learning in a different world to what we grew up in, and like most things, if ou don't look after them they go bad. Parents these days don't give a shit.
Lets start a new country where you have to have an IQ above 125 to be in  .
Those teenagers get by, I'd say about 90% of them are not bad at all, liekall things, its the few that ruin it for the rest. Like a few atheists on here bitchin and insulting religion gives me a bad opinion of them. Fortuantley I know that and don't form a bad opinion, I treat all atheists with soft ground but generally class atheists as closed minded, but if they were in first person with me, they'd soon give up arguing with me  .
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"There is no knowledge, that is not power" - Ralph Waldo Emerson. |
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| Selene |
| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 4:55 am Post subject: |
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Forum Ph.D.
Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 840
Location: I live in Bertrand Russells teapot!
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Bad parenting
Bad society values
Bad schooling
Usually in that order
I've done lots of work with teenagers with schools, social services and in youth organisations.
The ones labeled 'troublesome' often have 'troublesome' parents, yet often the parents aren't labeled the 'problem' the youngsters are.
So on top of having to put up with delinquent parents, they now have to put up with a label which their delinquent parents were the cause of. Often a no win situation with youngsters. Not surprising they give up trying to be good.
A common element in their attitude is "Well nobody seems to care about me, so why should i care about them?"
Makes some kind of sense really doesn't it?
In youth work, if you can catch them young enough, before they've established strong habits of negative behavior and beliefs, just showing them you are interested and you care and by working with them on this basis, in order to instill a good attitude about themselves which builds confidence, for a long enough period of time, has amazing results.
This feeling that nobody really cares gives them a belief about themselves that they are worthless, useless and are the scum of society, therefore they act that way and fullfill this prophecy.
The negativity and self-loathing many of them express when you get them to open up is heartbreaking.
One of the worst things any parent can do to their child, which makes me cringe whenever i hear it, is to tell their child they are 'bad' whenever they are mis-behaving.
Which of course children often do when they are finding their feet and the boundaries!
The best thing a parent can say in this instance is:
"You're behavior is bad in this instance and causing misery to others and we are not going to tolerate it, but YOU are NOT bad and we always love you."
Remembering to praise a child when they are good also, and reminding them of this good behavior when they are being told off for behaving bad is good practice too.
If a child is continually told THEY are bad, then they develop this identity about themselves, and can do some terrible long term damage to their confidence and self-image.
E.g they have been told they are bad. They begin to believe they are bad. They will then continue to behave bad. Which confirms and fulfills this idea about themselves as being fundamentally bad.
It's a vicious circle, difficult to break once it gets going.
Just this simple step and change of terminology can have dramatic improvement in the well-being of a child and the well-being of society as a whole.
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| zinjanthropos |
| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:22 am Post subject: |
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Forum Ph.D.
Joined: 11 Dec 2005
Posts: 862
Location: Driving in my car
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I had 7 simple rules when my kids were growing up. They weren't rules for the kids but for me.
1. Never pick your kid's friends
2. Give a shit
3. Remember you were once young yourself
4. Vacation as a family
5. Don't lie
6. Never exhibit violent behavior
7. Cross your fingers and hope for the best
I also made a pact with myself to never let my kids see me intoxicated. I managed to slip up only once. I just wanted my kids to appreciate the highs that nature provides. It also helped me get drinking like an idiot under control. I guess I felt it was more important to act like an adult in front of my kids. My kids still experimented but I always remembered rule #3 whenever that happened.
My 2 daughters turned out ok. Not saying they were perfect but they made it through to adulthood relatively unscathed. |
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| UKDutyPaid |
| Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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Forum Freshman
Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 77
Location: London
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Selene talks a lot of sense on this one really.
| zinjanthropos wrote: |
| 2. Give a shit |
If only more parents had that as a rule...
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| My 2 daughters turned out ok. Not saying they were perfect but they made it through to adulthood relatively unscathed. |
Haha, something tells me you did an ok job. Besides, in life you need to get a bit scathed occasionally!
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